4. Chapter 4
My head throbs to the unmistakable rhythm of regret and too much whiskey. Pain pulses behind my closed eyes, steady and unforgiving, keeping in time with every bad decision I made last night.
Opening my father's desk and finding those papers was the first bad decision, which led me here.
I cheated. Knowingly. Willingly. Fuck. I shouldn't have done it, and the thought of hurting Honey guts a hole in my stomach, because she doesn't deserve this. She deserves better than the hand she was dealt by our parents’ shitty blood oath, but yesterday changed everything, and it wasn't just because I found out the truth. It's because I met her.
Green eyes.
That's the first thing I think about when I try to remember her name as I reach over to find her.
Fucking perfect green eyes that saw me like no one else has.
A smile so innocent I want to kiss it away until all she knows is me.
A laugh so pure I could listen to it for hours and never tire.
I want to kiss every single inch of her until I've memorized her.
Tiff.
That's her name. Tiffany. Beautiful name for a beautiful girl who I want to lose myself in one more time this morning before dealing with the consequences of today.
When my hand reaches the end of the bed, I open my eyes in surprise.
Wait. Where is she?
I lift my head, searching the room with one eye open, but she's not here.
The pounding in my head gets louder, turning into a taunting beat that reminds me how much of a shit show my life has become.
She left.
The girl who made what should’ve been the worst night of my life tolerable isn't here. Who am I kidding? She didn’t just make it tolerable; she made it fucking magical.
Her laugh, her voice; they were all I needed to forget my problems.
And now she’s gone.
But my problems remain.
Problems that won’t be fixed after one night ignoring them. Problems that, after last night, have only multiplied.
She fucked me and then left me.
“Fucking hell,” I mutter, dragging a hand down my face, smelling her perfume on my skin.
I sit up, scanning the room one more time, hoping that she’s coming back, but there’s no sign of her. No note, no number—nothing.
I guess she wanted to forget me.
“Fuck.”
I mumble to myself, wincing in pain as I toss my legs off the bed. When my feet hit the rug, I run a hand through my hair and then rest my elbows on my knees.
Why couldn’t she stay until I woke up?
I would’ve made it worth her while. Hell, I would’ve told her my real name, and asked her out on an actual date. Fuck the consequences. I don’t give a shit anymore. Not after finding out just how much my father lied.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
I snatch my phone from the bedside table, secretly hoping Tiff somehow figured out how to hack into my phone.
Honey: Hey, J. Just checking you were still on for the family breakfast this morning?
Nope. It's just reality slapping me in the face.
What the fuck am I doing? To her? To me?
I’m a fucking asshole because not only have I now cheated on the one girl at South Point Prep who gave a damn about me, but I was such a crummy lay that the girl who would’ve made it worth it left without even saying goodbye.
I drop my phone to the bedside table and fall back onto the bed, covering my face with my hands.
Idiot, asshole, pathetic, cheater, loser, bastard.
Each word gets louder as I scrub my face, growling in annoyance. As if those papers my father had hidden didn’t fuck up my life enough, I had to add the icing on the cake.
Honey’s going to hate me.
McKenna’s going to think she can have me.
But at this point, does it matter? I know the truth and it’s all fake.
Once Honey finds out, she won’t want me.
Hell, I don’t want anything to do with my father’s legacy now, either.
I close my eyes, thinking about Tiff and the little gasp she made when I pushed inside her. It felt so good, but it’s torture because I’ll never see that girl again.
When my phone plays The Imperial March, I know I’m in trouble.
It’s my father, and I’m late for the stupid brunch.
Although, it could also be the fact that I left his office completely wrecked last night.
Every book, every paper; I slashed them to pieces because it all really means nothing in the end.
I mean nothing, and it doesn’t even matter that I know. He’ll still force me to live a life that isn’t mine. In a few weeks, I’ll be starting my junior year at South Point Prep, following the path laid out for me by people who've been lying to me my entire life.
I wasn’t supposed to find out. Not like this. Not ever. But now that I know, how am I supposed to go back and pretend everything’s fine?
People are still downstairs, and there’s another buzz from my phone.
I really should get back to the reality of my life, but before I do, I allow myself one more moment to remember her—the girl who saw me, really saw me, on the night everything changed.
The girl who slipped away before I could even say goodbye.
Tiff. Just Tiff. No last name. No way to find her.
Another ghost in a life suddenly haunted by questions without answers.
When I finally muster the strength to get out of bed, I put on my clothes and head back to the hallway, surprised that the party is still going on.
It’s 9 a.m. Don’t they have something better to do?
I push through the crowd, ignoring the laughter and endless posturing of people I’ve known my entire life who suddenly feel like strangers.
“Jamie!” McKenna appears from nowhere, latching onto my arm like a barnacle. Her perfume is too strong and makes my head hurt. “I've been looking everywhere for you.”
“Not now,” I mutter, extracting myself from her grip.
Her face falls. “What's wrong? Did something happen with Honey?”
The mock concern in her voice only irritates me.
Honey is too fucking good for this world, and she’s too fucking good to be messing around with an idiot like me.
“Nothing happened,” I hiss. “I just need some space.”
“Call me when you decide ‘asshole’ is no longer your personality trait,” she snaps.
I don't bother to respond. She's right, but I don't have the energy to care. I push past her, ignoring the hurt look on her face, and make my way downstairs. I need air. I need quiet. I need something to make me feel real again.
I doubt I’ll find that, though, since she left me before I woke up.