15. Chapter 15 #2
“Yeah. Had to give six months rent up front, so it made a pretty big dent in the savings I have, but it’s worth it, and I’m sure I can get a job in that time.
I have a second interview at the campus bookstore in a couple of days.
Manager position.” He scratches his jaw, a nervous gesture I’m starting to recognize.
“Apparently my 'extensive experience in customer service' impressed them.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Extensive experience?”
“I may have exaggerated my time helping customers at my father's firm.” His grin is sheepish. “Technically, I was there. That counts.”
“You're terrible,” I laugh, shaking my head.
“I prefer 'creatively qualified.'“ His smile fades slightly as he turns back to the window. “But yeah, if I get it, I can start building something real here. It’s not the job I want forever, but it will work for now.”
A buzz from my bag breaks the moment, and I pull out my phone just to give me something to do other than look at Jamie.
When I see the message, I frown.
Reese: Hey! Zach mentioned you were thinking about the salsa classes on campus. He also made a comment about me needing help with my hip action, so… want to come prove him wrong with me? ??
Zach mentioned the salsa classes to Reese? Of course he did. He just wants me to get out more. I just wished he’d asked me before telling Reese about it.
“You should go,” Jamie says, making me jump.
“Uh.” I quickly stuff my phone in my bag, and zip it up as though that message never happened. “What?”
“To the classes.” Jamie shrugs. “With Reese.”
Blood drains from my face, only to be replaced with the mortification of knowing he read that.
“Um.” I don’t know what to say. I feel like shit because I don’t want him to think I’ve been dating Reese behind his back.
“It’s okay,” he says, flicking his gaze up to me, then focusing back on Ella. “Like you said, we can’t be together right now, but you deserve a night out. I can look after Ella if you want.”
“Wait.” I stare at him, certain I've misheard. “Are you saying you want me to go on a date with Reese?”
“I want you to do something for yourself.” His voice is steady, but his hands clench slightly in his lap. “Something that isn't studying or taking care of Ella or dealing with my family's legal bullshit. You deserve that, Tiff. Even if it's not with me.”
No—that’s the first thing that comes to mind. No. I can’t do this. “Jamie—”
“I mean it.” He looks back through the window at Ella. “I'll babysit. We can do bedtime routine, watch Iced Out for the hundredth time. She'll be safe with me. You know that.”
I don’t know what to say, but I find myself watching him, taking in every expression on his face instead of watching my daughter.
It’s not his fault he’s saying this. I pushed him into this. I told him I wasn’t ready for anything, and he should be here for Ella. Instead of getting me to change my mind, he’s giving me permission to move on without him, and I’m not sure that’s what I want.
“I don't know,” I say slowly. “Reese is nice, but—”
“But you're not interested in him.” It's not a question. Jamie cracks a smile as he turns to me with the faintest blush on his cheeks. “Or you are, and I’m making this weird.”
“You're making it weird,” I confirm, though my voice lacks conviction.
His mouth quirks slightly. “Sorry. I'm trying to be supportive and mature, but apparently, I'm terrible at both.”
Despite everything, I laugh. “You really are.”
“The worst.” He grins, and for a moment, he looks like the boy from the library again. The one who made me forget everything except how it felt to be seen. “But seriously, if you want to go, I've got Ella. No strings, no ulterior motives. Just… me being here, like I promised.”
This is what I wanted, isn't it? Space to figure things out. It’s certainly what Zach and Madison think I need.
The chance to figure out who I am without all the complications from the last few years.
Reese is safe, and uncomplicated. He doesn’t carry any history or make me feel like my entire world is caving in with just one look.
He wouldn’t be able to break me.
So why does saying yes to Reese feel like I'm saying no to something infinitely more important?
Jamie watches me patiently now. He’s letting me decide and offering me the opportunity to walk away if that’s what I want.
“You should go,” he says, softer this time. “Have some fun.”
Fun?
The last time I went out and had fun, I got pregnant with Ella.
I stare at the floor and scuff my shoe, so I don’t have to look at Jamie’s face.
If I do, I’ll say no. I already know that.
But what am I waiting for? Jamie and I can’t be together.
At least not now. If we did, imagine what would happen if we broke up.
Would he still want to see Ella? I can’t bring him into her life and then be the reason he leaves.
Equally, I can’t hover here forever in this half-in-and-half-out relationship with Jamie.
I need to move forward, and maybe Reese is how I do that. He’s easy. He already knows about Ella, and accepts her, and he doesn’t look at me like I could break him with a single word.
I swallow, my fingers twisting together in my lap. This is ridiculous. It’s one night. A dance class, for crying out loud. If anything, it’s just two friends going out and having fun.
I shouldn’t be reacting like this.
Jamie shifts beside me, watching Ella and giving me the space to decide.
If I don’t go, nothing changes, and we’ll keep circling each other until someone’s heart is broken, and I can’t let that be Ella’s.
I lift my head.
“O—okay,” I say before I can talk myself out of it.
“Okay?” He keeps his focus trained on Ella, but I do notice his jaw tick ever so slightly.
“I’ll think about it,” I repeat, steadier now.
Jamie nods, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. “Good. That's… that's good. You should go and have fun.”
I nod, unable to say anything else. My hands fidget as we both turn back to Ella, who’s now dancing in a line. The silence between us feels different now. It’s awkward, and I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but at least I know whatever I decide, he supports it.
When Ella's class ends, she comes barreling out of the studio, sweaty and beaming.
“Did you see me, Mommy? Did you see my jumps?”
“I saw everything, baby. You were amazing.” I pull her into a hug, breathing in her familiar scent.
“Jamie, did you see?” She turns to him, her eyes wide and hopeful, and in that moment, I know I’ve made the right decision. I can’t break her heart.
“I saw.” He crouches down to her level, and the tenderness in his expression makes it hard to breathe. “You looked like a real ballerina up there.”
“I'm gonna be in the recital!” she announces proudly. “Mommy, can Jamie come to the recital?”
I glance at him, finding him already looking at me.
“Of course he can come,” I say softly. “If he wants to.”
“I want to,” he says immediately, still focused on Ella. “I wouldn't miss it for anything.”
Ella squeals and launches herself at him, and Jamie catches her easily, holding her tight, and looking like he never wants to let her go.
“Can he come over for dinner too, Mommy?”
“Of course,” I say. “If he can?”
“Oh, I can.” Jamie’s smile widens as Ella cheers and throws her arms around him. Jamie laughs as he catches her, holding her close.
Seeing them together like this makes my heart feel full.
That kiss between Jamie and me needed to happen, so we could get here. If we want this to work, we need to be a strong and stable family for her.
It doesn’t matter that I felt tingles all the way down to my toes. What matters is, he’s here and I refuse to do anything that might affect that.