20. Chapter 20
I wake up to a high-pitched squeal.
“Ella!” I shout, bolting out of bed and heading straight for the door.
“Are you—” With my hand on the knob, I pause, letting my heartbeat slow down just enough for my brain to think.
I hear her again, only this time she’s giggling.
“She’s okay,” I whisper to myself.
Then I hear a deeper laugh, one that definitely isn’t Zach’s.
It’s Jamie’s.
I smile absentmindedly before looking over my shoulder and checking the bed.
He’s not here. He’s downstairs, with her.
I drop my head to the wood and close my eyes, trying to get used to the idea that someone other than me can look after her. I’m not alone anymore, but my body is still finding it hard to accept that.
Turning against the door, I rest my back on it, checking the time.
9:17am.
I haven’t slept in this late in years, but I needed it. My body is aching and although I had eight hours of sleep, I feel wrecked.
I’m sore in the absolute best way. My legs are still wobbling from just standing up straight, and I have to take my time as I walk back into the room to find one of my North Central High sweatshirts because I’m still feeling a little light-headed.
Even putting on my leggings is a challenge.
One that I have to give up on and sit down to complete.
Jamie’s deep voice rumbles from below, and I close my eyes, letting the sound of his voice wash over me.
Is it pathetic to think that yesterday was everything I didn’t know I needed from a guy I never thought I could trust?
The thought settles heavily in my chest, followed by a wave of anxiety.
He didn’t just wreck me physically; he wrecked me emotionally, too.
Jamie said he loved me, but I’m not sure if he meant it or if it was just in the heat of the moment.
I can admit last night felt like way more than sex. Jamie and I have this undeniable connection which goes deeper than just having a daughter together. I felt that same spark when we were in the library before Ella ever existed.
It’s the only reason I threw caution to the wind and slept with him that night.
But to call it love? That feels too much, too fast, and I worry the only reason he thinks that is because I’m the first thing he’s experienced since getting away from his father.
What’s going to happen when he really experiences freedom? The kind that doesn’t involve his daughter?
I bite my bottom lip, hoping the pain from that will stop the anxiety churning through my brain.
Can I trust him?
I blow out my breath and shake my head.
Why am I always so hell-bent on being unhappy?
Here I am with a guy who is doing everything he can to prove that he wants to stay, and I’m still waiting for him to leave.
Is it me? Can I not be happy?
Madison and Zach would say yes, but they haven’t been through what I have. Their family never left them. They’ve both been supported and are thriving.
I’m just a girl with a kid who is living with her cousin because she can’t afford to live on her own.
How can Jamie want that?
With a deep breath, I push all those thoughts aside and head out the door. There’s no point in dwelling on feelings and things I can’t change.
As I step out of the room, I freeze, cursing Zach under my breath for installing a giant-ass mirror right in front of my door.
I look like shit.
Messy hair, swollen lips, and eyes so wide, I look like I’m caught in headlights. I guess that’s how I feel after last night. A date with Reese, ending with Ella in a bath, and then being intimate with Jamie. It’s all too much for me.
Wrapping my hand around the banister, I head down the stairs, only to stop mid-track when I see what’s going on.
Jamie stands at the stove with his back to me, flipping what appears to be an animal-shaped pancake. He’s wearing Zach’s clothes, and his hair is still rumpled from sleep.
Meanwhile, Ella’s sitting on the island counter with syrup smeared across her cheeks as her feet dance against the cabinet. Her smile is wide as she watches him with rapt attention.
“You have to flip it really fast,” she's instructing seriously, “or Mr. Nibbles’ whiskers will get stuck.
“Like this?” Jamie asks, executing a perfect flip that has Ella clapping her hands in delight.
“Yes! You did it!”
“All thanks to your excellent teaching,” he says, sliding the pancake onto a plate already stacked with others. “Now, should we make one more for Mommy, or do you think she's going to sleep all day?”
“Mommy never sleeps all day,” Ella informs him with certainty. “She says sleeping is for people who don't have things to do.”
Jamie's shoulders stiffen slightly at that, and I can imagine his expression even though I can't see his face. It's another reminder of how much he's missed; how much he doesn't know about our daily lives.
“Well,” he says lightly, recovering quickly, “maybe today she deserves to sleep in. She works very hard.”
“She does,” Ella agrees, pulling a piece of the pancake next to her off and eating it.
Her hands are covered in syrup, and as much as I want to tell her to use a fork, I don’t.
I want them to enjoy this moment. “She helps me with my letters and studies for her tests at night when I’m sleeping.
Uncle Zach says she’s the best mom in the entire world. ”
“I think he might be right,” Jamie says softly.
“Reese says Mommy is a superhero,” Ella continues, oblivious to the effect the name has on him. “He says she can do anything.”
Jamie goes still for a beat, holding the spatula over the pan. “Yeah?” he asks quietly. “That makes sense.”
Then he sets the spatula down and turns toward her, managing a small smile. “You know what? I think your mom used some of her superpowers this morning.”
Ella tilts her head, matching him.
God, they are so similar.
I guess I’d never noticed since I hadn’t spent any time with Jamie before, but he’s hers, and she’s most definitely his.
“What did she do?” she asks.
Jamie taps her nose lightly. “She used her powers to make these pancakes disappear. How else do you explain that I keep making them, but the stack doesn’t get any bigger?”
Ella giggles, holding up her sticky hands. “I helped!”
“You did?” he teases with a wide, shocked expression right before he tickles her. “Then I guess that means you’re her sidekick.”
Jamie scoops Ella up as she squeals with laughter, and he tickles her until she’s hiccupping through her giggles.
I lean against the banister, my heart tugging at the sight before me. The two of them—laughing, covered in sugar—look like a family. My family.
Shit. Did I just think that?
I swallow down the implications of that thought.
My family.
He’s hers. She’s his, but am I theirs?
“Mommy! You woke up!” Ella beams when she spots me.
Jamie’s head turns, his grin faltering for just a heartbeat before softening again.
“Hey,” he says. “We were just talking about your secret identity.”
I make my way down the stairs just as Ella wiggles out of his arms and scrambles toward me. “Jamie made Iced Out pancakes, and I helped. I didn't wake you up because he said you needed extra sleep.”
“That was very thoughtful of both of you,” I say, moving to kiss the top of her head. I check her forehead as I do—cool to the touch, no sign of last night's fever. “How are you feeling this morning, baby?”
“All better!” she declares.
I glance up, catching Jamie watching us, and I can feel it. The adoration in his eyes.
It can’t be real, can it?
He quickly returns his attention back to the pan.
“We’ve been making Mr. Nibbles pancakes,” Ella says, beaming with pride.
“I can see that.” I plop her onto the countertop, next to the plate of pancakes and her Mr. Nibbles stuffed fox. “They look delicious.”
“Would you like a coffee?” Jamie offers, already reaching for a mug. “I, uh, hope it's okay that I already made some. And breakfast. I probably should have asked first, but you were sleeping so peacefully, and Ella was hungry, so—”
“It's perfect,” I assure him, accepting the coffee with a smile. Our fingers brush during the exchange, and even that brief contact sends a small thrill up my spine. “Thank you.”
His eyes hold mine, and my body warms as I inadvertently smile. “You’re welcome.”
Being in his presence makes it a lot harder to forget what happened between us last night. The way his hands felt against my skin and how he kissed every part of my body that I’m insecure about.
I swallow, feeling the heat pooling in an area it most certainly shouldn’t while we have pancakes between us.
Damn him.
He just has this way of making me feel sexy with one look.
“Look, Jamie. I ate everything.” Ella shows him her very sticky and very empty Princess Blanca plate, then she looks at me. “Jamie told me I had to eat breakfast before I could go to football.”
“Peewee football,” Jamie clarifies, flipping a pancake. “She told me there’s apparently a tournament today?”
“Championship game,” I correct, taking a sip of the coffee. It’s sweet, just the way I like it. “She's been excited about it all week.”
“Can Jamie come?” Ella asks, looking between us with those big green eyes. “Please? He's really good at teaching me how to catch.”
“I'd love to have you there,” I say softly, meeting his gaze over Ella's head. “If you want to come.”
“I want to,” he says, and the regret in his voice is palpable. “God, I really want to. But I can't. I have something I need to take care of this morning.”
Disappointment crashes through me, sharp and immediate. It's irrational—he's allowed to have other obligations—but I kind of like having him around.
“Oh.” I take a sip of coffee to hide my reaction. “That's okay. We understand.”
“No, I—” He sets down the spatula, turning to face me fully. “It's an interview for the bookshop. I could try to reschedule, but—”
“The bookshop.” My brows rise in surprise. “That’s a great opportunity. You have to go.”
Jamie nods, looking genuinely torn. “Yeah, I’d turn it down, but they’re the only people who have even offered me an interview here.”