25. Lucas
25
LUCAS
I pull the covers over my head and close my eyes. If only I could escape out the back door or apologize to Daryll. It isn’t safe to just lie here and wait for something bad to happen. Every nerve ending in my body is tense and alert. I can hear Silver’s voice off in the distance, but I can’t decipher what he’s saying. I hear Daryll, too. His voice makes my skin crawl.
What if Silver lets him inside? What if he hits Silver? Their conversation goes on for what feels like forever. I can’t understand a thing they’re saying. Their voices are too far away. But I do hear Daryll laugh.
Is Silver making friends with him? What is Daryll saying about me? Are they joking around with each other? Cold fear fills my chest. What did Silver say that Daryll thought was so funny?
I stay very still as I wait for Silver to return. Several scenarios run through my head. What if Silver hands me over, and I have to return to Daryll? No, he wouldn’t do that. What if Daryll tells Silver why he hit me? Would he take Daryll’s side? Or understand why Daryll lost his temper? No, Silver is never violent. I try to calm myself down and remember all the sweet things Silver has said to me over the last few days, but I can still hear Daryll’s voice, and I know I’m not safe. The pups aren’t safe. I should run.
The door to the bedroom opens. “He’s gone, baby.”
I stay underneath the covers. I still don’t know what they talked about or what Daryll said. The mattress lowers as Silver sits next to me, placing his hand on my back.
“It’s okay. We just talked. He wanted to come inside, but I didn’t let him. He also wanted you to go with him, but I told him that wouldn’t happen. He left on his own terms.”
That doesn’t sound like Daryll. He never gives up a fight without making a fuss.
“What did you say to him to get him to leave?” I ask.
“Well, he could smell that we’d had sex, so I told him I was serious about you and I wanted to put my paws on you.”
I turn around and pull down the covers. “You did?”
Silver gives me a gentle smile. “Yeah. I hope that’s okay.”
“And he just left?” I ask. That doesn’t make any sense.
“Not at first. We talked about logistics. The pups, for instance. I asked him if he’d be willing to sign away his parental rights.”
My stomach drops. The possibility of Daryll suing for custody is one of the things that keeps me up at night. “What did he say.”
Silver reaches for my hand and threads his fingers through mine. “He said he’d be willing if he didn’t have to pay child support.”
“Really? Just like that?” Surely, it can’t be that easy.
“Yeah. Just like that. I will need to pay his rent this month, which I can do. And… I’d like to adopt the pups. If you’re okay with that. If you aren’t?—”
Tears burn in the corners of my eyes. “You’d adopt them?”
He squeezes my hand. “Yes. Then they’d be mine, right? I mean, I know they’d have Daryll’s genes and be wolf shifters instead of raccoon shifters, but I’d be their alpha dad. We could raise them together and be a family.”
They’d really be Ruby’s and Shae’s grandkids. They’d have four wonderful uncles. They’d be safe, loved, and cared for.
“What’s the catch?” I ask. “What did Daryll ask for in return?”
He shakes his head. “Like I said, he just wanted me to pay his rent this month.”
Daryll gave me and the pups up for the price of one month’s rent? I shouldn’t care about that. This is a happy development. It would be better to focus on Silver’s offer to adopt the pups. But what will I tell them when they’re old enough to figure out Silver isn’t genetically related to them? Will they be curious about their biological alpha father? Will they be hurt Daryll didn’t want them?
Deep in my heart, I’ve known for a long time Daryll wasn’t interested in being a father. He’s never been excited about the pups. This shouldn’t come as a surprise. But I ache for the little ones in my belly because I know how hard it is to be rejected by your alpha father. Even if you shouldn’t care what he thinks, it still hurts.
“If this isn’t what you want—” Silver starts.
“It is. I want to raise these pups with you.” In fact, I wasn’t able to get excited about the pups myself until he made me feel safe enough that I could picture a happy future for them. Being with Silver is the right thing for all of us. “I just… wish Daryll loved his pups.”
Silver climbs into bed with me and gathers me in his arms. “I do, too. I would have shared them with him, if that’s what he wanted.”
“No,” I realize. “We couldn’t have shared them. I think… he would have hit them. That’s why I left.”
Saying that out loud is grounding. It holds me responsible for an unavoidable truth that I must face to be a good father to my pups.
“I think you’re right,” Silver says.
It’s a relief and horrible all at once. When the time comes to tell the pups about their biological alpha father, I’ll need to be honest. They deserve to know what kind of man sired them, even if it will make them feel bad.
I feel bad when I think about the kind of man who sired me.
But I’ve never touched a sip of alcohol because I knew my alpha dad. I’ve never experimented with drugs or gambled. I knew addiction was in my blood, and I think that saved me. Our pups will be able to have that knowledge without all the fear and pain I went through.
“I think I’m ready,” I say.
“For what?”
“For your paws.”
It’s terrifying to utter those words. Silver might change his mind now that I’ve finally agreed. It’s still hard to believe that he wants to claim me. It feels too much like the impossible daydreams that have kept me afloat for the last five years.
“Are you sure?” Silver asks.
I nod against his chest. Maybe I’m not worthy of him. He might regret bonding to me later on. He might regret becoming a father so suddenly, too. But I will do my very best to be good to him. I’ll give our bond my everything.
I’ll give our pups my everything, too.
As much as I hate to admit it, I never gave that to Daryll. I don’t know if it would have made a difference. Daryll didn’t give me his everything either. But I think Silver will.
Two people giving their everything to a bond has to be enough. It just has to be.
Silver tilts my chin up to look into my eyes. “When?”
I swallow hard. “Now. If you’re ready.”
He presses a soft kiss to my lips. “I’ve been ready to make you mine for a long time.”
It’s surreal to watch him sit up and take his clothes off, knowing what will come next. As much as I fantasized about being his mate, I never dared to dream about this moment. It was too big—too unrealistic. I never believed Silver would willingly commit to me in such a permanent, deep way. He was the magic boy from a book—my escape from reality. He was never my future or my fate.
Not until now.
His body shrinks, his hands transforming to black paws, his face elongating to the snout I remember so fondly. The moment I see his furry body and bushy tail, I recognize something I probably should have figured out long ago. He’s already mine. Not his human form, but this side of him.
We cuddled so many times in our animal forms. Did he accidentally put his paws on my wolf chest? He must have.
That must be why he was never able to move on—why I was never able to love Daryll the way I should have. We were already tied together, we just didn’t know it.
He scurries across the bed and nuzzles my hand. I run my fingers along the fur of his back. It’s deeply satisfying to touch the man I now know I was always meant to be with. When I was younger I couldn’t see what Fate was trying to tell me. I was too caught up in wolf shifter tradition and what was expected of me to see the pull of my connection to Silver for what it was.
I guess happiness is something you have seize—something you have to be brave enough to claim. If you just do what you’re told and never fight for what you want, you can’t blame Fate for the misery that follows.
Silver stands up on his back haunches and holds up his two front paws. Truth be told, it’s a little cute. I grasp each of his paws and guide them to my bare chest. The moment they make contact, it’s like being struck by lightning—or being struck by Fate. The joy is so sweet—so pure. It’s Silver’s love incarnate, and I’m sure the pups can feel it, too. They do happy little somersaults in my belly. Silver notices them kicking and puts his paw just above my belly button. A second rush of euphoria overcomes me. It’s like he's claiming them, too. Not just legally, but in Fate’s eyes.
I hold his paw to my belly, accepting the claim with all my heart. Tears roll down my cheeks as I stare into his black raccoon eyes. Now we are family—the thing I wanted more than anything in the world. And I never have to say goodbye to him again.
His body expands back into his human form, his fur flattening to smooth skin, and his paws growing to gentle hands. He still presses his right hand to my belly, maintaining the connection between us. I feel the same pull to his human form that I did to his raccoon. We belong to each other in every way now.
Silver leans in until his forehead touches mine. “Can I make love to you?”
“Please.”
I run my fingers down his chest, marveling that this is the body of my mate. Not my boyfriend, not the man I desperately wish I could be with, but my mate. He gives me a sloppy kiss, sucking on the bottom of my lip and hooking his hand behind my head to pull me closer. It feels natural and easy to kiss him like this, like my lips were created just for him. The kiss turns my body to fire, a desperate yearning blooming between my legs. He slides his hand underneath my baby bump to where I’m already hard for him.
“You’re mine now,” he whispers.
“And you’re mine.” I can’t believe I get to say that out loud—that it’s real.
He sucks on my neck as he strokes me. He remembers the exact amount of pressure that I like, and his hand twists when he reaches my tip. I forgot how much that used to drive me crazy. The scent of my slick becomes thick in the air.
“Fuck, baby. You smell so good.” He nuzzles the crook of my neck. My skin is so sensitive there, I take in a sharp breath. He keeps stroking my cock with that maddening twist.
“Silver,” I whimper.
“I want to worship your body like I should have done the moment you returned to me.” He kisses my shoulder, my clavicle, my nipple. “Do you have any idea how excited I am to raise pups with you?”
Pups, not kits. My heart soars.
His mouth lowers to the swell of my belly. He presses gentle kisses along the most prominent stretch mark leading to my belly button. “I love your body, baby. It’s so fucking beautiful.” He rubs his cheek against me. The pups dance around in response. “I’m gonna knock you up again, keep you full of my babies until we have a whole houseful of them.”
I gush slick at that, which is a little embarrassing.
“Mmm, you like that?” he says, stroking me harder, the twist almost painful.
“Yes. I… don’t know why.”
He releases my cock and slips his fingers between my legs. “I don’t know why either, but the idea of knocking you up makes me wild. I need to be inside you.”
He can’t quite reach my hole, and I need him to be inside me, too, so I turn over. I’m no longer worried about my hanging belly or the size of my ass. I even spread my knees and lower my chest closer to the mattress, trying to present to him. It isn’t safe for me to lower my chest completely, and I can’t quite tilt my ass the way I could if I wasn’t pregnant, but the low groan that escapes his mouth assures me that it doesn’t matter.
“Oh, fuck. Slick is leaking down your legs,” he says, running his fingers down my inner thighs where I’m sloppy wet for him. His tongue traces where his finger was, all the way up to the cleft of my ass. I hold my breath. Silver never tasted me there back when we were in high school. There wasn’t time. He licks down my taint, and back up until he’s tonguing my entrance. The hot, wet heat of his tongue makes me gush slick all over again. He laps it up, letting out a loud breath of satisfaction. Slowly, he pushes inside me.
“Oh!”
I feel my ass clamp down on his tongue. It’s wider than a finger and slippery, so it doesn’t stay inside me. He replaces it with two fingers, diving them inside so fast, my body reels with pleasure. There’s a loud squelching sound when he pulls them out.
“Fuck, you’re so wet and sloppy right now. So ready for me.”
“Silver!”
“It’s okay, baby. I’ll give you what you need.”
He pistons his fingers in again, jamming at my prostate. It’s too much sensation all at once, and I come hard on his fingers almost immediately, even though he’s not touching my dick. It spurts an embarrassing amount of cum onto the mattress. He keeps finger fucking me through my orgasm, and I rock with him, chasing the pleasure, drawing it out.
“Fuck, yes. I can still feel you spasming,” he grinds out, continuing to jam my prostate, even though my body is squeezing him.
As soon as my body goes lax, his fingers are gone, and the spongy head of his cock pushes inside. It’s bigger and wonderful. I need it. I rock back, eager to have him inside me. He gives me what I want and thrusts all the way home with a force that makes me cry out.
“Tell me what you want, baby.”
“I want you to fuck me hard.” My voice is guttural and raw. I’d never let go like this with Daryll.
Silver grabs my hips and slams into me again. I grab for my dick, ready to allow myself this blinding pleasure. He pounds into me with abandon, our skin slapping together with a squelch from all my slick.
“I’m going to breed you,” he says, his voice staccato with every thrust. “Keep your belly full of babies, your tits full of milk.”
I come hard at the image, and I don’t have to be ashamed of whatever kink Silver has stumbled upon. We’re going down this road together. My slick gushes all over, my cock releasing even more cum.
“Yes, baby. Look how messy you are. I can’t wait until you’re messy with milk, too—until it drips from your chest when you come.”
He reaches forward and pinches my nipple. I scream, clamping down on his cock, just as he swells inside me.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m knotting you, baby. Breeding you.” He grabs my big belly. “God, yes.”
He grows impossibly large inside me, much larger than before. I let out a silent scream. I don’t think I can take it. He starts trembling and devolving into involuntary little thrusts. The movement is too much.
I come again, squeezing his enormous girth, and I scream out loud this time.
“Silver! Oh my God! Oh my God!”
He sucks at my neck, taking me higher. I shake my head, too overwhelmed. He doesn’t stop. He seems to sense that I want it. Our bodies are communicating on a whole other wavelength. He grabs for my cock and strokes it, twisting it one last time.
I fall apart, my body spasming, my vision going white while pure bliss takes over. I claw at the mattress and scream “fuck!” at the top of my lungs. I can’t get it to stop, and I don’t want to. I need him pumping into me, growling in my ear, telling me how full I’m going to be with his kits. I imagine my huge belly full of his cum, and I throw my head back, wailing with pleasure.
The world goes black.