Chapter Twenty-Three
Fallyn
Grief is a strange thing. A fluid thing.
Caustic and insidious, it’s able to get into the deepest, most hidden parts of you and make everything ache and sear, and there was simply no way to dig it out of yourself.
You can only claw at it and rip yourself into pieces trying, and what’s worse—you can’t bring yourself to care.
The adrenaline rioting through my veins numbed me to the frigid air outside.
It was my rage that burned its way from deep within me, an inferno in my very soul, shattering any hold the chill skating over my skin may have had.
We were a far way north of the black city I had called home before Ash finally put me down and unbound me.
Mist had fallen over the area like a verdict.
A sentence. I had sobbed the entire way, desperate for space away from him, but shock had deadened my limbs and drowning in my grief was all I could do.
Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Thaddeus and an endless number of dismal ends he could have suffered.
I lunged away the moment he deigned to give me freedom. I glared at him through my tears.
“I fucking hate you!” I spat, my fury soaking the air between us. “Fuck you! It should have been you.”
If my punch had landed, he showed no sign.
He shrugged, his black fur cloak rustling with the movement.
“Judge me how you must, but know the facts first. Thaddeus was never leaving that city and he knew it. That whole escape? That was his idea.” As I opened my mouth to argue, Ash continued, “Didn’t you notice his eyes turning black?
The demon that attacked him was something from the new god’s Hell called the walking curse.
If it bites a mortal, it slowly corrupts the soul within until they go insane and turn into one of them.
A demon, trapped for eternity, bound to the Morningstar’s version of mercy.
You wouldn’t even recognize him in about a day or two.
Your friend’s sacrifice means that his soul goes to whatever god he prays to because he hadn’t yet turned.
He sacrificed himself before he could turn and unleash harm upon anyone, as was his desire. ”
Hades. Thaddeus had prayed to the old gods, so his soul would go to Hades.
I wasn’t sure if that comforted me or not.
“You’re a monster,” I repeated with venom. If I killed him, would I doom myself by making this curse unbreakable? My hands shook, itching to find out. Itching to damn him, even if it meant damning myself too. But Thaddeus’s, final ask came back to me.
Run. Live. Be safe.
I love you.
Misery warred with wrath in my gut in a war of ages. “You could have used your ring!” The ring that teleported us before.
“You say that, but you really have no idea, little shadow.” Ash’s face twisted into a sneer, like he was privy to context I wasn’t.
He quirked an eyebrow, his head cocking at me as I considered whether it would be possible for me to rip him limb from limb.
His eyes darkened, as if reading my murderous intent like it was written and laid bare before him.
“First, the ring can only transport two, and no more. Second, now you’re stuck with me if you want to break the curse, isn’t that just peachy?
” His tone was a carefully concealed warning. Precise. Sharp. Dry.
Translation: You need me, so do nothing you’ll regret.
“We might need each other right now, but it’s only temporary.” I rebuked, my hand going to my dagger. Not a warning; a direct threat. A promise.
I had hesitated to spill blood many times. Loathed the idea. But his?
I think it would please me to see Ash bleed. And I had little doubt that I could do it.
“So, she does have teeth.” He grinned. “If you wish to think me a monster, that’s fine. I am a monster. But make sure you know why it is I am something worthy of your fear, Fallyn. Get ready to walk. We have a lot of ground to cover before nightfall.”
I sputtered. Not even a moment’s break? “We’re leaving right now? I don’t even get a moment?”
“No time like the present!” My expression slid from rage to quiet contempt. “Oh, I’m sorry, did you want to spend the night close to the chasm where Hades only knows what’s nearby or what might still come out? Or perhaps you’re desperate to die with your love?”
I crossed my arms and rocked back on my heels. “You think Thaddeus was my love?”
“He said he loved you.” Ash shrugged. “He kissed you.”
I almost laughed. “Are you jealous?”
“I’m making observations.” His body shifted towards mine, his voice lowering on octave, “Why? Would you like me to be jealous?”
I punched him in the arm as hard as I could, knuckles crunching on impact. The worst part was he didn’t even flinch. He snickered while I shook the soreness from my hand.
“Of course you don’t understand love. Not all types of love are romantic. Thaddeus loves me—” I choked, realizing the correction I needed to make. “He loved me. And I him. But there was nothing romantic about it.”
“Oh? Do you often kiss your friends on the lips?” He chuckled, deep, and dark, and not remotely amused. “No, Fallyn. You might not have been in love with him, but that feeling wasn’t mutual. I know unrequited love when I see it.”
“Is it because you’re so insufferable that all your loves are unrequited?” His glare deepened into a scowl. I’d hit a nerve. “Have you ever even been in love?”
“No.”
I deadpanned. “Have you ever missed someone at least?”
His answer was a slow, wicked grin. “With my perfect aim? Definitely not. I don’t miss.”
“You’re impossible. You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about then.”
“I’ve kept myself aloft from love, but it doesn’t mean I’m its stranger,” he said, turning to resume our travelling.
“Keep up. We have a lot of ground to cover, and time isn’t on our side.
” A quick glance at my hand showed the curse touch had bubbled up past my knuckles.
How long until it reached our hearts? I thought of the male that killed me in my nightmares, and with a sinking feeling, I knew they were connected.
It was all too likely that when the curse triggered, the male walking with me would be the one to end me.
The curse had to end before that. I strange feeling welled, not hope, not exactly.
Like expectation without belief, a wish on a dying star.
This could be my way to cheat that male from my nightmares. To win. To not look over my shoulder.
To be safe, at long last.