Chapter Fifty-Nine
Fallyn
Islept restlessly despite the plush mattress and soft cotton sheets, and for the first time since we’d begun travelling together, I’d given up on sleep before Ash.
He lay on his back with the first vestiges of dawn at his back, his head turned towards me, his chest rising and falling, slow and even.
The flickering shadows cast by the fire showcased his stubble, but I noticed more the weight of his brow had eased, making him look younger.
If not happier, then less—I struggled for the right word—morose.
In his sleep, he didn’t look so troubled. That lost look in his eye, the one I felt myself drawn to in solidarity, wasn’t visible. The crease knitting his brows together eased, the ever-present smirk failing, and all that was left was him.
He stirred, his eyes blinking open slowly before meeting mine in a sleepy haze.
His black hair mussed about his head in an uproar of texture, bringing to mind the pleasure of my hands finally raking through it last night.
I shoved the memory from my mind with all my might, hating the way my core tightened in response to the memory.
“What’s got you staring?” Ash yawned, rolling towards me.
The bed shifted as he did, taking the sheets with him and showing his very bare, very sculpted, very tattooed chest. Raking my eyes to the ceiling and fending off more and more indecent thoughts from last night, I hurried for a reasonable response. Anything.
“I was just about to wake you when your bedhead stopped me dead.” The lie came out smoother than I’d ever dared hope.
He shot me a confused glance before smoothing his hair a little, looking slightly offended.
“I’d like to leave here before everyone awakes.
I don’t want Dess or Rowena to even think about coming with us. ”
Ash rolled over to face the window before stretching. “Are you sure? They’re going to be angry at you. Also, I don’t have bedhead.”
I peered at him with the same intensity I’d seen him direct towards others. “They’ll be alive. That’s what I care about most.”
With another long, leisurely stretch and a roll of his shoulders, Ash rose from the bed to take in the sky from outside the window, giving me a glorious view of his backside.
“You’re naked!” My mortified exclamation was met by choked laughter, though he took pity on me by quickly pulling his pants on while I scrambled to ensure the sheets covered my body. My also very naked body.
“You didn’t mind so much last night, as I recall.”
I watched, my cheeks flushed, as his gaze slowly, wickedly, traced my figure from the top of my head to my feet, covered by the sheets. That devious glint in his eye a sure sign he remembered last night too.
A stress release. Great. It was causing me to be more stressed now.
What could I say back to that? With my cheeks flaming and my own nakedness, I poured my irritation into shoving my legs into my pants, my arms into my shirt, and making damn certain my back was to him the entire time.
His breathy chuckle sent shivers down my spine, as if he were right behind me still, igniting little embers that hadn’t entirely cooled since last night.
Desperate to cut the tension crackling between us, I walked over to the desk, searching the drawers for a pen and paper.
“What are you doing?” Ash asked me, his hands casually leaning on the back of my chair as he peered over my shoulder. I glanced up at him, drawing his gaze to look down at me.
“Writing a goodbye,” I said, dismissing him and the moment our eyes locked once again.
It was only for last night. No emotions.
I needed to stop going down this path, especially while we were still cursed.
Guilt warred with sadness, eating away at my chest, but I shoved them both away, covered by the lies I swallowed bitterly down for myself.
Lies that he didn’t affect me. “We don’t know what’s in store.
If something happens…” I trailed off, thinking of all the ways I’d died in my dreams. Every agonizing burn, every horror-fueled scream, every run of the blade down my flesh.
“If something happens, I want them to know that I love them. Beyond a shadow of a doubt.”
“Despite us sneaking out while they sleep?” Ash folded his arms, clearly having his own opinions. “Running away again, little shadow?”
“I’m not running away from them!” My pen dug into the paper, leaving gouge marks rather than my usual script, accenting my hiss.
“I’m running danger away from them. There is a difference.
” Unbidden, Thaddeus’s final moments flashed before my eyes.
He’d run danger away from us. I could do the same for Rowena and Dess. “Thaddeus would want them to be safe.”
“He’d be angry at you for putting yourself in danger.”
“You can’t make everyone happy,” I shrugged, shoving away another bite of guilt.
Ash held his hands up in surrender. “Whatever you say, shadow.” Though he looked unconvinced.
I told myself I didn’t care what Ash thought, kissing the letter I’d left before folding it in three equal parts.
Standing, I brushed my hair back the same way I mentally tried to brush away the feeling of being overwhelmed.
Our canteens were filled, and with our rooms on the first floor, sneaking out the window into the first vestiges of dawn was almost too easy.
Glancing back, I surveyed the windows, expecting to see my friends watching with looks of betrayal, but none were there.
Rowena had once told me I was too predictable.
A bitter smile formed on my face as I proved her wrong for once.