The Favourite Child

Chapter 1

ONE

ERICA

I didn’t know what a mother’s worst nightmare was until it happened to me.

To this day, I still don’t know what woke me that night. The heat? The smoke? The sound of fire eating away at the house around us? Despite being alone in bed, I still reached for Andrew before remembering that he was at work. Then realisation hit and adrenaline propelled me from the tangle of sheets towards the children. ‘Mollie! Benjamin! Wake up.’

My bedroom door – and one ear – was always open for the children, but Benjamin’s door was shut. He had the box room, the smallest bedroom, and liked to feel enclosed and safe. I wrenched it open, while still shouting for my daughter. ‘Mollie? Wake up, baby. Come out here.’

As always, Benjamin was curled up with his knees tucked into his chest. There was no time for our usual routine of waking – gentle, slow and clear – we had to get out of there. I shook his arm. ‘Ben. You have to wake up. We need to leave.’

Mollie’s voice came from behind me. ‘Mummy, what’s happening? Why is there smoke?’

Don’t frighten them , I told myself. They’re only small . ‘I think there’s a fire, sweetheart. But we’ll be okay. We just need to get outside.’

Mollie was bright and sharp, and eight was plenty old enough to know what fire meant. ‘Where’s Daddy? I want my daddy.’

It’s funny. Although I was the one who did pretty much everything for the twins – and I would be the one they came to if they wanted feeding or comforting – when Mollie was scared, it was always Andrew that she wanted. Who could blame her? His six-foot, broad-shouldered confidence had been my refuge too, once upon a time. And that was before you added in the effect of his police sergeant’s uniform.

I tried to keep my voice calm, just as the teachers at Benjamin’s school had shown me. ‘Daddy’s not here, sweetie; he’s at work. We’ll call him once we’re outside.’

Benjamin wasn’t stirring. I shook him harder and he woke with a yell and pushed me away. ‘No!’

My efforts at calming Mollie were no better. She shouted at him. ‘We have to go, Ben! We have to run!’

Mollie’s fear and anxiety were entirely appropriate for the situation, but unlikely to work on her brother. There was no time for me to crouch down to his level, give him the instructions one at a time, explain the reason we had to go, and go fast. Instinct made me grab him; terror made me strong.

Perhaps it was the shock of me lifting him from the bed that made Benjamin relax into me as I held him close, his head resting on my shoulder, something I hadn’t been able to do for years. With my left arm wrapped around the top of his legs, I reached for Mollie with my right. ‘Let’s go.’

We didn’t get far. Across the landing, we looked down to where the fire had taken hold. At the bottom of the stairs, smoke licked at the carpet, ready to consume us. What else could I do but take them through it?

Benjamin started to wriggle and moan in my arms. Beside me, Mollie whimpered. ‘I’m scared. Mummy, I’m scared. Where’s Daddy? I want Daddy.’

Her final words ended in a fit of coughing. The smoke was getting thicker. We had no choice but to go.

What were you supposed to do in a fire? My mind was a complete blank. All I could remember was the stop, drop and roll that Mollie had learned at school the year before. A vague memory of her trying to instruct a bemused Benjamin that, if he caught on fire, he should stop running, drop immediately to the floor and roll to put out the flames. I prayed it didn’t come to that.

‘We have to go down there, Mollie. You need to be a brave girl for Mummy.’

She pulled my hand backwards. ‘No, Mummy! No! It’s dangerous. Don’t go.’

Benjamin must have caught her fear or maybe it was just a twin thing. He began to push his fists into my chest, trying to leverage himself out of my hold.

Like me, Mollie was small and slight. Ben had Andrew’s build and had been stronger than me by the time he was six. I tried again to calm him. ‘No, Ben. Mummy is taking you outside. Don’t hurt Mummy.’

With the smoke beginning to rise, I didn’t have the luxury of negotiating with either of them. Holding tight to Mollie’s hand, I started the descent. ‘Trust Mummy, Mollie. Be a good girl. We have to get outside where it’s safe.’

How I didn’t fall down that staircase is a miracle in itself. Benjamin pushed at me, Mollie pulled away from me and, all the time, I was using every particle of strength in my body to drive them towards what looked like hell on earth.

The smoke got thicker; both children were coughing. I tried to keep low, out of the densest part of the cloud of smoke, but it was impossible. Benjamin’s fists were getting harder, Mollie’s hand was twisting in mine. What could I do? What should I do?

And then it happened.