Chapter 19
NINETEEN
MOLLIE
Keeping your bra on is cheating.
To begin with, I thought that Roman was joking. I mean, it’s a very different thing for a girl to take her top off than a boy, isn’t it? I know it’s sexist and it should be the same no matter what your gender, but it just isn’t.
Ha, ha. Very funny.
There was no reply for a few moments and then he wrote.
I wasn’t joking.
I got a little scared then. Did he really mean that he wanted to see me naked? Because no one has ever seen me naked. I mean, obviously when I was little with my parents, but not a boy.
I tried three times to get my reply right. I didn’t want to upset him or embarrass him or run the risk that he didn’t want to talk to me any longer. He was the only good thing in my life right now. If he stopped messaging with me, I would have nothing. Eventually I replied.
I’m not ready for that right now.
The wait for him to reply was agonising.
That’s okay. I understand.
I let out a huge sigh of relief. It was going to be fine.
Thanks. Sorry.
I’m not sure why I apologised. Amelia always says I apologise too much. If someone steps on my foot or if people are messing around in the corridor and I need to ask them to move so that I can get past, I always say it and she rolls her eyes at me. But I didn’t want to think about Amelia right now.
It was at least seven minutes before Roman replied.
No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. It’s just that I think I’m really falling for you.
My heart thumped so hard in my chest that I could almost hear it. He was falling for me? He loved me? Before I lost my nerve I typed back.
I think I’m falling for you, too.
He sent me another picture. Still shirtless, making a heart shape with his fingers and thumbs. He looked amazing. I wanted to show every single person at school. Show them all that I didn’t need Luca. Roman was so much better. And he was falling for me.
I needed to think of something to send back. Wanted to look as cute as possible. I had a bag of lipsticks and eyeshadows that Mum had let me buy with my pocket money on the express condition that I didn’t wear them outside of the house. I found a dark pink, painted it on and then took a picture of me pouting like I’d seen older girls do when they took selfies. Sent it to Roman.
This time the reply was immediate.
God, you look so sexy.
My stomach felt as if it was alive with butterflies. No one had ever called me sexy before. It felt good. Scary, but good.
Thanks.
I wish I could be there with you.
I wish you could be, too.
We could meet up?
Could we? Would I have to tell my parents? Was this crazy? But I wanted to. I really wanted to.
Where, though?
Wherever you want. I could come to your house?
No way. The chances of Dad finding out were too big. I love Lynn next door, but she would definitely tell Dad if she saw a boy arriving at our house.
No, somewhere else.
We can think of something. But I don’t think I can wait that long. I really want to see you. I want to see you.
I knew what he meant, but it still made me scared. I had to put him off somehow.
You might change your mind about me.
I could never do that. But I need something that shows you feel the same about me as I do about you. I want to see how beautiful you are.
It was as if every part of me was on high alert. It was so exciting to have someone want me this much. He said I was sexy. And beautiful. He was falling for me. He’d been so honest, maybe I could be, too?
I’m scared.
Don’t you trust me?
Of course I do.
Show me you feel the same. Show me you.
I thought of Luca and Amelia.
I’ve always been the good one. I never get in trouble. And where had that got me?
And this is just for you? You won’t show anyone?
Why would I want to share you with anyone? You’re mine.
It felt almost exciting.
It took two seconds to unclip my bra. I held the camera phone high up so that it would make me look as good as possible, turned my body to hide my scars. I stared at the picture for ten seconds, eleven, twelve. In that time, Roman sent three messages.
I’m dying here.
Send the picture.
Please.
I was almost drunk on the feeling of him wanting me so much.
I sent the picture.