23. Chapter 23
Benson
Avery:
Do you want to guess what Poppy brought me to give to Kaden?
I shouldn’t respond. If I were smart, I would ignore any non-work texts from Avery and work from the hotel from here on out.
There is plenty of desk space for people in my situation, and with Lynda out sick—I checked with her, and she’s going to be out tomorrow too—I shouldn’t be alone in the office with Avery.
Not when it would hurt my friend, who clearly hasn’t moved on the way Avery has.
Though I’m exhausted and should go to sleep, I’m lying wide awake on my bed with nothing to do but sit with my thoughts, which is never a good idea.
I should go for a run in the hotel gym. Lift some weights until I feel like my arms might fall off.
Swim a few hundred laps in the pool until I’m pruney and wiped out.
Instead I text Avery.
Benson:
I’m afraid to ask. Tarot cards? Essential oils? Chakra balancing singing bowl?
Avery:
What is a singing bowl?
Benson:
No idea. Google told me about it. What’s in the present?
Avery:
I don’t actually know. Poppy won’t let me open it.
Benson:
Now I’ll be left wondering!
Avery:
Welcome to the club!
Benson:
That was incredibly rude, Avery Grace.
My phone goes silent after that, and fear creeps into my limbs as I wait for another text, like I can’t move forward unless this conversation moves forward.
My eyes slide to the bracelet I inadvertently stole from Avery.
It’s sitting on my nightstand next to Dani’s book, which I still haven’t finished even though tonight would be the perfect night to find out how Hypatia and Petros are going to defeat the Fates and be together.
I put the bracelet in my pocket when Eric called, not thinking, and I didn’t remember it was there until I got back to the hotel and changed into workout clothes.
It slipped from my jeans onto the floor, and I stared at the light pink stone for a full minute, as if the bracelet might tell me what to do.
According to Poppy, who sounds like a force to be reckoned with, it will bring love.
It’s the last thing I need sitting on my nightstand as I go to sleep, but I’m already thinking of carrying it in my pocket tomorrow.
“What is wrong with you?” I ask myself on a groan and run a hand down my face.
My phone buzzes, and I swipe it open immediately.
Avery:
Poppy told me to tell you that you need realignment in your life.
What does that mean? Like, go to a chiropractor? Something tells me that’s not what she’s trying to say, though I could use an adjustment. It’s been a while, and plane seats are never as comfortable as I want them to be, even in business class.
Avery:
She also wanted me to ask you what you meant when you sent me *rock on emoji*
I snort and roll over onto my stomach, tucking my pillow underneath me.
Benson:
Honestly, I have no idea what that emoji was supposed to mean.
Avery:
Oh.
Benson:
Disappointed?
Avery:
Not necessarily.
Poppy says she’s incredibly disappointed and you need to work on your emoji game.
Benson:
Noted. *crying laughing emoji*
Avery:
I’m supposed to tell you that that emoji isn’t cool anymore. *crying laughing emoji*
Her use of the “uncool” emoji makes me smile, and already I feel lighter than I have in hours. Eric’s phone call put me in a bad mood, and I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve smiled since then.
He’s not being a very good friend , Avery said about Eric today. While she’s right, she’s also wrong. She’s wrong because Eric sent me a text when he got to Denver this evening that reminded me why I came back to Utah in the first place.
Eric:
Made it to CO. Sorry for being pushy earlier. I worry about you being this close to your family and doing something impulsive like you used to, and I don’t want you or Avery to get hurt. We have to look out for each other, right?
Like we did in college. I owe the guy a lot, and the least I can do is let him grieve his relationship in peace without stepping on his turf.
Deep down, he’s still a good guy, and he’ll go back to the considerate and emotionally stable man he’s always been once things at Rose & Quill calm down a bit and he has more time to process his lingering feelings for Avery.
My phone lights up with a call, making me jump, and I stare at Avery’s name for a long moment before slowly sliding the answer button. “Hey?” I cringe when my greeting comes out as a question.
“Hi.”
“Uh, what’s up?”
She laughs, and it sounds nervous. “Poppy just left.”
“Okay?”
“And I need to talk to someone more my speed before I feel like a complete doofus.”
She wanted to talk to me? She heard my side of the conversation with Eric, and her expressions said it all.
She knows the promise I made, and she knows I won’t let this go anywhere.
But she still wants to talk to me, which makes me feel…
something. Relieved? Terrified? Compelled to do anything she asks of me?
Probably that last one.
“Because we’re friends,” she adds, a little breathless.
I have never hated that word as much as I do when it comes to Avery Grace Baldwin. “Friends,” I repeat dumbly. “Why do you feel like a doofus?”
“The goal is to not feel like a doofus.”
“Ah, right. But why would you—”
“Because Poppy is so smart, but she says things and I have no idea what she’s talking about, so I have to smile and nod and pretend I’m not completely out of my depth with her. The other cousins talk to her all the time, but I always feel like we’re speaking different languages.”
I sit up as she speaks and wait until I’m sure she’s done talking before I say anything. “So you feel like a doofus when you talk to her,” I say to sum up for her.
“Ugh, yes! It makes me feel like the worst cousin in the world.”
“You’re not.”
“I am! I used to take care of Lucy all the time while her mom was at work, but now I barely talk to her. I was a miserable pain at Chloe’s wedding. Lately almost all of my conversations with Sadie have been about editing and deadlines, like she’s just an employee instead of family.”
I can’t help but smile at the dramatic way she delivers these lines, which is the only reason I know she’s not entirely serious about what she’s saying.
If she was, her voice would be quiet and broken.
But dramatics aside, there’s real pain in her words, and I want to do anything I can to soothe that pain.
“I haven’t talked to any of my cousins in fifteen years, maybe more.” Those words hurt to say, but this phone call isn’t about me. “And I have spent so little time with my nieces and nephews that I genuinely can’t remember the names of the youngest three. You’re not a bad cousin, Avery.”
She’s quiet for a long time, and I don’t bother filling the silence.
She’s bound to have a lot of questions, but I won’t give her more information until she asks for it.
Talking about my family is never easy, but if I’m lucky, showing her how terrible I am with my family should make her feel way better about her own interactions.
“You have nieces and nephews?” she asks, and her voice has gotten small, like she’s worried I’ll end the conversation if she pushes too much. It’s a fair worry to have because there’s always that chance.
But tonight, I want to tell her. I take a deep breath, too tired to try to keep my personal life under lock and key anymore. Eric and Lynda know about my family, so what’s one more person? “Yeah. Ten of them. Kimball—he’s my oldest brother—has four kids, and McKay has six.”
“Wow.”
“Yep.”
“And…you don’t remember all of their names?”
I chuckle at the edge of judgment in her tone.
She’s right to judge, but this is my reality.
Or maybe I only think she’s judging me and she’s simply trying to understand, which is way more likely when it comes to her.
“In my defense, McKay has two kids under the age of three, and Kimball and his wife like to get creative with their names. I’ve only met some of them once or twice. ”
“Are you going to go see your family before you head back to New York?”
I should have known she would ask a question like this. Maybe answering honestly will give her a reason to stop pushing the line and keep this connection between us from strengthening. Ha! Avery is too stubborn for that. “If I do, it will be right before I fly out,” I say.
“Do they know you’re in Utah?”
“Nope.”
“Benson!”
I wince. “I’ve only been here for a few days, and R&Q has kept me plenty busy.”
“Too busy to send a text?”
“I’m not sure I like your tone, Avery Grace.”
She huffs out a breath. “Sorry. I guess I’m too close to my family to understand not keeping them in the loop with what I’m doing.”
There’s the kicker. Life is easier when there are no expectations for me to fall short of. “That’s the difference between you and me.”
“Whatever your reasons, you don’t come across as the kind of guy who would be this way.”
Chuckling, I adjust my position so I’m sitting against the headboard. “I specifically went to Italy for a friend’s wedding and spent the whole time with you. This shouldn’t come as a shock to you.”
“But they’re your…” She doesn’t finish her sentence, probably because she’s remembering what I said earlier. I called Eric my family. My only family.
“They wouldn’t want to see me,” I tell her.
“That’s awful.”
“And true.” I roll my eyes. Unless, of course, I can build my company into something worthy of the West name. Then maybe my dad would stop thinking I’m an impulsive failure. “Do you feel better about your relationship with your family now?”
She laughs weakly. “I mean, not really. Now I just feel bad for your family drama.”
“I would so much rather talk about your drama. How can I help you feel better about the Poppy situation?”
“You don’t have to do that, Benson. I just wanted to complain.”
Smiling, I move my phone to the other hand. “Complain all you want.”
“I just wish I knew how to talk to Poppy, you know?” she says and sighs heavily.
I wonder what she’s doing right now and have to remind myself—again—not to imagine her in bed like I am. These late night conversations are a bad idea.
Avery keeps talking. “She’s so much younger than me, so I don’t really know her like I should. And I don’t know anything about crystals, so that topic’s out.”
All I know about her cousin is what she told me in the car today, which wasn’t much, but talking to people is my whole thing.
I’ve learned to ask the right questions to quickly get to know a person or their company so I can figure out where I need to take my consultation.
I doubt I’ll come up with the best questions at the moment, given how tired I am after a sleepless night, but I have to try to help.
“I’m sure you know more about Poppy than her love of crystals. She works at the airport, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Does she enjoy that?”
“I guess so? She seemed happy when I ran into her on my way to Italy.”
My eyes jump to the bracelet again, and I grab it, running my fingers over the braided band as my eyes droop with sleepiness. “Is she at the TSA or something, or is she in one of the shops?”
“Shops. I think she’s a manager or something, and… Oh! I think she’s mentioned wanting to start her own store at some point. I have no idea if she’s serious about that or if it was just an idea she had on a whim one day.”
I grin and settle a little lower, though now my chin is pressed to my chest because only my head’s against the headboard.
It’s not at all comfortable, but I don’t want to lie down and fall asleep while on the phone.
Stifling a yawn, I switch to speaker phone and set my phone on my stomach.
“Sounds like you should ask her about her goals.”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess I could do that, huh? The problem is she’ll probably think I’m being condescending.”
“Then don’t ask in a condescending way.”
“Right. But I don’t know how to—”
“Avery Baldwin, just be yourself. The woman I met in Italy wasn’t at all condescending.”
“Even when I was insulting you?”
My face stretches into a wide grin that morphs into another yawn almost instantly. I can’t stay in this position, so I scoot down and rest my head on my pillow. “Even then. Snarky Avery is kind of my favorite.”
“That says more about you than about me.”
She needs to stop being so adorable. “Case in point. Be genuine with Poppy and show interest in her life, and the rest will come.”
“I hope you’re right.”
I chuckle and let my eyes fall closed. “I’m always right.” That’s so not true, but I say it anyway.
“About most things, maybe.” Avery pauses, and her words come out hesitant. “But you’re wrong about us, Benson.”
Us . It doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself that we can’t exist as a pair.
It’s becoming increasingly obvious that I want her.
In every way. If we’d met a decade ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to make a move, but now?
In my thirty-five years, I’ve had to learn to check myself.
Weigh the consequences. Move forward only when no one will get hurt.
How can I put that into words that Avery will accept? She knows the stakes, but she keeps pushing, and I love the way she’s so determined to go for what she wants, no matter the risks.
But can I do the same?
Before I started my company, my life was a series of mess-ups and mistakes, one failure after another, and I’m so close to finally doing something right if I can just stay focused on climbing to the next level. If I can stop letting myself get distracted.
Unsure what to say, I offer up a noncommittal, “Mm.”
Maybe I dream what she says next. Maybe it’s real. I don’t know. But her words settle over me like a thick blanket in the dead of winter.
“You’re not willing to admit it yet, but we could be a great us, Benson. You and me, taking on the world together. Trust me.”
I don’t think I’ve ever trusted anyone more.
But it’s not that easy.