27. Chapter 27
Benson
And the award for the biggest jerk goes to Benson West, a guy who can’t get his crap together and still hasn’t learned to deal with the consequences of his actions.
Avery deserves more, but I’m in too deep to walk away like I should.
Especially after meeting her family. Her parents are awesome and her aunts and uncles seem cool and I already know her cousins are crazy supportive of each other despite being so different.
This is how a family is supposed to be, and I’ve never wanted anything more.
That’s not true. I want Avery more. I want to hold her during every sunset and stand behind her whenever she needs support. I want her to make me believe in possibility and futures and family. I want her to see the parts of me no one else sees.
So why am I the idiot who has hardly said a word to her since we left the back porch?
Because I’m a jerk. Plain and simple. We played games with her family until nearly midnight, when her grandparents finally declared they were going to bed and kicked everyone out, and now we’re in her car, on our way back to the office so I can pick up my rental and head back to the hotel room that is starting to feel suffocating.
Avery is as quiet as I am, even though she probably wants me to continue the conversation she started on the porch.
She used the word love . Not directly, but I would be an idiot to miss the intent behind what she said. She thinks she loves me, but she’s wrong. I’m not the guy people love. I’m a good time for a short time, and I’ve always been okay with that.
That doesn’t feel as true as it used to.
The streets are quiet and empty as we slowly make our way toward the freeway, and this silence is starting to kill me.
But what can I say? I can’t tell her that I’ve changed my mind on long distance.
I can’t tell her that everything will be okay if we give this thing between us a chance.
I can predict how a market will shift and the best ways to adapt a company to their circumstances, but I can’t predict anything about this.
But I need to say something . I take a careful breath. “Avery, I—”
The car sputters, making a sort of grinding noise as it jolts and then starts to slow.
“What’s happening?” Avery gasps, staying remarkably calm as she slowly pulls over to the side of the road and turns on her hazard lights. “Oh no, the check engine light just turned on.”
I lean over to look despite not having any idea what’s happening.
A burning smell hits my nose, and I quickly try to remember anything I learned when I took an auto mechanics class in high school.
It was fun while I was in it, but I’m pretty sure most of the information I learned has since dissipated from my mind.
“Pop the hood?” I ask, though I’m going to look like an idiot as soon as I take a peek at the engine.
Avery groans and drops her head onto the steering wheel. “This is what I get for being too busy to take my car in for maintenance. Eric used to take it in for me, but we’ve been…” She glances at me and grimaces. “You’re perfect, so what are the chances you know how to fix a car?”
I chuckle. “Extremely low. But I can see if there’s anything glaringly obvious if you pop the hood.”
“Uh, how do I do that?”
Laughing now, I slip out of the car and come around to her door, opening it and crouching down to find the lever. I pull it, then grin up at her. “I take it you don’t often look at your engine?”
“Try never.”
“There’s a first time for everything.” Standing, I hold out my hand to her and feel a thrill of excitement when she takes my fingers and joins me.
I shouldn’t be this happy that she’s willing to stand next to me in the dark, but I am.
Because I am so far gone for this woman that pretty much everything she does brings light into my life.
Once I get the hood lifted up and secure, I turn on my phone flashlight and try to find anything that might explain the engine failure.
It all looks normal, which means this is far beyond my limited skill set.
“We should call a tow,” I say and start searching for a place that might be open this late.
Avery shivers and ducks under my arm to curl up next to me.
It’s not that cold out, somewhere in the sixties, but I’m not going to point that out to her.
I will happily hold her as long as she wants me to, even if it’s going to make things harder going forward.
“Sorry I’m taking up your entire night,” she says as she wraps her arms around my torso.
I start rubbing my hand up and down her arm as I scroll through my phone. “It’s not your fault. Do you have AAA or anything?”
“Probably? That sounds like a thing Eric would have had me sign up for, but I’ve never needed to use it so I have no idea what my account info would be.”
“That’s okay. I can…” I pause when a set of headlights bathes us in blinding light and a giant SUV pulls up behind Avery’s car.
Instinctively, I pull Avery closer to me and praise the heavens I’m with her so she’s not standing out here alone at night.
While I’m grateful someone is willing to stop and see if we need help, I’m going to be on my guard.
The driver turns their own hazards on and then steps out of the car, a silhouette coming toward us through the lights. “Hey!” he says, lifting a hand. “Do you need some…Benson?”
A curse slips from my tongue as soon as I recognize the voice. Rather than relaxing at the familiar tone, I tense up more. “Kimball?” I didn’t notice what street we were on, and now I’m wishing I’d paid better attention.
My brother gets close enough to step out of the path of his headlights and throw his face into sharp relief. His eyebrows are low, eyes taking in the two of us and Avery’s car as he tries to understand why I’m here. “You’re in Utah?”
Avery lets out a little gasp, her fingers pinching my side as she likely remembers I haven’t just avoided talking about my family. I’ve avoided talking to them.
I clear my throat. “Uh, yeah. I’m doing a consultation with a company in Riverton.”
Kimball’s gaze shifts to the way I’m holding Avery tight against my side, and his eyes narrow. “How long have you been in town?”
“Not long.”
“Hey, I’m Kimball West.” He holds a hand out to Avery, who takes it with hesitation. “And you are…?”
“Avery,” she says with a glance at me. She’s likely wondering how much I want her to say, but I have no idea how to proceed. Seeing my brother has left me reeling and dizzy, almost panicking as I desperately search for a way to get out of this situation before it gets worse.
“Avery,” Kimball repeats, meeting my eyes. “How do you know my brother?”
Again, she looks at me, but when I give her nothing but a wide-eyed stare, she stands up straighter and turns into the confident woman I admire. “It’s my company he’s been helping.”
“ Been helping,” Kimball parrots and turns a judgmental glare to me. He’s too smart to think I’ve only been here for a day or two.
I clench my jaw. “I’ve been busy.”
“You’re always busy.”
“Thanks for stopping, but we need to get the car towed and—”
“It’s almost midnight.” Kimball folds his arms and looks at the open engine. “How about I take you back to Mom and Dad’s while you figure this out. You can stay the night there and deal with this in the morning.”
Now I’m definitely panicking. “No, we’re—”
“That’s so nice of you!” Avery interrupts with a tired smile. “But we can get an Uber or something. I don’t want to make you go out of your way.”
Kimball chuckles. “It’s only a block that way,” he says and gestures with his head.
Avery’s jaw drops, and though I feel her eyes on me, I refuse to look at her.
Yeah, my parents live only ten minutes from her grandma.
Yeah, I made her think they were still in Logan, an hour and a half away.
Yeah, I’m turning into more and more of a jerk as the night goes on.
If we’re about to go to my parents’ house, there’s no way I’ll be able to make myself look good.
“I don’t want to wake them,” I mumble, knowing it’s a terrible reason to make Avery stay outside on a dark road while we wait for a tow truck we might not be able to get.
I could order a rideshare, but one look at Avery tells me she’s more tired than she’ll admit.
She looks dead on her feet and is probably stressed out by her car breaking down.
My stomach starts twisting in a knot as I run through our options for the night.
“They’re still awake,” Kimball says, rolling his eyes at me. “You know Mom and Dad are night owls.” He looks at Avery and offers a warm smile. “It won’t be an imposition at all. I was just there after dropping off my kids for a sleepover earlier.”
I swear under my breath, ignoring the sharp glare my brother gives me. His kids are there? It’ll be hard enough facing my mom, and I don’t need my nieces and nephew gaping at me like some circus sideshow they’ve only heard stories about. I can only hope they’re already asleep.
But I can’t keep Avery out later than she needs to be, and my parents will have a guest bed she can use.
Another curse slips off my tongue as I realize I’m not going to be able to avoid my family tonight.
Kimball lifts an eyebrow. “McKay and Emily are there too.”
I swallow. This keeps getting worse.
Avery slides her hand into mine, and I’m surprised to see empathy in her expression, as if she knows exactly how hard this is going to be for me.
Maybe she does. She just faced the bulk of her family for the first time after calling off her wedding.
But Avery’s family? They’re great. They welcomed her with open arms and have always been supportive of her.
Mine is a whole different story.
“We don’t have to go, Bens,” she says gently. “I’m fine to wait for a car.”
“Don’t be an idiot, Sonny,” Kimball counters. “You and Avery shouldn’t be out here this late, and we both know Mom won’t see you for months if you don’t come over now.”
I can’t argue without feeling like a liar. I turn to Avery, silently asking her what she wants to do. If she’d rather wait for a ride, we’ll wait. If she wants to stay at my parents’, we’ll do it. But she might never look at me the same if we do.
“Whatever you want, Benson,” she murmurs, pulling her eyebrows together like she can see the fear written all over my face. I can handle seeing my family. What I can’t handle is losing her affection if she sees me through their eyes.
Reaching up, I brush my thumb beneath her eye. “You’re tired.”
She nods. “But I’ll be fine if you’re not ready to see your mom yet.”
I might as well get this over with. “You’d be okay to spend the night?” My mom won’t be satisfied by anything less.
Avery’s smile grows. “Would you be okay?”
If it means I don’t have to endure my family alone? Maybe this is a best case scenario for both of us. “I’ll be fine. If you—”
“Are you coming or not?” Kimball asks, eyebrows low as he looks between us. “The rest of us don’t run on big city time.”
Here goes nothing. “Yeah. We’re coming.”
I cling to Avery’s hand as I shut the hood of her car.
Cling to her hand as she grabs her purse and locks the doors.
Cling to her as we follow Kimball back to his car.
I have to let go so she can sit in the front while I squish into the one seat in the back without a car seat or booster, and I feel like this is symbolic of something, being so far from her as we make the short drive to my parents’ house.
As he drives, Kimball asks about Avery’s business and listens intently as she tells him about her publishing company and how things have been rapidly growing with the popularity of Dani’s book.
He keeps looking back at me in the rearview mirror, like he has stuff to say to me but won’t in front of Avery.
I’m gladder than ever that she’s here to soften everything, much as I hate subjecting her to this nightmare.
We pull up in front of the house, and my stomach churns with fear and guilt.
I’m suddenly twelve years old again and sitting in the backseat of the sheriff’s cruiser after he caught me digging holes in a neighbor’s field.
I’m outside the principal’s office while my teacher complains about my inability to stay in my seat and pay attention to her excruciatingly boring lectures.
It’s been years since I came home without an escape route ready to go, and now I have Avery to look after so I can’t simply run away.
“Can’t stay back there all night,” Kimball says, meeting my eyes in the mirror again.
I scowl at him. “Try me.”
Avery leans around her seat and smiles at me, the warmth of it melting some of the tension from my shoulders. “Let’s go inside, Bens.”
This might be the first time I have truly wanted to say no to her, but I can’t do it. With a groan, I shove the seat forward and open the door, scrambling out onto the driveway. The instant Avery is close, I grab her hand and pull her to a stop.
“Benson,” she says, her brow furrowing. “If you don’t want to—”
“Listen,” I say, keeping my voice low so Kimball can’t hear me.
“I didn’t tell my family I’m in town because I have never been good enough for them, and I hate the way that makes me feel.
You don’t know what it’s like to be seen as less because your soul has never been able to settle.
I can’t…” I shake my head and pull her in close, pressing my forehead to hers as if she might give me the strength to go inside and face my perfect family.
“I won’t be able to bear it if you think less of me because of them. Please.”
Avery touches my jaw, and then she leans up and brushes the softest of kisses to my lips.
My whole body reacts, blazing with fire and a desperation for more, but she steps away before I can claim another kiss.
“I could never think less of you, Benson West,” she whispers, and I desperately want to believe her.
“We don’t have to stay. We can call a car and go inside while we wait, or we can wait out here if that makes you more comfortable. ”
Growling, I shake my head. If I’m worried about her thinking less of me, I can’t hide on the front porch like a coward. “You need sleep. I’m not making you stay up for hours just because I’m scared of my family.”
I’ve endured a lifetime of my family’s scrutiny and have spent most of my adult life avoiding it, so I know exactly what to expect inside. I can survive a night.
Whether or not Avery’s affection for me will stay intact remains to be seen.