28. Chapter 28 #2
I frown, keeping my eyes on the table so I don’t have to endure the stares of my dad and brothers as they wait for me to find a stronger excuse.
What would they think? Instinct tells me they would think my lifestyle is terrible, but I’ll be the first to admit how much my transient life has been wearing on me lately.
Which means my family wouldn’t be wrong.
They’ve been wrong about me my whole life, but if they’re right about settling down…
What else could they be right about?
“This is so good!” Avery says through a bite of cookie, louder than she needs to. She’s pulling attention away from me, and I have never liked her more.
Dad and my brothers chuckle, and the tension of the room dissipates.
“She makes the best cookies,” Dad says, reaching for mom’s hand and pulling it to his lips.
“One of the many reasons I married her. I always told my boys they needed to listen to their hearts more than their stomachs when choosing a partner, but the stomach can be hard to ignore. Luckily, they all chose well.”
With that, all eyes shift to me again, and for the first time I don’t feel like they’re judging me. They’re looking from me to Avery, likely wondering if she’ll be the one to tame the wayward soul and save me from myself.
If only they knew.
I clear my throat and stand, uncertain how to handle the worried looks everyone is giving me. They usually look frustrated, not sympathetic. “It’s late,” I mutter.
Mom instantly deflates. “Oh. Yes, I suppose you’ll want to—”
“Can we stay here tonight?”
Her jaw drops so low it’s almost painfully comical, and then her lip trembles, and I scramble for something to say that might stave off her tears. Guess Avery’s getting a thorough demonstration of how quickly I do everything wrong.
“Oh,” Mom whispers, and her voice grows in strength the more she talks. “Of course. Yes! Your bed is always made up, and it’s plenty big for the both—”
“Mom!” I croak before she gets the wrong idea and starts jumping to all sorts of conclusions. Yes, I’m willingly spending the night. No, she’s not getting another daughter-in-law and a horde of grandkids. “We’re not—”
“I’m sure I have some pajamas you can use,” she says to Avery and holds out her hand, which Avery takes without hesitation. My chest grows tighter when I see Avery’s broad smile matching my mom’s, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to breathe again before the night is over. “Come along, sweetie.”
Wait . As my mom practically drags Avery from her chair, I hold tight to Avery’s hand, not ready to be on my own with the other West men. Avery meets my gaze, and her smile turns sympathetic.
“Sonny, dear,” Mom says, her tone chiding, “you have to let her go.”
But I don’t want to let her go. I want to hang on to this woman for the rest of… My eyes widen when I realize how my brain was about to finish that sentence.
I want to hang on to this woman for the rest of my life.
My grip falters at that thought, giving my mom the slack she needs to pull Avery from my grip and lead her up the stairs to my room.
I’m too rattled from my own thoughts to stop them from leaving.
I don’t mean that I want to keep Avery forever.
I can’t mean that. Trying a relationship is one thing—a thing I can barely let myself consider—but imagining forever is so beyond anything I’ve ever thought myself capable of.
I stare at the place she disappeared as a rock settles heavy in my gut.
“Benson Jay.” Dad’s voice is gruff and pulls my attention back to him and the scowl growing on his face.
Kimball’s eyebrows jump high, and McKay whispers something to Emily, who makes an excuse about checking on the kids and slips downstairs. I brace myself for the lecture that’s coming.
I don’t know what my dad is angry about, but maybe I can head this off before it turns into more than it needs to. “Dad.”
“What are you thinking?” he growls, dropping a fist onto the table. “Playing with the girl’s heart like that?”
I feel like that fist just slammed into my stomach. “I’m not playing with—”
“It’s one thing to date around, but bringing her home to your mother? Son, how heartless can you be?”
Anger rising in my chest, I debate the merits of arguing.
He’s going to think what he wants to think, and nothing I say is going to change that.
But I hate the way he immediately thinks I’m being careless, as if I haven’t spent the last three weeks constantly torn between staying away from Avery and giving her what we both want.
My own hands curl into fists on my lap. “She knows I can’t commit to anything.”
“Won’t,” Kimball mutters.
“Are you sure she knows that?” Dad asks. “Because she doesn’t look like she—”
“You don’t know anything about her!” I grind out.
He huffs. “And you do? You’ve known her for, what, a couple of weeks? And you thought it was a good idea to bring her here in the middle of the night and—”
“I wouldn’t have come if Kimball didn’t force me,” I snap, glaring at my oldest brother.
He glares right back, unfazed by my comment. “She’s your client, Sonny. Are you really stupid enough to be out late with your—”
“I was helping her.”
“Sure.”
I look at McKay, who has been quiet so far, and search his face for any sign that he might back me up. Not that he ever has before. “I’m not playing with her heart,” I tell him directly.
His eyebrows pull low. “So you’re going to stick around for once?”
Cursing under my breath, I stretch my palms out and rub them along my thighs as my anger turns to queasiness. “I can’t.”
“Won’t,” Kimball corrects again.
This is exactly why I didn’t want to come home. I’m never going to do anything right in their eyes.
“ Can’t ,” I repeat, stronger this time.
“I’m heading to Australia next week to work with a client who’s going to push my business to the next level and help me bring on clients from all over the world.
” As soon as I say that, my body freezes.
I didn’t plan on saying anything about Australia because I haven’t officially made a decision.
But… This could be the only thing that convinces them I’m not a complete mess, so I let the declaration hang in the air between us.
Honestly, I don’t know how I expect them to react to that announcement, but it isn’t with sadness. There’s plenty of frustration in all three of their faces, but it’s buried beneath mournful expressions I never see. McKay glances at the stairs while Dad’s shoulders drop.
It’s Kimball who speaks first. “More work?” he asks quietly. “But you already…”
I scoff. “Yeah, I know you think I can’t handle—”
“That’s not what I meant.”
What else can he have possibly meant?
McKay must see my question in my face because he sits up straighter and says, “You already work a ton, Sonny.”
Glancing between him and Kimball, I try to understand how that’s any different from what Kimball said.
Of course I work a lot. It’s the nature of my job, and I’ve always loved how it keeps my attention and requires my focus.
But even as I think that, my exhaustion from the last few months reminds me it’s there as my eyes start to sting, begging me to sleep. To rest.
“I’m trying to build something worth your notice,” I grumble, getting to my feet. “Sorry it’s taking longer than—”
“Worth my notice?” Dad frowns, staring at me like I’m talking nonsense. “I don’t even know what you do in your job.”
That’s exactly the problem, and it’s not worth trying to explain yet again. Dead on my feet, I head for the stairs to make sure my mom isn’t overwhelming Avery, but my dad’s voice stops me on the bottom step.
“But you’ve always been worth my notice, Benson.”
I grip the banister, not sure I heard him right. “What?” I ask, too afraid to look at him without knowing what I might see.
“Your life makes no sense to me,” Dad says. “Bouncing around from one thing to the next. But that doesn’t mean I don’t see you and the way you’ve turned that into a career.”
What is he saying?
“If going to Australia next week and taking on more than what you’re doing now is going to make you happy, then do it. But there’s never been a trophy waiting for you.”
I glance over my shoulder, just enough to catch Kimball and McKay exchanging a look that isn’t their usual smugness or judgment.
It’s…something else. Something new. And I have no idea what to do with that, so I focus on my dad and the hard edge to his gaze.
“Trophy?” I repeat with a small laugh. “Yeah, I’m well aware you have no plans to give me a trophy when I’ve only ever been a failure. But thanks for the reminder.”
“Benson.”
I ignore him and head upstairs, hoping there isn’t another argument waiting for me when I find my mom and Avery.
My mom doesn’t do confrontation, but if ever there was a time for her to cut me down, it would be tonight.
My only consolation is that Avery is up there too, and she makes me feel like I can face anything if she’s next to me.