30. Chapter 30 #2
Exhaling in relief, I slowly push the door open, just enough to see Avery sitting on the bed with her arms around one of her knees.
Soft sunlight from the open blinds makes her seem to glow, but it also puts into sharp relief how tired she looks.
She looks like she slept as poorly as I did, and guilt settles heavy in my chest. “Sorry,” I breathe. “I shouldn’t have—”
“Do you need something?”
I swallow. “I was hoping we could talk.”
She comes as close to rolling her eyes as she can without actually doing it. “Is there anything more for us to talk about?”
Everything . I want to talk to her about everything for the rest of forever, but how do I tell her that in a way she’ll believe?
She drops her head on her shoulder and sighs. “I’m going to text my dad. He can help me get my car to a shop, so you don’t have to—”
“Don’t give up on me.” I wince at the desperation in my words, no matter how accurate it is. I am desperate to have Avery in my life. “Please.”
Her eyebrows pull low. “Benson.”
“I know.” I slip into the room, closing the door behind me but keeping my back against it so she doesn’t feel like I’m pushing her.
Standing in the same place I was last night, I can barely breathe in enough air to say what I need to say.
If I can’t change her mind this morning, I won’t have any chances left.
“I don’t deserve another chance,” I croak.
“I’ve been an idiot in every way, and you are so much better off without me. ”
She blinks. “Okay.”
This is not going how I wanted this to go.
Clenching my jaw, I dig deep for the strength to get this out.
“You scare the hell out of me, Avery Grace. From the moment I met you, you took hold of something inside me and refused to let go, and I was so convinced that giving in and letting you have it would make me less of a person when I already struggle with feeling like I’m enough. But you don’t…”
I groan and run a hand through my hair. She’s looking at me blankly, and I’m clearly not making any sense.
“I’ve always thought that if I kept moving, I wouldn’t be in one place long enough to screw anything up.
I’ve felt like a disappointment my entire life, and I’ve been searching for that magical thing that will fill in the missing pieces and make me complete. ”
She slowly lifts her head, brow furrowed. “Are you trying to tell me that I complete you?”
“Yes.” I shake my head. “No. No, I’m…” What am I saying?
I growl and start to pace. Will there ever be a time when I have the right words when it comes to this woman?
“I’m saying you never saw me as anything less than whole.
You always just saw me .” Coming to a halt, with my heart racing and my lungs burning, I meet her uncertain gaze.
“No one has ever done that the way you do.”
She’s still for a long time, simply watching me, but after a moment she unfolds herself and sits up straight, her gaze not leaving mine. “You hurt me.”
Those three words are a knife in my chest. “I know. And I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
“What about Australia? Your business?”
Hope springs to life in my belly, but I rein it in. I can’t jump to conclusions and assume I know what’s going to happen here. All of this is up to her. “I’m turning down the client. I’m stretched thin as it is, and I’ve already committed my time to Rose & Quill. To…to you.”
Avery looks down at her hands as they gather up fistfuls of fabric from the t-shirt she’s wearing. My t-shirt. The pajamas my mom brought her are sitting in a neat pile on the chair in the corner, which means Avery chose to raid my sparse closet even after everything.
The spark of hope burns brighter, leaving me lightheaded, like it’s burning up all the oxygen in the room.
“Avery,” I say, my voice cracking, “you stole my heart in Florence, and I don’t want it back.
It’s always going to belong to you. If you tell me I’m too late and need to walk away, I’ll do it, but I’ll never stop hoping there’s a place for me in your life.
I don’t want to keep running. I don’t want to keep fighting.
I…I want to come home .” And I don’t mean my parents’ house that hasn’t felt like home in years, so I swallow the emotion rising in my throat and add, “Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be. ”
Because she is home.
A sound escapes from Avery, halfway between a laugh and a sob as she finally looks up at me, tears shining in her eyes. “You’re going to leave in two weeks.”
“I’ll come back.” I take a step closer, then another when she doesn’t react. “I’ll always come back.”
She shakes her head. “And when you get tired of all the traveling back and forth? When you get tired of…of me?”
I drop to my knees in front of her, blinking my own tears out of my eyes as I take her hands.
“That’s never going to happen.” Can I actually promise that?
I’m already tired of traveling. But when it comes to her…
I will spend my whole life trying to get back to her, no matter how far life takes me.
“Avery, you are the most interesting person I’ve ever met.
I could spend a lifetime getting to know you and never get bored. I knew it the moment I met you.”
Her breath hitches, but she seems to have run out of words.
I lift one of her hands to my lips and close my eyes, leaving her knuckles pressed to my mouth.
As she slips her other hand free of my hold, my stomach dips in fear, but then she touches the bracelet sitting on my wrist. “I wondered where it went.”
I open my eyes, meeting her tearful gaze as a knot forms in my chest. “I didn’t mean to take it. But I think it worked even better than Poppy thought it would.”
Her eyebrows pull low. “Worked?”
“I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know what’s going to happen.
But I’m…” Swallowing, I tell myself that I can’t hold back.
Lay it all on the line . “I’m in love with you, Avery Grace.
” I’ve never said that out loud before, but no words have ever felt more right. “I’m choosing you. Now and forever.”
Sniffling, she squeezes my fingers, though she still looks terrified by the uncertain future. But the words that come out of her mouth are not the ones I expect. “What about Eric?”
The blood rushes from my head, and I gape at her. Eric? The man who has steamrolled her and stifled her and stuck his nose into places it doesn’t belong? After everything, is she telling me she’s still not over her ex when he has the personality of a slug dipped in—
“Oh my gosh,” Avery says with a roll of her eyes, and she presses her palms to my cheeks. “Are you seriously jealous of Eric Greer ?”
I scowl. “I’m not jealous.”
“You are!” She laughs, and then her mouth is on mine.
I’m so caught off guard by this sudden shift that it takes me half a second to realize she’s kissing me.
But when my brain catches up, my body takes over, bringing me up to my feet and pressing my hand into the mattress behind her as I lean into her.
I wrap my other arm around her back and pull her close, and her arms go around my neck as she opens her mouth to me and the kiss turns molten.
I love you . The words are on repeat in my head as I lose myself in her. I love you .
“Bens,” she gasps a moment later, tilting her head back with a laugh as I trail kisses down her neck. “I need to… Will you stop for a second?”
Groaning, I stand up straight, reeling from that kiss and the way she cut it far too short. I have to peel my hands from her waist before I convince myself to ignore anything she might want to say and kiss her again. “Need to what?”
“Explain,” she finishes breathlessly, then stands with me and brushes her thumb along my cheek. “You’re the one who was using Eric as an excuse. Not me. I just wondered…”
Forcing a breath, I run a hand through my hair. “Right.” That reason for keeping my distance hasn’t magically gone away overnight. “I don’t want to break my promise, but…” But I thought I lost Avery last night. I’m not willing to go through that again if I can help it.
Avery sighs and places her other hand on my cheek, once again holding my face beneath her soft palms. “He and I broke up. You’re not stealing anything from him.” She tilts her head and smiles, a bit of mischief in her eyes. “Especially because I’m choosing you right back.”
A curse slips from my tongue along with the last of my resolve, and I grab her, pulling her mouth back to mine so I can resume what she started.
Kissing her here is so much better than it was in Italy, when in the back of my mind I knew it wouldn’t last. But now?
Now I can’t get enough of her, and I tug her against my body, determined to keep her as close as I can.
Her hands roam my chest, my shoulders, my jaw, and I tangle my fingers up in her auburn hair and kiss her like my life depends on it.
I still don’t know how we’re going to make this work, but I don’t care.
For the first time in my life, I refuse to give up just because something is hard.
I’m not going anywhere.