Chapter Eighteen Five Thousand Grains to Dream In #2
“Because she didn’t help you. Because she loved him, and if she ever had to pick a side, she picked his. So when you met Osalor and he told you that you had to trade him something in exchange for power, you gave him love. You can’t love anyone.”
Saeldian rubbed the back of their neck, because that could mean anything, but he was so close to getting it.
“You don’t have to tell me if I’m right. I heard your invocation that you say in Sylvan. You don’t understand what it means.”
“I don’t,” Saeldian said. “I’ve tried to learn Sylvan, but it’s hard to remember the words.”
Kell tilted his head. “Interesting that you can’t seem to learn that language in particular. Do you want to know what you’re saying when you ask for the power to do one more spell?”
It felt like Saeldian’s chest was caving in. “I don’t know if I do. No. Tell me.”
Kell reached for Saeldian’s hand. “You’re saying that you’re grateful for the power he gives you in exchange for your heart. Every time you needed one more spell before you could rest, you repeated your pact and then thanked him.”
Occasionally, Saeldian wondered what it felt like for a mark when they realized they’d been swindled and everything they had believed in while Saeldian was telling them exactly the right lies was false.
Maybe it felt like this—like everything had slowed down when they realized every single thing they’d willingly, eagerly done just wove the trap a little tighter.
Kell sat with them as it all rolled through Saeldian’s body, heavy as lead. He squeezed Saeldian’s hand when they looked at him but didn’t speak until they squeezed back: Go on.
“You can’t love anyone. But that’s not the same as not being able to love anyone. That would have been too easy. He wants you to sacrifice it to him. So if you ever have to pick a side, you pick his.”
If only Saeldian could explain what they felt right now. But they couldn’t. And they couldn’t nudge Kell into figuring out every detail.
“That’s the reason for all the cantrip checks I keep catching you making.
You’re checking to see if you broke your pact—so you don’t quite know where the borders are.
What can you do? What can’t you do? And so I have an idea, if you want.
If you think you can risk it. If you can’t, that’s all right. ”
Kell turned to the shelves on the wall and picked up an oak case. He unclasped it and drew out an hourglass with sparkling violet-gray-tinged sand puddled in the bottom. He lifted it in both hands and held it out with a grin.
“Shuahn’s dreamwalking glass. How did you get it?”
Kell shrugged and smiled like he thought he might get into trouble. “I was talking to Verandil. He had the idea. He asked Shuahn for the hourglass as a favor to you.”
“To me?”
“He thanked you when he found out you helped me find him. He owes you.”
And this was how he thought to repay Saeldian. “How did he know about it?”
“I know you don’t know what it’s like to have a brother. Or family.” Kell rubbed their knee to soothe any hurt those words might have caused. “I told him about the maze. He went to Shuahn with questions, and she told him it would work. If you wanted to.”
Saeldian should stop his soothing touch. They didn’t want to, though. “You want us to go back to the dream realm because—”
“You can do anything in dreams. You can fly. You can—”
“Do what you can never do when you’re awake.”
“Right.”
He knew. “Why are you doing this?”
“One reason,” Kell said. “You might want someplace where you can do or say anything.”
“Once,” Saeldian said. “In a dream.”
“Once. If you would like,” Kell said. “While we’re there, nothing here matters. It doesn’t count.”
The hourglass sat on the nightstand, built from blown glass and turned wood. He knew. He understood enough to give them a chance to stop back in Hearthaven. He understood enough to give them this clever way to escape. A person can dream anything because it’s not real.
“How long?”
“About two hours,” Kell said.
Dreams couldn’t break a pact.
Saeldian called up the glowing Mage Hand and used it to pick up the hourglass and flip it over.
“Kiss me.”
Kell gathered Saeldian close, dragging the blankets along. Saeldian kicked free of them, hitching up their sleeping shirt to straddle Kell’s lap, and pressed close, cradling his head into their hands to kiss him.
It shivered all the way down. He groaned a little, and Saeldian kept his neck supported as they pushed him down to the mattress. They sat high on his thighs and pulled the shirt over their head.
It was the only thing they were wearing. Kell gazed up at them, and Saeldian’s face went hot. They looked at the hourglass. A small pile of gray-violet sand lay in the bottom chamber. Too much already.
“We have time, and we don’t have to.”
“I want to,” Saeldian said. “I just—I don’t know how.”
Kell stared at them, shocked, but wiped it off his face in a hurry. “All right. We’ll go slow. Don’t worry about asking questions. Nothing is too silly—”
Saeldian couldn’t help laughing. “I think I understand enough to get by. I mean I don’t know how to do it with you. Should I be like this?”
Kell’s eyes widened as Saeldian became the pretty young noblewoman from the party. They bent forward a little. “I can’t really see you over these things.”
It was Kell’s turn to laugh. “They’re definitely impressive.”
Saeldian swatted his shoulder. “Be serious.”
“You started it.” Kell smiled up at them. “May I touch them?”
“Touch, kiss, whatever you like.”
The fingertips on Kell’s left hand had decades of calluses, but his touch was a bare graze. It spread so much farther than that, chasing over their skin, and their eyes slipped shut.
“Don’t go away,” Kell said softly. “Stay with me.”
“I’m here.”
“Your eyes are closed,” Kell said. “Does this feel right? Do you want to change?”
Kell’s touch glided down to settle on the curve of their flaring hips. Round curves, full and soft and beautiful.
He was right. They wanted to change. “Should I be like this?”
Soft became hard, with curly hair all over their body. Kell smiled. “Very handsome, Handsome.”
He stroked Saeldian’s beard and drew them down to kiss him again. Saeldian pressed against Kell’s chest and clung as Kell rolled them over and propped himself up on his elbows to look down at Saeldian.
“Close your eyes,” Kell said. “How is this? Does it feel right?”
“Touch me.”
All that hair on Saeldian’s skin carried Kell’s touch along the tips. It made them want to grind, to move under him. Kell watched Saeldian’s expression, so close Saeldian wanted to hide.
They shut their eyes. “This is nice too. Which do you like?”
“You,” Kell said. “I like you.”
Saeldian let the spell drop.
Kell was probably looking at them right now, taking in all the details. In a moment he would say that they were beautiful. He would touch their body and kiss them and promise that they were gorgeous.
Kell stroked Saeldian’s curls away from their face. He kissed their cheekbone, down their jaw. “No, keep your eyes closed,” Kell said. “Just listen.”
Eyes closed. That was easy.