Chapter 9
Chapter nine
There’s a comfortable mess of blankets on the floor and the wine for tonight’s girls’ night is chilled, ready to go. The space feels like me again.
Marley arrives first, storming through the door with arms full of snacks and that signature chaotic energy that always makes the air feel lighter. ‘Chips are spiritually essential,’ she declares, dropping the bags onto the counter.
Tess follows closely behind, calm and composed as always, balancing a bottle of wine and a knowing smile. ‘Hope you’re ready for unsolicited advice and overfilled glasses.’
There’s a knock at the door. My stomach flips. ‘Oh, did I tell you I invited Rey? I hope that’s okay,’ I say, suddenly unsure.
I’d gone back and forth on it all afternoon.
It would’ve been easier to keep things simple, to keep my circle small and safe.
But Rey has been hovering at the edges of our group for weeks now, and something about her quiet steadiness feels like a person I want to know.
Maybe a person I need to know. I promised myself I’d stop hiding, and start letting people in again, even if it scares me.
Tess smiles. ‘We’ll be on our best behaviour.’
‘I won’t,’ Marley adds with a wink.
Rolling my eyes, I open the door. ‘Welcome to the madhouse.’
Rey steps inside with a grin. ‘Thanks, Lils. Full disclosure, I don’t usually do girls’ nights unless I’m bribed.’
‘We have wine.’
She smirked. ‘That works.’
There is a moment of awkwardness as she steps into the lounge room. Marley and Tess know of Rey from my work, but they don't really know her.
Marley, of course, is the first to break the tension. ‘Girl, you ate with that eyeliner.’
Rey grins. ‘Oh, please. Thank you.’
Tess starts pouring the wine, intentionally overfilling every glass like it is a personal mission. Marley’s building a Pinterest-worthy grazing board while Rey tosses her a packet of sour gummies. ‘For balance.’
I stand in the doorway for a second, watching this messy, mismatched, unexpectedly perfect collection of women. My chest tightens in that bittersweet way when joy sneaks up on you. I haven't had a night like this in a long time.
We settle in with full glasses; skincare scattered across the table and laughter echoing off the walls. Tonight, is a night that doesn’t need to fix anything to feel like healing.
I curl up on the couch, tucking my feet beneath me. ‘So, I overheard some girls at the café yesterday talking about The Year Before You,’ I say casually.
Tess raises a brow. ‘Really?’
Marley’s eyes widen. ‘Oh my god, is it the TikTok? Tell me it is the TikTok.’
I smile. ‘I think so, they mentioned you by name.’
Marley immediately sits up, grabbing her phone. ‘Okay, but like I didn’t mean to go viral. I cried, I overshared, I quoted your book like it was scripture. And now apparently, I’m someone’s emotional support reviewer. It’s chaos.’
I freeze. Shit. I hadn’t planned on telling Rey yet.
She holds up the screen. ‘Look! Eighty thousand views. Someone commented, “I sent this to my ex and now he’s crying too.” I’m doing the Lord’s work.’
Tess snorts and rolls her eyes. ‘You’re feral.’
‘Impactful, thank you.’
Rey is just sitting there blinking at me. ‘Wait, for your book? As in The Year Before You? Lilah. No. Don’t tell me, are you Lola Reid? Please say yes. That would be wild. This is wild. Oh my god, I’m spiralling. Why am I spiralling? I need a drink,’ she rambles without taking a breath.
Marley turns to me, mouthing, “I’m so sorry.”
I exhale slowly, tucking my hair behind my ear. ‘Yeah. It’s me.’
Rey just stares. Marley looks between us like a proud parent, and Tess takes a sip of wine, unbothered.
‘Surprise?’ I offer with a sheepish smile.
Rey’s jaw drops. ‘No. No. Shut up. You’re Lola freaking Reid? Like the author who emotionally devastated me in chapter eighteen and made me believe in fictional men again?’
I laugh, covering my face. ‘I didn’t mean to devastate you emotionally.’
‘Oh, I’m not mad,’ Rey declares, already pacing.
‘I’m obsessed. I’ve read that book three times.
I annotated it. I made playlists. I quoted you on my Instagram story last month.
’ She pauses, eyes wide. ‘Wait. Do you have, like, author copies? Can I get one? Signed? Like, “to my favourite emotionally unhinged barista?”’
‘That I can do,’ I say. ‘If you promise me one thing.’
‘Anything.’
‘Please keep this between us. I’m not ready for the rest of the world to know.’
Rey nods, her hand over her heart. ‘Your secret is safe with me, sis.’
‘Also please send me the playlists.’
‘Right away.’ She winks at me. Pausing for a moment, she twists the stem of her wineglass, eyes locked on me. ‘Okay, real talk. Why Lola Reid? Why not publish under Lilah?’
Tess shoots her a look and turns back to me. ‘You don’t have to answer.’
‘It’s okay. At first it was about protection. I didn’t want people I know reading softer parts of me and having opinions.’ I take a sip. ‘Then it became mine. Something no one else could touch.’
Rey smiles. ‘Control after chaos. I can understand that.’
‘Yeah, and maybe Lola is who I wish I was. She is braver, louder. It was easier to be her first and see if it fit.’
Marley nudges a bowl of pretzels towards me. ‘For the record, you’re already brave.’
Tess squeezes my knee. ‘And you don’t owe anyone your name.’
I smile. ‘Thanks.’ I keep the rest to myself.
What I don't tell them is: my parents would call it a phase, like a haircut I’ll grow out of—not that I have contact with them.
Justin never took my writing serious. I was tired of being edited by people who never once read me properly.
It’s easier to tell the truth when no one’s watching your face for proof.
If they hated the pages, at least they weren’t hating me by name.
For years I was managed, told to tone it down, make it palatable, and to be grateful.
Lola was the first thing I chose without asking permission.
Lola could say the raw thing and survive it.
Now, when I speak up in my own voice, it doesn’t feel like pretending. It feels like catching up. If I failed as Lola, I could shrug and vanish. If I succeeded as Lola, maybe I’d finally believe it wasn’t an accident. Maybe one day I’d be brave enough to sign my real name.
Rey leans her head against the couch. ‘For what it’s worth, I like both of you. Lilah and Lola.’
‘Same,’ Tess agrees. ‘Two names, one spine.’
Marley grins. ‘And a very marketable brand.’
I laugh, the sound catching. I take another sip, and for a second I almost say the rest out loud: I want to be one person. I think I’m getting close.
Tess tips her glass, trying and failing not to smile. ‘For what it’s worth, the TikTok bumped sales this week. Your book is hovering on the charts, and Wattlewood Press is fielding foreign rights emails.’
Marley fans herself with a napkin. ‘Iconic.’
I bury my face in my hands. ‘Please don’t make me famous in my own lounge room.’
Tess clears her throat. ‘I am seeing someone new.’
Rey deadpans, ‘If it’s my ex, I call dibs on the rest of the wine.’
Tess rolls her eyes. ‘He’s a client, well kind of. A colleague's client. It’s new and yes, it’s probably frowned upon.’
Marley and Rey exchange a look, judging, but with love.
I chuckle. ‘This apartment is sacred ground. Everything’s safe here.’
But the energy shifts just slightly. Tess swirls the wine in her glass. Her gaze fixed on the rim like it might explain what came next. ‘It’s not serious. But it feels different, calmer, like I can breathe when I’m with him. That hasn’t happened in a while.’
Marley reaches over and places a few sour gummies on Tess’s thigh as a peace offering. ‘We love a slightly unethical queen,’ she grins.
Rey gives a small nod. ‘Seriously though, good for you. Even if he does pay your invoices.’
Tess gives an uncomfortable laugh. ‘Thanks. It’s weird, but good.’
I study her for a moment. She looks different in the glow of the fairy lights, softer. Not less strong, just a little less guarded. ‘You deserve something or someone that makes it easier to breathe,’ I say gently.
Tess glances over and squeezes my hand. ‘So do you.’
The moment that follows lingers, gentle and unhurried until Marley, still buzzing from her BookTok fame, turns serious for a moment. ‘I’ve been thinking of leaving my job. Going out on my own. Just to build on the momentum. People are connecting with your story, Lilah. It feels big.’
‘Wait, like full time content creation?’ I ask.
‘I think so but also freelance social media management.’
Rey raises her glass. ‘Yes, go for it! I have seen your socials, and you are doing so well.’
Absently swirling my drink, I watch the liquid catch the light as I stall for just a moment longer.
‘I went back to work this week,’ I say, my voice quiet but steady.
‘Day one back behind the machine, and it felt weirdly okay.’ Three pairs of curious eyes turn to me.
‘The regulars were still just as sweet, the coffee is still top tier, and the playlists were still questionable. But I didn’t feel out of place.
It was like my brain finally stopped yelling at me.
Rey kept making fun of my measuring technique. ’
Rey burst out laughing. ‘She told me to pour about the height of a paperback of milk into the pot. Like, which paperback, Lilah? War and Peace or a damn novella?’
‘Listen,’ I grin. ‘Some people make coffee with love. I make coffee with literature. It is a very poetic amount of milk.’
The girls erupt in laughter and I join them, warmth spilling through me.
I set my glass down, my smile lingering a moment before it falls away.
‘It didn’t fix everything. But it reminded me that I still know how to show up.
That something in me still works.’ I glance up, my lips twitching into something between awe and disbelief.
‘And then Nettie came in. Tornado mode, like usual and right in the middle of it, she says she wants me to take over the café someday.’
The room stills, and even Marley stops mid-sip.
‘She didn’t make it a thing. Just said she’s been thinking about the future. That she trusts me with it.’ I let the words hang there for a moment, still trying them on. They don’t feel real yet. But they don’t feel impossible either.
Rey is the first to break the silence. ‘Fuck yes, babe. You deserve this! Please don’t fire me when you take over.’
I laugh. ‘You’re literally the only other barista. I wouldn’t survive without you.’
‘Well, I’m happy to be essential,’ Rey chirps. Tossing a chip in the air and catching it in her mouth.
Tess claps her hands and kicks her feet. ‘I am so freaking excited for you. Lilah, no one deserves this more. You’re going to do it, yeah?’
I nod, a little breathless. ‘Yeah. I think I will.’
Marley squeals and launches herself at me, tackling me onto the couch. A pillow muffles her words, but I’m pretty sure she says, ‘Congrats, you lucky bitch.’
‘You know what’s weird?’ Tess shifts beside us, propping her head on her hand. ‘Doesn’t Savannah get offered a boutique? From the woman who kind of raises her?’
My lips part slightly. ‘Yeah. Chapter Seven. The mentor’s retiring and wants her to take over.’
Marley points her wine glass at me, wide-eyed. ‘Okay, that’s two now. The breakup and the inheritance moment. You’re either psychic or you’ve got some weird universe lag.’
Rey adds with a smirk, ‘If a hot stranger named Eli shows up quoting poetry, I’m leaving.’
I laugh, but the laughter fades quickly. ‘It’s starting to feel like I’m living in the outline of my own story.’ I look down at my hands. ‘The service is tomorrow,’ I say, the words sudden but not out of place.
Tess blinks. ‘For Carol?’
‘At The Mossy Pint. Nettie said the town’s putting it together, that it’ll be simple.’
Marley’s eyes soften. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I think I will be.’
Rey reaches across the coffee table and nudges my knee. ‘We’ll come with you. Right?’
Tess nods immediately. ‘Of course.’
‘Absolutely,’ Marley adds. ‘We always show up for you, and this time we will too.’
I blink back something behind my lashes. ‘Thanks, guys.’ My fingers tighten around my glass. I nod slowly, the weight of her words pressing into my chest. ‘I wonder what will happen with Turn the Page.’
‘Offt, yeah. Hopefully, whoever it’s left to will keep it open,’ Tess replies.
‘Hopefully,’ I murmur.
I could still see it, Carol’s mismatched mugs, the smell of cinnamon and old pages; the first time I read my own words aloud in the back room. My hands had trembled, my voice had cracked, and yet, I’d felt like I belonged there in a way I hadn't felt anywhere else.
‘It feels like —’ I swallow, ‘like a chapter closed.’
As the night deepens, none of us reach to fill the silence. For once, the moment is enough. Rey stretches and stands, brushing chip crumbs from her oversized tee. ‘Alright, I’m heading out before I get too cosy and become one with the carpet.’
Marley groans from her beanbag. ‘You’re no fun.’
‘I’m chaos in moderation,’ Rey shoots back. She grabs her hoodie and throws a wink over her shoulder. ‘Thanks for letting me crash, Lils. This was fun. Even with paperback milk measurements.’
‘You’re always welcome.’
Tess gives a half wave from the couch, already wrapped in a blanket cocoon.
Marley doesn’t even lift her head. ‘Text us when you get home.’
Rey waves before slipping out the door. I move through the space slowly, dimming lights and adjusting blankets.
Tess lets out a quiet yawn, her eyes heavy as she sinks deeper into the couch.
Marley blinks hard, fighting sleep with a lazy grin before finally giving in and curling closer to the cushions.
I carefully tuck a pillow behind Tess’s head and slide a throw over Marley’s legs.
Both are fast asleep, wine glasses abandoned.
I make myself a cup of tea I probably wouldn’t finish and pad softly to my room. The moment I sink into bed, I reach for my journal.
Journal Entry - Saturday, 9th of August
The apartment is quiet now. There are four wine glasses in the sink, face masks stiff on the edge of the tub, my friends asleep under mismatched throws.
I don’t know what I’ll do yet, only that “someday” doesn’t scare me.
Tomorrow is Carol’s gathering at The Mossy Pint. We’ll stand at the back with candles and listen. I don’t know if I’ll speak. I do know I’ll show up. Maybe that’s all a beginning needs.
xx