Chapter 42
Ace
At the start of this semester, I looked forward to Mondays. The start of a new week where I was putting my big “make Julia fall in love with me” plan into action.
I rearranged everything at the beginning of this year to be as close to her as I could get.
And it was worth it back then. You know, when Julia smiled when she sat next to me and wore my hoodie to class like it was no big deal. When she shared her notes with me and studied with me because I am in no way smart enough to be in any of these fucking classes.
But that was back then—when Julia felt like she was mine.
Mondays now feel like sentencing day for a cruel and unusual punishment—class, with her not speaking to me, all day, every day, all week long. If there were a judge to beg, I’d be asking for a stint in maximum security instead.
I head toward my third class of the day, my feet dragging as I pass people I know. They wave and smile and try to stop me to chat, but I do my best to keep moving because it was hard enough to get myself out of bed today. Small talk and shit isn’t something I can sit through.
I’ve already skipped my first two classes, was tempted to skip all my fucking classes, but Double C already has me behind on so much coursework, I forced myself to get it together today.
I walk into the lecture hall for English 111—an advanced literary study course that, judging by my use of grammar on a daily basis, I should be banned from ever taking.
Of course, I spot Julia instantly. She’s sitting in the front row, and right beside her is her stupid fucking boyfriend, Drew.
Normally, I’d be the one in the seat beside hers but not today.
Not anymore. Now she’s chummy with Drewchebag, smiling at something he’s saying, and sitting there like this is any other day.
It’s not. At least, not for me. It’s been over twenty-four hours since I told Julia I’m in love with her and she all but stomped on my fucking heart.
It’s as if the last few months never even happened.
It’s as if all the time and effort I put into my big plan to make her fall in love with me vanished into her boyfriend’s fucking bushy eyebrows.
Does he know we kissed the other night?
Does he know I told her I’m in love with her?
Does he know he doesn’t fucking deserve her?
Does Yoko think he’s his new dad because he’s been at Julia’s apartment and not me?
Fuck me.
So many questions that I don’t have the answers to. But it’s hard to get answers when the one person who can give them to you isn’t talking to you. Though, I guess I’m not talking to her either.
I’m too busy living an emotional loop of her calling me manipulative and violating. I’m too busy coming out of my fucking skin.
I take the farthest seat in the room, behind some guy with a neck tattoo and a laptop covered in band stickers. Though, I don’t bother pulling mine out. I don’t think I could focus enough to type my own name, let alone take notes.
I almost forget that this is the one and only class I have with Scottie and Finn until they slide into the lecture hall a few minutes later, mid-conversation, and half-eaten bagels from the dining hall poised in Scottie’s lap.
Finn pushes Scottie’s wheelchair to the row I’m in and sits beside me, totally oblivious to the fact that I’m currently trying not to drown in my own chest.
“Did you read the article he assigned?” Scottie whispers around a mouthful of bagel and cream cheese.
“Hell no,” Finn says and Scottie laughs.
“Finn!” she whisper-yells and slaps him on the shoulder. “What are you going to do?”
“Well, babe, I guess I’m going to wing the whole discussion with confidence and a smile.”
Scottie rolls her eyes and looks over at me. “What about you, Ace?”
I blink. “What?”
“Did you read it?”
I stare down at my empty desk. “No. I didn’t.”
Finn narrows his eyes, studying me for a second too long. “You good, man?”
“Yeah,” I lie. “Just didn’t sleep much.”
That part’s true. I spent most of the night staring at the ceiling, checking my phone every ten minutes like maybe Julia would cave. Like maybe the fifteen-minute rule wasn’t completely dead.
Spoiler: It is. Over twenty-four hours have passed.
Professor Dudley walks into class, drops his briefcase down onto his desk, and immediately starts talking about narrative dissonance and voice tension—ironically appropriate, considering how tense my chest feels.
I try to focus. I try to care. But every time Julia shifts in her seat or pushes her hair behind her ear or Drew smiles in her direction, it’s like a knife under my skin.
Scottie and Finn crack quiet jokes throughout the whole damn lecture. And normally, I’d be all into that game, but I hardly even hear what they’re saying.
After class, I pack up slowly. Julia and Drew are standing up near their seats, and he’s talking with his hands and leaning in like he’s performing, and she’s smiling up at him like she wants to hear it.
Then he does it. He reaches out and brushes a piece of hair behind her ear. The move. The soft one. The kind of thing I’ve done a thousand times without even thinking.
Something in my chest fractures.
I walk toward the door without saying a word.
Scottie and Finn catch up to me as we head out of the building.
“Wanna grab lunch with us, Ace?” Scottie asks. “Taco bar at Brower. Finn’s convinced they secretly use expired meat, and I want to test that theory with my life. Trav and Jack and Reece are supposed to meet us there too.”
“I can’t,” I mutter. “I gotta go meet with my counselor.”
“What? Why?” Scottie frowns.
Finn looks at me in the way he does. The one where he’s trying to see inside my fucking skull because he knows something’s up.
“It’s no big deal.” I shake my head and start walking faster. “Just thinking about changing some classes. Don’t worry about it.”
Neither of them says anything, but I can feel Finn watching me like he already knows more than he should. I’m not surprised. It’s fucking hard hiding the fact that someone’s ripped open my chest and is currently feasting on the carnage.
Especially since this is the first time in my life I’ve ever felt this way. Before now, no matter what else was happening, I had Julia.
Now. I have nothing at all.