Chapter 11 #2
Maybe he was a drug dealer? Or a gun runner.
My thoughts leaned more toward an enforcer.
He was big and moved like an athlete. He could probably scrap well.
But that didn’t jive with who I knew Tav to be.
He was gentle at his core. Why would he choose something violent?
I craved answers. I pulled my lips between my teeth. “Will you tell me—?”
He stood up abruptly, and the legs of the stood scraped across my floor with a screech that made me wince. He turned away from me and shoved his scarred knuckles into his hair before tugging in frustration. My hands had been in that hair less than an hour ago while he’d swallowed my dick.
When he turned, he braced his body on the edge of the island with palms that gripped the stone tightly.
He shook his head, stopped, and then shook it again.
His lips moved silently, like he was trying out words before he vocalized them.
I remained silent, because he was a scared bunny now.
Finally, his tortured gaze met mine, and my heart clenched.
“I can’t tell you, Con. I can’t. I’m trying…
” Another growl. “I’m trying to get out of it, but I…
” He shook his head. “Don’t push me on this. ”
For now. “Okay,” I answered.
He studied me for a moment, maybe surprised at my response.
His chest heaved a minute, and when he ran a hand down his face, his fingers trembled.
“You said before… you said if I didn’t tell you more about me…
” He faltered then, and his eyes pleaded with me, maybe to finish his sentence, maybe to assure him, but I waited, needing to hear what he wanted next.
Beneath the island, where he couldn’t see, I dug my fingers into my thigh as tightly as I could to keep myself from grabbing him and locking him in my spare bedroom where he couldn’t get any more bruises.
He exhaled roughly and let out a dry laugh. “You’re going to make me say it?”
“What are you trying to say?”
He slammed a hand down on the island, not hard, but enough to make a point.
“You told me I couldn’t come see you.” His jaw worked, and his gaze bled a vulnerability that he couldn’t mask.
“But after…” he tongued the split on his lip.
“After last night, was that enough? Enough to let me see you again?” His voice cracked on the last word.
If I opened my mouth now, I’d ruin it all. I’d tell him that there was no longer a way he was going to get away from me. From us. That I’d bring down this whole city to make him safe and happy and mine. So all I did was nod.
The storm in his expression cleared as he came around the island, grabbed my face, and pressed a kiss to my lips. I deepened it, needing to taste my coffee on his tongue and the lingering saltiness of my own cum.
I gripped his hip, pulling him against me until I felt the hard ridge of his cock bump mine. I was considering how much I could do to Tav in a half hour when a beep sounded from my front door a second before it swung open.
Tav ripped himself away from me with a low growl and shoved me behind him with a tight grip on my wrist. The muscles in his shoulder bunched as he snatched a butcher knife off the counter that he’d used to cut the vegetables of our omelets.
“Tav,” I tried to get around him, but he held me firm, knife brandished in front of him, as footsteps sounded in the hallway heading toward us.
A moment later, Nik entered the kitchen. He stopped dead, freezing for only a split second before he whipped his gun from his coat and aimed it right at Tav’s head. “Who the fuck are you?” He spoke low and firm, not a waver to his voice.
“Who the fuck are you?” Tav, however, was all aggression and anger. He stood with on foot braced in front of the other, ready to pounce, and his entire body vibrated with adrenaline.
With a grunt, I tore my wrist out of Tav’s grip and shifted to stand next to him. He didn’t like that, immediately snatching me again.
“Put down the knife, or I’ll put a bullet between your eyes.” Nik’s arm holding the gun didn’t even tremble.
Fuck, I needed to de-escalate this.
“Tav, put down the knife,” I turned with my back to Nik to show he wasn’t a threat. “This is Nik. My bodyguard.”
Tav’s remained still and tense. Only his eyes shifted from me, to Nik, and then back to me. He exhaled. “You sure?”
I smiled at him and reached for the knife. “I’m positive. He might want to kill me sometimes, but today is not that day.”
As I pried Tav’s fingers from the knife and set it down on the counter, Nik grunted. “The day is still early, boss.”
I turned with a scowl. “You’re not helping.”
Tav’s heat blanketed my back, his chest still vibrating. Nik’s gaze went over my shoulder, and he snarled. “Why is there a shirtless man in your kitchen holding a knife? Why wasn’t I informed you had a visitor?”
“You’re not my mother, Nik.”
“I’m responsible for keeping you alive and not letting some madman with a knife stab you in your own home.”
I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Can you shut up? Since when are you chatty?”
“Since I had to pull my gun on someone before nine a.m.”
Tav’s breath fluttered the hair on the side of my head. I pointed to Nik. “Leave.”
“No.”
“No, what?”
“I’m not leaving.”
“Who pays you?”
“You. That’s why I need to keep you alive.”
I was done with the crazy Russian. I reached behind me for Tav and circled my fingers around his wrist. “Nik, this is Tav. He’s… he’s Tav.”
Nik looked extremely unimpressed, but he studied Tav for a moment. “Yeah, he’s the guy you brought home from Collar.”
“You remember him?” I couldn’t have been sure. It had been dark when Nik had last seen Tav.
“Yeah, of course. Not a good bodyguard if I don’t.”
I was seething. “Then why did you pull a gun on him?”
“One in seven men experience intimate partner violence—”
I pointed at my door. “Get the fuck out, Nik.”
He looked put out. Like this was my fault. “But my coffee maker is broken, and I wanted to use yours.”
I stalked toward him. “You know what, give me your gun.”
He rolled his eyes. “Fuck, okay, Conrad. I’ll leave. Usually you’re in a better mood after you get your cock wet.”
I was never a prude, but his crude words in reference to Tav made my anger spark. “Nik. Watch it.”
My tone was enough to make him back down, and he waved the white flag by holding his hands in the arm, palms out, as he backed away.
With a nod that held a little bit of chagrin, he turned on his heel and retreated down the hallway.
I stood with my hands fisted at my sides until the door beeped and then shut behind my nosy-ass bodyguard.
Only then did I turn to Tav, apprehensive about how he’d take Nik’s appearance.
Tav’s body was more relaxed now that he no longer felt threatened, but his gaze was on the hallway where Nik had just left, and his brow was furrowed in thought. As I walked toward him, his eyes met mine. “Why do you have a bodyguard, Con?”
I went right to the coffeemaker, needing to do something with my hands. “He’s my driver. He drove us home from Collar.” Tav hadn’t seen Nik that night, not with the partition in my car and the tinted windows.
“You said bodyguard, though.”
I poured a mug of coffee and turned with it between my palms. “I did, you’re right. He serves many purposes.”
Tav wasn’t letting this go. He took a step toward me. “Why do you have a bodyguard?” he repeated. His eyes shone at me. “Are you safe?”
My heart skipped. I replayed the last five minutes, registering the fact that when Nik had entered, Tav had immediately shifted into protector mode.
Even facing down the muzzle of a revolver, Tav had stood firm armed with only a knife.
He hadn’t been scared. He’d been focused on protecting me.
He’d brought a literal knife to a gunfight and hadn’t wavered.
I placed my mug down on the counter without taking a sip and braced my hands on the edge. “I’m safe. Nik has worked for me for a long time, and his roles have shifted depending on what I need him for.” That was sort of true.
Tav’s fingers fidgeted with the ties on his sweatpants. “Do you fuck him?”
My chest cratered at the way his voice faltered. Oh no. No way would I let Tav leave here thinking I fucked Nik. Or anyone else in the last few months.
I rounded the island with purpose until I came toe-to-toe with Tav.
He made to back up, but I gripped his hip firmly, fingers digging into the muscle there with enough force that his breath caught in his throat.
I held his gaze. “I don’t fuck Nik. I never have and I never will.
He’s my employee. And know this Tav, I haven’t touched anyone since I brought you home from Collar, and if I had my way, I wouldn’t touch anyone else but you for a very, very long time.
” Forever. But I didn’t say that. Not yet.
Tav’s chest rattled with a rough exhale, and he dropped his head. “I’m not asking you to wait for me, Con.”
A bitter thought occurred to me then, tearing through my muscle and sinew until my brain synapses fired alarm bells. “Has anyone touched you?” My voice came out more demanding than I intended. I brushed my thumb along his split lip. “Sexually, I mean. Have you let anyone have you since me, Tav?”
He shook his head immediately, eyes wide. “No, Con. And before Collar—” He bit the inside of his cheek. “It’d been a long time.” As if to emphasize his point, he said again, “Long.”
I cupped the side of his neck and brushed my lips over his. “And that’s the way it will stay, until I tell you otherwise.”
His eyes fell to half-mast. I couldn’t read what that meant. He nodded, and then said, “When’ll otherwise come?”
I rubbed my thumb along the stubble on his jaw where a bruise had yellowed.
“If I had my way, otherwise would never come.” There, that was as close to my true feelings as I thought he could take.
And even that seemed too much to him. He stepped out of my grip, retreated on his heels until he stood a few feet away from me, which felt like miles.
He propped his hands on his hips and stared at the floor.
Finally, his gaze went the clock, and he swore softly. “I need to go.”
I had to let him. I had to watch as he gathered his clothes and dressed and stood at my door lacing up his boots. When he walked out, he didn’t make false promises about when he’d see me again.
As the door closed behind him, I couldn’t forget the image of him standing in front of me with the knife. That was all he’d had, and he was ready to fight. Meanwhile, I had unlimited resources at my disposal. I didn’t have to bring a knife to a gunfight for Tav. I could bring a nuclear bomb.
With my cooling cup of coffee in front of me, I pulled out my phone and began to fire off some messages.
Tav’s secrets would be mine soon, enough to get him to crack the rest of the way.
Because I was done seeing the pain lurking behind his eyes or the physical manifestation of trouble on his skin.
What was the point of all I’d built the last ten years if I couldn’t save one broken man who’d stolen my heart?