Chapter 15 #2
Con’s breath hitched, and his hands came up, hovering near my face before he dropped them to his side. His exhale wafted across my face, minty with a hint of coffee. “I’m sorry—”
“Because this is your fault!” I shouted now, right in his face, and he didn’t stop me or push me away.
“It’s your fault that I can’t sleep. That I can’t eat.
That someone calling me ‘Husk’ makes me want to tear off my fucking skin.
” I raked my other hand down my chest, fingers curled into claws.
The pain centered me, and only then did my energy flag.
I loosened my grip on his throat, unable to take my eyes away from his reddened skin, the consequence of me losing my temper.
I let my hand slip down to grasp at his shirt.
I couldn’t shout anymore. My throat felt like it’d been carved with razor blades.
My head pounded, and I was pretty sure I was two seconds away from my knees buckling.
Needles pricked at the back of my eyes. Was I about to cry?
I hadn’t cried in years. I couldn’t look at Con anymore as I said the last thing I needed the say.
Because surely he’d kick me out now. “You made me remember Tav. You made me miss him. You made me want to be him again just so I could be with you.” I heaved a breath. “I wish I could hate you for that.”
My voice cracked just as the muscles in my right thigh decided to give out.
I would have hit the floor on my hip if Con didn’t reach out and wrap me in his strong arms before lowering both of us to the floor.
And as he shoved my face into his neck, he spoke in that confident Con voice that only held a bit of a tremor.
“I’m sorry. I’ll never call you that again.
I’m so sorry.” He spoke into my hair as he dropped kisses along my temple, my ear, and the side of my neck.
I shook in his hold, unable to process this emotional whiplash with my bruised brain.
“I’m sorry. You’re still my Tav. You’ll always be my Tav. ”
Tav. All the fight left me. My body was heavy, so so heavy, like I could sink through the floor. “I don’t understand.” I whispered.
With strength I didn’t know he had, Con lifted my weakened body from the floor and arranged me in the bed, carefully lowering my head onto the pillow.
His gentleness confused me. When my body was situated how he wanted it, and the blanket covered my naked lower half, he sat down on the edge of the bed near my hip.
He ran his hands through my hair, over my face.
Light, so light, just brushes of his fingertips.
Then he bent down and touched his lips to mine.
Gently, so as not to hurt my lip, he kissed me.
My heart beat, pumping hopeful blood into my veins, and for a moment I forgot all about the pain I was in as his lips played with mine.
He licked inside my mouth, slowly and patiently.
I’d never been kissed like that. There was no driving force, no wandering hands.
This kiss wasn’t foreplay, it was a message.
A statement. He was telling me something with this kiss, something that couldn’t be said through words alone.
And that message scared the shit out of me.
I didn’t dare let my mind even go there, too terrified that I was wrong.
When he pulled back, he cupped my neck, his thumb rubbing under my chin. “I’m saying you’re mine, Tav.”
My defenses were obliterated. I couldn’t even pretend to hide from him right now. “I belong to someone else.”
His eyes flashed pain, and then he closed them briefly. When he opened them again, they were blue-tinged steel. “Husk belongs to someone else, but Tav belongs to me.”
I squinted at him. “Maybe I don’t want to be anybody’s, Con. Did you ever think about that?”
His jaw shifted, like he was tonguing his teeth.
“I thought a lot about you. Since you last left my apartment, I thought of nothing but you. And I don’t really believe that.
I think you do want to be somebody’s. I think you want that very much.
But it’s like the rope thing, right? When I tied you to the bed? ”
I didn’t respond as emotion clogged my throat.
“So I think, it’s like that,” he continued, his fingers carding my hair and nails lightly scraping my scalp.
“You want to belong to somebody so badly, but it has to be your choice.” He was doing that thing again, the same thing he did at the bar.
Where he looked right through me and could see how brain worked.
Of course I always wanted to be somebody’s.
I didn’t know if that was right, or healthy, or even sane. But I did. More than anything.
His eyes searched mine. “Am I right?”
I was tired, oh so tired. I probably knew from the very first time Con touched me that I wanted to be his. “I don’t know how this will work. How can I give you Tav when Husk is how I survive?”
He watched me for a while, then lowered his head again, tasting my lips.
His body shifted as he deepened the kiss until he was lying beside me, and then his hand slipped down my chest, over the bandage, down to my rapidly hardening shaft under the blanket.
“Con,” I mumbled against his lips. I had nothing to hide behind, absolutely nothing. This was Tav on his bed. Only Tav.
Con placed his forehead against my temple, and I closed my eyes when his lips touched my ear. “I’ll take care of it. Trust me. Just let me have it.”
He was talking about more than my orgasm, I knew, and what a master he was, because all I could was nod. He stroked me, his rhythm perfect and just like that, I was already close.
When I came, it was silent, my mouth open, my neck arched.
I barely even registered the protesting pain in my abused ribs.
He kissed my face and my eyelids and nuzzled my lips with his.
I couldn’t open my eyes, but his lips continued down, to the cooling cum on my lower belly.
Then there was tongue, lapping, suckling, cleaning my release from my skin.
I raised my hand and blindly felt around until I touched his head.
His hair was soft on my calloused palms.
And then he was back, kissing me so I could taste my cum on his tongue.
“Open your eyes, Tav.”
It took me a minute to obey.
He smiled. “I need you to be honest with me when I ask you this next question. This is your choice. Just like the ropes, remember, this has to be your choice.”
I stayed silent. He knew now that my silence was confirmation.
“Do you want to be mine, Tav? Do you want me to be yours?”
I wanted to belong to someone, it was a need inside me I’d never shared. I’d never found a man who I wanted to give myself to, not ever.
Not until Con.
But there was so much he didn’t know. So much he couldn’t understand.
I wanted to give him everything, but Tav hadn’t kept me alive all these years.
Husk had. I couldn’t let go of him, even though my heart told me to trust Con, I couldn’t.
I clung to Husk stubbornly, like he was a knife under my pillow.
“It has nothing to do with what I want.”
He stared at me for a long time, long enough that I squirmed.
“Forget about everything outside these walls,” he cupped his hands around the outside of my eyes, like horse blinders, so all I could see was his face. “All your responsibilities, the rest of your life. If only your life in my apartment existed, do you want to be mine?”
Silence had always been my friend. My defense. When in doubt, don’t speak. I’d learned that from a young age. But Con wanted an answer here, and after all he’d given me this morning, I wasn’t sure I could refuse him. I didn’t want to refuse him.
But the words jammed in my throat, as if Husk was inside, holding them in his fist and refusing to let them go. So I bypassed him and nodded.
I had thought Con would smile at that. I thought he’d kiss me again. Maybe let me suck him, but if anything, his expression darkened and the skin around his eyes tightened. It wasn’t anger, but it was… something else, something I couldn’t read.
His hand sifted through my hair one more time before finally his expression softened. “We have a lot to talk about but just relax for now. Watch TV, chill, and heal. Can you do that for me?”
That sounded nice. Amazing. My check-in with Chen wasn’t for hours. I deserved to relax for now, right? And in Con’s apartment, with his steady, dominating presence, I could almost believe it would last.