Chapter 32 #2
Ben crossed his arms over his chest as his eyes sharpened, and not in a good way.
“I just spent two days scouring this city for your ass. I didn’t sleep.
I didn’t eat, and I probably gave myself an ulcer.
I normally let you be a dick, because it amuses me and deep down I know you love me.
But today, I’m going to be real with you say, fuck you, Conrad.
Fuck. You.” His chest heaved, and his blue eyes glistened.
“I know you’re beat to shit, but don’t act like we didn’t go through hell with you. ”
I sucked in a breath as his words stung worse than the pain in my ribs. I forced myself to look into Ben’s eyes and see the pain there. I sank down onto the couch, wincing as my ribs protested. “I’m sorry.”
Ben’s hands dropped loosely to his sides. “Okay.”
“I didn’t think from your perspective. I’ve been—”
“Feeling sorry for yourself?” Ben raised an eyebrow.
“Maybe.” I dropped my head in my hands. “Fuck, I hate feeling like this. And you don’t deserve my anger.”
Ben sat on the couch with me. Nik joined us on a chair. Ben propped his arm on the armrest. “I know I don’t. It’s not for the weak, being your friend.”
“Amen,” Nik muttered.
“Tav tapped out by the way,” Ben dug in. “In case you didn’t notice.”
I turned my head toward the gym. I had assumed he was there, but now I realized no sound came from the room. I went rigid, which sent my muscles into painful spasms. “What? Where the hell is he?”
“At his sister’s,” Nik said. “Because you’re insufferable.”
“Shit,” I fumbled for my phone, but Ben snatched it from me.
“He’s fine. He’s coming back. He needs a break. So leave him alone.”
I winced. “Is he mad at me?”
“Tav? Mad at you?” Ben scoffed. “No.”
It made sense, actually, for him to go see Amara. He had told me that she’d been kept in the dark about the events of the last few days. Speaking of…
“What’s the latest on Devlin?” I asked Nik.
“Cameron took him east. Somewhere in Jersey. Dropped him off with some money. He’s a mess—broken jaw and shit. He’ll need surgery. He’s not going to be doing much of anything for a while.”
I nodded, feeling an ache in my own jaw. “Make sure his medical bills are paid for.”
“On it.”
Devlin’s entire stronghold in Detroit was nothing but a power vacuum. Soto would step in, for now, until we could sort out all the different players. It would be messy, and I was sure that there would be someone chomping at the bit to take Devlin’s place. I’d deal with them when the time came.
“We have it all taken care of,” Nik said, as if he knew where my mind was heading. “Just heal.”
I hadn’t really spoken to Ben and Nik since I’d been back at my apartment. They’d stopped by here and there, but I’d been half out of it most of the time. But now, I was fully conscious and alert. “And Lary?”
“He’s free and clear. Gave him some money that he tried to refuse, but then Tav had a word with him. They’ll keep in touch.”
That eased my mind. I knew Tav had a fondness for the old man.
I sighed, “You were right, by the way. Both of you.”
Ben’s eyebrows nearly disappeared into his perfect hairline. He blinked and then cupped his palm around his ear. “I’m sorry, what did Conrad Stafford just say to me? That I was right about something?”
I threw a pillow at him. “I sometimes think you’re right.”
“Oh, but it’s rare, my friend. So please, enlighten me on what I was so right about.”
“Devlin,” I answered. “And how I couldn’t have changed him.”
Ben’s humor fled as he studied me. “Nik told me what state Devlin was in after they rescued you. And I don’t think it was because Tav beat the shit out of him. He tried to fuck you mentally, and you turned that around on him, didn’t you?”
I pressed my lips together. “I think we both did some damage to each other. But yes, I finally realized Devlin had always thought I was someone else. Some idealized version of me who could give him what he wanted. And I never could have. When I told him that, when I burst that bubble in his head, I think that snapped something in him.”
Ben nodded. “And you? Did it snap something in you?”
“Yes,” I said. “Yes, it did.”
“Finally,” he muttered.
“Silver lining to getting snatched off the street and tossed in a cage.”
Ben barked a laugh. “Fuck’s sake.”
“And hey Ben?”
“What?”
“I’ll invest in Collar. To get it renovated.” I was going to gild the stool where Tav had sat in gold.
His eyes shone as he scoffed. “I don’t want your money.”
But he was grinning a stupid grin, and I felt twenty pounds lighter.
Ben and Nik stayed for a few more hours, finally leaving me alone. I tried to sleep on the couch, but all I could think about was Tav. I typed and deleted approximately one hundred messages to him and had bitten my lip to hell by the time the door beeped and he stepped inside.
He looked as good as always, so handsome with his haircut and his tight T-shirt stretched across his muscled chest. As he eyed me and drew closer, a sweet scent followed him. Like cake. I sniffed. “Why do you smell like sugar?”
“Holden and I made a cake while Amara napped.” He leaned a hip on the island counter and crossed his arms over his chest. “How are you feeling?”’
I stepped closer, and he eyed me warily, like I was a rattlesnake ready to bite. “I’ve been a nightmare, haven’t I?”
He blew out a breath, and his shoulders relaxed a fraction. “A fucking terror, Con.”
“I’m sorry for being an asshole.” Tav opened his mouth, maybe to protest about my sorries, but I had to get this out. “I thought that was a boring enough apology that you’d let it skate.”
He narrowed his eyes. “It’s toeing the line.”
I felt my lips curl into a smile. “Good enough.” I reached for him, wrapping my hand around his hip, but he didn’t sway closer to me, just watched me as I struggled to express myself.
“I’m in pain, but that’s something I can handle.
My frustration lies in being unable to work properly.
I can’t take care of myself. I need to rely on you or Ben or Nik, and I haven’t relied on anyone in decades.
I want to hold you. I want to fuck you. I’m impatient, and I want it all now.
” I stared at a random spot on the wall beyond his shoulder as I realized all he’d done for the last few days, how I’d felt safe enough to be an asshole, because I trusted Tav to stay with me through it.
“And most of all, I keep thinking about how I was only there for a day, and you were there for a week. And when he let you go, was anyone there to take care of you?”
Tav’s neck jerked at that, like he hadn’t expected my train of thought to go there. He frowned. “Con, that had nothing to do with you—”
“Was there? Anyone?” I snapped.
“No,” he answered. “He dropped me off in an apartment with a mattress and told me I had a fight in a week.”
I let the pain roll through me. “Fuck him.”
“That doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is you took care of me after the Shock fight, and now I’m taking care of you.
And there isn’t a tally where we need to be even.
We’ll take care of each other as much as it takes.
That’s who we are, aren’t we?” His hand cupped my cheek and his brows furrowed. “Why’re you shaking, Con?”
I was. My whole body. And not because I was in pain, but because this was all so much.
His words. This crash of adrenaline now that Devlin was dealt with.
The absence of guilt that I’d clung to like a security blanket for ten years.
Because in place of that guilt was a warmth that terrified me, that felt so fucking full that I could burst with it.
“I love you.”
Tav’s body stilled. His only movement was to curl his fingers into my cheek as his eyes bored into mine. “What?” He breathed.
“I love you, Tav. So fucking much I feel like my skin could split.”
His chest heaved. “Con.”
“Kiss me.”
“Your lips are still swollen.”
“I don’t care.”
“Con—”
“Kiss me.” His lips touched mine, just a brush, a tease. I dug my fingers into his hip. “I’m sorry this isn’t romantic.”
“Oh fuck off.” His laughter warmed my skin. “I don’t want romance. I want my tongue in your mouth.”
The pain in my lips was barely there as I parted my lips. His tongue slipped inside, licking across my tongue, over my teeth, claiming me in a way only Tav could. He kissed like he’d die without me, and I kissed him back like I’d die without him.
“I love you,” he murmured, his lips all over my cheeks, my neck, my shoulder. “We’re going to do this, Con. You and me.”
“Forever,” I whispered.
And I felt his smile against my skin.