22. Rylie Rose
Chapter 22
Rylie Rose
I stood in front of the mirror, breathing heavy. My pupils were dilated and my hair was a tangled mess. The light above shed light of the smeared and jagged lines of makeup along with my bloodshot eyes. My reflection looked haunted, I didn’t look soft and sweet, not even desirable. I was ruined because Octavio hadn’t reached out, no calls to even ask if I was okay.
I slapped the marble sink with both palms. I gripped the edge until my knuckles turned pale. I tried my hardest to refrain from smashing my head into the mirror until it shattered. My mind was reeling somewhere between the nights of me parked outside his house, between the extra key I secretly had made. His shirts that I stole, and the small cameras that I didn’t end up setting up in his home. I lost my grip on being reasonable with Octavio. I wanted to be normal, but every time I tried, shit didn’t go how the fuck I wanted it to.
“YOU WENT TOO FUCKING FAR!!!” I yelled at myself in the mirror.
“I didn’t mean to scare him…” I whispered; my voice trembled.
“I just love him so fucking much, how the fuck am I supposed to get him to see it?” My eyes twitched.
My mascara ran down my cheeks in black rivers. I grabbed my forearm and started to dig until I felt pain. The pain indicated that my current situation was now my reality. Why can’t I just have him? I just want to feel close to him, why the fuck is that so wrong? Your messing shit up! Ry Ry talked lowly in my head. I knew I fucked up, and maybe it was me not taking my medication. I hadn’t heard her voice in a while. I knew she wasn’t real, my doctor told me whenever I heard her voice, I should be prompted to take my medication.
I didn’t want to take it and then sleep all day. Perhaps sleep was something that I needed. The time I spent with Octavio was so good to me…he was the closest thing to normalcy for me. I dropped my head and grabbed my chest, that’s where I felt it. I could feel the unbearable obsession and ache of him, it felt alive. I was the perfect woman for Octavio. I learned him, everything about him without him having to tell me.
What he ate, how he folded his shirts, his sleeping pattern and how he had nightmares. I loved him in ways even he didn’t understand about himself. And still, he pushed me the fuck away. Why push something so authentic away? I was here to protect and feed his soul with love.
“I’m going to have to make him see more!” I stated a little too loud.
I dropped my head and shook it hard at myself. I can’t think or feed myself the violent way of doing things. It’s not right, it’s not how I’m supposed to act. It’ll just make things worse. I redecorated his house a little too soon, that freaked him out. I got too excited; days passed by with him talking to me and treating me like I always dreamed of being treated. The sex was the best I’ve ever had like I imagined it to be with him and I thought to do something special by redecorating.
The look on his face when he got home that day haunted me. I disappointed and scared him all in one. All he could think to say was to ‘get out’. There has to be a better way. A way that doesn’t make him flinch when our eyes meet to indicate that I’m not overdoing this. If I want him to love me, I have to become the dream…His dream.
“Maybe I should wait…just a little…let him miss the sex and my presence…I need subtlety…more devotion, less obsession. Make him chase me,” I murmured to myself, getting frustrated with what I said.
I didn’t want to wait for him to chase me, I was an unforgettable person with my beauty and confidence alone! I smiled at my reflection and cringed at the way it stretched my face. It looked wide and terrifying.
“But he should have seen the way that I look at him.” I mumbled to myself again.
“No other bitch looks at him the way that I do…nobody adores him like me. He should feel this shit…I’d die just to protect him! Why run from this?” I bit into my bottom lip until I tasted blood.
I forced myself to back up, only to stumble back close to the mirror again. My reflection looked like a deranged, desperate monster. I usually took pride in how the hell I looked. I had been in the house for days now, I didn’t know where the hell Syren was at. She would have forced me to eat and take my medication. It felt like I had no will to do anything.
I hated the red eyes, my smeared bloody lips, and my hair…I hated to neglect it because I took pride in it being real. I stared at myself for a very long time, never taking my eyes off the different phases that I went through in front of the mirror. I felt shameful that I couldn’t control it all, but I accepted me for me. It’s not my fault that people have a hard time seeing the beauty in me. It’s also not my fault that Octavio called himself stressing me the fuck out.
“Love…” I thought back to what all my mom told me about love and how she felt that love between her and my father.
“Love is…memorizing; the rhythm of his walk, the cadence of his voice like when he says thank you to complete strangers. Love is knowing what makes him sad, even if he’ll never say it out loud. Love is sacrifice, peeling off pieces of yourself and laying them at his feet. Smiling, even when it hurts. Love is watching him touch another woman then forgiving him before he even knows he’s made a mistake?—”
“Fuck that! I’ll kill him and her, if he plays with me like dad played with mom!” I yelled; my voice echoed off the bathroom slick walls. I tilted my head, my eyes glossed over with fire and devotion as my throat tightened.
“Love is protecting him even from himself. From his own bad choices and from people who don’t deserve to breathe the same air as him…like that bitch Yani! Gutter rat!” I snapped at my reflection like it was her staring back at me.
“Even if he hates me for protecting him from the wrong kind of people, I will! Dammit, Octavio.” I sighed.
“I love you more than any sane woman could…” I whispered.
I imagined him standing in front of me, really taking in each word I spoke.
“If you can’t feel all of what I’m saying yet, then you don’t know what the fuck love is! I’m going insane because of you! I am the definition, of devotion! Of loyalty and worship! I am what they should write about in all of those Authoress Masterpiece books!” My fists slammed against the edge of the sink.
I gasped and winced out in pain. I took one quick look at my bruised knuckles and sighed harshly.
“One day…you’ll understand this love…this so-called sickness that you speak of me having…you’ll see that it’s the fucking truth…you will see that I’d never lie.” I took my index finger and wiped at my bottom lip.
I used the blood on my fingertip to draw two small hearts on the mirror smeared with my blood. I’m the definition, he knew it like I did…it’s why he didn’t put me out right away. He put me out because he was ashamed to admit to it in front of his brothers. It hurt my feelings that he wanted to conceal me. I refused to be hidden just because he wasn’t comfortable with himself.
“Pull yourself together…You are Rylie Rose! The most beautiful flower in the world,” I whispered to my reflection in the mirror.
“He’s just scared, and he doesn’t get it yet. He doesn’t know what we could be…but he’ll see one day. Love like this doesn’t die…it just can’t.” I managed to force a smile.
I moved forward and placed a kiss against the cold mirror as I promised myself to get him to understand.
“I’ll be softer next time, sweeter with him.” I coached myself.
I just want to be close; I just want to love him the way no one else ever could! I listened to Ry Ry’s plea and even as she spoke the words in my head, I knew that a part of it wasn’t real and may not come true. I knew that I didn’t know how to love in halves. I only knew how to consume… I didn’t just want Octavio…I needed him. I couldn’t tell if five minutes or an hour had passed, but then I heard the front door. It cracked through my fog and snapped me back to reality.
My head snapped toward the sound as I rasped out Syren’s name. I quickly left out of the bathroom and rushed down the hallway. Syren was slumped like a ragdoll on our pink velvet couch. Her pale skin was blotched with bruises. One eye was swollen nearly shut, her lip was split with crusted dry blood. Syren’s chest barely rose above her torn blouse. Before I said anything, I froze up as I went through a series of internal emotions.
“Who the fuck? Tell me now, I’ll kill them.” I growled out.
Syren didn’t speak, she groaned as tears rolled down her bruised-up cheeks. The closer I got to her the more I saw in detail of how bad she got beaten. It reminded me of the time her ex nearly killed her for lying about being a man at birth. Syren spent two weeks in the hospital from that incident. It took me seconds to slit his fucking throat.
The air left my lungs in one violent exhale. I dropped to my knees in front of her.
“Oh my God, Syren! Please talk to me.” I eyed her rib cage.
Her shirt had soaked up most of the blood from that area. Hesitantly, I lifted the bottom of her shirt and fell back on my ass. Her stomach had stitches, it looked debauched.
“Who the fuck?” I murmured.
Her one good eye opened halfway, cloudy and tired.
“I-I just wanted to come home.” She slurred.
I crawled to her then pressed my hand to her face gently.
“You are home, Syren…I’m sorry for leaving but you have got to tell me who did this.” I demanded; my throat got tight with panic as I forced my voice to sound a little soothing.
I could feel myself getting ready to spiral. The room started to spin around us. I didn’t know where to place the guilt that surged up inside of me. I had been locked into my own world trying to obtain Octavio. While my Syren was out there getting torn apart by someone. What the fuck has she gotten herself into? She’s hiding something from me…
“I’ve been lying to you since I’ve met you. I’m sorry but you’re so perfect, Rylie Rose. My father… Robert Herringbone was all I had…” She coughed up blood violently.
“It’s okay, take your time…hold on; let me get my phone and call for help. You need to get to a hospital.” I attempted to stand up but was held back by Syren weakly grabbing my index finger to hold me back.
“Don’t…I don’t want help. I’m tired…My purse, I have pain shots…Morphine…get it and inject me please.” Each word she spoke was slow and strained.
I snatched her purse from beside her and dumped the contents out. I eyed the makeup bag, pepper spray, and crumpled receipts until my eyes landed on a small black case. I unzipped it with shaky hands. Inside was three prefilled syringes of Morphine. There was alcohol and cotton balls with a note that said… in case it gets bad again… My throat closed up as I eased up to sit on the couch beside her.
I grabbed Syren’s hand and rolled up her sleeve. The bruises on her arm told a story that I wasn’t there to stop, and it made me sick to the core. My hands couldn’t stop trembling as I uncapped the needle.
“My other father…step father…” She muttered.
“He took one of my kidneys.” Syren’s eyes fluttered.
“He said I needed to learn what sacrifice looked like… He stated that a woman’s body is only useful when it gave.” She coughed violently.
My hands shook harder, the needle clinked against the vial as I tried to guide it with tears blurring my sight. My skin felt too tight, like it was trying to contain all the rage that was bubbling inside of me.
“Please, hurry…the pain is?—”
“I’m trying baby…trying not to snap.” I rushed the words out.
Finally, I slid the needle into her arm as steadily and gentle as I could. Her body flinched and she sighed immediately. I held her limp hand in mine as her breathing softened.
“Impurity,” she said his name and my ears perked up.
“He killed my mother out of jealousy… My father never loved my mother, he only used her to conceive me. I refused to expose my face to the news as the person responsible for rebuilding Arkville. I want no parts in that anymore after I saw what a true monster Impurity really is. He wants all of his kids dead after one of them left him for dead. I still don’t know what happened to Robert, my father. I’ve been going along with whatever Impurity instructed me to do until he cut my kidney out while I remained awake…It was the—worse thing that I have ever had to endure?—”
“Did you…” I paused to get my temper under control.
“You asked for Octavio’s address…did you…attempt to turn against me…for…Impurity.” I dropped her hand as if it was poison then stood up.
“I kept this all from you…because?—”
“Shut the fuck up! Don’t give me any excuses! You wanted to hurt my man? You know how much love and devotion I have for him, Syren! How would that make me look to him and my in laws?!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.
“Please, I don’t have much time! Call Octavio and tell him to come here. I’ll tell them everything they need to know! They won’t be able to find Impurity without me!” Syren’s pleas fell upon death ears.
The last time Ry Ry exploded inside of me it was bad. I was only thirteen when she became enraged from a stranger hitting my pet dog off the road and killing it. Right now, it felt like a small crack behind my eyes, a whisper of pressure as I could witness Ry Ry’s shadow pacing back and forth in the front of my skull. I was already spiraling, teetering on the edge of something dark and dangerous.
I heard Syren say Octavio’s name again, and something inside of me snapped.
“You tried to set him up?” I asked again.
I blinked at her, hoping that I was hearing all of this shit wrong.
“You tried to ruin my soulmate?” My voice didn’t feel like my voice, it was too calm and flat, like the calm before the hurricane arrived.
“I didn’t mean to, I thought he had a hand in killing Robert, my father! They are all dangerous, can’t you see how I look!” She tried to yell but her voice cracked.
“Not my Octavio.” I shook my head, trying to rid the voice that was now loud and clear inside of my head.
“They all are! Look what Impurity did to me! He will do it to anyone that gets in the way!”
“Shut up,” I whispered but it came out strangled.
KILL HER! Ry Ry’s voice hissed, cold and sharp. She was me but more twisted, unforgiving, and cold. I accepted her as being the part of me that I couldn’t let take control or things would always end up bad. She betrayed you, she deserves this shit! She thinks she knows us better than you. KILL HER! My breath hitched. I took a step back, then a step forward. I clutched my head then dug my nails into my scalp. I wanted to rip the voice out with force before I acted out on what it was telling me to do.
“Stop, I love Syren…she’s my best friend!” I growled to the voice.
“I’m trying to save you, Rylie Rose! Take your medicine, and call Octavio please.” Syren cried out.
I screamed violently, so loud that it stung my ears.
“YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I NEED! YOU NEVER DID!” I howled as my hands flailed through the air.
Before I could stop myself, I walked toward the end table and knocked over a glass lamp. Glass shattered across the hardwood floor. I couldn’t feel shit, I was no longer inside of my body, I was now watching myself unravel. Syren fell to the floor and slowly moved herself across the room.
“Please, it was a mistake!” She spoke as she kept dragging her weak body across the room.
“I didn’t know what I was getting myself in, but I know that they are all dangerous men! You don’t know him the way that you think you do!” She whimpered out.
“I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM!” I screamed again, my voice was torn and unrecognizable.
“I WATCH HIM! I FEEL HIM, I brEATHE FOR HIM, AND YOU TRIED TO HURT HIM, BITCH!” KILL HER! I was losing control of myself and the voice I fought hard to stay in control but was losing the battle. I stomped toward the kitchen; when I got there, I snatched the drawer open. I could feel the cool weight of a knife, I could already imagine the scene before it happened. Her blood on my hands, her being gone and Octavio being safe.
My legs wouldn’t move. I dropped to my knees instead then slammed my fists against the floor as I screamed then clawed at my throat.
“Please stop! Everybody deserves to be forgiven!! Get out of my head! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!” I cried desperately then stopped when I heard his voice…my medicine, my cure.
“Rylie Rose, I’m on the way baby, calm down.”
He called me baby, he cared about me. I lifted my head, and it was Syren with my phone in her hand. In seconds, I was being held in her arms tightly, we both cried in each other’s arms. I pulled away from her to look her in the eyes.
“I love you…but you can’t ever hurt him. I’ll die for him, go to hell for him…If I ever have to choose between you and him…” My voice trailed off as another sob took me.
“It’ll always be him.” I finished off my sentence.
“I know.” Syren stated lowly, a soft sob escaped her lips as we waited for Octavio, my savior and soulmate, to arrive.