Chapter 55
CHAPTER
FIFTY-FIVE
JULIAN
Maddie and I sit on the beach watching the sunset in silence. We’re kindred spirits these days. Both heartbroken fools. Even though Fredrick was a total douche, she loved him. That’s the thing about Maddie. She loves fast, and she loves hard. That explains why she’s been engaged so many times. Unfortunately, guys in her circle are like sharks looking for their next meal. Maddie is a big catch, and people often take advantage of her. She needs someone like me to look after her. I’m considering expanding the Decker Agency beyond sports to include actors like Maddie who need help, guidance, and protection, too.
So even though Fredrick was a horrible person, and this breakup is a good thing for her, it still stings. I feel for her. If she feels a fraction of the pain I’m feeling, she’s a stronger person than me because I’m a shell of a man.
I’m the tinman functioning without a heart, the scarecrow without a brain, and don’t have an ounce of the lion’s courage in me. Maddie is my Dorothy, the eternal optimist, telling me it will be okay. She’s been down this yellow-brick road before, and even though it sucks, there’s hope at the end. If only there was a wizard who could fix me. Fuck. Twelve days in LA and I’m thinking in movie metaphors now.
We’ve stayed busy, because in LA, you can always find someone clamoring for a piece of you. But our cheerful facade and partying are merely a front to hide the pain. Tonight, we decide to face the pain head on. Stay home. Watch the sunset. Get drunk and numb it all. And vow to move on tomorrow. New book. New chapter.
“Do you really think she did it for revenge?” Maddie asks.
I shrug my shoulders. I don’t want to accept it, but there isn’t another logical explanation. It had to be her.
I miss her so much I consider forgiving her. But my heart and head are at war. Is this how it feels when your partner cheats and you decide to work it out? The problem with that? You can’t have total trust again. You’ll always have a fragment, a sliver of doubt, questioning their honesty. I can’t live that way.
“Are you going to keep writing?” I enjoy it, but never as much as when I was collaborating with Harper. I’ve never felt more alive. Maybe it was the process. Maybe it was her. Either way, I’m not sure I want to write a book as a solo author again. I’m still unsure how my romance writing will affect my business. Will athletes still want to work with me? My agency. In a world where testosterone reigns, this side gig is not typically associated with masculinity. And while my head says I shouldn’t allow other’s judgement to matter, my heart cares. Another head and heart conflict.
“Dunno. I can’t imagine writing a happily ever after, that’s for sure.”
“Sometimes you’re grateful for the happily for now, you know.” Maddie pulls her knees up to her chest and rests her chin there. As we sit on the sandy beach, she brings the bottle of wine to her lips and takes a long, satisfying swig. I can’t let her drink alone, so I put my bottle of bourbon to my lips and take a generous gulp. Heartbreak drinking doesn’t deserve glasses.
“That was Harper’s take on our book couple. She didn’t want to imagine their story past the last page, and I wanted to know they were forever.” We battled back and forth on that point, and I gave in because I was happy in the now with her. I was willing to give her way a try. Look where that got me.
“Forever is a lie they sell in Hollywood.” Her snarky, drunk philosophy sounds wrong coming from the champion of love. Although, she's got a point. I’ve lost my one great love. Forever.
“Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” Maddie’s chipper voice calls out. How can she be so cheery and bubbly when my head is swimming and my mouth feels like cotton? Last night I passed out on the couch, never finding the strength to make it to my bed. “I made you coffee, turned on SportsCenter, and charged your phone. You need to face today like a boss. New chapter, remember?”
“What happened to you?” This is the Maddie of our youth. The bright, fun, outgoing girl who commands a room. Not the sad actress on the beach from yesterday. And while I’m happy to see she’s bouncing back, I wish she’d do it somewhere else. I’m not there yet.
“Nothing. Just starting a new chapter. Isn’t it exciting? It’s like I can reinvent myself again.” She claps and hops on the counter, her legs swinging off the edge.
“Not really. I have writer’s block,” I mumble and pull the throw blanket over my head. I tune out her laughter and concentrate on getting my thoughts in order. There’s an interview with Logan Swindell on in the background. It’s a fluff piece, and he eats those up. I hear him say something about reading a book, and I sit up. Logan never reads.
“Where’s the remote?” I feel around for it in the cushions.
“What?” Maddie asks, confused.
“The remote!” She picks it up and tosses it to me. I hit rewind to catch what I missed.
“What do you do to relax between games?” the female reporter asks.
“I’m like any other guy, really. I go out with friends, binge watch Netflix, and read,” Logan answers. Why is he lying? There’s nothing to gain with this. What’s he up to?
“Really. Any book recommendations?” she asks.
“Well, I just finished this book by Priscilla Jenkins and JB Moore that came out yesterday. Couldn’t put it down. And the ending? Chef’s kiss.”
“We’ll add book reviewer to your impressive resume,” she jokes. Her flirty laughter fills the room.
Did I hear that correctly? Harper finished our book and published it? She was working on it, but I would’ve thought with everything that happened she wouldn’t have the heart to finish it. Well, apparently, she wasn’t too heartbroken to work. Good for her. I’m not surprised. She cared more about the project than she cared about me.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact Logan read a book. Especially that book.
“Is that the book you were writing with Harper?” Maddie asks.
“Yep. Guess she got it done. She’s driven, that’s for sure. Leave it to her not to miss a goal.” The bitterness doesn’t sit right, and I swallow it down. “I’m going for a run.”
After a long run and an extra-hot shower, I sit down to face my workday. With the time difference, it’s already late afternoon in New York, so I have a full day’s worth of emails to respond to. There are the usual contract approvals and list of potential new clients. Nothing out of the ordinary until I open an email from a client telling me how much he loved my book.
My family group chat is all a twitter about the book, too. Did they all read it? Even Alexander?
Well, good for her. At least Harper can say she’s published now. And surprisingly, I’m not angry about it. Maybe Maddie’s right. New day, new frame of mind.
During our daily check-ins, Patrick hasn’t mentioned JB Moore, which is making me a bit suspicious. He asks if I can go to the LA basketball game tonight because one of our clients, Derrick Johnson, needs some face time with me. Sure. Why not? I’ll take Maddie. She likes those courtside seats. The focus in this city is more on being seen rather than the actual game, and I can work with that.
At halftime, the courtside reporter stops Derrick on his way to the locker room. “Derrick, you’re on fire tonight. What’s giving you the extra motivation and energy?”
“Man, I’m reading this romance book about a hockey player, and I’m hoping they’ll write one about me next. It’s LA, and I’m auditioning, baby!” The crowd goes wild as he bounces on his toes in a circle, his hands in the air encouraging the cheers.
Maddie laughs and bumps shoulders with me. I do my best to control my eye roll. The Jumbotron could flash to us any second, so I need to remain neutral.
“Seems I need to read this book and see what all the fuss is about,” she teases.
“Don’t bother,” I mumble.
After the game, we go home, and I turn on the TV. I need comedic relief, so I find one of the late-night shows. Caleb Lyman, star safety for the Lonestars, is telling a humorous story about team travel and away games. I’m doomscrolling on my phone while he chats with the host about fans waiting outside hotels and fire alarms being pulled.
“No, really, that happens. Last night, I was in my hotel room reading this romance novel about a hockey player and his dog walker, and the fire alarm went off. I thought for sure it was because of the hot scene I was reading. I was definitely invested.”
The host laughs and holds up a copy of the book as the camera zooms in. “You heard it here first, folks. Caleb Lyman loves a hot romance.”
“And my wife likes it when I read them too,” Caleb adds. “It brings us together. Like the couple in this book. The ending was not what I expected. But it makes you a believer in forever love, that’s for sure.”
“We’ll be back and play a game that will cool you off, Caleb,” the host says, and the show cuts to an ad for acid relief. Which is exactly what I need right now because my stomach is rolling.
Forever love? That’s not the way it ends, but if you aren’t used to the genre, you might think a happily for now is forever.
Maddie comes in from the terrace, a bounce in her step. “I’ve got an audition for a Broadway play. I’ve always wanted to do Broadway. Tomorrow, I’m going to New York, and you’re coming too. We’re on this journey together. This new chapter is looking up!”
“I don’t want to go,” I mumble, sounding like a petulant toddler.
“I don’t care what you want, you don’t have a choice. I need to pack.” Her tone is emphatic, and I know better than to argue. She’ll win, so why bother fighting? She turns and goes to her bedroom.
And with that declaration, I’m going home.