18. Kyzen #3
Beneath the clash of wooden blades and shifting feet, I sense it moving. The steady pull of moments passing. The endless current carrying every living thing forward.
The realization comes slowly at first, then all at once.
Time isn’t like Death, Knowledge, Chaos, or Harmony. The others—me usually as well—reach for their Domains within themselves. Time is everywhere. I exist within it.
No matter how much separation Val creates between me and the way I normally access my power, he can’t touch Time itself.
It surrounds us. Threads through us.
Instead of reaching inward for my power, I call out to it. The flow beneath my feet, the pulse that lives in the ground, the seconds that stretch around me, and the heartbeats between one strike and the next.
Everything that moves through time around me, I command it to come to me rather than come out of me.
My power answers. Not in the way it normally does.
The realm shifts and Val’s movements slow while mine quicken.
It takes countless moments for a smile to fully stretch across his face.
“That’s…it…Kyzen.”
His words drag from his throat and my eyes flare. I command Time to return to where it should be, and I stumble back from the pride on his face.
My attention scans the Court. No one has noticed the fucking gravity of what’s going on over here.
“I heard you,” I mumble.
“You did,” he says, dipping his head. “With the latest power boost, that’s not a surprise.”
“It was a little distorted and slow, though.”
“That’s because you had me slowed down. From here on out, I imagine sound will come to you in whatever form you’re manipulating time.”
The air in my lungs rushes out of me and I shake my head, attempting to understand exactly what just happened.
“Did you know I could do that?”
“What exactly did you do?”
I tilt my head at the question. I know for a fact he knows the answer, but it’s like he wants me to spell it out just to make sure I actually know.
“I didn’t call upon my Domain that lives within me. I…summoned the time around me.”
He nods.
“You have always acknowledged that you are time. It’s your power. Yet you’ve never once attempted to stretch your reach and pull directly from the source.”
“I didn’t know I could,” I say, tossing my hands up.
“I know you didn’t. There are no books written on your original power. Everything Amick’s taught you over the years has come from the awareness his Domain provides him.”
I glance over at the table where he was prior to this sparring match starting. He’s no longer standing there. My brow furrows.
“How do you know that and how did you know I could do this?”
“You know how I know about Amick and his teaching,” he says, and I grunt.
Of course. He never turned his back on the creator, so I have no doubt the Messenger doesn’t mind whispering secrets and our business in his mind.
“As for how I know you could do this is because I too reach toward the realm for my power.”
Understanding dawns on me.
“Just like time, there’s always a connection. They thread through the realm itself. Through everything and everyone.”
“That’s right,” he says.
I expect him to continue immediately. Instead, he watches me.
Evaluates me. The same way he evaluates everything.
“Your brothers will never reach toward the realm for their power because they’ll never need to. Their Domains will settle and be everything they need them to be inside of them.”
My head jerks. That’s not at all what I expected him to say.
“Okay, and?”
He stares at me again.
“Knowledge has a destination. One day, Amick will become responsible for guiding information. Death is the same. Creed may avoid it for now, but eventually, he will become the pillar Hell rests upon. His Domain doesn’t merely grant him power over death.
It pulls him toward a purpose. Duality is no different.
Riven believes his path remains uncertain, but his power has already begun nudging him toward where he belongs. ”
The certainty in his voice makes me shift my feet and we hold each other’s gazes.
“Their Domains connect them to the realm through responsibility,” he adds.
I roll my shoulders.
“And mine doesn’t?”
“It does. It simply connects differently.”
I huff and stab my training sword into the dirt.
“Can you not with the riddles? Just say what you mean.”
His jaw clenches and he kicks at the ground as he gets his thoughts or decides where the fuck he was going with this conversation.
“Time exists whether realms rise or fall. Whether wars begin or end. Whether gods live or die. It serves no position, yet it serves everything. Your entire life, you’ve felt out of place in every role you’ve been placed in and that’s because time wasn’t supposed to interfere with lives the way you were made to.
That’s why you don’t like confrontation. ”
I blink as his words hit me with uncomfortable force. He’s obviously not done, though.
“Before you start assuming the Valories or the Messenger have given me knowledge into your life, I want you to know that’s not completely the case.
I’m just a being whose entire existence revolves around carrying responsibilities other people don’t fully comprehend, and I wish there had been someone around millennia ago to help me understand that. ”
My throat clogs and I tighten my hold around the handle of my sword. I understand now why he keeps staring at me the way he has been.
He’s seeing something in me that he sees in himself.
“Don’t view your power or people’s natural draw to tell you things as a curse.
It isn’t. It’s trust. Original power only comes about when the realm decides it’s needed.
The realm. Not the Valories. Not the Beginning Gods.
The realm entrusted Time to a being capable of carrying it without being consumed by it. ”
Consumed by it…
My mind can’t help but wander to all the times the darker side of me has emerged and it felt consuming. All the times it would’ve been so easy to just end who I wanted to end. Stop what I wanted to stop.
I didn’t, though. I’ve never given in fully.
I latched onto my brothers. Since her arrival and after some trial and error, I’ve searched my soul for Thayla. They’ve always pulled me back.
Or…
Did they pull me back or did my power lead me back to them?
I think maybe both.
Regardless, Val’s words settle something inside of me that’s been bothering me for some time now. Since Harriseen’s death and Ellian’s reconstruction of so many of our roles, I’ve felt…out of place.
I’ve always hated mediating, but I did it. I’d grown to the point where I was comfortable with it, and it was my contribution to the Godsdawn. Being back in the Court and helping the male Attendants hasn’t been the worst responsibility in the realm, but still, it doesn’t feel right.
I’ve been beating myself up about feeling this way. Especially with my brothers seemingly stepping into their positions without much trouble or fuss. I mean, fuck, even Creed’s been more receptive to the idea of getting Hell straight.
Nowhere has really seemed like a place for me.
It makes more sense now than ever before.
I do a double take at the small smile on Val’s face. I grunt as I kick my sword and spin it in my hand.
Enough of all that.
“We’re going to swing these things or what?” I ask.
He chuckles, getting a good grip on his as well.
“Yeah, but let’s see what you’ve got without using your power.”
Despite myself, a short breath of amusement leaves me.
Then I charge.