20. Thayla #3
Flashes of those times race across my mind and merge with moments from this past week. Val…my father is the same, yet so, so different.
He still smells the same. His voice sounds the same. Aside from the glow of power that surrounds him, he still looks the same.
I can admit I’m just as worried about him tomorrow as I am for us.
My gaze shifts from the stars to my men.
“When I think about them now, that’s not the sensation I get.
I do love and care about them. There’s no denying that anymore, and I refuse to lie to any of you about it,” I add after a breath, letting a faint huff of air leave me.
“But I don’t think of home when I think about them.
I think about the four of you. The happiest memories I have involve you.
Some moments we’re within these walls and some we’re not.
So I guess to me, home isn’t the place. It’s the people. ”
I blink my eyes repeatedly, refusing to allow any stubborn tears to escape me.
“You all are my home, and you all complete me.”
The love and devotion they have for me swim across my soul, damn near stealing the air from my lungs. Amick raises our joined hands and tilts my chin until I look at him.
“I don’t want children,” he whispers, and my lips part. “When Laney asked you earlier if you wanted a baby, my chest clenched so tight, I couldn’t breathe. Then you said no and that grip released me. You complete me.”
Before I can get a breath out, another throat clears.
“Despite the horrors and how it came about, I love how I’ve helped Ellian and Annalise create the family they’ve always dreamed of. I’d love to continue helping anyone who wants a family one day,” Creed says. “But for me, my family is complete. I don’t need to add to it.”
Kyzen reaches over Riven, laying his hand on my hips as he exhales.
“I’ve never given fatherhood much thought.
I’ve always told myself when the time to consider that comes, I’d know what I want.
And I do know. I also know what we needed growing up.
We didn’t get it. We’d do better than what we had…
but that’s not something we need to do to prove anything to ourselves just because society says we should.
I’m perfectly happy with the family we have, and honestly…
I’m so ready to simply exist with the four of you. ”
A stubborn tear slips down my cheek, and with both my hands occupied, I can’t wipe it away. That doesn’t matter, though. Riven licks it away.
“I love little mess makers so much,” he says, then blows air on the damn different kind of wet streak he left on my face.
“What I love most about them is I can give them back to their parents after I sugar them up. Between all of Annalise’s rug rats and however many bestie and her Valtrue, plus Lam-the-man and Rose pop out, I’m going to reign for centuries as the realm’s favorite and coolest uncle.
Imagine it; we get to love them with all our hearts, shower them with dangerous—cool—presents, then send them back to their parents.
That’ll be epic and we’ll never have to worry about them doing that to us. ”
I can’t help the watery laugh that escapes me. He finally releases my hand so I can actually wipe my face properly, but that doesn’t stop the relieved tears that continue to slide down my cheeks.
“So you all are really okay with this decision?”
“Yes.”
There’s no hesitation in their answer. No doubt.
The knot that’s been coiled in my stomach completely untangles and I take a full breath.
I didn’t realize until this very moment that the heaviness surrounding me didn’t come from Laney’s question or my answer.
It came from the fear that their answers would be different.
The fear that we’d be divided and someone, one of them or me, would end up hurt.
“Gods, I love you all so much.”
“We love you,” they all say and I squirm.
“You know what I also love, angel,” Riven murmurs in my ear.
“There’s no telling,” I say, laughing and groaning as he bites my damn neck.
“The process of creating babies.”
A chorus of groans answers him, along with my belly-gripping laugh.
“You walked right into that one,” Kyzen says, running his hand over his mouth to hide his smirk.
I roll my eyes so hard they practically fall out of my head.
“You’re impossible,” I say, booping Riven on his nose.
“And yet,” he says with a grin, “you love me anyway.”
“I really, really do.”
His smile softens instantly.
The stars above us continue to shimmer as the room settles into comfortable silence. Tomorrow we walk into the most dangerous place in the realm, hoping that everything we’ve done to prepare wasn’t a gamble we lose.
Tonight…
Tonight, there are no plans left to make.
No strategies left to discuss. No powers left to master.
Just us.
Riven and I move at the same time. As his lips collide with mine, Amick brushes kisses across my shoulder. Creed and Kyzen move in and warmth surrounds me until I can’t tell where one body ends and another begins.
For the first time in what feels like forever, everything feels right.