Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Tucker
My eyes blink open, and it only takes me a moment to remember where I am. In Kate’s bed.
Turning my head, I look over at her. She’s still asleep, her lips parted as quiet snores vibrate in her throat. Her hair is a tangled mess, there’s a little dried drool on her chin, and she’s so God damn beautiful, I can barely breathe.
Moving slowly, I climb out of bed while jostling her as little as possible. It’s almost eight, so I pull on my boxers and head into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Once the machine is all set up, I call my assistant to check in.
“Hey, Derek. It’s me,” I say when he answers the phone as if he didn’t already know who was calling.
“Tucker. How is everything? Ready for the wedding tomorrow?”
“It’s great. I’m having a wonderful time,” I say, my gaze darting in the general direction of Kate’s bedroom before I clear my throat. “How are things there? Anything I should know about?”
“No fires to put out and nothing that can’t wait until you get back. Everything is running smoothly. Business as usual.”
“That’s great,” I say, my unfocused eyes watching the hot, steaming coffee fill the pot.
It’s nice to know I can leave for a week, and my team can handle everything in my absence. But at the same time, it’s like, damn, does Rizzle even need me?
Right on cue with that thought, my phone beeps, alerting me to an incoming call. Pulling my phone away from my ear, I look at the screen to see it’s my dad.
“Hey, Derek, I have to go. The old man’s calling. I’ll check in with you on Monday when I’m on my way back.”
“Sounds good, boss. Talk to you soon.”
“Bye,” I say, then tap the screen to answer my father’s call. “Hey, Dad.”
“Tucker, my boy,” he says, his tone damn-near jovial. “How are you? How’s Trash Panda Island treating you?”
A laugh bursts through my lips as I say, “It’s Bush Monkey Isle, Dad, and you know it.”
The man may be in his mid-fifties, but he’s sharp as a tack. His own chuckle proves I’m right, and I shake my head.
“Bush Monkey Isle. Where does someone even come up with a name like that?”
Memories of Kate convincing me we were hunting actual monkeys flash through my mind, making me grin. She’s been a delight since the very beginning of all this. A welcomed surprise I never expected.
“It’s named after a type of flower that grows here,” I say, answering his question even though it was rhetorical.
“And Logan? Everything going well with him and Penny and the wedding festivities?” he asks.
“Everything is great,” I say. “Penny was a little under the weather yesterday, but we think it was just something she ate. Hopefully, she’ll be feeling better today.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he says. “I hope she’s okay.”
“Me, too,” I say simply.
“What time does your flight land on Monday? We need to meet with the marketing team as soon as possible to discuss the launch of the new flavors. The focus groups have garnered some very promising data.”
“Eleven-fifteen a.m.,” I say, and the corner of my mouth turns down as a heaviness settles in my chest.
“Good. I’ll set up a meeting for the afternoon so you can freshen up and grab some lunch first. I’m glad you’re having a good time, but it’ll be good to have you back. We need you here, son.”
“I spoke with Derek just before you called, and he said everything is running smoothly without me,” I say, unsure of why I’m suddenly feeling so defensive.
Like his saying I’m needed offends me, somehow.
“Sure it is, but it’s only been a few days. You have to know what an integral piece you are in our company. Your innovative ideas and attention to detail brought Rizzle to a whole new level when you took over. Plus, I miss you, kid.”
“I miss you, too, Dad,” I say, that heaviness in my chest becoming almost unbearable.
I might crumple under the weight of it.
“I have to go, but text me and let me know how everything went after the wedding. I’ll see you Monday.”
“I will. Bye, Dad.”
We end the call, and my frown deepens. I should feel great–– appreciated ––with all the praise from my father, but his kind words hit me all wrong. Why am I feeling this way?
I actually know, deep down, but I can’t admit to myself I don’t want to leave this place. It’s ridiculous. My whole life is in San Francisco. My home. My job. My family. Everything.
Except Kate.
I shake my head to dislodge the errant thought as the woman in question suddenly appears in the kitchen. She covers her mouth with the back of her hand as she yawns, then offers me a sleepy smile before shuffling closer.
“Do I smell coffee?” she asks, her voice thick and husky with sleep.
“Oh, yeah,” I say, swinging around to give her my back as I try to collect myself while pulling two mugs out of the cabinet and pouring us some coffee.
What is wrong with me? I need to get it together. I made the rules. I need to follow them.
But when I turn to hand Kate her cup, and she smiles at me with that half-awake, happy expression, something cracks in my chest. She is what’s got me all tied up in knots. I need some space to get my head on straight before I do something stupid.
Ignoring the way it scorches my throat, I down my coffee without another word, then turn to place my mug in the sink. When I turn back, Kate is staring at me with an odd look on her face.
“You okay?” she asks softly.
“Yeah,” I say, then repeat it for good measure. “Yeah. I just have to go. I need to get back to the B&B before Miss Ginny realizes I didn’t sleep there last night. And you know how she likes to gossip.”
Lies.
She stares at me for a long moment, those dark eyes laying me bare and stripping me of my inner-most thoughts and desires. Then, in a motion so slow and miniscule, I almost miss it, she nods.
I press a kiss to her cheek as I pass her on my way to the bedroom. Throwing on my clothes as quickly as possible, I head back out, ready to make my escape, but when Kate looks at me with big, frightened, doe eyes, I nearly crumple to the floor.
Stalking forward, I yank her against my chest and wrap my arms tightly around her. She’s stiff, at first, then melts into the hug before squeezing me back. Tilting her head up with a finger beneath her chin, I press a long, sweet kiss to her lips before pulling back an inch to meet her gaze.
“I’ll see you at Miguel’s in a few hours.”
The wedding party is meeting there for lunch to discuss today’s activities, assuming Penny is feeling better, of course .
“Yeah,” Kate says. “I need to get going, too. I’m meeting Penny at the bridal shop for her final fitting this morning.”
“Go on,” I say, smacking her ass playfully. “Go get ready. I can see myself out.”
She stares at me for a moment, her eyes still filled with concern over my strange behavior. I smile to reassure her, then kiss her again for good measure. That seems to calm her, and she tells me goodbye before giving me her back and heading toward her room.
Grabbing my wallet and phone from the counter, I practically sprint for the front door. Once outside, I don’t head toward the Errant Heart. Turning in the opposite direction, I go straight to Logan and Penny’s place. I’m damn-near out of breath by the time I jog up the steps to their front porch, and I take a moment to collect myself, bracing my hands on my knees while I pant.
That’s how Logan finds me, opening the door before I even have a chance to knock.
“You look like shit,” he says, stepping to the side of the doorway and motioning for me to come in.
I step inside and look around for Penny, and Logan tells me we’re alone, that his bride-to-be already left for her fitting in town this morning. I nod and collapse onto the couch, and Logan watches me closely as he takes a seat in an adjacent chair.
“What’s wrong with you?” he finally asks when I don’t offer up an explanation for my unexpected visit. “Did something happen with Kate?”
My eyes widen, and Logan’s narrow like there’s suddenly a bright neon “guilty” sign flashing across my forehead.
“You slept with her,” he says, his tone accusatory.
“I did,” I say, holding up my palms. “But we discussed everything first. I made it clear that it wouldn’t go anywhere. That there’s no chance of a relationship, and it would just be a casual fling that will end when I leave here on Monday.”
“J.T.,” he says, his voice filled with an odd mix of warning and disappointment.
“I know ,” I say. “She was a virgin, and it’s different because I was her first. But Logan, we discussed that, too. She was all-in. She wanted me to be the first, and I made it as comfortable and as satisfying as possible for her.”
“And now, she’s catching feelings, and you don’t know what to do,” he says like it’s a foregone conclusion.
“No,” I say quickly. “Not...exactly.”
He stares at me in confusion for a moment, and then I can practically see the light bulb flare to life over his head as realization dawns. “Oh, shit. Don’t tell me you’re the one catching feelings.”
“Is that so hard to believe?” I snark, feeling a bit attacked by his disbelief.
“Yes,” he says emphatically. “It is.”
Then he loses his grip on his humor, and laughter barks out of him as he throws his head back in glee.
“It’s not funny, man,” I grumble, and he looks back over at me with watery eyes.
“Yeah, J.T. It really is. ”
“Fuck this,” I murmur angrily, then start to push myself up off the couch.
“Wait, wait, wait,” he blurts, sobering and offering me an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. You’re right. It’s not funny.”
“You’re an asshole,” I reply, but there’s no heat in the words.
“Sure I am,” he agrees, “but I’m also your best friend. Talk to me. I’m ready to listen.”
I fall back against the couch cushions with a sigh. “I think I’ve been falling for her since the moment we met. Taking the sex out of the equation, completely, Kate is…God, Logan. She’s everything , man. Smart. Funny. Gorgeous. Brave. Kind. We’ve clicked from the beginning. Hell, she’s literally on the cusp of replacing you as my best friend.”
Logan huffs at that, and I offer him a grin before going on. “And the sex? Shit, man. It’s never been this way for me before. The women I’ve slept with have always been a means to an end. A pleasant way to spend a few hours and find release. But with Kate? It’s a fucking biblical experience, Lo. Unmatched in every way. What am I supposed to do with that?”
Logan just stares at me with a shell-shocked expression for several long beats as I wrap up that extended monologue. I’d laugh if I weren’t so desperate for some good advice.
“What do you want?” he asks finally.
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean, brother. What do you want? To go back to your old life like this week never happened? Or something…else? ”
I blink slowly, turning over his questions in my mind. What do I want?
I want the life I have. It’s a great one.
But I also want Kate. I don’t want this thing between us to end.
I can’t have both. It’s impossible.
How in the hell am I supposed to choose?