Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Hannibal
L ola watches Havoc leave and I fist my hands, wishing he didn’t still have such a fucking hold on her.
“He’ll never leave Nevaeh. Not for you, not for anyone,” I tell her softly, hoping the tone of my voice will soften the blow.
I might hate how much she still cares about him, but mostly, I can’t even imagine what it feels like to invoke that much loyalty in someone.
Ironic, really. After everything, I still think of her as loyal.
That brings me up short.
Everything I’ve been told about this woman portrayed her as disloyal and spoiled, but the Lola I’ve spent the last two weeks with is neither of those things.
I know instinctively she won’t betray me, and we’ve only known each other for a minute.
So what the fuck happened between her, Driller, and Havoc?
Before I can say anything, she turns slowly to face me, her face wiped clean of emotion.
But she can’t keep the pain out of her voice when she speaks.
“Don’t worry, Hannibal. I know exactly where I stand. Nobody will let me forget it.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt.”
She snorts, shaking her head incredulously.
“You are far too late to stop that from happening. But don’t worry, I’ll never give anyone that much power over me again.”
She turns away from me.
I grab her wrist and halt her movement, tugging her toward me when nosy onlookers start taking notice.
I grab her hips and hold her to me as I dip my head and skim my nose down hers.
“I didn’t like the look of longing on your face when he left,” I admit.
“You confused longing with loathing. I’ve watched that man walk away too many times, and each time, it left a mark. The club came first, always, even though it did nothing but take from him. I gave him everything. My heart, my body, even pieces of my soul, but I was always just an afterthought to him. If there was no you and no Nevaeh, no club and no Driller, there would still be no Havoc and me—not even if he got on his knees and begged. A part of me will always love Jonas, the cocky high school jock with his dimples and swagger. When he slipped on his prospect patch and became Havoc, he slowly stopped being mine and became theirs.” She moves her arm to encompass the room.
“Maybe you weren’t meant to be Havoc’s. Maybe you were always meant to be mine.” I kiss her before she can deny me.
After a moment of hesitation, she melts into me like she always does.
As the room falls silent around us, I pull back, knowing she won’t want to be on display like this.
I’d have no problem bending her over the pool table and fucking her in front of all of them, I’d have to kill them all afterward, and that would piss off Havoc.
I take in her flushed face before turning to face the room.
Most people keep their faces blank and wisely keep their feelings to themselves, but there are a few who don’t do anything to hold back their disdain.
As much as I want to rip them to pieces and set them on fire for the disrespect, I don’t want people putting on a mask around me and hiding from me.
Not until I’ve got a read on them.
“I have shit to do today, but tomorrow morning I want a full church so we can go over everything. Does anyone have any questions that can’t wait?”
When nobody says anything, I dismiss them and take Lola’s hand.
“Let’s get settled in. Then you can give me a rundown on everyone.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you.”
“Why? Your VP can tell you everything you need to know.”
I move so my lips are at her ear.
“They might be pissed at Khan now, but they were loyal to him for a lot of years, and that mindset is hard to break. But you, doll, never liked him, did you?” It’s not hard to figure out that there was no love lost between the two.
“No.” She shakes her head, a wry smile playing on her lips.
“You ever read a book or watch a movie where one of the characters can see something that nobody else can, and they all think she’s crazy? That’s how I felt about Khan. I knew he wasn’t a good guy. I had no idea why nobody else could see it. Even when he was being charismatic, it came off as fake and smarmy to me. But others lapped that shit up. I learned early on to keep my mouth shut and look pretty.”
“Something tells me you know these people better than their closest friends. I’m interested to see what your take is. Besides, you’re the only one here I trust.”
She jolts at my words, her mouth dropping open in shock.
I bite back my grin as I look over at Byte, who is off to the side still with Ferris and Elmo.
I signal for them to join us.
When Lola sees them approach, she tenses, making the grin slip from my face.
“Prez?” Byte questions, and it takes me a moment to remember that’s me now.
“Gonna get Lola settled, then I want to speak to you three so we’re on the same page before church tomorrow.”
“No problem. Do you want us to come to you or…?” He trails off as I look at Lola, but she has her head down, avoiding eye contact.
“I’ll come back. I’ll text you when I’m ready.”
I wrap my arm around Lola’s shoulder and guide her out of the room.
It isn’t until we step outside that she finally relaxes.
“You good?”
“I’m fine.”
I know that when women say they’re fine, it usually means something completely different.
But I let it slide because I want to get her away from here.
I help her into the truck and slam the door closed before walking around and climbing in the driver’s side.
I start her up and swing the truck around, heading for the far back end of the compound where I know Havoc’s place is.
I flip the radio on so the silence doesn’t feel quite so weighted and let my thoughts drift for a minute.
I have so much shit to figure out and hate not having the brothers that I trust at my back.
Looking over your shoulder every two minutes will get old fast. I look over at Lola, who is looking out the passenger side window, and wonder if that’s how she feels every day.
When we pull up, I turn off the engine and sit for a moment before reaching for Lola’s hand.
She turns to face me and I see the color has drained from her face.
“Jesus. You okay?”
She shakes her head before letting go of my hand and fumbling with the door.
I jump out and run around to help her.
I open the door, and she all but throws herself out, her legs giving way as she drops to her knees and starts heaving.
I grab a handful of her hair to hold it out of her way as she starts puking before bending down and rubbing my hand up and down her back in what I’m hoping is a soothing matter.
Once she’s finished, she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and looks up at me with flushed cheeks, clearly embarrassed.
“Sorry.”
I reach down and scoop her up into my arms. “Nothing to be sorry for, doll. Pregnancy can be unpredictable, and you’ve had a rough time of it lately.”
She doesn’t argue this.
She wraps her arm around my neck and buries her head under my jaw.
I carry her up to the house before I curse.
“I need to get the keys.”
“It’s open.”
“What do you mean, it’s open?”
She shrugs.
“Driller wouldn’t let me lock it. Said it was safe on the compound and that if I was in danger, the locked door could make all the difference between being saved and being killed.”
In theory, he’s right.
The house should be safe on the compound, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t take precautions.
“From now on, you lock it when I’m not here.”
“I don’t have a key. Driller took it off me. If the door was locked, I wasn’t allowed in.”
“What the fuck? This is your home.”
“It’s not, Hannibal. It’s just a house.”
She reaches out and twists the knob before pushing the door.
It opens a crack, so I push it open farther with my foot.
I take in the sparse surroundings and know what she means now about this place just being a house, not a home.
There's nothing inviting about this space. The whole room is virtually bare.
Instead of putting her down, I carry her upstairs to the bedroom and sit her on the edge of the bed. Gazing around the room, I frown. The bed has been stripped, clothes are thrown around the floor, and a box near the foot of the bed is smashed to pieces.
I bend down and pick up a man’s T-shirt that’s been shredded. “What the fuck?”
“Driller.”
“What?”
“Driller must have come back after I left. Good thing I didn’t come back alone, huh?” she says quietly.
Standing up, she walks to the attached bathroom and closes the door. After a few seconds, I hear her brushing her teeth, so I leave her to it. I tug open the dresser drawer and find a bunch of men’s clothes. With a snarl, I yank them all out and drop them on the floor into a pile. I keep going until the dresser is empty. Ignoring the second dresser I figure holds Lola’s clothes, I head to the closet and pull out all of the men’s clothes from there too. When I’m done, I realize there’s nothing left.
I frown, glancing down at the pile to see if I’ve accidentally grabbed Lola’s stuff too, but I can’t find anything even remotely feminine. Walking to the untouched dresser, I open the drawers and indeed find Lola’s clothes. Or what little there is.
I stalk to the bathroom and don’t bother knocking. I push the door open and stare at Lola as she puts her toothbrush down and wipes her mouth.
“What’s wrong?”
“Where are your things?”
“What things?”
“Clothes, books, gadgets, girl shit.”
She shrugs. “Clothes are in the dresser. I have a couple of books, but I’m not sure where they are right now. I have some makeup in here.”
“You have less than most people take for a weekend away.”
Again she just fucking shrugs, and I can feel my fury building. I stomp toward her, menace clear on my face. Even though I’m not pissed at her, I can’t seem to tamp it down, not even when she steps back.
I grab both her arms lightly and hold her still, bringing my face down to hers. “Tell me you have a secret place where you keep things.”
“I have a safety deposit box with my documents in,” she tells me, wide-eyed.
“No jewelry or money or fucking heirlooms?”
She shrinks in on herself. “No,” she whispers. She thinks I’m disappointed. I am, but not for the reasons she thinks.
“That motherfucking piece of shit. I’m going to peel his fucking skin off. I’m going to cut out his organs and flambé them. I’m gonna eat that motherfucker’s heart and shit it out,” I snarl.
“Um…what the hell is happening right now?” She’s still whispering, but now she looks confused and unsure.
I slide my hand into her hair and anchor her in place. “Anything you want, anything you need, you ask me and I’ll get it for you. You will never go without again, not while I have breath in my lungs.” I slam my mouth down on hers, sealing my vow.