14. Chapter 14
Chapter 14
Mace
I never intended to spend the day moping around Viola's house, but what else was I supposed to do when the best choice for our group was for me to stay back? I held off on snooping for as long as I could, and it was not like there was much to snoop on, but the boredom eventually set in.
The bookshelf is stocked with well-loved textbooks on anything and everything that could even slightly relate to the Race or survival. The spines are cracked, and the pages are waterlogged on many of them. Books on the flora throughout the land and what uses they could have are stained with green smudges on the covers, where I imagine Viola once laid on her stomach in the grass and read them as a child. A book on beasts is heavily dog-eared, as well as one on Seasonales and their magic.
That last one is the one I pull off the shelf and flip open.
I take it to the table and sit down with it and a mug of tea made from the stems of unknown dried plants that were up in Viola's cabinets.
With one sip, I push the mug away. It's quite possible that was poison. I should know better than to consume anything I find here without talking to Viola first. There is no telling what she has hidden away.
After five minutes of decidedly not dying, I open the book and dig into the text. It's a very basic introduction to the magic of the land, but some parts are highly exaggerated in a way intended to scare humans of what we can do. Flipping through the pages, I find nothing interesting until I get halfway through the chapter of my own magic, that of Autumn.
A piece of parchment is folded in half and then half again and pushed into the seam.
Despite the feeling of intrusion, I pull it out and slowly unfold it. It's a handwritten note, but the handwriting is slightly different in each line as if the author got more comfortable in their skills over time. I know in my gut that no one but Viola could have written this. I would hazard she wrote something every time she read this book.
Ignoring the voice in the back of my mind that tells me to stop prying, I read the note.
Mom says Himureal is going to steal me from my bed if I don't work harder in my training. I'm not afraid of him. I think Avidor is much scarier. Imagine not knowing if what you're doing is because you want to do it or if it was because you were Influenced to want it. Besides, she doesn't need to threaten me to get me to train. I would be happy to do it just to spend time with her.
I finally figured out a feverfew tincture! If I get a cut this could keep me from succumbing to the pain or infection from it. I'm going to be an asset during the Race, I just know it.
Dad is mad at Mom again. He says she pushes me too hard. I can hear them yelling at each other through whispers outside. Why don't they understand that I want to work hard? Ytopie is where I'm meant to be. I just know it. I need to be worthy of being there. When I get there is when I can take a break. What is life going to be like when I have the luxury of spare time?
I wonder if in Ytopie I can have a job? I think I'd like to be a teacher. That feels as far away from the Race as possible. But I'm not sure I even like kids. I never got to go to the school, so how would I know? It feels immoral to bring a kid into this world if all they're going to have to do is Race. Why did my parents even bother? I heard mom. I am only going to slow them down.
Link didn 't come back from the Race. Max doesn't know what happened to him. I don't know why I am still writing on this parchment, I haven't touched it in years. But I needed to put my grief somewhere. Mom says grief is a wasted emotion.
Fuck them both. How could they leave me? How am I supposed to do this without them?
What have I done? In invading Viola's privacy, reading what amounts to her journal, I am faced with the stark black words on paper that show just how much her life is worse because of me.
I can no longer delude myself into thinking the end justified the means. Viola is proof of that. How am I to look at her, knowing the depth of sadness she feels and my hand at creating it? She seems so strong, so larger than life, that it's impossible to imagine her as a small child, broken and beaten down by the world. A world I helped shape. The one time Viola let her tears freely fall was in my office, and even then, it was so quick I could almost pretend I imagined it. What were her parents like to remove that emotional response from her?
Painstakingly, I fold the paper back up and slide it into the entry of Autumn magic. The words are burned inside my eyelids, one more little cut on my heart, a slow and burning punishment for all my wrongdoings.
The docks are bustling with people shouting at one another as they toss items onto boats. The slips are full of ships of all sizes, but Viola seems to know exactly which one she wants. After their trip to the market, the group came and retrieved me from Viola's home, and we walked a short distance to the coast. All of us are loaded down with supplies, packs, and sacks thrown over our shoulders and weapons strapped to the bodies of my companions. Viola said she'll unload my weapons later, and while I think it's just to save time, I can't help but wonder if it's to keep attention on me low.
The clothing Viola brought back is just a smidge too short for my legs, but otherwise, it's okay, and the boots fit well. The solid black linen outfit is not what I would choose for myself, but overall, it's just fine. I can't say the same for Morrow. He looks like he's about to burst out of a pale green shirt with laces at the neck. His brown pants cling to his thick thighs, and his grumbling about it can probably be heard all the way in Ytopie.
"At least you have clean clothes, Morrow, even if you do look like someone has squeezed you tight," I tease.
He growls at me, an intimidating presence even though he's a head shorter than me. "You look like Viola's shadow snake decided to stand up." I laugh at his quip and clap him on the shoulder.
Viola skids to a stop in front of a large ship with red sails. Her outfit is very decidedly her and fits perfectly, which leads me to wonder if the clothier just knows her that well or if her build is common in the lowlands. The shirt is a deep blue with capped sleeves and hangs perfectly on her torso despite the rigid fabric. Her pants fall just above her knees and are made of soft brown hide. They embrace her every curve in a way I long to.
A person jumps down from the bow of the ship, landing on the dock with a shaking thud. When they straighten up, I catch a glimpse of a bright white smile and short-cropped curly hair. A loose-fitting yellowed tunic covers their torso, and their pants are billowy and black, tucked into their tall leather boots.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me," the person says.
Viola pops her hip out and twirls a blade between her fingers.
I tense up, fully expecting a fight when the person runs to Viola and embraces her. Viola stiffens and pats their back with the side of her dagger. "Hey, Jaz."
Jaz? As in, stole the Witch's Ladder from Jaz?
This can't be a good idea. Maybe it's a different Jaz. Viola couldn't be trying to buy passage on a ship from someone she stole from. Max was good friends with Jaz, too, so now she's going to have to deliver that news as well? This seems like a bad plan, and I feel sweat gathering on the back of my neck .
Sensing the direction of my thoughts, Tulip leans close and whispers, "She can't mean to buy passage from someone she robbed, right?" I shrug and turn back to the pair, holding my breath.
"Jaz, we need to get to Pran. Can we buy passage? There's five of us." Viola's voice is steady but devoid of warmth. What Jaz feels for Viola must not be fully reciprocated, which isn't a surprise. It's not as if Viola is known for making connections.
"Why you going to Pran? I figured you'd still be enjoying Ytopie." Jaz's voice is gravelly and husky, but their face is kind. The two are incongruent with one another, but it still makes me want to know them.
Viola motions at Tulip, and she dutifully walks forward. "This is Tulip. I'm not sure if you heard, but she and I won the Race together."
"If I've heard? Shit, it's all anyone has talked about! How you cracked your whip and demanded Tulip be celebrated."
Tulip flushes and ducks her head. Viola grins. "I'd do it again, too. I wouldn't have made it without her. She's from Pran, and I'd like to take her to see the rest of her family. Ytopie doesn't mind when we leave, but we can't be gone too long, you see, or we'd walk."
The ease with which Viola lies is troubling, but as a group, we've decided it's for the best that Jaz doesn't know the truth about what we are doing here just yet. I'm not fully on board with the plan. I think we need to tell people the truth and gain their support for Viola, but I was outvoted.
"After Pran, we're going to Colris and Feria. Just a regular tour of Krillium," she adds .
"Woah there. I can get you to Pran, but no farther. You'll need to find another ship to get you to Colris or figure something else out." Jaz is no-nonsense, and I can appreciate that about them. But right now, I wish they'd just agree to take us so we could get out of the open. Every second I'm out here, it feels like I'm that much closer to being discovered and called out.
"Understood. We've got stag meat. How much will it cost us?" Viola returns the bluntness with her own, gesturing back towards us again. "Me and Tulip, that one with the braids is Tulip's husband, Morrow." Morrow flashes a mighty grin, and Tulip rolls her eyes with her back to Jaz. Viola continues, "Plume is Tulip's sister, and that's -"
"Mace Nightroot?"
I wince and duck my head. Looks like I've been caught. Viola, however, doesn't miss a beat, and she nods tightly to Jaz. "He's my escort since I insisted on leaving Ytopie."
Jaz's face twists into a conspiratorial grin as they peruse my body with their eyes. It's not something I'm unused to, but for some reason, this time, it makes me feel sticky and uncomfortable. Still, I ruffle my hair and fix my face in the smirk that has become expected of me. "Escort, huh? Or perhaps you meant consort?" Jaz says in a mock whisper.
Plume giggles softly behind her hand while Morrow turns around to smother his own sounds.
"No, escort. That's it. That's all it 'll ever be."
Her words are like knives, pinning me to the ground where I stand as my expression drops. I can't tell if she's putting on a show for Jaz or if this is her way of telling me she's through with me. Either way, the ache in my chest can't tell the difference.
"Alright, fine, if you say so. It's a three-day ride, so with the five of you, I'll take a parcel of meat for each day. That sound reasonable?"
"How many rooms is that?"
Jaz chews their lower lip. "I can get you two, but it'll be tight."
Viola pushes the burlap sack containing the parcels of salted meat to Jaz. "There's five there. Use one for a big crew dinner, yeah?"
"This is a severe overpayment, Viola. We're friends. I'm happy to do this for you."
With a wince, Viola shakes her head. "Let's just say I owe you one."