25. Zander
CHAPTER 25
ZANDER
I’ve been inside Mom’s house for all of one second when Dad starts yelling at me.
“What the hell were you thinking? Going off for a night with your girlfriend like you’re on your fucking honeymoon? What is wrong with you? You’re only eighteen! For fuck’s sake, Zander!”
“Brett, stop yelling.” Mom rolls her eyes, coming up behind him and glaring at me.
“I’m allowed to yell about this, Elise. If there is one time I can bawl my kid out, it’s now. Come on! Twenty minutes ago, we were in full agreement.”
“We are in agreement!” she bites back. “I just don’t think yelling about it is going to help!”
“Fine, you want to deal with him? Go ahead! But look where your helicopter parenting has gotten us so far. You can’t coddle him!”
“I’m not coddling anybody! I’m just trying to talk like a mature adult! Something you’re failing to do with all your shouting!” She screams the words, and now I’m rolling my eyes as I brush past their argument and head up to my room.
They thunder up behind me, and I feel my shoulders bristle when I walk into my room and spot my open laptop on the desk with my email up on the screen.
“Were you checking my email?” I spin to glare at Dad.
“I was just seeing if you’d heard back from any other colleges. We’re in crisis mode here, Zander! Brighton is a no-go, and we need to look at your options.”
“This is my room. My space. My computer. And what the hell do you mean, Brighton is a no-go? They want me.”
“And they want some other guy too! A quarterback they say has been performing better this season. A quarterback they’re going to give all their time and attention to. Your ass will be sitting on that bench. No game time. No opportunities to show future scouts how good you are. All you’ll be able to do is sit there praying the other guy gets injured!”
“Brett, that’s awful.” Mom glares at him, then shoots me a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry, baby.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, pinching the bridge of my nose while my insides flail. “How do you know all this stuff?”
Dad huffs. “Coach Jones called me this morning. He got wind of Brighton’s interest in the guy they’ve been scouting. He’s had a stronger season than you. Plus, he’s got great charisma. The crowd seems to love him, and he interviews well. He’s the kind of player who makes a school look really good.”
And now my insides are deflating.
“Brighton thinks he’ll be a better fit for them, and a sponsor has come out of the woodwork ready to back this kid all the way.”
I open my mouth to response to that, but… I’ve got nothing.
Sponsors? No sponsors have ever approached me.
Shit, this is like a thunder punch to my ego.
“Now, Coach Jones is a good man. He seems really genuine, and he’s keen to talk to you. He says you’ve got great potential, he likes your attitude better, and with a little training and a lot more focus, you can be the more dynamic player. He’s assured me that you won’t be riding the bench the whole season. He wants you out on the field. I doubt Brighton will say the same.”
“But Brighton,” I mumble, my grand plans disintegrating before me. “I want Brighton.”
Dad scoffs and shakes his head. “Don’t be an idiot. Brighton’s not going to give you any game time! Kelsey U wants you, Zander. They’ll train you and turn you into a better player!”
“But it’s miles away.”
“Oh for fuck sake!” Dad throws his arms up. “That girl has put some kind of spell on you! You’re seriously standing there telling me you’d rather freeze your ass off on the sidelines and waste your entire college football career because of a five-hour drive? You’re not thinking straight!” He taps his forehead with an agitated finger. “Shit, Zander! She’s screwing up your life!”
His voice starts to rumble like a thunderstorm, and I raise my hand to shut him up. “I get it, Dad. You’re pissed, but she’s not screwing up anything.”
His glare could melt tungsten, and I look away from it, crossing my arms to shield myself against the next attack.
“You were supposed to be at Noah’s house,” he hisses. “She stole you away, lied to everyone about it… and you just let her!”
“Dad—”
“You have no idea how disappointing it is to think your son is somewhere and then find out he lied to you and took off for a night away like he’s a fully grown adult.”
“I am a fully grown ad?—”
“No, you’re not!” he barks. “And don’t even try to deny it. You think you’re so grown up, but Zander… you’re not. You don’t pay your own bills, you don’t buy your own groceries. You’re not even old enough to drink yet! Practically everything you own was paid for by your mother or me! If you’re so grown-up, you wouldn’t have tricked everybody and gone behind our backs. That little girlfriend of yours is quite the schemer.”
“Don’t talk about her like that,” I warn him.
Mom scoffs. “How can we not? This was all her idea!”
“Yeah, and it was a good one,” I argue back, but my voice is a quiet mumble.
Mom closes her eyes with a huff. “Zander, you are too young to be spending a night away with a girl. For God’s sake, you only turned eighteen yesterday! You might technically be an adult now, but you’re certainly not acting like one! You’re still in high school, and you shouldn’t be sleeping together! You’re too young! You’re just too young!” Her voice starts to pitch, and I know exactly why she’s getting so worked up.
With a soft sigh, I assure her, “We’re being safe. We’re using protection. You don’t need to get so stressed about this. I’m not going to get her pregnant. I love her, okay? I love her.”
“It’s not always about love,” Dad mutters. “Love is just an emotion. You need to start using your head.” He taps his hair with his finger, then thrusts his phone at me. “Now let’s call Coach Jones back and get this shit sorted.”
“I’d rather talk to Coach Watkins from Brighton.” I cross my arms and glare back at him.
“Fine.” Dad huffs. “Let’s call him and find out what the hell is going on. Maybe hearing the truth from him will help you get your head on straight.”
My parents gather in front of me, and the weight of their gazes suddenly feels too much to bear. I stare at the phone in Dad’s hand and finally take it. Part of me wants to ask him to make the call, but I can’t go claiming I’m an adult and then expect him to fix my problems for me.
Shit.
With shaking fingers, I find Coach Watkins’s number and hit Call. He answers after five long rings.
“Mr. Donohue. What can I do for you?”
“Put it on speaker,” Dad whisper-barks, and I give him a sharp side-eye before giving in to his request.
“Hey, Coach Watkins. It’s me, Zander. Sorry to call you on the weekend.”
“Not a problem. I understand this is an anxious time for players like yourself. If you’re wondering about your letter of intent, you are on our list. I’m keen to come and meet with your family to discuss details, and I was going to book a time next week.”
“Thank you for that, sir.” I give my dad a pointed look.
He rolls his eyes and snatches the phone out of my hand. “Coach, it’s Brett here. Before Zander signs anything, I want to clear something up with you…”
There’s a pregnant pause, which I was kinda hoping Coach Watkins would fill. His ominous silence is doing nothing to ease my tattered nerves.
Dad clears his throat. “I’ve heard a rumor that Zander isn’t the only quarterback you’re speaking to. We’re concerned he’s going to be riding the bench all year.”
“I see.” That’s all Coach says, and his following silence is even louder than the first one.
My shoulders slump, and I share a pained frown with my father.
“Coach Watkins, we really need some clarification on this.” Dad’s tone is so strong and assertive… and for once, I’m actually grateful for it.
“Look, I don’t know what to tell you here, Brett. We’re keen to have Zander on the team, but yes, he’s not the only quarterback we’re hoping to sign. It’s good to have backup players. Zander will still be getting all the same training and quality coaching.”
“But no game time.”
“I thought you wanted me?” I can’t help butting in. “You said last year that?—”
“Yeah, and last year you were playing like a pro. This season hasn’t been as strong, and it’s forced us to check out other players. I don’t know what to tell you, kid. You’re slipping, and I do believe you have the potential to get back to where you were, but I can’t risk only signing you.”
The air in my lungs goes cold, my mind blanking out as Dad takes over the rest of the call and I stand there listening to his disappointment, his arguments, and then telling Coach Watkins he can shove it and to not bother setting up a meeting because I won’t be signing with a school that doesn’t appreciate me.
Mom gasps and I blink, snapping out of my stupor in time to see Dad hanging up.
“What did you…?” My words trail off as I gape at my father’s thundering anger.
“If they’re not going to give you any game time, they can’t have you!” he growls.
“But Dad, I… I can prove myself during practices. I can…” I wince, running a hand through my hair. “This can’t be right.”
“Why not, Zander?” Dad’s tone is cutting, and I wish I hadn’t looked up to face him just before he said it. His eyes are burning two holes right through my skull, and I feel ripped apart, exposed. “Why can’t it be right when you’ve been slacking off? You just had your worst season ever!”
“But… they liked me. He said I was good.”
“Last season! Last season you were good enough. But not anymore. Someone else has come through the woodwork and shone brighter than you.” His scathing voice slaps me hard, and I lean away from him, still struggling to believe this.
I had it all mapped out, and now… I’m not going to Brighton.
What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
Dad sighs. “We need to call Coach Jones back and at least secure a place at Kelsey U. We haven’t heard back from the other colleges we sent your tapes to, so you’re down to one option.” Shaking his head, Dad gives me a disappointed frown. “I wanted you to have choices, son. And now you’re all out of them.”
“I don’t want to go to Kelsey U. I don’t?—”
“You’re going to Kelsey U.” Dad glares down at me. “You are meeting with Coach Jones, and you are going to assure him that you will work harder for him than you’ve ever worked for anybody. And when they send you a letter of intent, you’re signing it.”
“But they’re miles away!”
“I don’t give a shit. You’re going, Zander. I won’t let you throw your life away over a girl. The school you wanted didn’t work out. You need to get over yourself and start thinking about your future, because I am warning you now… if you think that being with your girlfriend is going to solve all your problems, you’re wrong. A relationship is only one small aspect of your life, and you can’t design your entire world around it, because it will fall apart on you, and then what are you left with?”
I swallow, not wanting to answer that question, but my mother goes ahead.
“A painful divorce and a whole lot of heartache. Don’t put yourself through it.” Her voice is bitter as she storms out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.
Dad flinches but stands tall, glaring out the window. I watch his nostrils flare, that muscle in his jaw ticking, before staring morosely at the floor.
Coach Watkins doesn’t want me after all.
Well, he’s still willing to take you… if you want to ride the bench. But that’s not good enough for Dad, and… shit, maybe it’s not good enough for me either.
“You love football. I know you do.”
I swallow, unwilling to respond to my father’s quiet statement.
“And I know you love this girl, too, but she’ll still be here when you get back… and football won’t. This is your shot, Zander. Please, don’t fuck it up.”
Shoving my hands into my pockets, I clench my teeth and force myself to breathe.
“I’ll call Coach Jones back soon. I just need a drink first,” Dad mutters.
“I don’t want that school,” I stubbornly mumble. “I’m not moving there.”
“Zander, you don’t have a choice!” he snaps. “I get that this Sienna girl is everything to you right now and you can’t stand the thought of living apart from her. But you can’t throw your life away for some romantic notion. If you’re really meant to be together, then you can handle the distance.”
I grit my teeth, hating every one of his words.
After a thick beat, Dad lets out a heavy sigh.
For the first time since I walked in the door, his tone drops to one of sympathy. “I get that you’re disappointed, and I’m sorry it’s not working out the way you wanted. But please, son… I’m begging you… go and explore the world. Find out who you are. Experience life as an independent man.” I glance up in time to see his eyes glass with pain. “Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”
My forehead bunches into a sharp frown.
“Don’t get me wrong.” He reaches out to pat my arm. “I love Monica. She’s my daughter—of course I love her. But my life would have turned out very differently if she hadn’t come along when she did. I probably would have broken up with your mother before graduating from college, and we both would have discovered ourselves and figured out that we weren’t the right fit.”
“Sienna is the right fit,” I grit out.
“How do you know that when you haven’t experienced anything else? She’s your first, right?”
I swallow, then nod.
“And she might be your last,” he tries to appease me. “But… I just want you to be sure. I want you to get out of this town and have some adventures. I want you to discover all this world has to offer and truly know what you want before you get locked in the way I did.”
I scoff and shake my head.
“I’m just trying to save you from a lot of pain and heartache. That’s all I’m doing.”
“You think leaving her won’t be painful?” I glare at him.
Dad’s expression buckles, his eyes glassing over again. “Try having two kids with her first. Try molding your whole life around her only to discover that you’re making each other miserable. Try looking back on your life and realizing how many opportunities you let pass you by. You live with that regret for a while… and then we can talk about pain, okay?”
He slaps my shoulder, then stalks out of my room.
I glare at his back until my door clicks shut behind him and all that I’m left with is a thrumming silence that wants to bury me.