Chapter Thirty-six
Isaias leads me to the grand hall, then up the central stairs all the way to the second floor and down to the south wing. I’ve been here before, right at the start when Osian showed me his newly renovated rooms for the Perllans. And the glass conservatory behind it.
This is one of the extensions added on to Kendric House around the turn of the last century – a glazed balcony that runs the entire length of the wing.
Bill, the professor’s father, who used to be an engineer before retirement, thinks it was an engineering decision.
As it faces north, sunlight pouring in through the glass would warm the upper floor and do away with the need for heating during the day.
Kendric House is like that – a platform for artists and architects to experiment.
This is where Isaias now takes me. As we come up the stairs, I see that everyone is here. Not just the ten Perllans, but also Osian, Alex, Llewellyn, Haneen, Leonie, Professor Jones, and even the young volunteers.
“What’s going on?” I ask, slowing down and looking from one eager face to another.
“The Perllans graduate on Monday, so we’re holding the party now. We thought you needed a break,” Osian says, coming towards me.
“I’m busy!” I whisper to him.
“Shh, come and look.” He takes my hand and leads me towards the glass facade.
Too impatient, I try to pull my hand out of his. “I have a million things to do.”
“Look,” he says, smiling.
“What?” I look out at the blue sky. The sun is low, which only means the day is drawing to a close and I have so much to do.
Then my eyes drop to the grounds below. From this high point, the whole garden is visible.
Of course, it’s not quite there yet, only a few flowers are ready.
Looking down, I can see the pond – a pretty ‘S’ shape surrounded by the vivid blue mosaic path.
The fans look like large accessories and already enough of the flowers show to be able to tell the colours of each fan.
Blue, purple, pink, orange and red. Pretty open fans, each with a tree at the base.
Trees also dot the lawns so grass sections curl like giant commas around each tree.
Some are just green, but others have a scattering of tiny yellow and white wildflowers.
And finally at the back of all that, the curve of the arcade.
Even without roses – which are still too short – it looks amazing.
I’ve seen all this before, but close up you only see small sections. Never seen the whole picture except in my imagination, in my hopeful thinking. I blink and tears fall down my cheeks.
Osian’s arm around my waist squeezes me to his side. “I wanted you to see what you created.” He sounds happy and… proud. Yes, proud.
But also, his arm is still around my waist.
He has been gradually more tactile, warmer. And it makes me wonder if our relationship is shifting. Slowly, perhaps, but it is progress. Does he even realise it?
“We wanted to invite everyone up here,” Haneen says. “Down on the ground you can’t see some of the best features because they’re hidden behind a large bush or a tree.”
“Yes, that’s what I wanted,” I say. “That way, visitors walking around won’t know what they’re going to see until they actually walk into it. Like a secret treasure. I’ve always wanted this kind of garden.”
“Like a treasure hunt.” Ricky comes to join us. His chest swells with pride. “I told them. When we started cutting it was all dead and we found the slates, didn’t we?”
“Oh Ricky, you were the real treasure.” I wipe my eyes. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”
I know I’m gushing and emotional. Yes, I planned all this, but seeing it become a reality… It really does work.
“No one can believe this is the same hopeless wilderness of two months ago.” Haneen pours champagne into glasses which Ashe hands around.
Osian waves her away when she offers me one. He already has an open bottle of chilled elderflower pressé and pours me a glass.
“To Evie and her Hope Gardens.” Evan raises his glass; everyone toasts me.
“Stop it, you’re going to make me cry again.”
Evan grins widely. “I have a confession. I was prepared to give you another year rent-free. All the partners agreed because we doubted anyone could achieve a garden, even a small one, in time for this summer. I don’t know how you’ve done it.”
“I didn’t do it alone.” I wipe my eyes. “I had so much help, so much. Without the volunteers like Ricky, and Alex’s advice. Also”—I hold my arm out and beckon to my ten amateur gardeners—“most of all I want to thank our Perllan group. You have created a miracle.”
I’m not the only tearful face; Ashe, Amani and Marianne are also wiping their eyes or blowing their noses. They were ten strangers five weeks ago, now they feel like friends.
“And Osian. Without him I might have given up.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” he says. “It’s you with the real vision. I was only glad to ride your coat tails.”
He might think so because Osian is generous down to the bottom of his soul, but his own vision is clear in every one of the Perllan workers.
“Evie! I’m so glad you came up,” says a super-sweet voice from behind me.
Nora.
I’ve been so busy the last two weeks, I’ve not seen her. I’d almost forgotten her. Almost. But she’s still here. Of course she is. Her ‘few days to find somewhere to live’ show no sign of coming to an end.
“Can I talk to you?” she says now, taking my arm and tugging me away from Osian.
This is a familiar move, something I remember even from school. Jealous girls contriving a reason to pull you away from the boy they liked. Nora pulls me all the way to the edge of the group. “I’m going to volunteer for your garden project,” she says, as if this is some huge gift she’s giving me.
The woman is wearing very short shorts and a loose top that’s long enough to cover the shorts completely so it gives the illusion that she’s wearing nothing underneath. For God’s sake.
“Do you have any gardening experience?” I ask, as politely as possible.
“No, but neither do any of the Perllan people.” She gives me big sincere eyes. “I’m sure you could teach me as you taught them.”
What do I say to this? She’s making it sound like refusing would be some kind of discrimination. “The Perllan group – that’s Osian’s decision not mine.”
“Oh, them… yes, I know. Osian and I already talked about that. The Perllan programme has official funding and I need to be referred by a healthcare provider. My GP, you see, is in England, so they won’t refer me to a Welsh programme.
Even though I’m depressed and trying to get over trauma.
” She blinks as if trying not to cry. “So you are my only hope.”
When I don’t answer right away, she follows with, “Osian said you’re the one to help me. I know we’ve had our misunderstandings, but I know you won’t hold it against me. Osian was sure you’re not a mean person.”
“The thing is, for the next week, I won’t have time to train anyone. We’re going to be very busy with the Easter weekend.”
“That’s perfect. I can help as a tour guide. I’m great with people. You don’t need to pay me. I’m a volunteer.”
I hate this. She’s got me cornered; I can’t see how to get out of this.
She lowers her voice. “You know, I’ve been staying with Ashe. It’s not comfortable sharing a bed. But now they’re graduating, Ashe will be leaving after Monday, and I’ll have nowhere to sleep.”
She says this as if it’s Ashe’s fault.
“That’s why I’m lucky to work for you. Being part of your team, I can have accommodation. I won’t be homeless anymore but a useful member of Kendric House.”
‘Over my dead body’ is what I really want to say, but she’s made that impossible. The way she’s set up the offer, refusing her makes me the bad guy.
“I’ll need time to think about it.” I don’t, but this is something I learnt recently when Leonie was having trouble with a persistent job applicant. At the time, Raff said, “When put in a corner and unable to find the right answer, always buy yourself time.”
But Nora doesn’t give me time, throwing her arms around me. “Thank you, thank you. You are such a wonderful person.” She flashes a huge smile. “I’ll just be a tour guide for this weekend.”
“No one is a visitor guide without Evan’s permission,” Haneen says, sounding quite firm.
I hadn’t seen her coming over to our corner.
“We have health and safety and other legal issues, so you need to apply to him and fill in lots of paperwork. You’ve left it rather late for this weekend. But you can put in an application for future events.”
Nora is not an idiot; she knows a dead end when she sees one. Giving me an injured look, she swivels on her heels and walks away.
“Thank you,” I tell Haneen.
“You looked like a rabbit in headlights.”
“A rabbit in front of a firing squad, more like.”
My relief is short-lived because from where we stand I can see Nora make a beeline for Osian.
He’s chatting to someone, but when Nora approaches, they move a few feet away from the crowd and talk almost in whispers.
After a moment he looks up and his eyes find me.
The expression on his face tells me he’s uncomfortable.
I don’t believe it! She’s complaining about me. Actually, I can easily believe it – what I don’t understand is why he’s giving her airtime at all. Yes, she does have a habit of cornering people, but can’t he just tell her he doesn’t want to hear anything against me?
A soft hand on my elbow makes me jump. I look around and meet Haneen’s eyes, full of sympathy and understanding.
“Can I make a suggestion?” she asks quietly.
Surely she can’t guess my thoughts. A quick look around us, but no one is close enough to hear. I make sure my private feelings are behind strong walls so they don’t show on my face.
“Once not so long ago, I did what you’re doing now. Pretended. And I can promise you it doesn’t work.” Her soothing voice and her kindness slip in through tiny cracks in my walls. “So if you want my advice, speak up,” she says. “Ask for what you want. Honour your own needs by voicing them.”
Without meaning to, I find myself answering honestly.
“You can’t always ask.” It’s not what Osian wants. He’s already made his feelings clear. “I mean, what if what I say ends up upsetting someone else?”
She makes a ‘so what?’ face. “What if it upsets them? Why are you responsible for other people’s feelings?” Then she shakes her head very slowly. “Never, Evie sweetheart, never put yourself second.”
She gives me a hug full of love and kindness before walking back to the group.
I stay where she left me. By now, I’m not in a party mood. Maybe honouring my needs starts here, by not putting on my camera-friendly face and going to socialise.
I stay here and stare out of the window as the sun slowly sinks to the horizon and the few scattered clouds gradually turn gold and orange.
The water in the pond reflects the sunset; next week, after the Easter test run, I’m planting water mint.
It’s not only an edible herb, but it’s native to the region and will attract bees and butterflies.
Which reminds me: I wanted to place seats near the pond, but not benches – something that looks natural, like logs and large smooth rocks. I want people to—
“Hi,” Osian says from right by my ear. “What has you so absorbed? You didn’t even see me walk up to you.”
Every time he sneaks up on me, I feel like I’m on a swaying boat in the middle of the sea.
He’s too close; I can smell his faint aftershave, feel the warmth radiating from him, and I’m so aware of where his hands are and how easily they might catch me, I swear my body begins to sway into him.
Mentally, I reach out and grab a handrail to steady myself; the handrail happens to be Haneen’s advice.
“I don’t want Nora in my garden. Not as a helper, not as a gardener and not as a guide. Sorry, but I’m not responsible for solving her housing problems.”
There! That felt good.
“I know,” he says.
“Then why did you tell her to ask me?”
“I didn’t.”
“She said you did.” I remember the way she went back to report to him, the grim look on his face. “And I saw her talking to you earlier.”
“That was something else.” He looks away for a minute then says, “For what it’s worth, I think she’d like to be your friend.”
“Whatever her reasons for wanting to stay here, they most definitely are not because she wants to be my friend. I’m just a stepping stone.” Then I decide to risk it because why the heck not: “A stepping stone to you.”
He doesn’t say anything but his steady gaze on me doesn’t waver. Not a hint of surprise. So perhaps he’s not clueless after all.
Well, here goes. I mean, since we’re riding the wave of honesty… “Are you sleeping with her?”
This time surprise registers on his face. “Evie! No. Of course not. I told you before I wouldn’t. What kind of man do you think I am?”
“She’s single now.”
“So what? She’s Llewellyn’s ex. I’d never do that. There are rules about this kind of thing. So even if I wanted to, I’d never go near her. Never.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“I don’t think it’s necessary; she’s not stupid,” he says.
“Then why is she so eager to get accommodation in Kendric House?”
Again, he glances away then he turns back to face me. “Because she knows the Perllans are leaving very soon and she can’t continue to…”
“Continue to stay with Ashe?”
“Something like that.” That hesitant slide of the eyes for an instant tells me he knows or suspects more than he’s telling me.
Has Ashe asked her to leave?
“Now can we talk about something else, please?” Osian asks.
“Okay…?”
“A couple of my Perllans have asked if they could stay longer and work with you. Amani and Ashe.”
This takes me by surprise. I glance across at both women.
Amani, a twenty-two-year-old who dropped out of university and seemed to lose her way.
She used to drag her feet like she had nowhere to go.
But she came alive when she saw the first green stems poke their way out of the soil.
Now she’s usually down in the garden by seven and can’t wait for the purple fan to flower so she can take pictures.
She’s even set up a new Instagram account to chronicle the progress of her garden.
Ashe – who’d lost a husband and a baby – now pours all her love into the blue fan.
She is super excited, as if each tulip, bluebell and crocus are her own children.
“What do they want to do?” I ask Osian.
“The course funding ends next week. I can’t keep them after that because a new group will be starting and we’ll need the rooms. But if you have money to employ them…?”
“After the Easter opening, you mean?” I think about it. Maybe one of them, but not both.