47. Chapter Forty-Seven
Chapter Forty-Seven
Toby
D usk has quickly given way to night since I walked the path to find Leo waiting for me, an apology at the ready for his transgressions.
I know he means it.
And I believe him, believe that he’s sorry for his part in things. Just like I am.
“I’m sorry, too, Le,” I mutter into the cooling nighttime air, my steps slow along the path, one of my best friends keeping pace at my side.
“You’re here. You’re getting help. That’s what matters, Toby.”
I nod, my fists shoved in the pockets of my leather jacket, my anger vacating my veins like a cleanse of all the bad shit between us with each pull of fresh air in my lungs.
“So what have I missed?” I ask, desperate for a change of subject, ready to move on from the heartfelt shit that’s making my already broken chest ache. “Where is everyone?”
Leo sniffs, his head bouncing on a nod as if accepting the conversation between us is what it is. “Well, we’ve got fan events and shit lined up once you’re sprung from here. Shows if you’re up for it.”
“That’s always what’s up.” I give a snicker. “I didn’t miss that shit. What’s up with the guys?”
He snorts. “Well, Mac came with me. Fin and Rex’ll be in sometime tomorrow. I thought it would be best to go slow with them.”
Some of that weight lifts off my chest. “So they didn’t avoid me like the plague. Cool.”
A laugh bubbles up out of Leo’s mouth, and I have to admit … it feels good to be the source of someone laughing for a change.
Leo shakes his head, a small grin lightening his features. “Didn’t wanna throw the whole pot at the wall, just to see what stuck. We know shit has to change and we’re all in.”
“I don’t want things to change for you guys.”
“We’re not the same guys we were when we first started this, Toby. Rex has a fucking family now. Shit, Fin’s got a partner.” He says the last word like it tastes weird on his tongue, but he’s still got a lift to the corner of his mouth. “We’re not teenagers anymore. It’s time we act like it. Starting with having backups for all parts of the band. Being adults. Making big boy decisions.”
“What about you?” I ask, my heart too hopeful that he’ll include Anna in his answer, because asking outright just feels too raw. Too much.
Too soon.
“Actually,” Leo sighs heavily, his boots kicking at a pebble along the path. “I’ve gotta find some hands.”
I bob my head, silently encouraging him to continue.
Does that include Anna? Is she getting some hands, too?
“Things are delicate right now,” Leo continues. “We’ve had events cancelled because of the rumors around you being noticeably absent to the point that As Above has gone completely radio silent. There’s been a lot of damage control to keep names out of the media as much as possible.” My jaw grits, knowing that’s all my doing yet again. Anna’s gotta be so pissed. “And then Anna gave me her three months’ notice.”
There it is.
The shoe.
Leo’s too busy kicking that little pebble along the path to notice my head whipping in his direction, my breath sticking in my throat. “How long ago was that?”
“Two fucking months ago,” Leo murmurs, shoulders sagging inward.
If this were a movie, this would be the moment that the scenery around me suddenly becomes never ending, and Leo would fade into the dark laughing mass that floats about and triggers terror in the viewer. Where the lead realizes that what they knew to be real, in fact, wasn’t.
Reality as I know it has changed. Again.
At least, that’s how it feels when my heart pounds on an irregular rhythm behind my ribs, threatening to crack out of its prison for good.
My muscles tense.
My mind reels.
“No. She can’t,” I choke, barely above a whisper, filled with the desperation I feel down to my bones.
I bite off the rest of the words lashing at my tongue, begging to be said aloud for anyone to hear. I keep in the phrases that might damn us. The ones that broke open my scars, only to become my sole motivation for sticking it out here.
Because loving her is the only truth I’ve believed in.
And if she’s not part of the band, part of the crew, then … I’d never have my chance to tell her. To show her. Have her by my side. To make up for all the fucked up things I put her through.
After the look on her face that night … I can’t ask her to sacrifice another moment for me.
“Leo, do not let her go until I get out of here.” I grab his shoulder, stopping him. “Promise me you won’t let her leave us yet.”
He shakes his head. “I’ve tried everything I can think of, man. She’s still convinced.”
“Not good enough.” I give him a squeeze, dipping to make sure his defeated sight meets the conviction in mine. “Tell her …” I lick my lips. “Tell her I need her to try. To stay.”
His eyes shine with an intensity that throws me off, almost as much as his next words do.
“Why don’t you tell her.”
“What?” His suggestion jolts me.
“Call her,” Leo mutters, his gaze darting between mine, his lips set in a firm line. “I know you needed time to screw your head back on, but please, talk to her before we all lose her.”
“I’m not … wait— how ?”
Leo shakes his head, more of his blond locks falling around his forehead. “I didn’t know it was two-sided, Toby. Not until right fucking now.”
I huff, my hands dropping back to my sides, another wave of guilt rushing over me that has me pacing along the path next to him. “Shit.”
“Here,” Leo interrupts, and I spin to find his phone held out. “It’s already dialing. Might as well take it.”
I snag the device the moment the call connects, stepping just far enough away from him to get some privacy.
“Leo, I swear to freaking God, if you’re calling me just to tell me about your trip, I’m gonna commit murder. You’ll be victim number one.”
The sound of Anna’s voice has my lungs inflating for what feels like the first time in months.
“Murder, Leo. Freaking Murder.”
I chuckle darkly, and the line goes silent.