Chapter 17
“ I am not harmless,” Sam said, eyes closed as he rested his head on the table and tried not to pass out. “I am dangerous and terrifying.”
“Of course you are. Now open your eyes and say hello to the nice man,” Celeste commanded.
He opened his eyes, which widened immediately. “Am I hallucinating or are you huge?”
“Maybe both,” Elliot suggested. “What have we got here?” He took off his hat and began rolling up his sleeves.
“Are you a doctor?” Sam asked hopefully.
“No, I’m a pizzaiolo ,” Elliot replied.
Sam’s panicked gaze darted to Celeste in question but she shrugged. “Maybe it’s a Paradise thing.”
“It’s not a Paradise thing. It’s an Italian thing. I make pizza.”
“That cute little pizza place at the edge of town is yours?” Celeste said, face lighting.
Elliot winced. “Please don’t call it cute. I was going for rustic, hoping for no ambiance entirely to keep it hidden.”
“You thought opening a charming outdoor pizza oven in the idyllic setting of Paradise, Montana would lack ambiance?” Celeste said.
His good eye narrowed on her again. “Have you been talking to my wife? Because that’s almost verbatim what she said.”
“Excuse me, and not to interrupt this episode of Diner’s, Drive-in’s, and Dives, but is the man who is about to perform medicine on me not only a cook but also only in possession of one eye?” Sam asked.
“That about sums it up,” Elliot said, using one of his massive paws to tug at Sam’s shirt.
“It’s either him or me, and if you’ve ever seen the pillow I tried to make in seventh grade, you’d want it to be him,” Celeste said.
“This keeps getting better and better,” Sam said, squeezing his eyes tightly closed as Elliot bent closer to take a look. He made his inspection in silence for a while before standing upright and rolling his sleeves back down.
“Well?” Sam asked when he couldn’t take the silence any longer.
“I’m going to give it to you straight,” Elliot began in a somber tone. “You’ve been shot.”
Celeste laughed loudly and clapped a hand over her mouth.
“You two should take this routine on the road,” Sam said, biting his lip against a groan of pain. Celeste, chastised, retrieved pain reliever and a glass of water for him, which he accepted and downed with a slight nod of thanks.
“I could stitch up the skin,” Elliot continued. “I was a medic in the army and stitches aren’t outside my realm. But I don’t have my supplies, and I’m a bit worried about some of that tissue. The stitches might need to go a few layers deeper than I feel comfortable with.”
“I think it goes without saying that I can’t take him to a hospital because…reasons,” Celeste said.
“Smooth,” Sam inserted, wincing when she poked him in his good shoulder.
“It’s amazing how many ‘reasons’ mysteriously arise in Paradise,” Elliot said. “It so happens I know somebody who is good with sutures and trustworthy enough to take a look.”
“The haberdasher?” Sam guessed. “A luthier?”
“You know a lot of words,” Celeste accused before facing Elliot. “Who do you recommend? We’ll see whoever, and of course I’m willing to pay cash.”
Elliot gave a nod. “I’ll help you get him to your car, then you can follow me.”
“ W hen he said he was taking me to a vet, crazy me, I thought he meant a veteran, like a retired army doctor or something,” Sam said as they wound their way up a long ranch lane.
“Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know, maybe because an animal doctor doesn’t pop to mind as a first resource when one is about to expire from pain and bleeding. Also because it seems like a Montana thing, to leave the army and come here to try to find peace and resolution.”
Celeste gripped the wheel, trying to ignore the fact that that was exactly what she had done.
“Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe we should forget it. It seems wrong somehow to let someone who routinely looks at hooves and tails to get her hands on me,” Sam said.
“You do what you have to,” Celeste said, tone serene. If there was one thing she was well versed in, it was improvising life on the fly. In fact she was far more comfortable with that than the carefully contrived life she was currently trying to live.
“I’ll say that the next time you have a hole that is about to be patched by someone who does routine sheep and cow castrations,” he groused.
She laughed and turned it into a cough when he shot her a dark look. “I promise I won’t let her castrate you,” she soothed, reaching over the console to give his thigh a squeeze.
“That’s what they all say,” Sam replied, clasping her hand and giving it a squeeze when she tried to withdraw it.
They were still holding hands when they finally arrived at the house, a smallish farmhouse. Elliot stepped out of his tall truck and a man came onto the porch to greet them, tossing a wave as Celeste and Sam stepped from the car.
“See? He looks normal,” Celeste said, sighing when Sam gave a stubbornly pouty look in reply.
“Mornin’, Elliot,” The man called. His voice had the booming quality of someone who spoke out loud a lot, like a teacher or drill instructor. He was used to making himself heard and understood, that much was certain.
“’Lo, Mitch. I brought your wife a customer,” Elliot returned.
Mitch squinted, trying to see behind Sam and Celeste to whatever dog or cat or other animal they might be hiding.
“A two legger,” Elliot added and Mitch nodded, gaze fastening on Sam’s bloody shoulder with sudden understanding.
“Caldwell, you have a customer,” Mitch said, turning his mouth to the side so it carried into the house. “She’ll be out in a minute. She’s feeding the baby.”
“How is the baby?” Elliot asked.
“Good. I think he’s going to make it,” Mitch said.
Sam and Celeste had no time to absorb that before a woman who looked much too young to be a doctor, and much too young for her husband, appeared from the house, small bundle in her arms.
“Good morning,” she said with a pleasantly cheerful smile.
“Hiya,” Elliot greeted her, sounding suddenly so chipper and warm-hearted Celeste and Sam turned to study him instead of the woman. “We go back a ways. She’s like my little sister,” Elliot explained, scowling at their inspection.
“Can you finish up here?” Caldwell asked Mitch, handing him her bundle, which turned out to be a baby goat that bleated unhappily at the change off from wife to husband.
“Sure, but you know he’s going to pout now,” Mitch said.
“He’ll recover,” Caldwell said, giving the goat’s head a little pat before regaining her beaming smile. “How can I help you?”
“Um,” Celeste began, staring at the girl child/woman. How had she gotten so old that she was now doubting the veracity of the woman’s degree?“See, Sam here…” She was usually adept at lying. She had to be. But this wasn’t an insurgent and she wasn’t on a job. This was her new place of residence, long into the foreseeable future. Why hadn’t she thought up something to say about the situation? “You see…”
“Edward Jonas mistook him for a cattle rustler and shot him,” Elliot said, nodding toward Sam.
Caldwell gasped. “In broad daylight?”
“No, it was the middle of the night,” Elliot said. “He thought he was a rustler. In reality he was looking for his girlfriend.”
Eyes turned speculatively toward Celeste. “You were at Edward Jonas’s house in the middle of the night? Not to be mean, but he’s kind of loony, even by Paradise standards,” Caldwell said.
“Of course I was not at his house,” Celeste protested. “I don’t even know the man.”
“Then why was he there?” Mitch asked, pointing to Sam.
“Because I didn’t know where I was going. Nothing in this entire town is marked with an address,” Sam said.
“That’s because we don’t have them,” Mitch said.
“How does anyone get mail?” Sam asked.
“It’s addressed to Paradise and then Jody at the post office sorts it,” Caldwell explained.
“What if she doesn’t know someone in the town?” Sam asked.
“Oh, she knows everyone,” Mitch said, waving away his concern. “I’m still hung up on why you were stumbling around Edward Jonas’s property in the middle of the night. Didn’t you realize he would shoot first and ask questions later?”
“Yes, clearly I understood all the local customs and thought I’d roll the dice anyway,” Sam groused. “I was lost. It had been a long journey.”
“Why didn’t you pick him up?” Caldwell asked Celeste.
“I didn’t know he was coming,” Celeste said.
“You surprised her? That’s so romantic,” Caldwell said, reaching over to console the baby goat who had started to bleat louder and struggle in Mitch’s arms, trying to get back to her.
“And this is the thanks I get,” Sam said, pointing to his shoulder. “This woman makes nothing easy on me.”
“Sounds like she’ll fit here just fine,” Mitch said, giving Caldwell’s shoulder a squeeze.
“Let’s take a look,” Caldwell said. “Also, if you could not mention this to anybody, I’d appreciate it. Obviously I’m not licensed to work on humans.”
“Trust me when I tell you your secret is safe with us,” Celeste assured her.
“I figured. Elliot only brings me people he trusts,” Caldwell said. She led them to an office aside the barn. It looked new, with fresh white paint, a high stainless steel counter, and a couple of chairs. “Take off your shirt and have a seat, please.” Meanwhile she washed her hands and put on a pair of gloves. She and Sam were ready at the same time. She inspected his wound a minute and stood back.
“Officially I believe you should see an actual doctor and have an x-ray to make certain there’s no fragmentation or extensive damage.”
“And unofficially?” Celeste asked.
“With some fancy stitch work, you’ll be back in fighting shape.”
“Okay,” Sam said, sounding a little uncertain. “Are you allowed to give me something for the pain?”
“A topical rub,” Caldwell said. “I don’t feel comfortable pushing the boundaries enough to give you a shot of narcotics.”
“I understand. A topical will be fine.” He turned to Celeste and held out his hand.
“What?” she asked, staring at it.
“I need you to hold my hand,” he informed her.
“Why? She’s going to be stitching your shoulder.”
He rolled his eyes. “For comfort, obviously. You are very bad at girlfriending. I’m writing a letter to the girlfriend board of commissioners. Expect comeuppance.”
She scooted closer and gripped his hand while Caldwell began setting out equipment, smiling benignly. “What sort of comeuppance?”
“You’ll be out of the running for girlfriend of the year, for certain.”
“Good. I hate awards shows.”
“Then double awards shows. And they’ll make you share your feelings about me. In public.”
“As time goes on, I find I’m more than ready to air my feelings about you in a public forum,” Celeste said. Caldwell fought a snicker and bit her lip.
“You two are cute,” she murmured when they darted her a questioning glance. “How long have you been together?”
“It’s new,” Celeste said. “We’ve run in the same circles for years, lots of mutual friends, but the timing was never right.”
“That was why I surprised her. I wasn’t certain of my welcome,” Sam explained. “But of course she was thrilled to see me.”
“More thrilled than Edward Jonas, at least,” Caldwell interjected.
“ Barely ,” Sam mouthed when Caldwell wasn’t looking. He mimed pointing a finger gun at Celeste, reminding her of when she’d almost shot him.
“I’m going to apply the topical numbing cream now. It’s cold.”
“Yah,” Sam said, squeezing Celeste’s hand.
“Such a baby, ” she mouthed.
He nodded his agreement and tugged her closer, pressing his face into her as Caldwell opened the suture package. She started to sew and Sam swallowed hard, squeezing Celeste painfully tight. Unbidden her hand began smoothing over his head and he relaxed, taking deep breaths through his mouth.
“Almost over,” Caldwell said after a few moments. And then it was done and she was cleaning up. “I would offer you a treat for being such a good patient, but I only have dog biscuits and alfalfa pellets.”
“What do those taste like?” Sam asked, aiming for funny and coming off shaky instead.
“Oh, wait I have something,” Celeste said. She let go of him, reached into her pocket, and took a mint she’d nabbed from the bank a few days ago.
“Thanks,” he said, sounding unduly grateful for something that had been in her pocket a questionably long time.
“I hope this earns me a few points with the girlfriend board of commissioners,” she said.
“You get all the points,” he said, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. There was an unmistakable “zap!” when his lips touched her skin, at least on her part. And she thought maybe on his, too, because he sat back, blinking at her in a dazed sort of way.
“You’re going to want to keep an eye on this,” Caldwell said.
So mesmerized were they by staring at each other it took them a moment to realize she wasn’t talking about the strange and budding attraction between them. “If it oozes, come see me. If it begins to smell bad, feel hot, get red streaks, I need to know. And, as I tell all my patients, make certain the nose is wet and the tail is dry.”
“How does a girl such as you get to be a country vet in the middle of nowhere?” Celeste wondered aloud. It wasn’t that she was skeptical that Caldwell was old enough to have an advanced degree. Rather that she was always searching for her own inspiration.
“Divine intervention,” Caldwell said so sincerely they thought maybe she wasn’t joking.
“I guess that leaves us out of it,” Sam said, motioning between himself and Celeste.
“That’s the beauty of it, it doesn’t,” Caldwell said.
They had no idea what she meant, and both were too wary of delving into a theological discussion with a stranger to ask. So they merely smiled politely and waited on her to dismiss them, which she did after tossing her gloves in the trash and reaching invitingly for the door.