28. CARLEEN
Chapter twenty-eight
CARLEEN
The sound of the shower fills the bathroom, steam curling around me like a cocoon as hot water pelts my back. I brace my hands against the cool tiles, my forehead resting between them as I let the heat seep into my aching muscles.
Moments like this—when the adrenaline fades, and the silence settles in—I start to unravel a little. My mind loops around Ryder’s words from earlier, his steady gaze, his firm voice telling me I’m enough. But it’s hard to believe him when weakness still feels like a sin in my chest. When being vulnerable still feels like failure.
Alphas aren’t supposed to stumble. We’re supposed to carry it all—every burden, every expectation, every damn thing —without breaking a sweat. But Ryder saw right through me. Ashton saw it too. And Tati… Goddess, Tati. She sees everything, even the parts I try to keep hidden.
I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing those spiraling thoughts away.
“Alpha?”
Tati’s soft voice pulls me from my thoughts and I lift my head, looking through the haze of steam. She’s peeking around the shower curtain, her short black hair damp at the ends, those hazel eyes wide and concerned.
“You okay?” she asks, stepping closer.
I nod, offering her the faintest smile. “Yeah, sunshine. Come here.”
She doesn’t hesitate. In seconds, she’s slipping into the shower with me, her soft body pressing against mine as her arms wrap around my waist. Her cheek rests against my chest, and I let out a slow exhale as I wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer. We stand there for a long moment, the water cascading over both of us, washing away the lingering weight in my chest.
“I hate seeing you like this,” Tati whispers, her voice muffled against my skin.
I press a kiss to the top of her head. “I know, Tati. I’m trying.” She’s never seen the really bad nights, the nights I would spiral into my cooking so far that Ellie had to throw me in a shower fully clothed to bring me back to reality. It isn’t even about the cooking at that point but the perfection I’ve been striving for getting into my head.
It’s not an easy world that I’ve stepped into and I fought with every fiber of my being to get there. The problem is that sometimes I lose myself in that notion without remembering how far I’ve come.
Her arms tighten around me, and for a moment, it feels like she’s holding me together, her small frame carrying far more strength than anyone gives her credit for. When she pulls back, her hands slide up to cup my face, her thumbs brushing gently along my cheeks. “Ryder’s right, you know,” she says softly. “You’re enough, Carleen. You don’t have to keep proving yourself—not to us, not to anyone.”
I nod, my throat tight, and Tati leans up to press a soft kiss to my lips. It’s gentle, sweet, and exactly what I need to pull myself out of my head. We quickly rinse off, drying each other off from head to toe in the midst of giggles and laughter. By the time we’re both dressed and headed for the front door, Ryder is glaring at us from the kitchen.
I’m basically dead on my feet but if I don’t see my sister now, I’m not sure when I’ll have time. “Just going to see Ellie. Don’t worry, Tati’s driving and I pinkie promise I’ll come back and sleep.” He doesn’t seem convinced, Ryder moving toward me and pulling me into a firm hug. He doesn’t ask this time. He just does and it’s exactly what I need.
“Let us know how your sister is doing. Tati, keep an eye on our Alpha, okay?”
Tati gives him a thumbs up as he presses a kiss to the top of my head and guides me to the door. Ashton swoops in to pepper kisses all along Tati’s face and then Ryder hands out kisses of his own, bending her backward as if it’s competition. When Ashton comes to stand in front of me, it isn’t awkward like I thought it’d be. There’s been a slew of kisses and caresses these past few days, Ashton becoming my own piece of comfort.
“Take care of yourself, darling.” He cups my cheek, his thumb running across the skin before he pulls me into a delicate kiss.
The drive to Ellie’s is quiet, comfortable, with Tati flipping through the radio until she finds a soft playlist. I glance over at her occasionally, watching the way she hums along to the music, the other hand on the wheel. When we pull up to Ellie’s house, I let out a slow breath, feeling lighter already.
Ellie’s smile is warm and tired as she opens the door, Savin curled up on the couch with one of the babies tucked into his chest. Macon’s in the kitchen, bouncing another baby in his arms while the third snoozes in a bassinet nearby.
The chaos is beautiful. Ellie hugs me tightly, her scent wrapping around me like a safety net, Tati slipping past us and already cooing over the baby in the bassinet.
Walking into Macon and Ellie’s house feels like stepping into a warm hug. The smell of baby powder, fresh laundry, and something sweet baking in the oven wraps around me immediately. And then there’s Ellie, tired, sure—there are faint bags under her eyes, and her hair’s in a messy bun that’s threatening to collapse—but her smile is so wide it practically glows.
Macon grins as he shifts Oliver to one side and turns off the stove with his free hand before meeting me at the door. “Well, look who it is,” he grins. “The most stubborn Alpha in the city and her equally stubborn Beta mate.”
I roll my eyes, smirking as I fully step inside. “Nice to see you too, Macon.”
Ellie loops her arm around mine, dragging me toward the couch while Macon follows, a smirk still plastered across his face.
“So…” Macon starts, rocking Oliver gently in his arms. “Should we expect wedding bells anytime soon?”
I freeze mid-step and Tati makes a very unattractive choking noise from across the room. Ellie spins around so fast I think she might snap her neck. Her brown eyes widen, her mouth hanging open as she looks between me and Tati before zeroing in on the faint mark on Tati’s neck.
“ Carleen! ” she screeches and Savin stirs slightly on the couch, mumbling something before resettling with Aria. I’m amazed Ellie got a few moments away from her level 5 clinger baby girl.
“Shh!” I hiss, my cheeks flaming as I glance toward the sleeping baby.
“You MATED her?!” Ellie whisper-yells and Tati’s face is buried in her hands, her ears turning scarlet.
I shrug one shoulder, trying to play it cool. “It… happened.”
Ellie gasps dramatically, clutching her chest like she’s about to faint. “You mated her and you didn’t tell me?! I’ve got a sister now! This is the best day of my life!”
Tati peeks through her fingers, a shy but amused smile tugging at her lips. “I didn’t think it was a big deal…”
“Not a big deal?!” Ellie throws her hands in the air before spinning toward Macon. “She bonded my best friend and didn’t tell me! ”
Macon’s smirking, clearly enjoying this little show. “You gotta admit, Ellie, it’s very on-brand for Carleen.”
I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Alright, alright, calm down, you two. It wasn’t planned. It just… happened. And I wasn’t letting Tati get away. That’s all you need to know.”
Ellie melts slightly, her dramatic expression softening into something more tender. “Well, yeah, okay. That’s fair.”
But then Macon raises a brow, and his smirk deepens. “But that’s not the only thing, is it, Carleen?”
I freeze again, my eyes narrowing slightly. “What are you talking about?”
Macon tilts his head, a knowing gleam in his eyes. “There are two very distinct Alpha scents clinging to you.”
Tati’s face goes crimson . This was not my idea of relaxing. I was going to come over here, hold some babies, catch up with my sister, and then go take a nap. This is the absolute worst outcome, my entire dating life spilled out for everyone to see.
Ellie gasps again. “Oh, my goddess. Carleen. Are you—Are you seeing them ? Like, them-them? ”
“Who?” Macon prompts, looking mildly amused now.
“The St. James pack!” Ellie practically shouts, waving her hands like she’s trying to fan herself.
Macon blinks once. Twice. Then leans back against the edge of the couch, laughing softly as he shakes his head. “Well, seems like fame runs in the family after all.”
I sigh, rubbing a hand over my face. “Yes. We’re… trying something out. It’s not official, it’s not permanent. It’s just… trialing. ”
Ellie looks like she might pass out from excitement. “Tati, you lucky—”
“Ellie!” I snap, cutting her off before she can embarrass Tati further.
But Tati’s laughing now, her face still buried in her hands as she giggles uncontrollably. Macon snorts, shaking his head as he switches Oliver to his other arm. “Trialing or not, it’s written all over your face, Carleen. You’ve got it bad for them.”
I shift uncomfortably, but I don’t argue. Ellie softens again, walking over to me and wrapping me in a tight hug. “Hey,” she whispers, her voice softer now. “You deserve this. You deserve to be happy. And if they make you happy—and if Tati makes you happy—then I’m all for it.”
I squeeze her back, my throat tight as I whisper, “Thanks, sis.”
Tati’s still grinning when we all settle into the living room, Oliver in Macon’s arms, Quinn still in the bassinet, and Aria still curled against Savin. The conversation shifts to lighter topics—Ellie’s recovery, how the babies are sleeping ( hint: they’re not ), and the general chaos of having three newborns in one house.
But the entire time, I feel lighter. Like some invisible weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I’ve been working too hard toward a goal that doesn’t matter. I am enough , I tell myself again. I just hope I start believing it.
We stayed for most of the day, my sorry ass passing out on the couch. They let me sleep, only until Tati started nudging my arm, saying that Ryder needed us home. I apologize to my sister and her mates, thinking the worst. Had Ashton burnt the apartment down? Did one of his creations turn out to be a monstrous mess? I have no idea because Ryder didn’t provide any other details than ‘Come home’, the bastard.
And what we step into, isn’t what I was expecting.
The apartment smells like roses the second we step inside. Soft music hums through the air, weaving between flickering candlelight that casts warm shadows along the walls. The tension in my shoulders melts away as I take it all in.
“Did we… walk into the wrong apartment?” Tati’s voice is soft, her hand clutching mine as her hazel eyes dart around.
Ashton steps out from the hallway like he’s starring in some over-the-top romance movie, arms wide, grin sharp and playful. “Welcome, my lovely ladies, to an evening of charm, passion, and—if I play my cards right—pure enchantment.”
Tati snorts, her laughter bubbling out before she can stop it. “Ashton, what is this?”
“A masterpiece, little doe.” He spins dramatically before extending a hand toward her. “May I have this dance?”
Tati looks at me briefly, like she’s asking for permission. I nod, and before she can second-guess herself, Ashton spins her into his arms, their feet moving effortlessly across the floor. The way Tati laughs—light, unburdened—makes my chest ache in the best way. Ashton’s charm is infectious, his smile sharp but tender as he guides her in playful circles.
A warm hand brushes against mine, pulling my attention away from the two of them. Ryder stands beside me, his tall frame bathed in the soft glow of candlelight. His blue eyes are calm, steady, and so achingly sincere it knocks the air right out of my lungs. “May I?” he asks, his hand still lightly holding mine.
I let out a soft breath before nodding, placing my other hand on his shoulder as he draws me close. We sway slowly to the music, Ryder’s grip firm but gentle as his hand settles at my waist. I can feel the tension in my spine ease as he guides me, his movements smooth and confident.
I go to speak—to ask how in the world they managed to pull this off in such a short time—but Ryder shakes his head slightly, pressing one finger to his lips. “Shh,” he murmurs softly, his voice like gravel and honey. “Don’t think, Carleen. Just… let yourself be here. With us.”
The way he looks at me—it’s too much. Like he can see every guarded piece of me and isn’t afraid of any of it. I swallow hard but nod, closing my eyes for a brief moment and letting myself fall into the rhythm of the music. When I open them again, I catch a glimpse of Ashton dipping Tati low, her laughter echoing softly through the apartment. Ryder must notice too, because his lips curl into the faintest smile as he glances toward them.
“They’re good together,” he says softly.
“They are,” I agree, my voice barely above a whisper.
His gaze flicks back to me, searching my face before he speaks again. “Thank you… for trusting us. For being here.”
I shake my head, smiling faintly. “No, Ryder. Thank you. For… this. For everything.”
His thumb brushes against my waist, a fleeting but tender gesture that sends warmth curling through my chest. From across the room, Ashton’s voice cuts through the intimate bubble we’ve created. “Alright, little doe, enough teasing. Let’s get you comfortable, hmm?”
Tati’s cheeks are flushed as Ashton pulls her toward the hallway, her small frame nearly disappearing against his broad chest. But her smile is soft, her trust in him written all over her face. Ryder’s hand tightens slightly on my waist before he pulls back just enough to look me in the eye. “I want tonight to be good for her,” he says, his voice low and steady. “But more importantly, I want it to be okay for you. ”
I blink, caught off guard by how intensely he’s looking at me.
“If at any point this feels wrong, or too much, or if you just need to stop—say the word. We’ll stop. No questions asked, no hard feelings.” His sincerity wraps around me like a safety net, holding me steady when my insecurities try to pull me under.
I nod, my throat tight. “I trust you, Ryder. Both of you. But this… it feels different with you here. Safe. ”
The corner of his mouth twitches up, his eyes softening. “Good.”
With one last lingering look, he presses a feather-light kiss to my forehead and it feels like an unspoken promise—a vow that he’ll keep me safe, no matter what happens next.
The music has slowed to a faint hum now, the candles flickering as if the air itself is holding its breath. Ryder steps back, giving me space, but his eyes stay locked on mine as he gestures toward the hallway. “Shall we?”
I nod, my heart thudding in my chest as we make our way down the dimly lit hallway. This is going to be our first night together and hopefully not our last.