Chapter 23
Milly’s mind had frozen in panic. She was vaguely aware of a gentle breeze brushing her blonde hair away from her face, chasing strands behind her ear.
She was even aware of a customer coming up to the counter, standing between her and Tom and asking Theo for another cinnamon latte, a new addition to the menu that she quite wanted to try, but nothing else was computing.
Tom was here.
In front of her.
Looking sheepish and with a small carry case as though he’d come straight from the airport.
How did he even know where she was? She’d blocked him.
She’d had no contact. Ada would never have told him and that only left her mum, didn’t it?
Surely she wouldn’t have said anything. After their conversation this morning, she so hoped she hadn’t.
Theo handed the customer the coffee and they moved away. Tom attempted to smile but all it did was make Milly want to punch him.
‘What are you doing here?’ she asked coldly.
‘I need to talk to you. It’s important.’ He glanced at Theo who was glaring at him. ‘Can we perhaps …’ He signalled outside.
‘No! No, we can’t go out there and talk.
’ She crossed her arms over her chest. ‘I have nothing to say to you, Tom.’ All she wanted was to continue to talk to Theo.
To get to the bottom of why he was reacting the way he was.
She still hoped he’d retract what he’d said, that he was embarrassed about them.
That he hadn’t meant it how it’d come out.
‘This is your—’ Theo began.
‘My ex-boyfriend, yes.’
‘Milly, please,’ Tom begged. ‘I’ve flown a long way.’
‘The flight’s like, two hours. How’s Claire from Accounts by the way?’
Tom’s neck, face and ears instantly turned a startling shade of beetroot. ‘That’s what I’ve come to talk to you about.’
He looked at the customers who, all sensing something was amiss, were doing their best to nonchalantly listen, or were openly turning around and watching.
‘If you don’t mind,’ Theo said. ‘I’ve had enough humiliation for one day. If you’re going to talk, please take it outside so my customers can enjoy their coffee in peace.’
Milly pinned him with her eyes, but Theo wouldn’t look at her. His words stabbed tiny pinpricks into her already fragile heart.
‘Of course,’ Tom replied, ever professional. ‘I’m so sorry.’
He was being polite, but Milly could see him running his eyes over Theo, assessing him, deciding if he was a threat or not.
‘Theo—’ Milly turned to him, imploring him to want to speak to her. ‘We were in the middle of—’
‘Please, Milly?’ Theo’s voice was cold and hard, and tears swam in her eyes.
‘Fine.’ She looked at Tom, her eyes shining.
His expression softened, obviously taking her emotional reaction as being a response to him arriving.
As though she was so overcome she was about to fall straight into his arms, grateful he’d finally come to his senses.
His smile, which now seemed smug, dried her misty vision instantly.
‘I’ll give you five minutes then I have stuff to do. ’
She marched past them both, leading the way outside.
She took a seat at one of the tables on the canal bank, as far away from the café door as possible, her arms still crossed and now her legs too.
If Tom didn’t get the hint from her body language she’d just have to spell it out in words.
She wasn’t interested in getting back with him.
Not now, not ever. And especially not now she’d found Theo.
Only, had she?
Or had she lost him already?
Pain pushed a lump into her throat, but she swallowed it down, desperate to hold on to her anger. She needed it for this fight to make sure she didn’t end up feeling sorry for him when he was the one who should feel ashamed and embarrassed.
Tom studied the seat opposite her before sitting.
Had he always been this fastidious? His grey eyes rose, searching her face.
He reached his hands over the table but seeing she didn’t move, retracted them and clasped them in front of him as though he was about to interview her for a job.
‘I know this is a shock and I’m sorry for turning up out of the blue. ’
She pushed her glasses up her nose, then recrossed her arms.
‘And I know it’s totally cliché but—’ He pushed a hand into his hair then tugged at the collar of his shirt.
He always dressed in suits or business casual no matter what the day or hour, even his pyjamas were smart button-up ones.
He looked attractive in chinos and a pale green shirt open at the collar, but her heart didn’t flutter once.
She’d thought him gorgeous when she’d first met him, all stylish pocket squares and cufflinks, but she much preferred Theo with his rumpled hair and clothes.
‘Milly,’ he began again. ‘Milly, I made a mistake. A stupid, ridiculous, huge mistake that I’ve regretted every minute of every day since. ’
‘How did you know I was here?’ she asked calmly, ignoring the implication of his words.
He sighed. ‘A friend follows you on Insta. They told me.’
Damn it, she should have thought of checking her followers and removing his friends too. That was stupid, but relief that it wasn’t her mum washed over her, easing a tiny bit of tension from her temples.
‘Look, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry for what I did, Milly. Really sorry. And I know you’re as heartbroken as I am.’
She let out a sardonic laugh, then pinned him with her eyes and scoffed.
If she was heartbroken over anything it was Theo and his stupid reaction to Nikoletta’s comments.
His pushing her away hurt far more than her break-up with Tom ever had.
Her eyes went to the café, and she could see him stacking pastries in the display case.
Her heart thudded hard in her chest but only at the sight of him.
She drew her mind, and gaze back to Tom.
‘I don’t even really know how it happened,’ he continued. He wouldn’t look directly at her and instead seemed to be focusing on her right ear.
‘When did it start?’
Questions had been playing in her head since the day she’d found out, but she’d blocked him immediately and then left so quickly she hadn’t had time to ask them all and as time had gone on, and she’d been living her life here in Copenhagen, she’d forgotten them.
Somehow those things seemed important then, but as he was here, right in front of her, she might as well find out so she could put the whole matter behind her and move on without any lingering questions.
Tom shuffled in his seat, dropping his eyes to his pristine white trainers.
He’d probably bought those especially for this trip.
That was the type of thing he did – a new outfit for travelling in.
A new suitcase maybe. She resisted glancing at the one behind his chair, but she could bet it cost a fortune.
And she would have done the same thing too, before, but not now.
Now she knew that hygge meant finding gratitude and happiness in the small moments and not in possessions.
In a life well lived not through buying what she didn’t need.
‘When did it start, Tom?’ she asked again, determined to get an answer. ‘I’m presuming the day I caught you both attached at the mouth in the stationery cupboard wasn’t the first time you’d hooked up.’
He pushed a hand into his hair. ‘Does it really matter, Milly? Surely what matters is I’m here now, begging you to take me back.’
She scoffed again and his eyes widened in shock. He really had expected her to just fall to her knees in gratitude that he’d come for her. ‘It matters to me, Tom. When. Did. It. Start?’
‘About two months before you found out.’
She nodded and kept her tone even because she didn’t care. She’d just wanted to know. ‘Right.’
‘Milly, I’m so—’
‘Please don’t say you’re sorry again.’
‘But I am. It was a—’
‘Mistake. I know.’ She sat back in her chair. She didn’t care if people could tell they were arguing. She just wanted to have this conversation, send him on his way and get back to Theo.
At that moment, Theo walked out of the café, and her eyes flew to him, forgetting everything about the conversation she was having. He carried two cups and placed them on the table. She could smell that he’d made her the cinnamon latte she’d wanted to try and a flat white for Tom.
‘Thank you,’ she muttered, but still he wouldn’t meet her eye and he walked away again.
‘Is there something going on between you two?’ Tom asked, watching her watch Theo walk away.
‘I’m sorry?’ Had he really had the temerity to ask that question?
‘Is there anything going on between you two?’
‘I don’t think that’s any of your business, do you?’ She stirred her coffee, controlling her mounting anger.
‘I came here to get you back, Milly, but if you’ve moved on already, at least have the decency to tell me.’
‘Already? Already? Where do you get off saying it like that? And what if I have moved on? What business is it of yours?’
He dropped his eyes like a sulky teenager. ‘I just thought our relationship meant more to you than that.’
‘It did until you started sleeping with someone else.’ Her anger suddenly cooled as the scent of cinnamon rose to her nose.
Theo had made her the drink he knew she wanted.
She hadn’t asked him for it, but he’d thought of her, even with everything going on, and hope rose that they could get past this stupid thing with Nikoletta.
Inside the café was the man she wanted, even though right now she wasn’t sure he wanted her.
All she knew for certain was that there was no way she was getting back with Tom, even though he’d flown out to Copenhagen to see her.
It was over and this silly arguing wasn’t going to solve anything.
She had to lay it out for him and send him on his way.
‘Let’s be honest, Tom,’ she began, her tone calmer and more even. ‘Things were fizzling out between us before you and Claire even started. We were just stuck. We didn’t have sex—’
Tom spluttered his coffee that he was just taking a sip of. ‘For God’s sake, Milly, keep your voice down.’ He grabbed a napkin and wiped the liquid from around his mouth.
‘It’s true. We weren’t. We didn’t even hold hands when we sat on the sofa watching TV side by side. What does that say about the state we were in? I think we both know it wasn’t really working anymore for either of us.’
‘I still love you,’ he said a little petulantly.
‘I think you just want the safety and security of us again, Tom. But not really us as a couple.’
‘No! I want us because you’re the right person for me.’ He took another sip of his coffee, even more exasperated with her for being calm. With a sigh, he said, ‘Me and Claire are no more. Her husband’s threatened to punch me in the face.’
She had to hide a giggle, grabbing her coffee and taking a sip.
It was delicious. Just the right amount of cinnamon.
It tasted perfectly of autumn. The summer was drawing to a close, even though today was bright and warm, she couldn’t wait to experience the city at that time of year.
Red and gold leaves falling over the cobbles, snuggling under blankets as the wind rose outside.
She desperately wanted to stay, which meant sorting things out with Theo, not Tom. She needed to get back inside.
‘I’m sure he won’t. He’s probably just angry. Like I was.’
Tom looked up imploringly. ‘I realised everything I’d lost the day you left me. Is there really no way back for you and me? Even though I’ve come all this way to show you how much I love you?’
She didn’t like big, showy gestures. She never had, and he should have known that about her by now. The sun came out from behind a passing cloud and warmed her neck, relaxing her muscles a little but not as much as putting a full stop on this chapter of her life. The chapter she’d shared with Tom.
‘I’m sorry, Tom, but I don’t think we have any sort of future together. I don’t love you anymore. Not like I did once. And that’s okay. Things change. Life changes and we change as a result. What we had is in the past. I’m sorry.’
She knew she didn’t really need to apologise for her feelings, but it seemed important to soften the blow.
Whatever he’d done, it was her own conscience she needed to consider.
She didn’t want to look back in ten years’ time and wish she’d been kinder.
After all, she really wasn’t angry about it anymore or even hurt.
It had been surprising how quickly she’d gotten over it, but that’s exactly what she’d done, and she was glad. Now, Tom could move on too.
‘What do I do now?’ he asked sadly.
‘Look around Copenhagen! I take it you’re here for a few days?’
‘Two nights.’
‘Then make the best of it. I think you’d love the design museum or the art and sculpture museum.’ Tivoli Gardens absolutely wasn’t his type of thing because it involved noise and rides and fun. ‘Or there’s the National Gallery, Copenhagen Contemporary … lots.’
‘And this is your final decision?’
She nodded. ‘It is.’
He looked away, grabbed his napkin and wiped some muck from his bright white shoe. Then he stood, took the handle of his suitcase and held an arm out to Milly. She softly hugged his shoulders, only touching him enough to seem polite.
‘Good luck, Tom,’ she said when she stepped back.
‘I will miss you.’
As they parted, he gave a thin smile, and dragged his case noisily along the cobbles, checking his phone for, most likely, the address of his hotel.
She hoped she wouldn’t run into him; Copenhagen was a small city, and she had nothing more to say.
For a moment, a weight had lifted from her shoulders.
A load had fallen from her back, and the baggage was gone, but then she realised he hadn’t paid for his coffee and rolled her eyes.
He probably hadn’t meant to leave her the bill, but if he had, it wouldn’t be the first time.
Yet again, it proved she’d done the right thing.
That they were never really suited in the first place.
And while she was sorry he was now alone, Claire having gone back to her husband, he’d find someone else; she was sure of it.
But now she had to go back and speak to Theo.
They needed to sort this stupid little argument out and move on too.
She still had to tell him she loved him and that she was planning on staying, and right now, after Tom, it felt like the perfect time.
If that didn’t make him forget his embarrassment over Nikoletta’s comments, nothing would.