Chapter 29
All flights to Copenhagen were booked except for one that left stupidly early in the morning, which suited Milly absolutely fine because she wasn’t likely to sleep anyway.
With the sky still dark outside, the plane took off, and Milly took out her notebook, reading all the notes she’d made to herself about hygge: about making the life you wanted, about enjoying feelings and experiences.
Theo had said that believing in hygge didn’t make life’s problems disappear, but it could help you deal with them, and while it had taken her a while to get here, that’s what she was doing now.
And the guy at the Happiness Museum had said that hygge was knowing what’s good for your soul and prioritising it, which was exactly what she was doing now.
She had a whole lot left to learn, but she was definitely making progress.
Finally, Milly read a note she’d made to herself, about focusing more on living every moment of her life to the full instead of rushing and working herself to the bone.
She sat back in her seat, a sense of pride filling every cell in her body.
She was moving towards living the life she wanted.
She hadn’t felt whole, or home, since she’d left Copenhagen, and returning was going to bring her lots of happiness.
Nerves still spiked whenever she thought of what she was going to say and fear paralysed her if she even imagined Theo saying no, that he didn’t feel the same way, but no matter what happened, she would be secure in the knowledge she’d tried.
Retracing her route through the airport to the metro and then the short distance to Nyhavn, Milly began to feel sick as she approached the picture-postcard street where the café was situated.
The sun had now risen, warming the air and bathing the city in a pale golden light.
The weather was much nicer here than it was in England, and even though it was still early she could tell it was going to be a wonderful, sunny day.
Bicycles flew past as people made their way to work, and dodging the bike lanes, making sure she didn’t walk in them, she made her way down the long street towards Lykke.
The rest of the cafés were closed, or only just opening, and she worried Theo may not even be there. Perhaps she should have gone to the canal house first, but her instincts told her he would be at work: the place they’d first met.
Just as it had when she’d arrived, her suitcase wiggled on the cobbles, getting stuck occasionally.
She was making a lot of noise and hoped that if Theo were there, it wouldn’t alert him to her presence before she was ready.
In the end, she decided to leave it a little way down the street confident no one would steal it and even if they did, it would be worth it.
With every step, Milly’s nerves grew stronger, pressing on her lungs and affecting her breathing until she was stood outside Lykke, telling herself to breathe in and out.
Through the window she could see Theo working, kneading dough, pulling it with one hand while pushing it with the heel of the other.
Her breath caught in her throat, her heart flipping at the sight of him.
His focus was on the dough, the strong muscles of his back working hard with the effort.
God she loved him. She loved every inch of him. And she knew instantly this wasn’t a mistake.
Crossing over the threshold, she pushed open the door. Theo didn’t even look up as he said, ‘The sign says closed!’
She didn’t move or speak, and finally, he glanced over. As he did his hands slowed, his body turning to face her fully.
‘Hej,’ she said, giving a strange, weird little wave that she’d never before given in her entire life.
‘Hej. What – what are you doing here?’
‘What indeed.’ She felt the scrutiny of his gaze and suddenly didn’t know what to do with her arms and legs. ‘I – I have something to say and I need you to listen.’
He turned and began kneading the dough again. ‘I have to get baking. We’ve been busy since the cooking festival. I have to make twice as much every morning now. It’s good but … tiring.’
‘I’m glad the café’s still busy.’
Though he wasn’t fully looking at her anymore, she saw the lopsided smile raise the side of his mouth and her body filled with love, like someone had turned a light on and it was illuminating all the dark corners within her. If she’d been stood in a pitch-black room, she thought she would glow.
‘You don’t need to speak,’ she replied, her voice wavering. She edged forwards and rested her hands on the counter. ‘I just need you to listen. I’ve come back – come all this way to—’
Theo’s hands slowed, his head turning fractionally towards her as if he was angling his ear to hear better.
‘To tell you that … you’re an idiot!’
‘I’m a what?’ His body stilled and he finally turned fully around to look at her. The counter stood between them, but his eyes were pinned on her.
‘You’re an idiot!’ A nervous laughed escaped. ‘Like, a complete idiot. For a number of reasons, but mostly because you’re willing to throw away what’s been the best relationship of my life and I – I think it might even have been the best relationship of yours too.’
‘Oh really?’
‘Yes, really. No one has made me as happy as you have and I know there was something really special between us. It was love. And you know it too!’
This conversation reminded her so much of some of the exchanges they’d had in the café she had to stop herself from smiling. She’d loved their bickering banter, the push and pull of speaking to him. ‘The fact is, I love you and I think – I’m hoping – that you were falling in love with me too.’
He leaned back, and his arms crossed his chest, his head cocked.
‘I was going to tell you before I left that I was falling in love with you. That day when Tom arrived, when you said my work here was done. I’d planned to say something.
’ He dropped his eyes and pain shot into her heart as she remembered that exchange.
‘I didn’t do it then, and even after you said what you said, I should have.
I should have been brave enough to be honest. I love you and – and you were wrong; my work here isn’t done.
And I don’t just mean the café, I mean my job, my life.
’ She pressed her hand to her chest, her heart beating rapidly, because as much as this was about him, it was about her too – about the life she wanted to live.
‘I want to be here with you, in Copenhagen and not in England. I want to do what I did for you and the café with other businesses. I loved helping people, and I want to do more of that. I want to take my little online community into the real world and start a consultancy business, and—’
‘Milly—’
She couldn’t tell what he was thinking or feeling from his tone, or know what he was going to say next, and she thought it better to just carry on with her monologue.
She’d been planning it ever since she stepped onto the plane.
There was so much she wanted to say, and she bitterly regretted not telling him she loved him before.
Ada was right; it could have changed everything, so now she was determined not to stop.
‘Don’t say anything yet, Theo. I need to get all of this out. I need you to know that I’ve never, never felt this way about anyone. And I understand why Nikoletta’s comments upset you. I know what happened before.’
‘You do? How?’ His brow furrowed.
Again, she couldn’t read his tone, but he seemed shocked, and she couldn’t blame him. She hadn’t taken a breath since she’d arrived and was pretty sure he hadn’t either.
‘Ada talked to some people who knew you and they told her how it all ended. And I get it. When you lose yourself in someone and everything you have is tied to them, when it falls apart you lose everything. But that isn’t going to happen to us.
Not least because I have no intention of tying my career to you or the café.
I have my own business ideas I want to pursue.
But not every relationship will end how that one did.
Not every relationship will end how mine and Tom’s did.
I’m not the same as your last girlfriend. And—’
‘No, you’re not,’ he replied, the lopsided smile pulling up one corner of his mouth more than the other.
She wanted to kiss him but made herself continue.
‘And you’re not the same as Tom. You said I should get back with him but he’s not the man I want.
The man I love. I love you and I want to be here with you.
If you’re scared, we can make sure we both build our own circle of friends.
We can be everything to each other while still being our own people.
That’s what a healthy relationship is. I just need you to be brave enough to give this thing a chance.
’ Her voice cracked. She didn’t want to plead, but she needed to make her case clearly.
She had to convince him that this thing was worth a shot. ‘Don’t – don’t push me away again.’
Their eyes met, hers glassy with tears, his sharp and pinned on her face.
He moved to the counter and leaned on it.
Now, both their hands rested together, their fingertips touching.
Theo looked down, took her hand, lifted it to his mouth and kissed it.
His fingers were covered in flour and bits of dough, but his lips were soft and sent tingles down her arm. Her breath hitched as her heart pulsed.
Still holding it, he said, ‘I’ve wished every day since you left that I could go back and change what I said.
I was stupid. I just – I couldn’t risk losing everything again, and I was scared of getting hurt.
I lost nearly all my friends and the person I spent all my time with.
I was alone and lonely. It – it hurt. A lot. And I didn’t handle it well.’
She remembered Ada saying he’d been a mess when she’d first met him.
‘It was only thanks to things like Absalon and hygge that I managed to lift myself out of it. But it took time.’
‘What happened with you and Astrid – that isn’t going to happen to us, Theo. I won’t let it.’
He was still holding her hand, toying with her fingers. His thumb brushed tiny circles on her skin. She could feel the flour he’d been working with, smell the cinnamon he’d been about to use. As before, her life had become colourful again, her senses alive in a way they weren’t in England.
Theo continued. ‘After you left, I realised the way I felt about you was different.’ His voice began to quiver.
‘I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.
A piece of me has been missing since you went back to England.
It was like a huge part of my life had suddenly fallen away, into a black hole, and I couldn’t get it back.
I wanted to text so many times, but I couldn’t find the right words.
And how could I ask you to come back after what I said?
I thought you would never forgive me. You’re—’ He looked up, fully meeting her gaze.
‘You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, Milly, and …
I love you. I love you with everything I have, and I want us to be together. Always.’
He looked into her eyes and a smile spread over her face.
She’d longed to hear those words, had worried that she might not.
Relief flooded her body, quickly filled with excitement.
The sun shone in through the windows illuminating everything around them and from the corner of her eye she was aware of the calm water of the canal.
How could she ever want to be anywhere else?
‘You’d better kiss me then, hadn’t you?’ she replied.
‘I suppose I better.’
To her utter surprise, instead of walking around the counter, Theo leapt over it in one quick, athletic move, pulling her into his arms as she giggled.
The kiss was everything she’d ever hoped it would be.
Before they’d been passionate and filled with longing, but this was different.
To have admitted how much they loved each other gave their kisses power.
Each one binding them together just a little more.
‘I love you,’ Milly whispered.
‘I love you too,’ Theo replied.
They kissed again, eyes closed, lost in each other when a high-pitched, terrifying scream tore them apart.