Chapter 13 The Fake-Dating Rulebook
The Fake-Dating Rulebook
Expiration date: We rip the bandage off cleanly. End of September, after the championship finishes.
Kisses for show: Kissing is only allowed if there’s a camera or a crowd. No audience? No action. No tongue.
Sell it to the skeptics: Handholding, pet names, and longing gazes mandatory in public. Convince everyone but ourselves.
No sleepovers: Even if it’s late. Even if it’s storming. Even if your hamstring needs icing. Your own bed. Every time.
Separate beds: In the event staying over is somehow unavoidable. No sharing. Not even once. Not even if the bed is king sized and there’s a pillow wall. Never.
11PM comms curfew: Let’s not accidentally drunk-trauma-dump via emoji.
For the grid: At least one couple social media post weekly. Heart emojis required. Comments optional but encouraged.
Date night: Mandatory weekly couple appearance. Make it look good.
Split the bill: No “boyfriend gestures,” like covering tabs, or surprise or sentimental gifts. Keep finances separate and drama-free.
No outside flirting: It’s exclusive until it’s over. No pursuing others during this arrangement.
Bulletproof the backstory: Our meet-cute must be memorized, believable, and bathroom-free.
Honesty is the best policy: The world gets fiction, we get truth. If feelings change, we speak up.
Ex-files: This isn’t therapy. Keep past relationship baggage locked away.
No exploitation: This isn’t for brand deals, interviews, or clout. Our fake story stays ours.
Rehearsals: Before any major gathering, we practice our story and couple routine.
Debriefs: After each appearance, we evaluate performance and emotional state.
Code word clearance: One signal or word when extraction from awkward situations is needed.
Research: Weekly quizzes on each other’s preferences, quirks, and history.
Off-limits: Each person gets three conversational subjects that remain untouchable in public.
Quirks: Develop three inside jokes/habits that make us look authentically in love.