Chapter Nine #2
The feeling usually went unacknowledged, but this time, she plucked it from her thoughts, giving it a heavier weight. It was true she wanted that enigma, the confidence and strength to push herself, to be unapologetically her…to make a difference. But loving herself? That was easier said than done.
Faye didn’t mind a bit of hippie ideology here and there. The flower-power era was pretty cool in the sixties, but honestly, she could think of better gifts than loving herself—like a working intestine, for one.
A trickle of sweat dripped down her neck. She was too tired and hot to think about all this now. She needed to lie down.
As she pushed her feet back into the hard ground and took a step, someone called her name. But it was the shrill whine accompanying it that made her stomach drop.
Not now.
“Faye! There you are.” Molly strode towards her, blonde curls bouncing on her shoulders. A baby pink dress hugged her petite frame, stopping mid-thigh, showing off her milky skin. Matching pink pumps completed the ensemble, making her look like she’d been plucked from Barbie’s Dreamhouse.
“Hi, Molly.” Faye forced a smile.
A cloudless blue sky hovered above, the fizzing heat radiating from the cliffs.
There was an awkward beat where no one said anything.
Faye didn’t have the energy to attempt a conversation.
Maybe if she kept walking, Molly would get the hint.
She smiled again and moved to step past her, but Molly’s voice pulled her back.
“Warm today, isn’t it?”
Faye relaxed the frown pulling at her mouth. “It is. Are you going for a dip?”
“No, no,” Molly replied hastily, like the idea was preposterous. “Actually, I was looking for you. My session made me think about some things, and I think we should talk.”
Faye stiffened. “What do you want to talk about?”
“We should clear the air.” She flipped her long hair over her shoulder with a playful shrug. “About us.”
“Oh.” Faye had been so consumed with her situation with Diana that she’d almost forgotten about Molly. All her past anxieties crashed over her like a tsunami. The rejection. The fear. The failure. “I can’t right now.”
Molly’s eyebrow twitched. “Somewhere to be?”
Shit. “Yeah. I’m…” Her mind drew a blank.
She squirmed like an ant under a magnifying glass, frying under the heat of Molly’s stare.
Then she spotted Riley at the top of the path, peeling off towards the painting studio.
“I’m meeting Riley,” she said, with more conviction than was necessary. “So I can’t right now. Maybe tomorrow.”
She scampered up the path like a dog with its tail between its legs. What had she said that for? She didn’t want to have that conversation tomorrow. She didn’t want to have it ever.
She felt like she was walking weirdly and straightened her posture, hoping Molly wasn’t watching her. God, I hope I don’t have a sweaty back. She cursed under her breath, replaying the conversation in her head. Panic mode engaged.
She couldn’t avoid Molly forever, but she also couldn’t stand and listen to a list of reasons why she wasn’t good enough.
Though they’d only seen each other a handful of times while they dated long distance, Molly had ended things without so much as a text.
Actions spoke louder than words, and she refused to be squished underneath Molly’s pink pumps like a bug again.
Molly probably wanted to gloat, anyway. To tell Faye about her new girlfriend and her perfectly working intestines.
“Challenge those thoughts,” Senhor Arenoso’s words echoed in her head. “Assumptions can be very damaging.” The guided meditation they’d done together aimed to pinpoint those assumptions when they arose, but still, she was surprised that she’d actually noticed her thoughts.
She didn’t have time to celebrate the feat because in order to challenge them, she had to face them.
And that meant having the damned conversation with Molly. Ugh. Faye would rather roll in a field of nettles.
She heaved out a breath as she reached the painting studio. A stack of easels rested beside the door, and there was the rustle of movement inside. The wood cabin had been painted white, with big, rectangular windows giving a spectacular view of the beach.
Faye ducked her head inside. “Hey, Riley.”
Riley looked up from a pile of canvases, using her arm to shield the sunlight. She broke into a grin when she spotted Faye in the doorway. “How’re you doing?”
“Good. Good.” Faye sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. A lone ceiling fan spun above their heads, doing nothing to combat the heat. “I just wondered if there was any update on the Pink Polari parakeet.”
Riley finished setting out the fresh canvases on wooden easels situated around the space. “Next time I head over, you can join me if you’d like?”
“That’d be great.” Faye hesitated, chewing her lip. “You sure it’s not too much trouble?”
She brushed her hands over her beige cargo shorts, creating finger smudges. “Not at all. Someone with your expertise will be helpful.”
Faye nodded, not entirely convinced. She wasn’t sure what she could offer after being out of the field for months. Nevertheless, the opportunity to get away from Sandy Springs and the awkward conversations with Diana and Molly had come at a perfect time.
“Okay, cool.” She forced a smile. “Thanks, Riley.”
All she had to do now was make it to her cabin without bumping into either of them or melting into a hot, sweaty puddle.