21. Melody
21
MELODY
W e head back to school, although I’m reluctant to return. My head is pounding with a hangover, and I spend most of the ride asleep. I can barely remember anything, of the night before, except I’m pretty sure I heard Chase’s and my song playing at some point, but that could have been a dream. Rhonda is staying in the city for the rest of the week, so I have to face the firing squad without her.
Chase told me the paper printed an apology and that Jenna was no longer working for them, but still, the way people treated me had me nervous. And it begs the question of if what I’ve been working towards is even worth it. My whole life I’ve dreamed of being a singer, and I thought Langford would be the place to mold me into the best one I could be. But not even a month in and I’m a social pariah. Labeled a brother fucking slut, and a gold digger. It’s a fucking nightmare.
I guess I could see if my old job would want me back, but the thought of waiting tables again and begging to sing doesn’t sit right with me.
“Look, if anyone so much as says anything I will personally hunt them down,” Chase says as we pull in. I give him a weak smile, because that’s all I have the energy to muster. I really should have stopped drinking earlier.
The place still looks intimidating as we exit the vehicle. The quad is busy with people throwing snowballs, but some stop to gawk at us as we walk by.
“Ignore them,” Chase says.
I want to slide up next to him and have his arm wrap around me tucked against his body, but I keep my distance, knowing that we’d only spark a new round of rumors if I were to act on my feelings. I keep my arms wrapped around my body with my head down, avoiding their leering looks, but feeling every pair of eyes tracking my movements.
Once inside our dorm, I say the words that have been sitting on the tip of my tongue all morning. Words I’ve been dreading. “Chase, I’ve been thinking about this, and I think we should just be friends. It’s too much, and I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Chase nods like he was expecting me to say it. “Sure. Fine. Whatever you want.”
“I just?—”
“I get it. No need to explain.”
My insides tumble as he cuts me off. It was so stupid to get involved with him. I knew better, and yet I did it anyways. I jumped headfirst without a thought of the consequences, and now the consequences are biting me in the ass. Maybe I’m being a coward, but if I don’t end this, I’m afraid it’ll end me.
* * *
Maestro gives us an A+ on our project and plays our piece for the class. It physically hurts to hear it. My voice sounds so hopeful, and now I feel anything but. The class reacts positively, and mostly everyone has left me alone. I study, I eat, and I hang out with Rhonda in my free time. I’ve caught up on all my work and am passing all my classes.
Other than sleeping in the same dorm every night, Chase and I don’t interact. In fact, he acts as if I’m not even there. Moving around me like I’m a piece of furniture.
My mom checks in occasionally, making sure I’m still coming to the wedding this weekend, or just to prattle on about how wonderful her life is now. She had a dress sent over with strict instructions to start dieting for so I wouldn’t ruin her pictures. The subtle jab at my weight isn’t lost on me. When my mom wasn’t ignoring me growing up, she was picking apart my appearance. I remember eating a bag of chips in front of her once, that resulted in her cutting off my lunch money for a week. Friends of mine all pooled their money just so I could have something while my mom thought skipping a few meals would make me more attractive. Now, I eat whatever the hell I want to loving my body the way she could never do. But seeing that note from her about dieting brings it all back. Plus, Chase and I will have to travel together, meaning hours of awkward silences. Goody.
“Text me all the updates. I want to see that bridesmaids dress on you,” Rhonda says.
“I will. And tell Angelica hi for me.” Rhonda had started seeing someone in the city since we went to Club Nobu. They were in that lovey dovey stage of their relationship that had me happy for my friend, but also a tad bit jealous.
Chase waits for me by the car with his arms folded and aviator sunglasses perched on his nose. Does he have to look so hot all the time?
“We’ll go out together when you get back.”
“Deal,” I say, hugging her around the neck.
Chase and I don’t say a word to each other the whole way to the airport. And still nothing once we get to the plane.
“Are you going to ice me out forever?” I ask, unable to take the silent treatment any longer.
Silence.
“What if someone attacks me? Will you still be ignoring me then?”
He sighs and looks over at me. “If someone attacks you, I won’t ignore you.”
“He speaks.”
Chase rolls his eyes and looks out the window. Back to ignoring me once again. I wish I didn’t care, but it’s eating at me. It makes me want to go over and shake him or slap him. Anything would be better than this nothing he’s giving me. So, I ended things between us. We can at least act amicably like adults. Especially since there’s no avoiding each other forever.
It’s just the two of us on this private jet besides the crew, and I try not to be intimidated by it. It’s a small aircraft, manned by two pilots and one stewardess, who has mostly left us alone.
About midway through the flight, I have to use the bathroom, and am shocked by how nice it is in here. I’m used to the small nasty bathrooms on public flights, this is anything but. There’s actually more room for me to maneuver, which is a surprise. I’ve barely finished, before someone is knocking at the door.
When I open the door, Chase is on the other side. He pushes me in and closes the door behind us.
“What are you doing?” I ask, nerves making my heart hammer. I’m not the best flyer. I usually spend the majority of my flight buckled in, trying to tell myself I’m fine while I count the minutes until landing.
“I’ve kept my distance, Melody. But seeing you every day in such close quarters is driving me nuts. You have no idea how much it kills me that I can’t reach out and touch you like I want to.” He steps closer, and while the bathroom is marginally larger than a typical airline, it’s still a small plane and there isn’t that much room. My ass hits the sink as his hand comes up to my neck. “I want to kiss you, and fuck you, and hear those noises you make when you come.”
“We can’t,” I say.
He nods his head and places his forehead against mine. “I know. But I can’t help that I want you. That I know exactly how you taste. I can’t just forget that, Melody. But I can pretend. To get through this weekend, I’ll play nice. I’ll smile and act like the perfect stepbrother, even if the whole time I’ll be picturing you naked beneath me.”
I whimper, placing my hand on his chest. He recoils immediately and I shrivel from the instant rejection. “If you touch me, I won’t be able to stop myself. I’ll take you right here on this sink without a care who the fuck can hear us.”
“Sorry.” I hate how much his word affect me. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that the distance between us has been just as torturous for me, but I don’t tell him that. I keep the words stuffed down deep, knowing that uttering them out loud will do no good other than hurt us both further.
He scoffs and runs his hands through his hair. “You have no idea how much being near you kills me.”
Chase opens the door and leaves me alone in the bathroom with nothing but his words to haunt me.
There’s nothing to be done about it, though, Our situation is fixed. Our parents are married. I mean hell, we’re headed to their ceremony so they can do it again, only this time in front of their friends and family. He’s still my stepbrother, and I’m still his stepsister. And that fact makes me want to scream into the void until my voice goes hoarse. Go figure, I fall for a guy, and it turns out I can’t have him.
I head back to my seat and double check my buckle, determined to make it unscathed this weekend. But one look in Chase’s’ direction sends my heart flying into my throat, because he’s looking at me with such a raw vulnerability that breaks me. Turning away, I wipe a tear from the corner of my eye knowing I can’t do anything to change our situation. And it hurts like hell.