Chapter 15 #3
My eyes widen, and I gasp when I notice the three dots indicating he’s replying to me right away.
Gordon asks, “Everything all right?”
“Yes, don’t worry about it.” He turns right, and I start to recognize the buildings around me, which means in about ten minutes, I’ll be home and can finally take a shower to wash away the masculine scent, which is twitching my nose and causing goose bumps to spread all over me.
If that’s not pathetic, I don’t know what is, honestly.
Everything all right?
My fingers seem to reply of their own accord.
Not really.
Want to share with me?
Somehow, this proposition brings relief to the bubble threatening to burst within me because I have to discuss this whole thing with someone.
I can’t do it with Aileen or Emmaline because it’s weird to discuss my sex life when it’s Aileen’s brother who took my virginity.
I can’t talk to Scarlett because while she’ll understand and probably suspects already, she’s still my brother’s close friend. What if she accidentally spills the beans, so to speak?
And I can’t talk to my psychiatrist either.
I had sex with my brother’s brother-in-law last night.
Cringing inwardly at how stupid this sounds, I close my eyes and quickly open them again when the phone pings with a new message.
Okay.
That’s all? He has nothing else to say?
To be fair, I haven’t given him much information to ask any questions, and besides, having sex is a new and earth-shattering experience for me. To most adults, it’s a normal occurrence, I guess. Technically, there is nothing criminal in that statement either.
Why is that a problem?
It’s very complicated.
Complicated how?
He’s twenty years old. I think. I’m not sure how old he is, actually.
He’s probably slightly older than Aileen. Since she turns nineteen soon, he must be twenty or twenty-one? They rarely talk about his age, and I never asked any questions, but now, come to think of it, when Valencia showed me family photos…I’ve never seen his baby pictures.
The earliest were when he was around seven or eight. Isn’t that a bit strange? Plus, she must have given birth to them really close together.
I’m thirty.
Ah, I see. So it’s the age thing that’s the issue?
I so wish I could say it’s just the age.
It’s so much more, though.
Also, he’s Aileen’s brother, who considers me a friend as well. Does this mean I broke some kind of code by sleeping with Levi?
My anxiety grows the closer we get home and it confuses my mind, making every breath I take heavy and difficult while various images swirl in my head, each sadder than the other, where I inevitably end up alone with everyone turning their backs on me.
It wouldn’t be the first time, but I can’t survive that again.
I’m not strong enough for it.
So you seduced a twenty-year-old guy and feel ashamed?
I didn’t seduce him. I wouldn’t know how to seduce anyone. I was a virgin.
Okay, I so did not mean to write that.
And he was one as well?
No. He has a very colorful past. He got around a lot.
Dead silence follows, and I bite my lip, wondering if I shared too much with Lev, who never signed up to listen to me vent.
Maybe he considers me a perv now too.
What’s really the issue, then?
What do you mean?
He’s an experienced adult who, I assume, has engaged in consensual physical activity with you. In fact, it sounds as if you were the one being seduced. So, as long as you’re both single and willing, what’s the issue?
What do you mean, what’s the issue? He’s twenty! People would say I corrupted his mind and blame me.
A thirty-year-old virgin corrupted his mind? You’re funny.
I can almost hear the mocking in his tone, pulling at the strings of my mind, finding familiarity in it, yet I can’t connect the dots to make sense of it.
And he’s right.
Levi lives a far richer and wicked life at twenty than I do at thirty, and if we were to compare life experiences, he has way more than I do.
Not that it excuses me from lusting after a younger man.
I wonder if my brothers had the same issues when they fell in love with women half their age, or am I the only one who feels guilty?
If we forget about the age, he’s still technically family. If anyone finds out, we’ll both be in trouble.
Why does it matter?
What?
Why does it matter if your family will have a problem with that? Have they asked your opinion regarding their private lives?
Of course not. It’s different, though. They’re adults.
And you aren’t?
I freeze at this because that’s the issue, isn’t it?
I don’t consider myself an adult who can make her own decisions, and I always fear that some kind of punishment will come from misbehaving.
And who usually is afraid of such things?
That’s right, children.
If you continue to only think about your brothers, you’ll never live the life you want or desire. You see, people are selfish by nature, and they think only about themselves. They would exploit all your sacrifices. So catering to their wishes will only make you resent yourself in the long run.
“We’re here, Lavender.”
It takes me a moment to realize that Gordon has parked the car, and the doorman opens the door. “Miss Wright,” he greets me, extending his gloved hand to me. “Welcome home.”
“Hi.” I glance at Gordon. “Thank you, and I should be out in about an hour. We’ll go to see my brothers.”
He nods. “Sure thing. Just shoot me a text.”
I have to go. Talk to you later. Thank you!
I get out and hurry inside the building, waving absently at Marissa, and grab a water bottle on the way, flicking the lid open as I press the elevator button.
Once it dings its arrival, I hop inside and press on the P button while guzzling the water, and turn around to study my reflection in the mirror and choke.
“Oh my God,” I mutter, trying to untangle some of my hair with my fingers and noticing my lips are still puffy from all the kissing. Not to mention hickeys and marks that leave little doubt about what I was doing last night. “This is a disaster.”
Would concealer cover them all up? I’ve never used it before and the weather is so warm. I can’t wear a turtleneck, and sitting home is not an option with my family demanding to see me.
My brothers aren’t known for their patience, and though they may be super lenient with me…I know my limits when it comes to their temper and legendary characters, which usually ends in a death sentence for whoever crosses them.
And once again, they would never be intentionally cruel to me, yet I don’t want to be on the receiving end of their temper.
Arriving on my floor, I enter my apartment and put my phone away, quickly slipping off my shoes. I’m about to dash toward the bathroom when a voice stills me to the spot.
“Lavender.”
I spin around and exhale in resignation at the sight of my brothers filling the living room’s doorway while their women stand behind them, their eyes wide and their mouths dropped open.
Dead silence falls all around us as we engage in a long stare-off. My brothers scan me from head to toe, and I can feel the disapproval reeking off them from here.
Finally pushing past the bile in my throat as fear glides through my veins, I say, “Hi, guys.” I clear my throat. “What are you doing here?”
Since my brothers continue to give me the silent treatment, Emmaline speaks up as they push forward with Aileen. “We were worried, so we decided to come check on you.” Her cheeks heat. “We were afraid something bad had happened.”
“Let’s call it how it is. You were afraid I did something to myself.” I blink in shock at the bite in my words, never expecting to speak them out loud, but there is a certain freedom in it, too. “I’m fine. Not dead or anything.”
I expect the girls to be offended. Instead, they both grin, and my brothers grow even more tense, charging the energy around us with anger.
“That’s a relief,” Aileen says, and grabs her bag. “We would have stopped by anyway. It’s Monday.”
Oh right.
The girls came up with a whole new tradition for us, going out for breakfast to spend some quality family time together.
I guess they are doing their best to fix our family, and my brothers indulge them in their fantasies.
As if we can ever fix what happened to us. People who grew up in love will never understand the scars of those who grew up without it.
“Right. Go ahead then. I’ll join you in an hour.”
“That sounds like a good idea.” Aileen elbows Rush. “Come on, darling.”
“We should go,” Emmaline adds, lacing her fingers through Rafael’s, who reluctantly moves. “We’re going to the usual place.”
“Great.”
Rafael stops when he reaches me and tips my chin up, smiling at me even though it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“You all right?” I nod. “I don’t need to kill anyone?
” I shake my head. “You’d tell me if I had to do it?
” I hesitate a little, and his hold on my chin tightens, so I nod.
“I was worried. Next time, send a text in advance.” He presses a small kiss to my forehead. “I’ll see you at the restaurant.”
They go toward the elevator while Aileen finally manages to drag Rush from the doorway. He follows them, but I still when he palms my cheeks. “Did you want this?”
I understand his question right away.
“Yes.”
He looks at me forever, it seems, before kissing me on the cheek and hugging me close, and a sense of safety washes over me in his arms that I love and hate at the same time.
Love because he’s my big brother who did his best.
Hate because it makes me starved for a connection I’ll never have with my siblings.
“We’ll be waiting for you.” He leans back, taps me on the nose, and wraps his arm around Aileen’s waist before joining Rafael and Emmaline. “Don’t be late.” A certain warning laces his voice.
Does he expect me to avoid them or something?
The minute the elevator door closes, I sigh in relief, and a nervous laughter spills past my lips because that seemed easy.
My brothers figured out I spent the night with a man, and the only thing they cared about was that it was consensual and I’m all right.
My happiness is replaced with dread, though, as I remind myself that my brothers are never this chill.
Not when it comes to people they feel protective of.
Which means they’ll dig and dig until they find out who it was.
I glance at the phone, giving myself ten minutes for a shower, and dash to the bathroom.
Removing my clothes in record time, I turn on the shower and step into the stall, letting the hot water cascade down my body and slowly create steam all around me.
Sighing, I fully get under the spray, and I’m so lost in the pleasurable sensation over my strained muscles that it takes me a second to realize the energy around me has changed swiftly.
I feel a presence behind me, but before I can react, I gasp as my splayed hands end up on the tile in front of me while a hard, muscular body presses into me from behind.
Strong hands cover mine, and a light stubble grazes my shoulder, while a deep and husky voice whispers into my ear, “Who gave you permission to run from me, moy cvetochek?”