CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
She was called Polly now.
I’d tried the word out so many times since Ellie had told me, whispering her name under my breath in astonished joy and disbelief. My head had been in such a whirl since Ellie told me she’d been found that I hardly knew what I was doing.
Only this morning, I’d carefully placed six bathmats in a neat pile on the table in the Bedouin tent. Luckily, Ellie had spotted the error and quickly replaced them with bath towels. She was chuckling as she told me what I’d done and I knew she understood perfectly that my mind just wasn’t on the job.
‘Are you nervous about this afternoon?’ she’d asked, and I’d given her a ‘duh!’ sort of look. She’d smiled. ‘Not surprised. But it’s going to be fine. I’m sure of it.’
And now she was driving me to Guildford, where I’d be meeting Polly in a café there. It had been Ellie’s suggestion. Neutral ground, I suppose, so we could escape if we wanted to. Although I knew I definitely wouldn’t want to.
It was hard to believe I was going to see my daughter today. My baby. In fact, I couldn’t believe it. Not really.
I’d only know it was true when she was standing there opposite me and I could finally see her beautiful face again and put all the years of sadness and heartache behind me.
How did she feel about me?
I had no idea. But she’d agreed to see me, so that was a good start.
Maybe our meeting today would end her years of always wondering, too . . . that sense of something missing in her life . . .?
My heart was racing as we pulled into the car park opposite the café.
The plan was that Ellie, who’d already met Polly, would go into the café first to make sure she was there and say hello. Then she’d collect me from the car.
‘I’ll hang around in Guildford doing some shopping and you can call me when you’re ready,’ she’d reassured me on the way over. ‘But there’s no rush. I hardly ever have time for a leisurely shop so take all the time you need.’
She got out of the car and gave me an encouraging smile and a double thumbs-up before closing the door. And as I watched her walk into the café, I suddenly came over all light-headed. It was such a surreal moment. But if I wanted my legs to carry me across the car park to see Polly, I’d have to get myself together!
I was still taking slow, deep breaths when I saw Ellie come out again.
This was it.
I was smiling as I watched her walking over. But as she got nearer and I saw the expression on her face, I felt the first twinge of foreboding.
She got into the car and shut the door. Then she sighed and looked over, taking my hand in hers.
‘Polly’s changed her mind. It was Serena in there. Polly . . . she doesn’t want to see you. Not now, anyway.’
My face must have fallen because Ellie, looking distressed, reached over to hug me. ‘Oh, Rhona. After all that build-up as well! But just because she’s not up to seeing you today doesn’t mean it will never happen.’
I nodded, feeling a warm tear escape. ‘I’m fine. I shouldn’t have got my hopes up.’ My voice was muffled against her coat. Thank goodness Ellie was here. I’d be feeling a million times worse if she hadn’t come with me today . . .
I’d imagined meeting my daughter in that café a hundred times over.
But I’d never once envisaged a scenario where she didn’t even show up . . .