Chapter 6 Feather #2
“Feather,” the main group Guide repeated.
“An interesting name. I see you are a Novice. So you’ve only experienced one mission.
Is that so?” Their voice was like warm honey.
I would buy a time share from that voice.
I would tell it my social security number and my mother’s maiden name.
I would donate a kidney, maybe even one I was still using.
I didn’t want to lie to that gorgeous, hypnotic voice. “That’s what I’ve been told.”
“Wonderful. This is a perfect example for you of what Protectors can and can’t do in your time on Earth.
” They nodded to Valor. “While Valor was unable to complete his primary mission, he was able to keep the balance from shifting even farther by steering the children away from crime. He did an exceptional job.”
I changed my mind. The voice wasn’t honey—it was opium smoke.
“Did he steer them straight into foster care? Or worse? The streets?” I tried to shake away the bliss that was seeping into me.
Because this was bullship. “Stealing food for a little sister or brother is a… crime of compassion. I’ve done worse. ”
“We can tell, Novice Feather.” Valor raked me with a glance that was equal parts condescension and amusement. “My mission was complete at that point, and I returned here for purification and renewal.”
The group turned away, the new Guides floated back to the outside of the circle, and the next Protector rose from her cushion to speak.
“I am Diligence, and my mission was to keep a group of high schoolers from cheating on a college entrance exam.
" I blinked as she went on and on about shifting the balance by reinforcing the students’ vague worries about getting caught cheating.
“I’m sorry,” I interrupted after a few more minutes, stopping Diligence’s confession of feeling prideful about what an amazing job she’d done on her mission. “I’m still stuck on the last one.”
The main Guide sighed. “Listening is a valuable skill, Feather.”
“Yeah, but I’m not sure I get the whole purpose of us. We are Protectors, yeah? Aren’t we supposed to actually protect the charges we get?”
“Within limits, yes,” they agreed. “Diligence, a moment?” They lifted one robed arm in a graceful motion, and Diligence returned to her cushion.
“Maybe we could let Feather tell us about her life choices on Earth, and then we can all help her understand what went... very obviously wrong.” Their voice turned even more syrupy sweet.
“And remember, no matter what you say here, it’s my calling to find a way for you to be cleansed.
Just be honest and truly seek to do better.
We’ll help you with everything.” And they gestured to the clumps of mud all over my robe.
And on my cushion. And the floor all around me.
“Wow, this stuff is really easy to smear around.” I raised an eyebrow when the Guide shuddered. I tried not to smirk when they backed away clumsily as I stood and approached the center spot. Yeah, you can’t handle my smut, Teach.
“Well, Feather? You wanted our attention. You have it.”
I wanted attention? I just wanted answers. And some coffee. And maybe a nap. I bristled, feeling the eyes of all the Protectors and all three Guides zero in on me.
From across the Hall, Sunny gave a double thumbs-up. “You’ve got this,” she stage-whispered. “Rock on.” The others stared at her, murmuring.
Definitely a ride or die birch.
For a second, I was tempted to do a classic confession—I’d been Catholic at least ten times—but I had a feeling none of them would believe how many days it had been since my last confession. “Right. So, you want me to tell you about the most recent life I had?”
The Guide’s laugh tinkled like tiny bells.
It made my stomach twist, remembering the naming chime.
“It’s obvious from your ignorance of this realm, as well as our unfamiliarity with you, that you have just returned from your first life.
” I couldn’t see their face, but assumed the Guide was smiling from the warmth in their voice.
Oddly, they kept glancing back at the other tall Guides, both leaning against the wall by the door.
Maybe the Guide I was talking to was like the Assistant Manager, and one of those two was the boss?
“Are you sure?” I tried. “I feel like maybe I’ve had a lot of lives already.”
“Trust me, it’s not possible. But do share.
We’ll help you understand your mistakes, we’ll get you purified, and in a few more lifetimes, I have a feeling you’ll be glowing brighter than most of your cohort.
” A few of the Protectors around me coughed at that; one stifled a laugh.
Bassholes. “Now, go ahead. What was your name in your past life?”
“Feather,” I said. “They called me something else at first, but I always… I liked Feather, so I switched it.”
“And your mission?”
“Yeah, I didn’t exactly, um, know what it was.” A few of the Protectors gasped.
The Guide shushed them. “Amnesia from your journey. Unusual, but not unheard of. Were you able to eventually remember it on Earth?”
“Not precisely.” I smiled, thinking of my last charge, Lily. “I mean, I didn’t wake up one day knowing what was going on.”
Mumbles all around me had me shushing the others so I could hear the Guide. “So you didn’t remember your mission at all? No memories of this place, or who your charge was?”
I shrugged. It definitely wasn’t time to spring the “I’ve been on Earth for hundreds of years” news.
“I was in Chicago, in a group foster home. I’d been in a few private homes before that.
I was born in Des Moines, I think. Anyway, I was twelve when I landed in Chicago itself.
I lived on the streets, doing some side work, until I felt the call to a charge when I was about a month shy of eighteen.
Lily had just turned six. I knew the minute I saw her, I had to protect her. ”
The Guide brightened. “Yes, it’s common to have an urgent feeling to protect one’s charge. Instinctual. Go on.”
“Okay. It wasn’t until I met Mr. Wright that I realized who I had to protect her from.
He was a molester. He’d been messing with some of the older girls before I felt called to the home, but when he started focusing on Lily, I…
” I had a sudden feeling I shouldn’t mention the voice that instructed me to protect, the one that had taught me about taking on the shadows that formed my smut.
They’d probably ask who the voice was, and I didn’t know his name.
Or they’d think I was lying or nuts. So I finished weakly, “I knew I had to keep her out of his hands.”
For some reason, the three Guides all seemed to still. One of the pair in the back, Possible Boss Guide #1, spoke. “You were tasked with protecting a child from assault in your first life on Earth?” I nodded. “You swear this was your first journey to Earth?”
“Absolutely,” I said. First and only journey.
“You’re lying. You must be.”
I smiled at the golden hood that hid the face.
He’d tried to disguise his voice, but I’d recognize that attitude anywhere.
Mr. Deep Sexy Voice himself: Gavriel. “I almost never lie. I’ve only ever been sent to Earth one time.
” That much was true. “And I have to say, I’m not that impressed with the job you guys are doing.
I mean, let’s face it. Shizz is getting real down there. ”
The whole group gasped, and the murmuring grew louder. “Tell us what happened with Lily,” Gavriel rasped out. “The truth.” There was a weird tone in his voice, like a command. It reminded me of when Growly had said “Silent” and “Still.” Like I had no choice but to comply.
“Your wish, my command. So, she had been targeted by Mr. Wright. When he came to her room that last night, I made sure I was there in her place, her bed. When he got ticked off and attacked me instead, she tried to kill him with a small knife. She tried to protect me.” I took a deep breath, trying not to remember the horror of that night.
“I couldn’t let her do that—kill him, I mean.
” I’d actually been sort of proud of Lily for standing up to the evil basshole.
“I guess I could have let him live. But if I just wounded him, he wouldn’t have stopped. And I wasn’t going to let him stay there and molest those girls. So I killed him for her. For all of them.” I mimed the stabbing move I’d perfected.
I might as well have thrown a bomb into the center of the circle. Half of the Protectors screamed; a few actually flew away, like my confession could implicate them. Even Sunny scooted as far as she could on her pillow, and carefully looked everywhere except at me.
The main Guide flapped its arms around in the golden bathrobe, sputtering like a motorboat. Not a pretty sound at all. “Assembly is dismissed for the day. Everyone go to the purification chambers, the meditation halls—be cleansed.”
Except for Sunny, they all ran like I’d just announced I had head lice, scabies, and the plague. But then the Guide pointed to the door, and even Sunny left, mouthing, “Talk to you later,” before she flew off.
“Why are they all leaving? I was only telling the truth. I mean, that’s what Group is for. We tell what bad shizz we got up to in our life, get cleansed or what have you, and then get sent back to protect some more, am I right?”
Gavriel—sorry, Boss Guide #1—sighed. “Yes, and no.”
The main Guide finally found words. “Absolutely not. You murdered a human. You admitted to killing him outright. You are unredeemable.” They glared at both the Boss Guides.
“Why you haven’t been unmade already is a question for the High Angeli.
” Yeah, that cinched it. The new Guides were definitely Mikhail and Gavriel.
“An investigation is ongoing.” Gavriel cleared his throat. “It may be that there were… extenuating circumstances.”
“There can be no excuse for murder.”
I shivered under the Guide’s arctic glare. “Ouch. What happened to ‘it’s my job to help you find your way’?”
The Guide shuddered. “Intentionally killing a human? There are limits to grace.”
I couldn’t help it; I flinched. Deep inside, I had always wondered if there was a chance that I could be forgiven for the crime I’d committed all those years ago.
I’d known it was foolish to hope so. But to stand here—if not in Heaven, at least as close to it as I would ever come—and hear one of the angels in charge state it so baldly?
That I would never be able to measure up?
Never be equal to the ones who deserved forgiveness and grace?
It stung more than a little, and I fought to keep my chin from wobbling.
The Guide went on, oblivious to how their words had affected me.
Or maybe they just didn’t care. “You are not welcome in this group, in my room. In fact, your presence would be a corrupting influence in all the Assembly Halls. The other Guides will be notified.” Then they were gone in an instant, through some invisible door.
I exhaled heavily, glad to see them go. Or not see them go, whatever.
“Of course, there are invisible doors in Hell’s Halfway House,” I grouched, kicking a cushion away with my bare foot.
My bare, muck-encrusted foot. I peered around for my sandal.
“No coffee from what I can tell, no weed, and for sure no booze—” I whirled around when the remaining Guide—who I was sure was Mikhail—grunted, or laughed.
I’d kind of forgotten they were there. I crossed my eyes at him and Gavriel.
“I don’t see what’s so funny, Your Growliness.
I just got expelled from angel school on my first day. ”
Mikhail pushed the massive hood back from his face, and my heart stuttered slightly at the intensity of those flashing, fascinating eyes. Or maybe it was the way his tongue darted out to wet his lips before he spoke.
“That means more time in my Maker Hall.” A slight smile transformed his scarred, stony face into a breathtaking sight.
“I will see you after next rising. Chin up, little Novice. We’ll get you figured out.
” He winked at me, and I blew a tiny kiss back.
I bit my lip when he got flustered and pulled the hood back up, striding toward the wall and vanishing without another word.
Gavriel made a shocked sound. I ignored him and stared down at the wreck I’d made of the white floor and cushion with my soul smut. “I hope they have good carpet cleaners in this realm.”
“They do,” Gavriel replied, waving a hand at the mess. I blinked. At my feet sat a bucket full of some glowing liquid, and a stack of towels. “We call them Novices. When you get that cleaned, report to the Dining Hall.”
The cold amusement in his voice was utterly familiar.
Every jerkface in every new school I’d entered had that condescending attitude down pat.
They never had to say “You’re not one of us, and you’re not welcome” out loud.
Somehow, someone must have taught them how to squish it all into that mocking tone.
“Yes, your Majestic Imperialness,” I muttered after he’d poofed away through another invisible door. “I’ll just use my grease hands to scrub the grease off the floor. Let’s ignore the fact that every dang thing I touch gets covered with the farking stuff. This place sucks!”
I wanted to cry, but I was too exhausted. Well, scrubbing floors wasn’t anything new—I’d never had a life on Earth where I was rich. So, I did what I’d always done. I instructed my body to do what had to be done, set it on autopilot, and let my imagination fly.
Fly first class to Hawaii with a team of five Nobel prize-winning scientists, whose great discovery was how to induce multiple orgasms through a combination of scalp massage and compliments.
And I was their very, very good girl all the way to Kauai.