Chapter 30
Feather
Mikhail had only just stopped telling his story when the most violent tremor we’d had shook the room. Tools went flying, and I was afraid I’d get hit, but he wrapped me in his thick, soft wings, taking the damage for me.
That was a theme, wasn’t it? He took the damage for all of us in Sanctuary. And he’d hurt himself for me… because he believed he owed me for his mistake all those years ago.
Even thinking the word made me wince. I was a mistake. His mistake. He’d thrown me away, or tried to. And when he realized what that had done to me, what I was in his mind because of it… he’d given me the only thing he had left to give.
His hope for a real, equal, worthy partner.
I could cry for the shame of it, but I didn’t want him to see me.
I was already so embarrassed—I’d told him I loved him, for crying out loud!
He hadn’t said it back, not that I’d expected him to.
I’d thought the way he touched me meant something…
but that gentleness could be how he touched any woman lucky enough to come that close.
It could be that the feather he’d given me had forced those feelings on him. He’d hinted at it, but it wasn’t like I could ask… not without being mortified. He wouldn’t admit it anyway; he was so careful to try not to hurt me.
I’ll ask Sunny, maybe she’ll know.
I had only just made that decision when Mikhail unwrapped his wings. “I have to go—Gavriel’s calling me. Some Protectors are injured. The Assembly will be held in an hour’s time.”
“I’m not invited,” I said, numbly. “The Guides don’t want me here.”
“The Guides can go and—” He began using every single curse word I’d ever heard to describe some extremely anatomically implausible positions for the Guides to assume.
I almost smiled. Mikhail gripped my arms gently and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
“I don’t want to leave you, but I must do my work.
Know this: you are welcome anywhere I am…
if you’ll have me. You are mine if you still choose me.
My mate for eternity. Understand?” I sort of nodded, and he told me which Hall to meet him in, then was gone in a rush of wings.
Numb. That’s how I felt. Like my heart had been frozen.
I tied the overlarge robe tighter around my waist and slipped out the small door, ignoring the Protectors and Guides who flew overhead on their way to the largest Assembly Hall.
My room was empty; Sunny had already left to join the others, I assumed.
I lay on my bed until I thought an hour had passed, then trudged to the main Assembly Hall. When I arrived at the door, though, the Guide there—the one from my first day in group therapy—stopped me. “You are not invited,” they said.
“Is Mikhail inside yet? He said—”
“The High Angelus Mikhail is inside. But you were not given an invitation. You do not belong here,” they repeated, shutting the door in my face.
“Fucker,” I whispered, feeling a ping of smut land on my arm.
“Fudger,” I repeated, and ran for the closest way to the secret system of hallways I’d found.
“Hey, pretty lady.” I blew a kiss to Arabella as I ran past. The air in this room was warmer than the rest of Sanctuary, and I was glad someone was taking care of her.
I slipped into the secret hallway, and tried to remember which way led to the main Assembly Hall.
After only a few wrong turns, I found it.
I opened the door the tiniest crack, staying well behind the sheer white curtain that lined the wall as in most of the other Halls, and listened to the argument that raged inside.
“…someone must make the sacrifice!” I didn’t recognize the voice, and it stopped when a loud pounding covered it. A gavel, maybe.
“Silence,” Gavriel commanded. “Prosperity has the floor.”
“Thank you, High Angelus. As I was saying, the Great Gate must be mended. We all know it’s in imminent danger of falling.
And we all understand that a more comprehensive repair is needed.
But for now, if one or two Protectors make a Great Sacrifice, then we’ll have the time to decide how to make that change. ”
“And what change would you recommend?” I could have made popsicles with Gavriel’s voice and a glass of juice. “What solution have you found that neither Mikhail nor I have been able to unearth in four centuries?”
Prosperity’s voice went up an octave. “We could send an emissary to Earth and leave a message they’ll notice in the Celestial Realm. Something drastic.”
Gavriel’s mocking tone as he replied had me ducking my head, even though I was obscured by the curtain.
“A bomb? Should we kill innocents? Or something less violent, perhaps. We could pretend that the Celestial Realm is in fact, in space, as humans once believed. We could send a rocket. I suggest you be the pilot of that vessel.”
The room was filled with laughter and jeering. Then Mikhail spoke. “He’s not completely wrong, Gavriel. We do need more time, and more material for repairs.”
“What do you propose, Mikhail? The Well is closed. You know as well as I do that it would take a half-dozen Guides or high-level Protectors to equal the power that one High Angelus’ sacrifice provided the gate years ago. We are all weakened.”
Mikhail didn’t answer at first, but when another voice called out, “What about Arabella?” he cursed softly.
The sounds of wings beating, shouts, and scuffling had me stepping out from behind the curtain.
Mikhail was restraining Gavriel from lunging at a robed Guide, and it was taking everything he had to keep Gavriel from plunging the— Holy shizz!
He had a soul knife in his hand. If that made contact with the Guide, it would kill him.
I gasped. “Gavriel, don’t!”
Mikhail’s head swiveled to where I stood, and Gavriel took that moment to lift his knife high over the Guide.
Crapsticks! I only had a second; I ran and slid on the slick marble floor, across the space between the wall and the crowd, yelling, “Not worth it!” to Gavriel as I zipped between him and the Guide.
Gavriel’s eyes practically bulged out of his head, and at the last minute, he pulled the knife to one side, letting it drop to the floor.
“What in the name of all that is holy?” he hissed.
Mikhail just snarled, at me or Gavriel, I wasn’t sure. They both stared at me like I’d been the one trying to commit murder in the middle of the Assembly Hall.
“What is she doing here?” Gavriel growled.
Mikhail whispered something in his ear and Gavriel’s face went cold.
He straightened up, his face stern. “I will have nothing to do with you imbeciles. Why have I even bothered to protect you? None of you have the courage of that pathetic Novice.” He spat at the cowering Guide on the floor, with actual spit.
Ew. “Mikhail, you can explain why my soulmate isn’t to be thrown into the gate by an angry mob. ”
In a great burst of power and rush of feathers, he flew up and over the crowd, diving through a doorway that was suddenly opened for him. When he left, the entire room fell silent.
“He’s right,” Mikhail intoned. “You are all imbeciles. What have they been teaching you in your lectures?” A few of the Guides protested, but Mikhail spoke a word that must have meant silence, since they all cut off mid-word.
“Feather,” he said gently, though his voice remained loud.
“You’ve never taken a class here, have you? Never attended any seminars.”
“Never was allowed to,” I squeaked out, surprised that my voice worked.
Mikhail’s upper lip curled. “Possibly they did you a kindness there. If you don’t mind sharing, what would a sacrifice require, do you think?” He fell as silent as the rest of them, and I fidgeted for a moment. This was a really easy question. What was the trick?
“You’d have to give up something important,” I muttered. “Something that was difficult.”
“Right. So can you explain why Arabella would not be considered an acceptable sacrifice, to repair the gate?”
I frowned. “Well, that’s obvious. She’s not awake, so there’s no way she could sacrifice herself.
” I stopped. “From her name, she would be the type to do such a thing. True sacrifice is beautiful.” I almost choked up, thinking about how Growly had sacrificed his future to save me. Did he regret it, deep down? He had to.
“That might be true. I like to think we would all be the type to help each other,” he said, his hand coming to rest on my back.
A few Guides around us sucked in their breath.
I was glad none of them could talk; their eyes were speaking plenty clearly.
“So if these imbeciles shoved Arabella through the Great Gate, what would happen?”
I scratched the itchy birthmark on my chest under my borrowed robe.
“Sunny said the Angeli who helped shore up the gate the last time all made sacrifices. She never said anything about people being shoved in… I guess it doesn’t work that way.
So, if they did that, they’d be murderers, I would think.
” I ignored all the silent shouting going on around us, while Mikhail nodded.
“And for no reason—it wouldn’t help and then Gavriel would use his soul knife on the ones who did it… ”
The Guide, Prosperity, made a gesture that indicated he thought they could take Gavriel, like a middle school bully at a playground fight, so I went on loud enough for everyone in the Hall to hear, “Then the gate would almost definitely fall due to the imbalance, and I would fingerpaint the walls of the cafeteria with her murderers’ pretty, shiny blood.
” I bared my teeth at the sneering Guides nearby.