Chapter 35 Feather
Feather
This had been the strangest, and possibly most terrifying week since I was born.
Like riding an emotional rollercoaster in the dark with no seatbelts or handlebars, never slowing down.
And I had a feeling there were still loops and downhills ahead.
Maybe even one last, permanent downhill, if how I felt right now was any indication.
I was infinitely grateful that Righteous and Mikhail were standing with me, nearly holding me up.
It made sense, now, this exhaustion that had been getting worse by the minute.
It hadn’t been Sanctuary draining me, or not only that.
It had also been the gray stuff inside me that was poisoning me slowly…
and I had a sinking feeling the whole “taking all the smut to use it as a weapon” thing hadn’t helped.
The outside smut might come off pretty easily, but the stuff inside had changed me.
At some point, I’d need to tell Haneul about my tiptoe across the line to the dark side. That I’d taken it on for not-quite-so-sacrificial reasons. And that the darkness inside me had a weird voice that told me to do bad things. Thank goodness it was easily distracted.
But I could tell her that later.
Sunny came running around the corner and skidded to a stop when she saw Gavriel. Her face went paler, and she tried to stuff the baby behind her back.
Gavriel’s smile was pained. “There’s no need to be afraid. I’m not going to hurt her, Sunny,” he said, his voice ragged. My heart ached at his tone. It sounded the way I had felt for most of my lives. Friendless, alone. Misunderstood?
“Okayyy,” she said cautiously, as Precious crawled up and over her wings and shoulders to peek at Haneul. But then Precious saw me, and flew clumsily across the space, barreling into me.
Glitter flew up in a cloud around us. “Mama!”
“Yes, Precious. It’s Mama, and Dada, too!” Mikhail pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
I could tell Haneul was having a silent freakout about the amount of smut on Precious. And possibly the horns. And maybe the white, goopy stuff all around her mouth, which looked like some kind of foam.
“Is she…” I motioned Sunny closer, and whispered, “Birch, did she catch rabies?”
Sunny groaned. “It’s marshmallows.”
Ry frowned, hovering close by. “Don’t give her those! It’s not healthy for children of any kind to have too many sweet—” he began, but Sunny rounded on him.
“Thanks, Sudden Parenting Expert. I’ll have you know, I didn’t give her a single one!
” Glaring at Ry, she snapped her fingers and barked out, “Precious, mallow!” Precious grinned, then screwed up her eyes and focused on her tiny open palm.
When a small marshmallow materialized there with a plop, Sunny took it with a “Thank you,” and popped it into her mouth.
“Tata!” The baby bumbled back across the space to Sunny, who balanced her on one hip and bounced her lightly, like she’d been doing it for years. Precious stuffed the edge of Sunny’s toga in her mouth, mumbling “Tata” again. Was that Sunny’s new name?
“She makes her own food,” Sunny mumbled, looking as smug as one could with a mouthful of white goo. “She doesn’t poop or need diapers. She can fly and… she’s gifted, okay? She’s the perfect baby.”
“The perfect demon,” Haneul breathed. “Yes, Feather. We will definitely not be leaving your child here in Sanctuary. We need to go. Soon. Already, in fact. Please, Mikhail, Righteous? Feather? Grab the baby and let’s go.”
“But… Sunny? You said we couldn’t come back. I’m not leaving her. She’s my ride or die.”
“I don’t know what that means,” Haneul said, her eyes filled with enough fear as she observed Precious that I found myself trembling.
Or maybe that was the cold. Was it getting cold in here? No one else seemed to be noticing it. In fact, the others were sweating. I moved closer to Haneul; her warmth took a tiny bit of the chill out of the air.
She turned to Sunny. “Sunny, you’ve ascended. You can come, too. Your hands… well, you’ll be cleansed when we get to my realm. It’s not usual for Angeli to enter with stains—but we’ll cope. We’ll get you both purified.” She nodded at me.
Oh thank goodness, they can get rid of the clit horns. Haneul’s eyes went wide, and I realized even if no one else could hear my thoughts, she obviously could. Sunny loves Hope, I thought at her.
Sighing heavily, Haneul looked toward the corridor.
Almost instantly, Hope arrived, flying straight at us.
“Someone called for me, said to get here fast?” I blinked, shocked at Hope’s appearance.
The normally put-together, gorgeous blonde warrior woman was a mess.
Her hair was dull and limp, her eyes flat, and her spirit seemed ragged around the edges.
Her skin had unmistakable patches of smut everywhere.
Haneul shook her head at me. “She wouldn’t survive the trip.”
Sunny swallowed, then said, “I can’t go. I won’t leave Hope. Feather, you take—” She held Precious out to me, but the instant she was no longer touching the baby, Sunny collapsed to the ground, shrieking in agony.
“What’s happening? How are you hurt?” I yelled, leaning down. Precious reached out one hand and touched Sunny’s arm, and she immediately stopped screaming.
She panted for a moment, then managed to say, “My wings. My fudging wings.” My mind filled with curse words that all sounded a tiny bit like the evil voice I had hoped was gone for good. I had no idea Sunny’s stupid vow on her wings would keep her with Precious no matter what. Had she known?
Hope frowned up at me, embracing a weeping Sunny, who was holding Precious again. “What trip did she mean?”
Haneul explained, and Hope’s face crumpled like an aluminum can.
“But I cleaned everyone of their smut!” I half yelled at the Great Soul—though how great could she really be if she couldn’t take one extra Protector to her realm? “She’s fine! She’s pure!”
“It’s not only the smut. She hasn’t ascended,” Haneul said gently. “And she’s not as close as she would need to be. She has growth that must be completed here.”
“She’s one of the strongest they have,” I pleaded.
“Not anymore.” Hope stood, and shook her head with a look of shame.
“I lost hope, Feather. I… I’ve been talking to the others here, and even after you cleaned the realm, they don’t believe in you.
They blame you…” Her voice broke. “Go, and don’t come back here.
They don’t deserve you. I’m not sure they ever will. ”
I bit my lip, knowing what had happened. The worst kind of smut came from acting against your own nature. She had lost hope, and fallen farther from grace than she would have by committing a dozen other offenses.
Haneul sang a few notes that seemed to erase a tiny bit of care from Hope’s brow.
Sunny murmured, “Feather must go to the Celestial Realm. Mikhail and Righteous, too, and the baby.” She looked up into Hope’s face with tears sparkling in her gorgeous dark eyes.
“She wants me to go, and I have to. You saw what happened. I swore on my wings to take care of Precious. I can’t leave her, Hope. ”
“We must leave now,” Haneul repeated. “The child’s presence here changes things. There is no time to waste. Sanctuary is balanced, thanks to Feather. The Abyss is… no worse than it was yesterday.”
Hope lifted a hand and traced the line of Sunny’s cheek. “It’s okay. You made a vow. I’ll get purified, and ascend, and find a way to get to you. Believe in me.”
“I do,” Sunny whispered, and I fought my own tears, holding Precious tightly to my chest as the two women held each other.
“What about Earth?” Gavriel rasped. “You said Sanctuary and the Abyss are fine. What about Earth?”
“Who are the best qualified candidates for leadership? Have you been training your replacement?” Haneul asked.
Gavriel spoke through a clenched jaw. “Righteous was the next in line. Then Hope, then Valor.”
“Where is this Valor?”
“He’s dead,” Sunny said, her voice wooden. “I killed him.”
Haneul blanched. “I see.” Her eyes were filled with sadness again, as she turned back to Gavriel. “Well, if you come with us, Gavriel, I’m not sure that Sanctuary would… whether it would fare well.”
The area was silent for the space of two deep breaths. Then he asked, “Why would I go with you?”
For some strange reason, it felt like he’d punched me in the chest. I couldn’t breathe, though I tried not to show my response.
Haneul blinked, and sputtered for a moment. Then I felt that slightly nauseating sensation as she entered my mind, but dove deeper. It reminded me of when Rumple had smooshed my brain in the Abyss.
So that’s where she went, I heard in the back corner of my mind before the pages stopped turning.
Her face was a mask when she gazed at Gavriel and asked, “You have a mate?”
He nodded, but said nothing. It was as if he were a statue, with no emotions showing. No regret or sadness at losing… Mikhail, I reminded myself. At losing his best friend. Gavriel had never liked me. But wouldn’t he miss Mikhail?
“What could pull me away from Sanctuary, and my vow to lead it no matter what?” He hesitated. “And yes, my mate is here. What reason could you provide for me to abandon her?”
“Oh, how tragic,” Haneul murmured. “No reason at all, I suppose, Gavriel.” She closed her eyes for a moment, a brilliant pulse of light exploding from her form, so bright we all had to shield our eyes.
When I could see again, I realized Haneul had folded Gavriel in her arms, their foreheads pressed together. She placed a gentle kiss on his forehead and stepped back. “Mother says you have your second chance. Make better choices, hm?”
He shook her off, and at last I saw a crack in his facade. He was angry.
Anger. That was the only emotion he could come up with while saying goodbye to me and Righteous? And Sunny—who was kissing Hope like they might be able to merge into one physical body and jump start her ascension then and there. Not sadness, not regret, not affection… but anger?