Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
“ T hat is good news!” Eleanor exclaimed.
The expression on Frederick’s face must have told her that wasn’t the case, because her enthusiasm dampened almost immediately.
“I-Is it not? I don’t understand –”
“It is helpful, that I have begun to recall some crucial details of my past. And I was not na?ve to expect a lot of them to consist of happy memories. Still… it seems I have had a more difficult upbringing than I had initially expected.” He shrugged, gesturing to the chair before his desk.
As Eleanor settled into it, she asked, “Might I ask what you mean by difficult? You do not need to tell me if you do not wish to. But you seem… bothered by what you have learned. A problem shared does carry some promise of a resolution, after all.”
“I highly doubt that you can solve my problems, duchess,” Frederick laughed humorlessly. “I do not even believe they require solutions. Just… demons, I must face.”
“Are you certain you have to? Sometimes, the problems we acquire in life are the ones we choose to carry with us. It is best to leave the unsavory sides of us forgotten.” She told him softly.
He hesitated for a moment, then decided that perhaps she also needed to learn the sort of man he was.
“It is hard to let go of such issues when they raised you to become the sort of man you are.” He exhaled. “It was my father. I remembered him. According to what I have heard about myself, people believe I am the very definition of despicable. How fortunate for them, that they had no ties to my father. He was evil, down to his core. Cruel to those who only wished to care for him. My poor mother loved him with everything she had. But she was not enough. Even though she had done all she could to please him. She was the perfect duchess, she bore him an heir and gave him every bit of herself she could. It was never enough for that bastard. He ignored her and overlooked me unless it concerned matters of the duchy. He was as promiscuous as they come. He had no qualms jumping from one bed to another, preferring to bury himself in his lover's skirts than face the family he had left home. The ones he was meant to care for."
Frederick inhaled, the ache of his newly returned memories still fresh in his mind and heart.
“My childhood was spent consoling my mother and dreading father’s return. He was never satisfied within these walls. After he passed, I couldn’t stand to be here, to breathe the same air that had echoed his voice. I wanted to put him behind me. But it seems I was not able to do that. I despised him greatly. I still do. I can only hope his last moments were filled with utter agony, tenfold more than what my mother and I experienced at his hands. He deserves to rot in hell – if such a place exists.” Frederick finalized coolly.
Eleanor was quiet for a while and he wondered if he had finally succeeded in showing her a side of him she could not bear to see. But then, she inhaled deeply, exhaled, and said,
“I am sorry you had to endure that. I cannot imagine what it must be, to carry such a weight with you. To have lived a life filled with strife and pain, to be so unable to move forward without being marred by the influence of the past. It is terrible and no one deserves to have lived such a life. However,… what I said still stands. You must learn to put down such burdens, or else you will never find fulfillment in life. It would only be an endless cycle of pain for you, constantly giving up the good things you could receive in favor of the space your hurt and hate take up in your life."
It sounded like the sort of thing Frederick should have expected to hear from such a person. Someone born of a family who had her best interests at heart – in their own albeit self-serving ways. Eleanor was likely raised like a princess, a joy to behold, up until she had married him.
"That is easy for you to say. You have lived your life easily obtaining whatever it was your heart desired. You do not know what it feels like to carry pain around, even though you might not wish to." Frederick said simply, without any bite.
"That's not true," Eleanor said immediately. "I know pain. I know hurt and disappointment, all too well. You might think that our marriage might have been my lowest point, but that had come before I even met you. I had been ruined already when we married. I had been courted by a man – a duke – and he was caught in a compromising position with another woman. She is now one of my dear friends and at that time, I did not care for the duke so I wasn't saddened by the loss of his interest. That was why my mother had felt the only way I would have obtained a husband would be if I had been trapped in a scandal with a man who would propose to me, in order to save his reputation. Although I was not bothered by how things had ended between myself and him, the ton believed I was to blame for how things had turned out. I lost the attention of a duke who had seemed utterly absorbed by me. To them, I must have done something or acted in some way that caused him to find me undesirable. And as such, other men thought of me as flawed before we had even talked.”
Frederick could hardly believe what he was hearing.
She had been ruined? As perfect as she seemed to be?
No , he shook his head. That is scarcely the surprising part. What surprised him was the fact that a man had courted her and had his attention and affection stolen by some other woman.
"The man who left you was a fool to have done so. He clearly has no taste or standard, to have tossed you aside for someone else." He started with a narrow glare.
Eleanor laughed a light and airy sound that left his chest feeling itchy.
“I hold no grudges over the matter – especially now that we are all close friends. They have supported me greatly in the last year and I feel blessed to know them.” She told him gently.
A wave of displeasure settled upon Frederick’s shoulders and he tried not to let it show.
Why would she choose to be friends with a man who had rejected her and the woman he rejected her for? Did this wife of his perhaps have issues with her head as well?
It seems he was not as discreet about his dislike, because she added in a consoling tone,
"They will be visiting soon and you will get to meet them. They really are such lovely people. And because I did not think either of us were to blame for what happened, I did what I could to make the most of the situation I found myself in. I continued to attend events, even though I was being shunned by society. And even after our marriage, people still believe there is something about me that repels men. And I would rather not dwell on that, so I make the most of my time by running the estate. I wanted more for myself and my life, so I took it. And I believe you can too. Do not let yourself be chained to an era of pain and strife. Your life is yours, husband. Not his. Do not let him take more from you than he already has."
Frederick regarded her with a blank expression. Then he said, “I do not think peace is attainable for me. Not until I have done all that I have set to do in order to obtain my revenge. Do not worry about me, duchess. I will be just fine.”
"I am sure you believed that, once upon a time. And then you were hit in the head and now you are relearning practically all you knew about your life. Perhaps it is a sign that you shouldn't take on any battles as your own." She told him curtly, rising to her feet.
Frederick sat back, absentmindedly wondering if another glass of whiskey might be ill-advised. Especially when Eleanor looked down at him, her pretty pink lips parted as though she wished to say something.
All he could think of then was his name being uttered breathlessly as she shook in his grasp, desperately clinging to him as he devoured her.
“I am yet to receive a review, wife.”
Eleanor frowned at him and Frederick pointed out, "Our little… educational session in the library. I expected that by now, you would have gotten ahold of me to tell me that I was right. You can hardly compare the real-life touch to what you could read among some brown pages. Don't you agree?"
Right before his eyes, her cheeks were overrun by a deep red flush and she began to sputter in embarrassment.
“You – o-of all the ridiculous –”
“Did you not enjoy it, then?” Frederick asked with feigned innocence.
“Stop –”
“Oh, will you beg me again?” he teased with a smirk, rising to his feet. “I quite like the sound of you begging. Gives me so many ideas to bring forth into fruition.”
He could see her tense up as he approached her and he took his time to arrive before her, his eyes raking up her body, easily recalling what she looked like in her nightgown. The flimsy material could barely hide the curves that lay beneath and he had wanted to dedicate time to committing each dip and grove of her flesh to his memory.
Finally, he stood before her, meeting her stare as he fought to keep his hands to himself, confused as to why he was yet again trying to obey her rules.
“Whenever you are ready to discuss your thoughts,” he started, leaning forward to whisper in her ear. “You know where to find me.”
Then Frederick took a step back, pretending not to notice the way her shoulders fell as she exhaled in relief.
“Perhaps next time, then, wife.”
Eleanor visibly swallowed, and then she nodded, leaving without another word.
Frederick exhaled deeply, stamping down the desire welling up inside him. It was getting harder to control himself before her and perhaps it was time to look into other methods of dealing with the issue.
“I do not know if this had a hand in your reason for leaving,” he said out loud to himself, “But I can certainly see the merit in choosing to keep the distance between you and her. It is getting harder to resist swallowing her whole.”
“Why must I be present? They are your friends, not mine.”
Eleanor sighed for the umpteenth time at Frederick’s complaint.
“This is your house. It is only proper that you – as the owner of the house – greet your guests, even though they are technically my guests. Additionally, they are my closest friends and they have never met my husband. It would be strange if they did not see you at all during their time here, whereas they know you are home. That would be rude.” She explained as she led the way to the part of the garden she liked to host her guests in.
"You and your fondness for propriety," Frederick tsked but did not argue any further.
When her friends had sent word that they would be visiting, Eleanor saw it as a good opportunity to introduce them to Frederick. She knew they were worried for her, and she wished to quell some of those concerns.
In as much as she still wasn’t fond of Frederick at all, enough had transpired between them to hold some level of civility. They still argued and he still derived an absurd amount of joy from getting on her nerves. But they had mostly come to an understanding that allowed peace to reign. And Eleanor wished to share that with her friends.
Especially if it gave her a chance to see him in a different environment than he was used to. Eleanor was finding it increasingly difficult to keep herself focused on much else other than the thought of him. After he had teased her about wanting a review of their… activity together, she had been unable to keep herself from imagining more happening between them.
She wanted him to kiss her some more. She wanted his hands to spread her open, his tense body beneath her fingers as he sheath himself in her.
She wanted so much, it was taking over her life and perhaps if she saw him as more than a man well-versed in the acts of pleasure and lust, she might be able to overcome this trying time.
“Eleanor!” Selina exclaimed, rising to her feet to embrace her friend.
Eleanor held Selina close for a moment, suddenly realizing that she had missed her friends greatly in the little time they had not seen each other.
“Oh, you are all right. Thank goodness. I was so worried,” Selina explained, tightening her arms around Eleanor.
“Why?” a voice queried, cold and stiff. “Why were you worried about her? Was she in danger of being eaten?”
Selina froze for a moment, then she slowly pulled back, her eyes wide as they peered back at Frederick.
"He jests," Eleanor said quickly, shooting a glare at her husband before she continued quickly. "He is fond of joking so causally like that. Anyway," she cleared her throat and gestured to her friends. "These are my acquaintances. Aaron and Selina, the Duke and Duchess of Crauford, and Thalia and Benedict, the Duke and Duchess of Ravenwood. Everyone, meet Frederick, the Duke of Ironvale.”
Pleasantries were politely exchanged – mostly the others greeting Frederick and him glaring at them silently in return – and they all settled down for some refreshments. At first, conversation flowed stiffly, with Eleanor’s guests seemingly cautious of Frederick.
But then Selina had commented on how lovely the petunias were looking already and Eleanor perked up.
“I had my worries about changing my gardener but the new one is proving to be worth the chance. I am quite impressed by his dedication and commitment to his role.” Eleanor said.
“You two are alarmingly attached to your gardens. I do hope you do not plan on putting up a tent in the middle of it to live in,” Benedict teased.
"Oh, we already tried that. It was quite a fulfilling experience, actually." Selina replied with a smile, much to Benedict's surprise.
“I thought it would be more cumbersome, but Selina had worked to ensure we would be thoroughly comfortable and it paid off quite nicely. I think you might like it, Eleanor. Especially on a starry night. The view is quite priceless.” Aaron added with a grin.
“You seem quite sure you are well-versed in the matters of my wife’s likes and dislikes. Are you usually so presumptuous about other men’s wives?” Frederick asked suddenly, his tone cold.
His posture had been stiff since they had begun to talk and Eleanor assumed it was because he was surrounded by strangers. He had not been this way when they had attended the ball days ago and she did not know how to remedy the situation.
"My cousin only meant it as a suggestion, seeing as Eleanor is quite fond of her garden, so any activity taking place within would be sure to suit her tastes. He would never assume to know more about her interests – certainly not more than her husband." Benedict stated, although his tone suggested he felt more about the situation than he was letting on.
Thalia hushed him quickly and Aaron quickly leaned forward to apologize.
"I did not mean to come across so presumptuous. I apologize if I offended you, Duke."
“I am not offended,” Frederick stated stiffly. “Merely intrigued by your motivation to believe you know my wife much more than I. No matter. As long as the mistake is not repeated.”
They continued to talk, the air slightly tense over them as they caught up on each other’s lives. It seemed as though Frederick eventually grew bored and rose to leave, but then Eleanor’s hand came down on his wrist.
"Are you leaving? So soon?"
He stared down at her and nodded slowly.
“I should probably see to other duties –”
"But we were going to play games and we were going to be divided into teams for that," Eleanor said, feeling oddly desirous of his company.
This would be the first time she would have her husband by her side while she talked and engaged with her friends and she had hoped she would not feel as lonely as she used to when she was by herself. Although he had not spoken to her much, his presence seemed to have helped her more than she expected.
“That’s all right, Eleanor. If he is busy, you can simply join our team –”
“No.” Frederick cut Aaron off curtly, not taking his eyes off his wife. “I will stay. I will play with you.”