Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“ W hen you offered me the option of getting a divorce, I accepted because it seemed to me that you had already made a decision about us.” Eleanor started quietly after moments of silence.
She felt so tired, overwhelmed by all that had happened tonight. But still, she knew that this conversation was needed, especially since he had come back.
He came back and he had saved her. It was disconcerting, how her heart was always prepared to lay on the line whenever it came to her husband.
“I thought you had grown sure that I wasn’t worth the effort. Each time you’ve left me, you barely give me any explanations or try to discuss your decision. I felt insignificant and small each time you deem me unnecessary to bother with. A year ago, you walked out without so much as a goodbye. And when you eventually returned, you appeared prepared to leave again. I was deeply hurt every time, Frederick. I’ve spent numerous hours wondering why you married me at all if you had no plans to stay – especially now that I know that you never really cared for your reputation. You would have survived a scandal. You’ve survived numerous ones before. Why didn’t you just –”
“I was angry,” Frederick admitted, cutting her off quietly. “I had heard about your first scandal before and I felt very irritated that you had been cast aside and you lost everything. And when you were standing before me, claiming to have no idea about the ploy to trap me into a scandal and a part of me just wanted to shield you from the inevitable destruction that the ton would wage if I were to walk away. But my departure right after our marriage hardly helped matters either. I don’t know, Eleanor. I was only thinking of myself and the foolish vow I felt I was obligated to see to the end. But that has changed for me. You have changed me and I no longer want to waste my time and efforts fighting a one-sided battle. I’d rather commit it all to our marriage. To you.”
“Can I really trust that? You have shattered my hopes so many times, Frederick. I accepted the offer of a divorce because I had grown tired of hoping. I was tired of spending endless days and nights waiting for you to want me just as much as I wanted you. It felt easier – a more merciful outcome, to simply let you go, than to keep clinging to someone who had no desire to stay.” Eleanor said softly.
Frederick rose to his feet and stepped closer to her, his eyes filled with desperation.
"I did not walk away because I didn't want you. I walked away because I felt I didn't know how to be the man you were deserving of. The husband you deserved. I thought that if I stayed, I would only inevitably drag you down a path of ruin, and we would eventually land in the very same misery my parents lived in. But you have shown me your grace, your strength, and your heart, proving to me just how wrong I was. Eleanor, if you let me, I swear that I will spend the rest of my days proving that I can be and am worthy of you. Because I… I love you, Eleanor."
Eleanor’s world stopped.
She had waited so long to hear those words, had thought they would never come to her. But here he was, really baring himself and his heart to her, his eyes nothing but genuine and insistent. Hope began to flourish again in her heart, despite the slight pain and fear that lingered and she said,
"I love you. And I will forgive you, as long as you give me your word that you will never leave my side again."
Frederick’s hands were on her immediately, gently pulling her against his chest.
“You have my word. For as long as I breathe, this is where I will be. Right next to you, loving you with all that I am and all that I have.” He declared softly.
Tears of joy filled Eleanor’s eyes and she smiled, teasing slightly.
“Very well. I suppose we can remain married for a while longer then.”
“Oh, thank heavens,” he sighed, gently holding her chin with a hand to tilt her face into a kiss.
All the longing and retrained yearning burst forth from the deepest crevices of Eleanor’s heart and she pressed closer to her husband, her hands on his bare chest as he kissed her deeply. One of his arms wrapped around her waist to keep her balanced while the other held her face so he could easily nibble at her lips and lick her tongue as freely as he wished.
Eleanor wanted to give him everything, she realized as her heartbeat thundered in her ears. She wanted to love this man with every fibre of her being, now that she had discovered that she could. And the way he was holding her was telling that he felt the same.
“Ah,” Frederick pulled away suddenly with a wince.
Eleanor frowned, and then she noticed that she had gotten carried away and had accidentally brushed her fingers against his wrapped injuries.
“Oh dear, I’m sorry.” She apologized, eyes wide. “I got carried away. We shouldn’t –”
“I know,” he smiled down at her, taking her hand and pressing it to his cheek. “Just one more kiss.”
Frederick stole three more kisses and thankfully they posed no threat to his well-being.
“You should get some rest, lovely,” he murmured, pressing his lips to the crown of her head.
Eleanor glanced around her room, shivering at the idea of falling asleep in the same space that a man had wandered into, whilst wielding a deadly weapon.
“Can… can I sleep in your room? Just for tonight.” She clarified quickly.
“What do you mean?” Frederick queried with a frown. “Moving forward, we are not to have separate bedrooms, I’ll miss you far too much. You will spend tonight in my bed and every night after that. All right?”
Eleanor felt her heart soar at his words and she happily held onto his hand when he offered it, letting him lead her out of her room and towards the direction of his.
“All right,” she smiled warmly.
“Good,” he told her, then smiled coyly. “I plan to stick as closely to you as I can. Prepare yourself.”
Eleanor grinned and hopped onto her toes to press a kiss to his cheek. “I don’t think I’ll ever be prepared for anything you have for me. It’ll always be a nice surprise.”
Frederick looked down at her with a smitten expression.
“Well then, I suppose I’ll have to set a high standard, just for you.”
“I suppose you will.”
They settled into Frederick’s bed together and he wasted no time pulling her close to him, nuzzling into her hair silently. Eleanor basked in the affectionate action, letting her heart warm up over her husband’s now obvious adoration of her.
“I’m sorry about Herbert. Still. I cannot help but feel bad that I brought him here.” He apologized suddenly.
“It wasn’t your fault, Frederick. It was I who hired him, after all. Although I did not know who he was at that time, I was still the one who granted him access to the estate.” She pointed out apologetically.
“You couldn’t have known who he was. You are not to blame, lovely.”
“I should have at least suspected him. He was always so curious about you, about our marriage. That time that I had asked you to come and take a walk in the garden with me, he was the one who had given me that idea. I mean – I did want to go on a walk with you, but he had been rather insistent. I shudder to think of what he had planned.” Eleanor shivered in a mix of disgust and fear.
“Well, it is over now. He will never pose a threat to you ever again. I will see to it that he is locked up for the rest of his life,” Frederick swore, tightening his hold on her slightly.
Eleanor inhaled, breathing in the familiar scent of earth and manliness that clung to his skin, and buried her face in his neck, suddenly too exhausted to keep her eyes open.
“I love you,” she whispered over his skin.
Frederick pressed a kiss to her head and whispered back,
“I love you, Eleanor. Sleep now, it will all be better in the morning.”
Frederick had been right. The morning was certainly better.
Eleanor had woken up in her husband’s arms for the first time in their marriage and realized that there was truly no better way to awaken from slumber.
She felt warm and loved in his embrace, and quite fortunate to see him with his guards down as he breathed calmly as he slept.
He really is so handsome , she thought, tracing his facial features with her fingertip. I am truly blessed to find a husband as wonderful as he.
Frederick’s brows furrowed and he scrunched his nose slightly, then he blinked himself awake slowly.
For a moment, he looked confused, but moments later he rolled over, to be on his wife, burying his face in her bosom.
“Good morning, duchess,” he said, voice muffled.
Eleanor giggled, running a hand through his unruly hair.
“Good morning, my duke. How do you feel?”
“I should be asking you that,” Frederick pointed out, rolling to his previous position on his back, while tugging Eleanor to settle closer to him than she had been. “You were given quite a fright last night.”
“I am all right,” she huffed with a pout. “You were the one who was hurt.”
Frederick leaned downwards and captured her lips in a gentle kiss.
“Your concern for me melts my heart. But I assure you, I am fine. I do wish I could have finished him off as I had desired, but I am satisfied with the retribution I managed to obtain on your behalf. I am sorry that you are out of a gardener. I know how much your garden means to you. I will have the entirety of London scoured to find you a replacement – even if we have to poach one from some wealthy family.” He told her gently.
His words surprised Eleanor greatly, as she had assumed her garden would be the last thing on his mind.
“Oh, you do not need to worry about it, my love. Mr Bradley and I can sort it out –”
"I do not doubt that you can. But I wish to help. I left you alone to handle the affairs of this estate for too long. You have proven how brilliant you are with matters regarding its upkeep and I wouldn't dream of taking that responsibility from you. Not when you have achieved such great feats. But I do want to help. I want to stand as your husband and your duke, and shield you from undue anxiety or concern. Especially when it comes to something as important to you as your garden."
Eleanor was touched by his remark, happy to be seeing such a different side to her husband, which was proof that he was determined to prove his worth to her as he said.
"I appreciate that. More than you know. All right, you may find me another gardener. But regarding the other affairs of the estate, we will handle them together." She told him, holding onto his hand.
“Of course, my dear. I would love nothing more. Shall we get breakfast then?” Frederick questioned, sitting up and pulling her along with him. “I had woken up earlier and thought of arranging for us to have breakfast here in bed, but I was worried that you would wake up in my absence and become upset.”
It was remarkable, how right he was. If she had awoken to an empty bed, she would have been quite upset. But also, his thoughtfulness still charmed her.
“We can still have that arranged. I don’t feel like seeing or talking to anyone right now. They would just fuss over my well-being and I do not quite have the strength to tell them I am all right, more than twice.” She implored with an innocent expression.
Frederick chuckled, reaching out a finger to wrap one of her curls around it as he smiled at her.
“If that is what my wife wants, then she will have just that.”
In mere moments, he had gotten Mr Bradley to arrange a breakfast spread for them in his room, all without even stepping into the hallway, so he could remain in her line of sight at all times.
When it had all been set up, it was Frederick who arranged a tray for them and took it back to the bed.
As Eleanor peered at it, she noticed that he had assembled all of her favorites.
“How did you –”
“You have no idea how much I have watched you. I’ve learned quite a bit about you, even though I was not expressly trying to. Henceforth, I will use all that I know to take care of you," he replied, leaning forward to kiss her cheek.
Eleanor inhaled sharply, her heart swelling with love and pride. This was what she had dreamed of, what she had hoped for. And now that it had become reality, she couldn't help but notice that it was all better than she could've thought.
Other than the fulfillment of her desires, she couldn't help but notice that Frederick looked better like this. Without any concern over holding himself back or commitment to a role that would suggest that he should be abhorred or feared, he looked much lighter around the shoulders and his face seemed to glow from within.
They talked as they ate breakfast, starting with mundane topics but then they eventually landed on the topic of their families.
"It was rather surprising. I was nearly scared when she admitted that she might have been too hard on me to fulfill their own desires and wants. But she seemed to mean every word and she was quite apologetic until the end. I don't know yet if things will work out fine. But I suppose I do want to try and see where it'll all go." Eleanor concluded, after telling him the aftermath of her mother's visit.
“That sounds like a reasonable idea. I do not particularly like her after what she put you through, and I wish to maintain the right to not forgive her. Not until she can prove that without a shadow of a doubt, she won't hurt you ever again.” Frederick stated firmly, feeding her a piece of pancake coated in syrup.”
“That is fair, I suppose,” Eleanor noted after chewing.
“But I am glad you were able to resolve some of the problems she had given you. I am thankful you put it out to her and gained some form of closure. Not everyone gets that chance.” Frederick noted thoughtfully as he handed her the cup of tea he had prepared.
It was then that Eleanor recalled the portrait of the old duke hanging in one of the rooms of the estate and she couldn’t help but wonder why it was still there.
“Do you still have things to say to your father? Is that why that portrait of him is in that drawing room?”
Frederick blinked at her, seemingly at a loss for a moment, and then his eyes gained a spark of clarity.
“Oh. I mean – I suppose I do have a lot to say to him still. But most of them are merely curses,” he said, waving a hand in the air nonchalantly.
“Oh.” Eleanor nodded, not knowing what else she could say.
“That is not why I kept the portrait though,” he grinned at her, slathering a piece of toast with a generous amount of jam. “I kept it as something of a memento. You know when people lose a loved one and they set a picture of them on a high vantage point and claim that the one who had passed is watching over them now? That was my goal – except I wanted him to watch as I ran his legacy into the ground. I need him to see that I had no plans to keep anything of his the way he had left it. I wanted to show him that everything he had prioritized over my mother and I could be lost in a moment.”
Eleanor could see what his motivations were for doing that. She felt sad for her dear husband who had given up his life to hate a person. It could not have been easy, carrying all that pain and strife around, but somehow, Frederick had survived.
But she wanted them to thrive together. To build a new beginning and future, as they healed over the past.
“Frederick –”
“I am going to get rid of it. The portrait.”
She blinked at him in surprise. “You will?”
Frederick nodded, picking up his teacup to take a sip of the liquid within.
“I do not want him anywhere us while we rebuild our marriage. I will no longer concern myself with his affairs, moving forward. We can all simply say that his hold over me was locked up, alongside Herbert. I do not care for either of them and I do not want their existence – previously or otherwise – affecting my relationship with you. So…”
Eleanor beamed at him, waiting for him to drop his tea cup on the tray before she crawled closer to hug him.
“I love you. So much. And I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Frederick smiled, holding her close and nuzzling into the crook of her neck.
“And I as well. I love you too.”