Chapter 11
CHAPTER 11
“ H ow did you get those scars on your hip?” Belle asked.
Nick froze. His face grew hard and his eyes shuttered. When his shoulders shifted she knew another of those shrugs was imminent, and she hastened to pre-empt him.
“Nick, we were married for six months. And in all that time, you never talked about your life before you met me, aside from the barest of details. If you want this relationship to work, you’re going to have to share more than just the bare bones of your previous life with me.”
He stared at her with a steady, expressionless look. Just when she thought she’d shatter from the taut silence, he released a harsh breath and folded himself back onto the blanket. He picked up their wine and busied himself uncorking it. Her heart thumped with trepidation, but with calm hands, she opened tubs of salad and olives and laid out warm, crusty bread.
“It happened when I was in the Marines. Stationed in southern Afghanistan.” He paused.
She nodded in encouragement.
“One of my assignments was to infiltrate a trafficking gang charging astronomical sums to smuggle people—mostly children — out of the country, most often to be sold into prostitution. It went wrong. I was captured.”
She gasped, her hands pausing in the act of forking chicken salad onto his plate. “Were you tortured?”
He looked at her, his jaw taut but his expression steady and calm, as if reassuring her. “I went in knowing what might happen, but I took the risk anyway. I was only held for a day before I was extracted. But my captors used their time wisely.” He gave a mirthless smile, reaching over to take the plate from her frozen fingers. Setting it down, he poured wine into a crystal glass and passed it to her.
“Was anyone else with you? Other Marines?” she asked in hushed tones, fear for him churning through her while, at the same time, she felt a strange kindred bond with him from knowing they’d shared a similar experience. For her, looking after Father Tom and helping the Dutch couple had helped keep the gut clawing fear bottled up. If she’d been on her own, she didn’t know what she would have done.
He shook his head and helped himself to the bread. A shaft of sunlight through the branches of the trees glinted in his hair and played over his face as he chewed before answering.
“I asked to go in alone. It’s better to do these things solo when undercover. Less risk of slip-ups that way. My CO agreed that to take anyone, even a fellow trained Marine, would’ve meant risking more lives.”
She nodded and took a sip of the crisp white wine, more to wet a mouth dry with fear for him than with enjoyment in mind. “And the traffickers? What happened to them?”
“They got what was coming to them,” was all he said, but it didn’t stop a chilled shiver from slithering down her spine. Unbidden, the image of the cave in Nawaka and the messy end to her captors rose in her mind, and she shuddered.
“Apart from those scars, did they do anything else to you?”
she probed, not really wanting to know that he’d suffered further but unable to bear not knowing.
This time the shrug manifested itself. “I was a Marine, Tinkerbelle, so yes, I’ve collected my share of battle scars along the way, both inside and out. But before you go torturing yourself on my behalf, remember, I was trained for this sort of thing, so I knew what I was doing, okay?” he answered, his voice detached and almost carefree, as if his experience had been water off a duck’s back.
But looking into his eyes, she knew different. There were shadows of memories lurking there. No one could live through an experience like that and not be changed, be affected somehow by it. She knew she had.
As if reading her thoughts, he focused hard-glinting, gunmetal eyes on her. “Whereas you weren’t trained. I think this would be a good time to tell me what you were thinking of, throwing yourself into the middle of a war zone so far away from home?”
She’d known this day would come, that it was only a matter of time before he got around to interrogating her as to why she’d gone to Nawaka. And with his unbending focus on her, she knew he wouldn’t rest until he had an answer.
Her appetite long-vanished, she put her untouched plate down and stood up, gazing out at the sea.
“After I left you, I tried to get back my full-time position at the school in Brighton where I taught before we got married. It wasn’t available, so I took a part-time position, two days a week. And after term ended, they decided not to renew my contract— cost cutting and all that. So I needed something to fill my time.
The opportunity with Nawaka came and I took it. End of story.”
Nick frowned as Belle walked toward the edge of the water, her expression fraught tension.
He leapt up, and in three quick strides, he caught her arm and forced her to stand still. “So you saw an opportunity and you thought embarking on a holy crusade with little thought to your own personal safety was just what you needed to relieve your boredom?”
He knew he was being unfair, but knowing just how brazen Mwana had become in trying to recapture Belle threatened to flip him over the edge. It was inevitable some of the fallout should spill onto her.
But with the memory of the dark fear he’d known when she’d been in danger refreshed in his mind, he couldn’t hold his tongue.
“Do you have any idea what would’ve happened if I hadn’t reached you in time?’ He raked a hand through his hair. “You put yourself in senseless danger, Tinkerbelle.”
That she remained in danger only served to escalate his fury. Mwana would know by now that the men he’d sent to Althea were all dead, but Nick knew that wouldn’t stop him.
His contacts had confirmed that the Venezuela address Richard Francis had supplied had indeed belonged to the rebel leader, but, unsurprisingly, he hadn’t been there in years. Or if he had been in the country, he hadn’t stayed at that property. Which meant they were back to zero in determining where Mwana had secreted himself.
John Allen’s team had crossed several African and European countries in the last four days but had still come up blank.
Now they were playing a waiting game, first to see if Mwana sent another package today, and then anticipating what his next move would be.
A small part of Nick actually welcomed the thought of an open confrontation with Mwana, because one way or the other, the situation had to be resolved. Only the thought of Belle being in any more danger churned his guts.
He focused on Belle again. “Of all the places you could’ve gone, why Nawaka?”
Belle took a deep breath and exhaled. In other, normal, circumstances, she would’ve asked herself the same question. Why had she chosen to visit such a volatile place? Maybe in some warped sense of fatality, she’d hoped Nick would come to her rescue. Or had she used her trip as a way to force the break she knew she needed from him? Her thoughts jumbled, she gave herself a mental shake.
“The trip to Nawaka wasn’t planned. I’d actually decided to go home to my parents for the summer, to help out with some of my mother’s charity work.” She faltered, reluctant to admit the reason behind her seemingly rash decision to go to Nawaka. Whatever had happened afterward, for the six weeks she’d been there, she knew she really had made a small difference in the lives of the children she’d taught. As they’d made in hers.
But Nick wasn’t about to let the matter drop. “Then why did you? What could possibly have driven you to make such a rash decision? Without a word to your parents, never mind to me? What drove you to tell them the lie that you were going on holiday, when in fact you were traveling to one of the most dangerous places on earth?” His lips were pinched into a harsh line as he fired the questions at her, his plate of food abandoned on the blanket as he glowered.
Sudden anger at his continued bombardment of her boiled up inside, and lifting her chin, she glared right back at him. Fine. If he wanted to know, she’d tell him!
“Because of you, Nick. You were the reason!”
The colour receded from his vibrant face. Incomprehension clouded his eyes, and he shook his head in disbelief. “Explain.” “ You might be used to it, but having the tabloid and national press camped at my door day after day—harassing my friends and neighbours, wanting to know the minutiae of my life—wasn’t my idea of normal . I’d only managed to get rid of the last lot days before because you’d been in the papers yet again with another one of your takeovers. Having them turn up again in droves every time you made the news, knowing they’d remain there for the foreseeable future, drove me to my wit’s end.”
“And that was the only reason you left the country? To avoid press harassment?” A strange light burned in his eyes as he scoured her face with savage intensity.
“You mean it wasn’t enough to be followed everywhere? To have my picture taken when I was trying to buy a pair of knickers?”
“Not enough to get yourself captured and nearly killed, Tinkerbelle. No.”
She attempted a casual shrug and sat back down on the blanket. He followed her. “Well, there were also the never-ending phone calls from well-meaning friends, most of whom just wanted the latest gossip. And I also felt the need to spare my parents the aggravation of having to deal with the press who’d turned up on their doorstep as well. Telling everyone I was going away on holiday seemed the best way to curb any attempts to pry into my private life.”
“Everyone except your friend Liz, of course. She seemed to know every last detail of what you were up to when I, your own husband, didn’t,” he bit out in cold derision. Before she could reply, he waved her off and pressed on, “So the actual pictures of me in the newspapers weren’t the reason you left England, but rather, the aggravation that came with it?” His tone was deep and probing, his body still as he waited for her answer.
“What do you want me say, that seeing photos of you jet-setting around the world with the beautiful people didn’t hurt, didn’t remind me that our six-month old marriage had crashed and burned? Yes, it did. But I’m a grown woman, Nick, and I was trapped in my own home because you are a big shot who never stops being the press’s flavour of the month. I found myself in an intolerable position, and I decided to do something about it. Can you blame me?”
“No. And normally I’d applaud you for doing something to help the less advantaged. But what I want to understand is, why Nawaka, and why did you remain there when the tensions escalated? The mission where you worked was very close to the border where the insurgencies were taking place, so why did you stay?” His sharpened gaze speared her, continued its probing.
With a shudder, she recalled Mwana’s accusation of Westerners cutting and running when the going got tough. “There were children, some only a few months old—yes, unfortunately, I have a very soft spot for children.”
His gaze darkened. “I don’t begrudge you that, sweetheart. But I don’t deny I have issues with it.”
She licked her lips. “Yeah, well, I couldn’t just abandon them at the first sign of trouble, could I? They’d been orphaned and abandoned once in their lives. I couldn’t do it a second time, at least not until they’d been placed with responsible caregivers.” She still remembered the heart-rending cries of the older children who’d seen her being bundled into the back of Mwana’s armoured truck. She’d probably remember it for a long time.
“Very noble, Tinkerbelle.” His tone had changed. Now deep anger rumbled through his voice and his face seemed set in stone. “But what about the people you left behind? Your family? Your husband ? Did you spare a thought for me and how I would feel knowing your life was in danger?”
“Why would I? You didn’t want me or need me! They did.” She hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that. Hadn’t meant to bare her soul or let him see how his emotional desertion had rent her apart.
“And being needed was worth risking your life for?” he bit out tersely.
When your heart is breaking all over again, and the evidence is splashed out in full colour spreads for the world to see, yes!
“I can’t believe you’re asking me that,” she ground out. “You were a Marine, Nick. You risked your life countless times to save others—some of those were children being sold into prostitution.
And you think I should’ve walked away?”
“I was trained for it. You. Were. Not.”
He had her there, but she refused to back down. “Screw that! I did my research when I got there. I asked Father Tom and a few government officials when we heard of the threatened unrest
whether it was safe to remain, and I was told it was.”
His lips twisted. “Obviously, it wasn’t.”
“They’d been there longer than I had, and I trusted their judgment when they said it would most likely die down as it had many times before.”
“Only this time it didn’t,” he forced on her.
She surveyed the now-abandoned meal on the picnic blanket.
“I don’t own a crystal ball, Nick. I didn’t know this time it wouldn’t.”
“But by remaining, you put yourself and those around you at unthinkable risk,” he condemned brutally.
Her head snapped up as renewed anger blew to the surface. “ I did? Why do you keep coming back to that, as if I single-handedly, through some harebrained notion, risked my life and those of
Father Tom, Hendrik and Edda?”
“Because I almost lost you!”
His face had paled, and his hand gripped his glass so tightly, she feared the it would crack under the pressure. But while in the past she would’ve placated him, she knew she needed to stand her ground.
“I don’t regret the decision to stay as long as I did. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I hadn’t stayed to make sure the children were at least moved to a safer place before the rebels turned up. And don’t glare at me—you would’ve done the same damn thing.” She shoved the food away and rose to her feet again in agitation.
“You shouldn’t have been there in the first place! You should’ve been at home where you belonged, with me!” He matched her action and stood, only with his height and breadth, especially in his incandescent anger, he towered over her, almost consumed her with his presence.
“So that’s what this is about? That I should have consulted the all-powerful, all-knowing you before I dared to leave the country?” she snarled, facing him off across the width of their twice-abandoned picnic.
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it!” In a single stride he crossed over to her side and seized her by the arms.
“What if I hadn’t turned up? Have you stopped to think what would’ve happened if I hadn’t come when I did?” He gave her a small shake—a token, controlled outlet of the leashed anger that went along with the fierce emotion blazing from his eyes.
A shudder ripped through her and like a limp rag, the fight left her. “Every day, Nick. I’ve thought about it every single day since,” she admitted in a hoarse whisper.
Uttering a harsh Greek oath, he gathered her to him, his hands gentling. One hand cradled the back of her head against his shoulder as she broke down completely.
The cathartic release, which had been so long in coming, broke through with the force of a tidal wave, and her sobs shook both of them as they stood on the blanket, clutching each other desperately.
She wasn’t aware how long she wept, but when she finally stopped, it was because she didn’t have a single teardrop left to cry. Her sobs subsided into hiccups, but she just stayed where she was, clinging to the lifeline that was Nick, the soporific stroke of his hand down her back a balm to her ragged emotions.
He held her for a while longer, then, bending down, picked her up and walked to the edge of the pool. He lowered them into the pool and washed her face free of tears before letting the soothing waters work their magic to completely calm her.
After a few minutes, he took her by the hand, led her out of the water, and silently undressed her once more before making love to her with a gentle affirmation of life that brought fresh tears to her eyes.
Afterward, her heart sang with feelings she didn’t dare name. Nick leaned over her, his gentle fingers brushing away the tears from her cheeks.
“No more tears. That’s an order.”
She smiled around the sadness that marred the joy of being with him. “I can’t help them. You make love to me as if I’m the most precious thing in your life.”
“You are.”
“And yet you never say you love me. Why, Nick?” He tensed. Before he could withdraw, she put her hand to his cheek, forced him to look at her. “Please, tell me why you can’t love me. I promise I can live with whatever answer you give me.”
He sucked in a deep breath. “It’s very simple, matia mou . I don’t know what love is. Not with enough accuracy to say words I don’t mean. I’ve never been loved. My parents had their own agenda. When I returned from the Marines, my grandfather was too busy wondering what the hell had happened to his son and grooming me to take over the family business to bother with much else.”
“What about Alex? He loves you.”
“He’s a year older and sometimes thinks it’s his responsibility to look out for me but, yes, I suppose that is a version of love. Thing is, I don’t have a measuring stick for those feelings, and while I know saying the words would please you, I can’t say them without feeling like I’m being disingenuous. Do you get that?”
Did she? His past had shaped him into a man who couldn’t trust his own feelings or those close to him. She nodded slowly. Her heart wept for him.
She leaned up and kissed him. “I don’t like it, but I understand. In my head, anyway. And I’m sorry for what you went through, Nick.”
“It was nothing compared to what I experienced when you were in danger, baby. Promise me you’ll never put yourself in harm’s way like that again.” His words were soft, but the intent in his eyes told her he was dead serious.
Overcome with the turbulent emotion she’d experienced over the last few hours, she wanted more than anything to be done with this conversation. But she’d given in far too many times where Nick was concerned.
“I helped people in Nawaka, Nick. Throwing money at charities from the safety of your corner office is fine, and I’m not condemning anyone who does that. But I saw with my own eyes the difference I made to those children. So I don’t regret going. And given the opportunity, I’d do it again.”
He froze. “Even at the risk of attracting a madman? One who’s become so obsessed with you he’s relentlessly tracking you down on a whole other continent? What the hell happened with him, Tinkerbelle?” Nick’s regard was laser-sharp.
She thinned her lips at the memory of their conversation. “He accused me, all Westerners, of taking an interest in his country just for the sake of alleviating our boredom. I told him the same thing I’ve just told you—that I went to make a difference.” She eased out a breath. “I think in the end he believed me.”
“Clearly he did. Which is why he told you of his plans for Nawaka,” Nick ground out. “Do you know what that means?
You’re now a liability to him.”
Consternation flooded through her, and she squeezed her eyes shut. “God!”
His strong hands gripped her arms tighter, and he helped her up to sit with her back against his chest. “He probably also thinks you’ve hindered his chance to seize power, given that we got rid of several of his best men.”
She suddenly remembered the silent phone call a few days ago. Sucking in a breath, she told Nick.
“ Thee mou , and you didn’t think to tell me?” he demanded. “I could’ve had the number traced.”
“I thought it was nothing…a wrong number.” She licked dry lips. “Do you really think he’s going to keep coming for me?”
Nick’s jaw tightened, and his face hardened into tough, granitelike implacability. “I’d like to think he won’t try anything again. Not if he wants to keep breathing. Unfortunately, he’s unhinged, so his focus is now solely on getting you back. But there’s no way in hell I’m letting that happen.”
The fierce certainty in his voice soothed her jangled nerves.
“Is there anything else you want to tell me?” he asked.
She thought of confessing Mwana’s sexual fascination with her and decided against it. There was nothing to be gained there.
She shook her head.
Nick placed a finger under her chin and forced her gaze to his troubled one. “You want me to meet you halfway. So this is me doing that, against every instinct. I won’t stop you if you decide to go on a mission like that in the future. But damn it, first we must discuss it, weigh the risks, and take the necessary precautions. Together . Agreed?”
The compromise obviously did go against his every instinct, judging by his reluctant expression. But he’d done it anyway. Happiness burst from her very soul at his effort to let go and stop trying to control her. Maybe he really could change.
“Agreed.” She smiled.
A fire lit in his eyes. Leaning down, he kissed her with a depth of passion that nearly undid her. When the need for air forced them apart, he tugged her closer still and folded his arms around her.
They stayed like that for a long time, the peaceful silence disturbed only by the chirping of the birds and the gurgling waterfall. Then, after divesting her of her suit and him of his, they took a quick swim, after which he laid her down, tucked her to his side, and soothed caresses over her body until she drifted off to sleep.
She wasn’t sure how long they slept, but ever attuned to Nick’s antenna, she came awake the instant he tensed at her side.
Raising her head, she saw him reach for the gun. “What’s wrong?”
He didn’t need to answer. She heard the electronic whine of the cart as it approached from the other side of the hill.
“You might want to get dressed.”
With a yelp, she jumped up and scrambled to find her suit. Behind her she heard Nick’s tense chuckle.
She rounded on him. “I don’t know what you’re laughing at.
You don’t know who’s coming, and you’re as naked as I am.”
He remained where he was, his focus on the hill, his finger tapping the barrel of the gun. “There’s no time. Besides, I’m not as uptight about being naked as you.”
Deciding to get dressed first then kill him, she closed grateful hands on the discarded suit lying half-hidden under the basket and hurried into it.
But she was all thumbs, her efforts worsening by the ever-growing whine of the cart.
“Here, let me help,” Nick offered magnanimously. With lithe grace, he rose and helped her into her suit, adjusting the straps with quick efficiency before giving in and climbing into his shorts.
Then, his eyes roving her flushed face and body, he murmured wickedly, “We really need to find a way to loosen you up a bit. Anyone would think you were ashamed of that magnificent body of yours.”
She was still sputtering her way to an appropriate response when a golf cart appeared at the top of the hill and parked next to theirs.
Yannis lifted his hand in greeting. Belle turned to Nick. “You knew it was Yannis?”
“I suspected. There are security and police crawling all over the island. Not even a crazy asshole like Mwana would attempt anything here.” He put the safety back on the gun and reached for the rest of his clothes.
By the time Yannis reached them, Nick was fully dressed.
At his first words, Nick froze.