Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
Water spewed out of Leo’s mouth in a fine spray, speckling the table, their legs, and Amelia’s tablet. Beside her, Leo began to cough and splutter, his body racked with violent spasms. She tossed her tablet aside and smacked his back in a panicked attempt to help.
“Are you okay?” she half-screeched, whacking his broad back once more. Jumping off the couch, she rushed to the bathroom and grabbed a towel. She tossed the towel at Leo and watched him wipe his face, then his chest, then the table, then her tablet.
Finally, Leo lifted his gaze to meet hers and growled, “What did you say?”
“I said, ‘Are you okay?’”
“Before that.”
“Oh,” Amelia whispered, her skin suddenly hot all over. “That.”
“Yes,” Leo rumbled, tossing the towel at the armchair. It landed on the arm, then slid to the ground. Neither of them moved to pick it up. His eyes were dark and hot and dangerous, and Amelia couldn’t move from where she stood on the other side of the coffee table.
She wrung her hands. “Well,” she started, when the silence stretched too long. “You see… I don’t…” She huffed. Didn’t they have a deal? Wasn’t this a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to talk to an expert? This was no time to get embarrassed! They had a simple exchange, and yes, things had gotten more complicated, but a deal was a deal. She squared her shoulders. “I want to learn about blowjobs.”
A small, wheezing sound escaped Leo’s lips. After a beat, he forced out, “Blowjobs.”
“Yes. Oral sex.”
“I know what blowjobs are, Amelia.”
“Right,” she whispered. “Well, I’m not very good at them, and I hear from my friends that it’s really not that complicated, but in the past, I’ve been told by partners that?—”
“ Who? ”
Amelia jumped at the vehemence of the word as it exploded from Leo’s mouth. She smoothed her hands over her stomach to wipe away the dampness that had started to coat her palms and took a small step back. “What?”
“Who said that to you?” Then, oddly, something shifted in Leo. He went from looking angry and intense to slowly, purposefully relaxing back into the sofa. He unclenched his hands, which had been gripping his knees, and spread his arms across the top of the couch cushions. He nodded to the seat she’d vacated a moment ago. “Sit down.”
“You know, I really don’t appreciate being ordered around like that,” she mumbled, but somehow her feet didn’t get her strong-independent-woman memo, because they were already carrying her toward the sofa. She sat down as far from Leo as she could.
He turned to face her, and although his movements were smooth and relaxed, there was an intensity to his eyes that made no sense to Amelia. “Tell me who said these things to you, Amelia.”
“I don’t see how that’s relevant.”
“It’s relevant because he lied.”
“And how could you possibly know that? It’s not like I’ve ever given you a blowjob.”
The intensity of his eyes faded slightly, and a dangerous grin tugged at his lips. They were entering perilous territory. Amelia had not thought this through. She just wanted to know what he liked, so she could replicate it on future sexual partners.
Future sexual partners—not him. Definitely not him. Some nebulous future man whose penis she couldn’t quite picture right now, but she imagined she’d be enthusiastic about the idea when the time came. That was all.
But now, locked in a room with a sexy, red-blooded man, talking about blowjobs didn’t seem like such a wise course of action, especially because he was asking her questions that had to do with her past sexual experiences, and that was a whole pot of boiling acid she had no desire to dunk her head into.
“Okay, so, I think we might have taken a wrong turn in this conversation,” Amelia said, putting her hands up. “Let’s restart.”
“No.”
She reared back. “No?”
Leo shook his head. “Nope. You’re going to tell me what sniveling asshole told you all these lies about yourself, then we’ll talk about why the hell you believed him, and we’ll go from there.”
She blinked. The thought of sharing her past with anyone—let alone a man as attractive and out of her league as Leo—made her want to vomit. “I don’t see how that’s relevant, Leo.”
“It’s relevant because no matter what I tell you about sex and dating, you’re not going to believe any of it.”
Well, that was just a bunch of bullshit. Amelia crossed her arms. “Excuse me?”
“You won’t believe me, because you still think what that dickwad said to you is true. So we’re going to hash it out. Right now.”
Her heart began to thump. Fear clawed up her throat, and Amelia’s gaze slid away from Leo’s. “Maybe we can go back to talking about blowjobs.”
A low, pained groan sounded, and Leo reached over to grab Amelia’s arm. Then his hand went around her waist, and he hauled her over his lap, just like he did when they first kissed. When she was firmly planted sideways across his legs, with his arms loosely circled around her upper back, his fingers dangerously close to the side of her breast, he spoke again. “You have no idea how much it grieves me to say this, but I don’t want to talk about blowjobs with you right now. I want you to tell me why you struck this deal with me in the first place. Why do you think you need any of this advice, Amelia?”
She considered wriggling out from his hold, but the truth was, it felt good to be in his arms. So, Amelia let her head fall on his shoulder as a sigh slipped through her lips. Leo’s fingers began to sweep slowly up and down her arm, soothing her pulse down to a manageable level.
“It started with my ex-boyfriend, Josh,” she admitted. “We met in college. I was studying statistics, and he was in mechanical engineering. He was the first guy to ever pay attention to me.”
The soothing strokes didn’t stop, and Leo remained silent, but Amelia could tell he was listening.
“You have to understand, growing up, I was never Amelia Darcy. I was Maggie Darcy’s little sister. And I don’t resent her for that; it’s impossible to resent Maggie. She’s so beautiful and smart and so, so kind, and I’m just awkward. I was really gangly in high school. I had braces and acne and was one of those weirdos who actually enjoyed my classes, especially math, and I just was not at all on Maggie’s level. So when I met Josh and he actually made me feel pretty, it was really special to me.”
“Fucking Josh,” Leo mumbled.
Amelia let out a snort, nuzzling deeper into Leo’s chest. He was warm and solid, and his strokes were so gentle they sent delicious, calming shivers coursing through her body. She never would have guessed he was capable of being this tender.
“Anyway, we started dating. And I was young, and he was my first boyfriend—first everything—so I probably didn’t have the experience to see any red flags. We moved in together to save on rent, and that’s when he started criticizing me.”
Her throat grew tight, and Amelia stopped speaking. Leo kept stroking her arm, kept encasing her in his safe warmth. His chin tilted as he pressed his cheek to her forehead, a wordless touch that made comfort swell in Amelia’s breast.
“It started with innocuous things, like how I did the dishes or how I cooked. Or maybe telling me to change my outfit because it made me look fat or flat-chested or the color was all wrong. Then he started talking about our sex life, and I think he could sense that I was insecure about sexual stuff, so that’s what he started to really focus his critiques on.”
Leo turned solid beneath her. His movements stopped for a moment, and then Amelia felt a long sigh ruffle the hair at her temple. His hand began to stroke her arm again. “He knew your weakness,” he rumbled.
Amelia nodded, her nose just brushing the soft skin at the side of Leo’s neck. Her hand slid up to hook over his opposite shoulder, and she let her eyes close. It felt so good to be in his arms, and surprisingly, it felt even better to unburden herself of these truths.
She’d told her friends, of course, and been met with outrage and denials. But there was something nice about telling Leo. He just let her speak, let her explain.
Amelia swallowed. “So, that’s how it started. He said I was bad at kissing. He’d tell me that he didn’t like the taste of me, you know, down there , so he stopped going down on me. He said I was too wet, but then if he touched me when I wasn’t turned on, he’d complain that I was too dry. He nitpicked my body. He’d ask me for blowjobs and then complain that I wasn’t as good as his ex. He’d want to get really rough, but I didn’t like it, and he’d complain about that too. He said a lot of stuff, and I guess they grew roots inside me and now it’s hard not to think they’re true, especially considering how disastrous my dating life has been since we broke up.” Memories swarmed her, and Amelia kept her eyes closed. “In my head, I know he was an abusive asshole. I went to a counselor and that helped a bit, but I still just feel so awkward around guys. And I think it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy now. I think I’m bad at sex therefore I become bad at sex. I’m so ashamed of it, and I’m ashamed that my stupid ex-boyfriend still has this much control over me. We broke up six years ago, Leo. I should be over it by now.”
It was a long speech, a confession of all her deepest, darkest secrets. So, it wasn’t until she stopped speaking that she realized Leo was trembling. His arms had tightened around her, and when she opened her eyes, his jaw was stone hard.
Pushing off his chest, she tilted her head to look up at his face. A muscle jumped in Leo’s cheek as his nostrils flared. Finally, he lowered his gaze and met Amelia’s. “I’m having homicidal fantasies,” he admitted quietly at her worried glance.
Warmth and light flooded through Amelia’s chest, and she couldn’t help the smile that bloomed over her lips.
Leo scowled at her mouth, then met her gaze. “It’s not funny.”
“No,” she agreed. “It just makes me feel good to hear you say that. Does that make me a bad person?”
He shook his head. “No.” His hand moved to stroke her cheek, the backs of his fingers sliding down her face. “What made you finally break up with him?”
“I found out he was cheating on me, and he tried to make me feel like it was my fault. He said if I hadn’t studied so hard and made time for him, he wouldn’t have done it. I guess after everything, that was just one thing too far. I realized I needed to leave him.”
“Strong woman,” he said, brushing his lips over Amelia’s forehead.
That made a bitter laugh fall from her lips. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
The couch groaned as Leo shifted slightly, then he brought his hand back to her cheek. He cupped her jaw and tilted her face so they stared at each other. His green eyes glittered, the rigid planes of his face carved in light and shadow. But his touch was tender, and his voice was soft.
“You are strong, Amelia. You survived what he did to you, and you had the courage to ask for help. You know what you want and you’re not afraid to go for it. That’s strength. It’s resilience. It’s courage.”
“You’re just saying that,” she whispered, even as butterflies took off in her chest.
Green eyes stared into hers, and something shifted within them. His hand slipped down to her neck, curling around to her nape. Leo’s head lowered so his breath coasted over her lips, sending tiny shivers darting through her veins. “I want to make you feel good,” he told her, his gaze sliding down the length of her body before returning to her face.
A breath gusted out of her mouth. “Oh,” she managed to say.
“Can I do that? Can I make you feel good?” He shifted so her head was supported on his bicep, and his other hand slid from her nape around to her shoulder, then her chest, barely brushing her breast on its journey down to her waist.
Amelia shivered. “I don’t…”
His hand paused.
She gulped. It would be so easy to push him away, but need clawed inside her. She wanted to feel good. She wanted to revel in the safety of Leo’s arms. She wanted to feel sexy, damn it.
But—
She reached up to touch Leo’s jaw. “If I don’t come, please don’t take it personally. It’s…hard for me. To get all the way there.”
The expression on his face grew harsh as her words sank in. His hand tightened on her waist as he leaned down and brushed his lips over her forehead, down to the tip of her nose, and finally brushed her lips oh-so-softly. “We’ll just see what happens, okay?”
She nodded once, jerkily. “Okay,” she whispered.
Then he kissed her. It was as mind-bending and life-altering as before, except this time, Leo’s hand slid under her top and came to rest on her bare stomach. For a moment, Amelia worried that her belly was too soft, that he’d feel her imperfections, that he’d pull away?—
“Your skin is so soft,” he said reverently against her lips, fingers spreading to span from hip to ribs. He squeezed and stroked her body until she settled, then slid his hand up to peel the shirt off her body. She lifted her arms as he took the garment off, then settled back down, biting her lip as she looked at Leo to gauge his reaction.
What greeted her gaze was a look of pure, barely leashed hunger. His hand slid from her collarbone to her breast, touching the lacy fabric of her bralette as his eyes devoured her. “Pretty,” he said, almost to himself, his fingers tracing the scalloped edge of her undergarments.
His fingers trailed down to her navel, then over the waistline of her skirt. He skimmed his hand down the outside of her thigh, down to her knee while his head dipped down to kiss her once more. Despite herself, Amelia felt her body relax. She wrapped her arms around Leo’s neck and tugged him closer, wanting to explore his body as he was exploring hers.
A rough grunt tore through Leo’s throat, and he pulled away. Then, with jagged movements, he lifted Amelia up and spun her around so she sat directly on his lap, her back to his chest. Her legs dangled over his knees. When he spread his legs, he pulled her knees wide. Her skirt dipped down in the gap made by their spread legs, and Leo’s hands came around Amelia’s waist.
“Look at yourself,” he commanded, his lips near her ear. He nudged her so she looked at the mirror above the mantel. It was angled in such a way that she could see herself atop him. “See how beautiful you are.” His hands slid up from her waist to cup her breasts. He shaped her, groaning at the feel of her flesh in his palms.
She watched the reflection and felt cool air on her spread inner thighs.
This was not in her spreadsheet.
Leo dipped down to kiss her neck, his teeth grazing down to her shoulder. His hands worked her breasts, fingers tweaking and teasing her nipples until they were hard points, clearly visible through the lace of her bralette. Melting against the man at her back, Amelia let her head fall against his shoulder with a sigh.
“Does that feel good?” he said, voice low and rough as he pinched her nipples again.
“Yes,” Amelia panted.
A rough tug, and her breasts were freed. She jerked at the feel of Leo’s calloused palms against her oversensitive skin. A whimper escaped her and was met with a low, rumbling chuckle. “My girl likes her tits played with, doesn’t she?”
“Yes,” Amelia breathed. She also liked being called his girl, but she was too far gone to acknowledge it.
Sliding one hand up to her jaw, Leo tilted her face forward again. “I want you to see what I see, Amelia,” he said, low and commanding and hot. “Open your eyes and look.” One hand on her jaw, he moved the other hand to plump her breast. “A beautiful body with rosy nipples that got so nice and hard when I touched them.” His thumb brushed the tips of her breasts for emphasis and Amelia shivered. Then his hand slid down to her waist. “All this soft skin,” he whispered, lips brushing the shell of her ear.
Then his hand slid lower. “And this,” he said on an exhale. “I can feel how hot and wet you are even through your skirt.” He squeezed her, and a spasm gripped Amelia. The spasm was delicious. The way he said the words made it obvious he thought it was a good thing she was wet already. A very good thing.
This was further emphasized when he clawed at the fabric of her skirt, spread his knees wider to pull her legs apart, and slid his hand over her underwear. He groaned, his head dropping until his lips brushed her shoulder again. He liked the feel of her so much, Amelia could feel him getting hard beneath her. His bulge was growing under her butt, and the feel of all that hot, hard, male flesh made Amelia want to tear all their clothes off, lock the door, and forget about everything except their bodies and their pleasure.
But Leo had other ideas. He slid his fingers up the gusset of her underwear and circled her where she was most sensitive. Even with a layer of fabric between them, she jerked at the touch, a moan slipping through her lips. Then he slid his fingers higher, and Amelia let out a whimper of disappointment until Leo moved beneath her underwear to slide his fingers over her aching core. Then her whimper turned to a moan.
A harsh breath swept over her shoulder as Leo exhaled. “Let me tell you something, Amelia,” he said, voice low. His fingers slipped down to tease her opening then back up to that maddening bundle of nerves. “I love feeling you this wet. I’m dying at the thought of how good you’ll feel when my cock is inside you. So hot and wet and tight.”
Leo’s fingers found the sensitive left side of her clit, and he was so in tune to her every twitch that he understood exactly what she liked. He rubbed her softly, then harder, and soft again, until Amelia was sure she’d lost her mind.
“Leo,” she panted, then stopped.
“What is it?” His fingers kept performing magic between her legs, and Amelia didn’t know what she so badly wanted to say to him. “You like the way I touch you?” She nodded and he said, “Not as much as I like doing it.”
His big hand slipped down, and he plunged his fingers inside her. Gasping, she watched herself in the reflection, feeling his touch, his body beneath hers, and she felt the truth of his statement. Pinning her skirt to her stomach with his forearm, he wrenched her panties to the side so she could see what he was doing in the mirror. Fingers plunging into her, Leo ground his palm against her clit, and she came.
Her orgasm hit without warning, locking all her muscles. A cry sounded, and Amelia realized it had come from her. Pleasure washed over her, exploding out from the juncture of her thighs, sending heat and honey spreading through her veins. Leo held her through it, urging her on with whispered words, his arms wrapped around her body as he guided her through every wave and aftershock. It wasn’t until she jerked at the lightest touch that he pulled his hand away and gently replaced her underwear.
Her body was utterly limp on top of his. Her bralette remained tangled and bunched beneath her breasts, her skirt in disarray. But it took so much effort to even blink that Amelia doubted she had the strength to put herself to rights. Leo lifted her and spun her around so she was sitting across his lap again, then he dipped his head to hers. He kissed her with long, languorous touches until she let out a satisfied sigh.
Then Leo pulled away and readjusted her bralette. He twitched her skirt so it fell over her legs. He swept his hand over her side, up her ribs to her shoulder, then down her arm. Then he tangled his fingers with hers and brought her knuckles up to his mouth. His touch was gentle, a soft touch of his lips to her skin.
“What about you?” Amelia whispered.
“This isn’t about me.”
That was a nice thought, but it didn’t sit right with Amelia. Something about the way Leo said it, the pain he tried to hide in his eyes… There was more to Leo than the playboy. He used his reputation as a mask, but she could see through it.
Sitting up, Amelia turned so she was straddling him, her hands resting on Leo’s shoulders. He tilted his head back, those lazy catlike eyes falling to half-mast as his hands slid to her hips. They watched each other for a beat.
“That was nice,” Amelia finally whispered, a bit stupidly.
Leo grinned. “I know.”
“I want you to feel good too.”
His grin softened around the edges, and his thumbs started making slow sweeps over the skin at her waist. “I told you, Amelia. That wasn’t about me.”
Pleasure still buzzed in her veins. The image of her body draped over Leo’s was burned into Amelia’s memory, and for the first time in a long, long time—maybe ever—she felt sexy in a way that was innate. It wasn’t like she was trying on an ill-fitting piece of clothing and thinking she could get used to it if she only wore it more often. No, for the first time in her life, Amelia understood that she was a sensual creature when she felt safe enough to embrace that part of herself. With Leo, she was safe.
And it was a very, very good feeling. She tilted her hips and settled on Leo’s body a little more firmly, eliciting a groan from him. Then she whispered, “You were supposed to teach me how to give the perfect blowjob.”
A pulse occurred in his crotch, like her words had a direct line to his dick. It twitched against her still-damp panties, causing her own body to spasm in about fourteen different places.
Leo blinked slowly and finally chuckled as he shook his head. “Nope.”
“No? You’re rejecting me?”
“I’m sticking to my principles. This was about making you feel good. If you start trying to please me, it’ll ruin all my efforts.”
But Amelia wasn’t ready to let go of this nascent feeling. She wanted to wrap it around herself like a blanket. She wanted to feel sexy for a little bit longer. And beyond that, she felt that Leo needed to be drawn out of the armor he’d built around himself. She’d seen past his mask, and she wanted him to know it. She wanted him to feel as seen, as appreciated, as she did in his arms.
Letting her hands drift to the back of his neck, she played with the ends of his hair and asked, “How do you know I wouldn’t enjoy sucking your cock? What if it felt good for me?”
Another pulse from his crotch, this one much, much stronger. He groaned and tightened his hands around her waist. His eyes were closed. “I’m trying to be a gentleman, Amelia.”
“That wasn’t in our agreement.”
“A lot of what we’ve done wasn’t in our agreement.”
Hmm. That was true.
Leo laughed and brushed his thumb between her brows. “Stop frowning. Even though you’re cute when you’re not getting your way.”
“I never thought I’d have to beg to give a guy a blowjob.”
The smile Leo gave her in response was nothing short of villainous. “You’re nowhere near begging, Amelia. But we can do that too, if you like.”
Now it was her body’s turn to spasm. She thought of getting on her knees, begging, seeing his face turn predatory when he refused her…
Lust swept through her, warming her cheeks, making her hips jerk against his.
But… How was it possible to be turned on by something like that when her entire sexual history had been one long line of awkward and downright terrible experiences? Was there something wrong with her? Maybe all her bad experiences had warped something inside her, and now the thought of being humiliated by Leo in that way actually turned her on.
“Hey.” His voice had gentled again. “Come back to me.”
She lifted her gaze to his and gave him a half-smile. “Sorry.”
With slight pressure on her back, he urged her to lie against his chest. She did, and was immediately engulfed in the warmth of his embrace. It felt amazing. Leo tucked her head under his chin and held her until it was time to get ready for dinner.
That night, when she closed the pocket doors after saying goodnight, Amelia wished she had the courage to ask Leo to join her in the big king-sized bed.
But there was a reason he hadn’t wanted to take things further earlier. He was putting up a boundary between them, and Amelia had to respect that. Leo didn’t do relationships; he certainly hadn’t given her any indication he wanted more than a fake fiancée for a few days. Sure, they’d muddied their agreement already with kisses and touches, but that didn’t mean Leo wanted it to last beyond the retreat.
Amelia would be a pretty terrible person if she pushed him to do things he didn’t want to do. She had the feeling Leo was used to being used for sex, and she didn’t want to be one of the women who did that to him. She didn’t want to cheapen what was happening between them, even if it only lasted a few days.
So she closed the doors and got into the big bed—alone.