Chapter Nineteen
The second time didn’t happen in bed.
They fucked in the shower, and when she used the word “fuck” she meant he rode her hard and she’d loved every minute of the wild ride.
Their hands were all over each other. Frantically exploring the dips and valleys of each other’s bodies. He had her pressed against the shower wall, standing behind her thrusting fast and furiously.
He pulled out and came into the spray of water.
Then they lathered up their hands and washed each other clean.
They didn’t make it back into bed until three. Neither said a word as they curled between the sheets, he wrapped his arm around her and tugged her into his big spoon. She liked being the little spoon. It made her feel safe.
He was exhausted, she could tell, but he traced her arm with the tips of his fingers, up and down, nurturing relaxation in her. They fought sleep as if time was limited.
When she realized sleep wouldn’t be coming even though she was exhausted, she asked, “Have you ever been in love?”
“I think so,” he said in a sleepy tone.
“You think so? I’d think you’d know if you have been.”
“I’d say I loved my first girlfriend, but she wasn’t my person. Looking back, I’d say our relationship’s backbone was sex.”
“How long were you two together?”
“Two years.” His fingers paused. “How about you? Been in love? Please tell me not with Leo.”
“No, not Leo. Yes, at one time I was in love with someone. We just couldn’t seem to fit into each other’s lives.” She nestled her bottom deeper into the curve of his hips. “Do you ever see yourself getting married?”
His fingers resumed the movement on her arm. “It’s probably not the politically correct answer.”
“I just want honesty.”
He laid his cheek against the back of her head. “I’m not the marrying type. I think sometimes I’d like a family, and then I change my mind.”
“Why change your mind?”
“Because I don’t want to feel trapped.”
Why did this feel like a blow to her stomach? Not that she expected commitment from him, but he seemed adamant in his answer. She did say she wanted honesty. “Marriage isn’t a trap, at least not with the right person.”
“I see your point. What about you?”
“I don’t know. I guess anything’s possible with the one I love.”
“You’re the marrying type. Probably want kids too.”
“Again, I don’t know. Looking at the future, I might want one, or two. Yet, right now, it’s not forefront in my brain.”
“Big responsibility. Kids and all.”
“And yet parents do it every day. Tell me about the scars, Hawkeye.” She rolled over to face him. “These scars.” She touched the white puckered skin on his bicep.
“I took a bullet.”
Her hand paused and her eyes widened. “Bullet? As in shot?”
He lifted her hand and kissed the backs of her knuckles. “I was walking out of a bar and the next thing I knew I was hit. I was rushed to surgery to repair the damage. Could have been a lot worse.”
“Who? Why?”
There was a long enough hesitation that she didn’t think he’d answer, but he did. “There’s some things I haven’t been completely honest about.” He sighed. “I was a Texas Ranger. Silver ordered the hit on me, so he and I have history.”
“You spoke to the man that ordered a hit on you? How much restraint that must have taken for you not to strangle him. So now you’re retired and live here, ranching. Makes sense.”
He kissed her at the end of her sentence as if he didn’t want to talk about it any longer. She respected that because honestly, she needed to absorb what he told her. She felt like Dorothy from Wizard of Oz. She was blown away and wasn’t in Kansas any longer.
“Let’s get some sleep,” he said.
“Goodnight,” she told him.
They fell asleep and a few hours later he woke her by saying in her ear, “I must go. I’m needed.”
She sat up, holding the sheet against her chest. “Everything okay?”
“Sharp called. Something about a birthing cow in distress.” He was already pulling on his jeans and shirt.
He bent over and kissed her twice, once on the lips and another on the forehead.
“I hope she’s okay.” Margo rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
“Go back to sleep. I’ll see you later.”
Alone, she tossed and turned, incapable of falling back to sleep.
She had plans with CaDee later, so she got up and went to take a shower.
By eight, she was making her way across the field to the Loveland Farm to the farmhouse where CaDee lived.
Knocking on the front door, she answered, still wearing her nightgown and looking very flustered. “Hey, Margo! What’s up?”
“We had plans for breakfast.” Margo wondered if she had her days confused.
“Oh no. You’re completely right. I’m sorry.
Come in, come in.” She waved Margo inside.
“After the ribbon cutting and then Carsen was up until the middle of the night puking because he ate way too many sweets. Thankfully, he fell asleep around five only to be wide awake now. I never let him watch more than an hour of cartoons on his iPad but this morning I’m on a time crunch.
I have a wedding coming up soon and at the last minute the caterer decided to cancel because of a family emergency.
” CaDee looked frantic with her hair tousled into a tangled madness and dark circles under her eyes.
“And Sharp is busy with a birthing cow that’s giving fits. ”
Margo started to tell CaDee that Hawkeye was helping with the issue, but Margo wasn’t ready to reveal that she and Hawkeye had slept together.
She followed CaDee into the kitchen.
“What was I thinking?” she tossed her hands up.
“I thought I could start a business while being a mom to Carsen and with a new baby on the way. I can’t even manage to make breakfast.” Tears developed in her eyes.
“I’m a wreck. My emotions are a match waiting to be lit,” she said in a lowered voice so Carsen couldn’t hear.
“You have a lot on your plate. Being pregnant alone can cause the body lots of hormonal changes.” Margo didn’t know how to calm her friend. She’d never experienced any of what CaDee was going through.
“I’m so lucky. I have a wonderful family. They’re supportive, but I feel like I’m holding the weight of a mountain in my grip.”
“How much sleep did you get last night?” Margo said.
“Not enough.” She popped open the lid to her prenatal vitamins and downed one with her coffee.
“CaDee, why don’t you go lie down for a bit. Everything will feel less overwhelming with some rest. I can make breakfast,” Margo volunteered. “I can even sit with Carsen while you get your things done when you wake up. He and I get along great.”
“I can’t ask you to do that.” Her cheeks reddened.
“You didn’t ask. I’m volunteering. Remember what you said. The women of Fin’s Creek support each other.” Margo wanted to help. CaDee had been so helpful to Margo since she’d arrived.
Several emotions flickered over her face before it settled on agreement. “You wouldn’t mind? Just for a few hours while I take a nap and then research for a new caterer?”
“Not one bit.” Margo was already taking her jacket off and hooking it over the back of the chair.
“Okay,” CaDee looked around at the kitchen trying to gain her bearings. “He likes scrambled eggs, toast and orange juice. You’ll find everything you need. Fresh eggs are in the basket on the counter.”
“Go on and do what you need to do. I’ve got this covered.” Margo shooed her friend toward the stairs.
“Okay. If you need me…” She stopped to give Carsen a kiss on top of the head and said, “Be good for Margo, you hear?”
He gave a simple nod then went back to watching the cartoon that had his undivided attention.
“Aye, aye, aye,” CaDee said as she climbed the stairs.
In the kitchen, Margo popped bread into the toaster and poured orange juice. Once the eggs were scrambled, she took down a plate and started to scoop up eggs but paused. She had no idea how much a kid his age would eat. She’d have to guesstimate.
“Okay, time to put the iPad away to eat breakfast, kiddo,” she said.
Carsen groaned but he did as she asked.
“Do you like anything on your toast?”
“Jelly,” he said.
Opening the fridge door, Margo found the jams and jelly. “Apple, grape or orange?”
“Grape,” he said around a mouthful of eggs.
She was glad he liked the eggs. She grabbed a butter knife from the drawer and took the jelly over. Opening the jar, she started to dig the knife in when he said, “Mommy lets me do it.”
“Okay. Here you are.” She handed over the knife and watched him carefully and meticulously spread jelly over the toast. He licked the remaining jelly off the knife then dropped it back into the jar. She fished it out and laid it in the sink.
She was grateful to find the carafe full of coffee and poured herself a large cup. She added fresh milk and went to sit with Carsen at the table where he’d nearly cleaned his plate. He was doodling with crayons on paper. “How’s breakfast?”
“Good, thank you.”
He was a cute kid with manners.
“Did you draw these?” she asked, pointing to the stack of drawings in the basket.
He nodded as he bit into his toast, smearing jelly over his upper lip. She handed him a napkin.
“Can I take a look?” she asked.
He pushed the basket to her. She looked at each one, mostly stick figures of people and animals. One was obviously a picture of CaDee because she had a circle representing her baby bump.
“What do you think of becoming a big brother?” she asked.
“I can’t wait,” he said. “I wish Mommy was having a boy, but I’ll take a sister.”
Margo went through the colorful drawings and paused at one showing a hooded person dressed in black. She asked, “Who’s this, Carsen?”
“I don’t know.” He glanced over and shrugged. “This is Milo.” He referred to the dog he was drawing.
“I met Milo. He was sleeping on the porch step.”
“He likes to do that.” Carsen laughed.
“So, you don’t know who this is?” She picked up the drawing of the person in black. It struck Margo as odd because it was so different than all the other happy pictures.
“I saw him.” Carsen munched on his toast.
“It was a man? Where? When?” She didn’t want to interrogate the kid, but she had important questions.
“In the yard.” He lifted his finger in the direction of the back door. “At night.”
“Were you outside?”
He gave his head a fast shake. “I was awake because Milo barked. The man walked through the backyard.”
“Could it have been one of the hands?”
“No.” He licked jelly off his pinky. “It was dark.”
“Were you scared?” she asked as fear started to trail its icy fingers down her spine.
“No because he walked very fast.”
“Did you tell your mommy? Or daddy?” she wondered.
“I forgot.” He seemed indifferent to the situation.
“Carsen, can I take this drawing?”
“Yes,” he said without hesitation.
“Thank you.” The drawing probably didn’t mean anything, and maybe it was only a coincidence that Carsen saw someone walking through the yard at night and she’d seen someone staring into the window of her cottage. She’d been hypersensitive as of late.
“Can we go outside and play ball?” He tossed the crayons into the basket, jumped off the chair, and raced to put his plate and cup in the sink.
“I think that’s a great idea.” Some fresh air would do her good.