Chapter 19 #2
“I haven’t asked because I didn’t want to press, but how is that going?”
Ugh. This went real fast from a really hot night to a not-so-hot conversation.
“I can’t say it’s really going at all. I haven’t gotten together with my parents.
I’ve talked to them on the phone, but…I don’t know.
” I hesitate, but given what we’re doing now, I don’t really see a reason in keeping secrets from Mart.
“It’s not only that, really. Before they told me the news, I was planning to tell them I don’t want to play after college. ”
“What? Really?” He looks about as shocked as when he realized we enjoyed kissing each other.
“Is that so weird?”
“You’ve got to be a sure thing for pro, right? I don’t know shit about football, but the way the guys talked about you after that NFL thing…”
“The Combine? Yeah. I did pretty good.”
“I heard it was better than that. Like, were you as good as you are at blowing a guy?”
“Even better.”
“Oh, wow,” he teases, and I can tell he’s trying to cheer me up. “Seriously, though. What’s the issue?”
I quiet, thinking through all the shit I’ve kept to myself since the Combine. “It feels like I did it already. And the schedule’s wild. I don’t want to spend the next several years of my life training and playing.”
“What would you do instead?”
“I enjoy working at the shop. I wouldn’t mind doing that for a bit, see where that takes me. But…it’s a lot of change, really fast. Now that they’re getting a divorce, I’ve been having second thoughts. Wondering if it would be better to not have everything in my life change next year, you know?”
His gaze is distant as he says, “Better than you might think,” and I can tell by his somber expression there’s more to it. A lot more.
Now he’s got me curious. “Anything you want to talk about?”
His mouth opens like he’s about to say something, but then he purses his lips, as if determined to keep it in.
I don’t intend to push, but finally he says, “When my brother was twelve, we were supposed to go visit our cousins. I wound up sick that weekend, so I stayed home. While he was on the trip, our cousins got the bright idea to get out the ATVs and take them through the woods. My brother was on the back of one when it flipped, and…” He chokes up before continuing, “He was in the hospital for a while, and when he got out, he couldn’t walk, and it was a very difficult time for him… for our family.”
I knew his brother was in a wheelchair, since he’s visited the Alpha Theta Mu house a few times, but I didn’t know any of these details. And I really feel for the guy.
“I’m so sorry, Mart,” I say, sliding my hand up from his abs to his side and gripping gently.
He rests his hand on top of mine, doesn’t even seem to notice he’s doing it as he tears up.
“It was dark for a while. He was depressed, which I think anybody would be. And we had to help him a lot in the beginning. Gradually, things got better, and now he’s totally fine and doesn’t even want me to help him with shit.
He’s so much stronger than I would’ve been if it’d happened to me.
I’m so proud of him, but…” He stops himself, and I can tell there’s something else lingering on his mind.
“What?” I press.
“I can’t ever stop thinking that had I been there, I would’ve stopped them.”
My jaw drops. He blames himself for what happened to his brother. Suddenly his obsession with safety and rules makes a lot more sense.
“Oh, Mart.” I flip my hand over, gripping his gently. “You know that’s not how it works.”
“He shouldn’t have been on that ATV. I would have stopped it.
I could have stopped all this. Saved him all this pain.
Fuck.” He bats at his eyes with the back of his free hand.
“Sorry, that was not what I was expecting to get into. I wanted to say that I know what it’s like to have your whole life—everything you knew about it and everything you thought it would be—change in an instant. ”
“I’m glad you told me. You know, despite what you think of me, I’m actually a good listener too.”
“I’m learning…slowly but surely.” He snickers. “I’m sorry you’re having a hard time right now.”
I shrug. “I’ll figure it out. That’s what college is all about, right? Now roll.”
“What?”
“Roll. I’m gonna cuddle you. You look like you could use a good cuddle, and I could use one too.”
I’m glad he doesn’t put up a fight, just rolls away from me, and I move close, my pelvis against his firm ass.
I drape my arm around him, tugging him close.
He relaxes into my hold, taking a deep breath, offering me instant relief, and I nestle my face against his neck, thinking about all he just shared.
It gives me a new perspective on the guy I thought was trying to be the biggest pain in the ass.
Maybe his best friends know this side of him, but most of the frats don’t see this part. He doesn’t let them see it. To them, he’s the party pooper of Alpha Theta Mu, and now I feel I understand why he’s like this. At least, something that contributes to it, for sure.
“Guess I’m starting to get why you’re always looking out for the guys,” I whisper.
“Maybe. I was always prone to anxiety, but what happened with Aiden definitely didn’t help in that department.”
“Marty, the more I get to know you, the more I think you’re actually not such a dick after all.”
“Funny, because the more we talk, the less I think you’re a big frathole.” He sneaks a glance over his shoulder, smirking.
There’s a stir of sensation in my chest. “Eh, I can be kind of a frathole sometimes.”
“And I can be a dick.”
“Well, you’re a pretty cute dick tonight,” I confess.
“You should tell all the other guys in the house how cute I am since I don’t think any of them even think of me as a sex object.”
“I think I know who you want me to tell, and it’s not anyone in the house. Maybe Angie?”
He shoots another look over his shoulder. “Shut it.”
But despite how that cheers me up, there’s some tension in me still, knotting up in my chest like the night with Gisele.
“That’s interesting,” I observe.
“What?”
“Just mentioning Angie bothered me.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Kind of wondering if maybe we were wrong about what I was jealous about.”
His head jerks back. “What are you saying?”
“Here I’m the dumb jock, but we’re in bed together, naked, I was about to fuck you, and I find it adorable when you get anxious…”
His brow creases, but he smiles. “I’m sorry, is Ryan Lorde admitting to having a crush on me?”
I glare at him, though he’s right.
“Hey, glaring is my thing!” Marty insists, and now we’re both chuckling. As he settles, he says, “But I’m still not understanding what you’re saying.”
I stop myself because there’s something I have to get out of the way first. Something nagging at my conscience that has to be said before anything else.
“The reason I first said that shit about you showing me how to tango and me helping with girls was a bet I made with Ty and Keegan. I figured if I could get on your good side, you wouldn’t be riding my ass about probation. ”
“This is the least surprising thing you could have told me,” he says, which is a relief. “Unless you’re gonna say part of the bet was to seduce me and that your dick against my ass right now is part of it.”
I laugh. “Definitely not. No, if anything, I’m starting to realize I actually like you.” My cheeks warm. “Jesus Christ, are you making me blush too?”
“I’m really throwing you off your game, aren’t I?”
“I don’t play games, Marty.”
He turns away from me, tucking his ass even closer to my pelvis, firming me up.
“Be careful what you do back there,” Marty says.
“Or what?”
He rocks his pelvis, and I nibble at the side of his neck, whispering, “I guess we could use a little jerk-off.”
Just saying the word, it’s like my brain registered it as a done deal because I’m stiff as he continues working his ass up against me.
“What if I don’t want to just jerk off?” He shifts, and I loosen my grip, allowing him to roll toward me until we’re face-to-face.
“What do you want?” I ask, considering how our attempt went earlier, yet looking into those eager eyes, I already know the answer.
He raises his hand, running his knuckles between my pecs. “Maybe we could try one more time? See what happens?”
The uneasiness our conversation brought up shifts quickly as I feel this soaring sensation in my belly. A surge of desire radiates through me as he kisses me, his hand resting against my cheek, and I reach down, feeling his cock, which is a stone.
I give it a generous stroke. “You want me to fuck you, Marty?”
“Oh, fuck yeah…”
And I want to fuck him so bad.