Chapter 21
Ryan
When I called Marty an animal, I didn’t know the half of it.
After that first fuck, we stayed up the whole night, taking breaks between sessions to recover before I was back in him.
It felt like the Combine, like I had to demonstrate every trick in the book to show Marty what a good lay I am.
I worked to become an expert on his body, learning the little tricks to arouse him, or delay his climax.
I have no doubt I proved myself worthy of that ass.
Missionary, doggie, cowgirl, and reverse cowgirl—or is it cowboy now?—against the wall, on the floor, on my air mattress, on the damn desk. I fucked the guy all over his room, and even after we showered off, he sucked another load out of me.
We’ve hooked up every night since.
Really, it’s what I’d rather be doing than meeting with Dad today.
Not that I don’t want to see him, but between my parents’ impending divorce and what I need to tell him, I’d much rather be buried in Mart’s ass. Is that a crime?
I’ve delayed this long enough, though, and with the draft coming up at the end of the month, it’s now or never.
“Good to see you, champ,” Dad says as we pull away from a hug.
We take seats at the booth in the Italian restaurant we agreed to meet up at.
We catch up a little about his job and school before he gets a glint in his eyes. “I can’t imagine being you right now. Must be stressful being this close, and I’m on the edge of my seat. Who are you thinking will snatch you up?”
Here it is. My chance to get this off my chest once and for all.
“I guess, on that note…” I drag out. “I have something I need to tell you.”
Dad tilts his head, curiosity and excitement in his gaze. There’s no way he sees this coming, and for a very good reason.
“There’s something I’ve been struggling with recently.”
The excitement in his expression dissolves. “Ah…you know, your mother and I are fine. Or…fine might be the wrong word, but we plan to have a nice, smooth process. No fighting over dishes and—”
“That’s not what I was talking about.” And not at all what I want to get into.
“Oh?”
Say it. Get it over with.
“I don’t know that I want to play football anymore.” I shake my head. That doesn’t cover it. “I don’t want to go pro.”
The color in his cheeks drains. He leans back and stares out the window alongside the booth. We sit in silence as he takes a moment to process my big reveal.
“I’m confused,” he finally says, returning his attention to me. “You’ve wanted this since you were ten years old.”
“Yeah, and I’ve been thinking maybe a ten-year-old shouldn’t be the one determining how I spend my life.”
His lips twist into a frown. He’s dedicated so much time to helping me get to practice and games, helping me train to make it through high school, then kept dogging me to be sure I’d make it onto a college team. Always with pride in his voice when telling his friends about his linebacker son.
“Do you need to talk to someone?” he asks. “Sometimes guys get burned out. It’s a lot of stress, and I know I’ve put a lot on you, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Ry. You walk away now, there’s no redo.”
I can see why this is confusing for him. In all the time I’ve been working toward this goal, I’ve never expressed discontent. Never questioned whether I should be doing it.
Not to him, at least.
“I didn’t wake up this morning and start thinking about this,” I confess.
“Truth is, it’s been about a year, especially after draft eligibility and signing with Rachel.
I knew after the Combine, and I was gonna tell you sooner—the day you and Mom talked to me about…
” I trail off. I don’t want to say the word.
“As much as I love playing, I don’t want that to be my life for the next ten years, if I’m lucky. ”
“What would you do instead?”
“I enjoy working at the shop. I wouldn’t mind being a mechanic. I like the way I can focus. The guys are cool. Money can be good enough to have a decent life, and if I need a backup, then I have my degree.”
He sighs. “I just think you were born for something bigger.”
There’s a bite to it. I doubt he meant it that way, but I have to state the obvious. “Do you really think my not playing would make me smaller?”
His brow creases, and he immediately shakes his head. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
I know he didn’t, and I can understand why it isn’t easy for him, so I assure him, “This wasn’t an easy decision, but I know it’s the right one. You have to trust that I know what’s best for me.”
He wears a solemn expression, tucking his head close to his chest. I viscerally feel his disappointment in my chest—a sinking feeling, as though my soul’s about to slip under the table.
Again, he’s quiet for a few moments. “Here I was hoping this would keep my mind off everything else that’s going on.
” He runs his fingers through his bangs.
“That’s not putting that on you, but it’s just been a rough year.
And I can accept that—if this isn’t something you want anymore, I’ll understand, though it might damn near kill me.
” He chuckles, though I hear the pain in it too, reminding me why I’ve had to wait this long before telling him.
“It’s gonna take me some time to wrap my head around it all, but like you said, you wouldn’t have done this if you hadn’t thought about it already.
” He sighs. “Okay. Come on. Give your old man a hug.”
We scoot out of the booth to hug it out, and it’s a firm, full-on hug, the sort I can tell he needs more than I do.
I feel for him, but I know I did the right thing.
That isn’t the life I want for myself, and as much as it might have helped him to go along on this journey with me, I know he would prefer for me to be happy.
We work out the details. I tell him I’ll call Rachel and sort all that out, and then we get on to more mundane topics, fortunately avoiding the big D-word I don’t want to discuss today.
After we finish up, I head back to Alpha Theta Mu, where I find Lance, Ty, Ash, Dax, Angie, and Marty hanging out in the living area. I notice right away that Marty’s standing beside the sofa, where Angie is twisted toward him, laughing at something he said.
I didn’t realize how relieved I was after talking to Dad until seeing her with Mart makes my shoulders tense up.
Why’s she looking at him like that?
What am I talking about? It’s Angie. They’re friends. And even if they weren’t, that’s totally fine. More than fine. None of my goddamn business. It’s what he really wants.
Although, that doesn’t magically take away the sting in my chest as I approach.
“Hey, guys,” I say, frustrated that I can’t go right to Mart and tell him about my conversation with Dad.
He turns to me, curiosity in his expression since he knew where I was off to and what I was hoping to get off my chest. I get a faint hint of that citrus-cedar scent, unbinding some of the tension that still lingers in me.
“How was lunch?” he asks.
“It went really well.” I grin, and I can tell by the way he smiles he knows what I mean.
“That’s great. I’m glad.”
“You heading somewhere?” I ask Marty. “Why aren’t you sitting down?”
“Oh,” Angie says. “Apparently, he pulled a muscle.”
Now I’m really smiling, since last night was pretty intense, and I love knowing I put that ass through it.
“Did you take up squats all of a sudden?” I tease, since I can’t say what I really want about working out those glutes.
“Something like that,” he says with a mischievous smirk that’s giving me a hard-on.
“I hope it’s not preventing you from getting around campus,” I add.
“It’s not preventing me from doing anything.” He tilts his head in a pointed way, as though making it clear it’s definitely not enough to keep us from having our favorite nighttime ritual.
Thank fuck.
“Why am I not getting a fist bump or a hug?” Ty asks.
Fuck, I’m acting weird, and I don’t want the guys catching on and thinking we’re up to anything.
Not that I’d have an issue with it, but I sure as hell don’t want to put Marty on the spot like that.
I have no desire to out him before he’s ready, and besides, it’s kind of hot letting this be our dirty little secret.
“I wanted you guys to get along,” Ty adds, “but I don’t need Marty replacing me.”
“Does somebody need some attention?” I ask, heading over to Ty, tackling him with a hug.
“You ass!” he jokes.
“Nobody’s replacing my best bud,” I assure him. “Anybody want to head out for some ice cream?”
“You just ate.”
“Eh, I had a tough conversation with my dad and wasn’t too hungry after, but now I’m starving.”
“Tough conversation?” Ty asks.
“Yeah, and I’ll tell you about it over a peanut butter fudge buster.”
“I want ice cream too,” Ash says.
Everyone else chimes in for the same, and we head out to the nearby ice-cream stand.
I’m relieved when the rest of the guys grab a table, giving me a moment with Marty while we wait for the server to finish making our bowls.
“How did he take it?” he asks.
“Eh…I can tell he’s gonna need some time. It wasn’t an easy thing for him to hear, that’s for sure.”
“It’s impressive you went ahead and said it, though. That had to be tough with everything else going on.”
“Yeah,” I admit. “Now I have to break the news to my friends, trainer, my old teammates, and my agent.”
He cringes, as though he’s experiencing stress by proxy. “Well, you seem good, considering everything.”
I check to make sure our friends are at the table before I lean closer. “I can seem not good too if that’ll convince you to mess around with me.”
“I didn’t think Ryan Lorde would ever want a pity fuck.”
“I’ve never needed one before, but I’d make an exception for that ass.”
There’s the twist in his lips, and if this is the way he reacts to compliments, I’m happy to dote on him with more. I’m tempted to drag him around to the bathrooms and take that mouth of his, and he must notice because he licks his lips. I growl, but there’s something still gnawing at me.
“This might be a weird time to ask, but…you and Ang?”
His eyes flare. “What do you mean?”
“I know she’s a friend, but are you still into her?” As soon as I say the words, I wish I could suck them back in my mouth. “Never mind. None of my business.” I’m fucking Ryan Lorde. I’m not intimidated by some hot girl.
“You jealous?”
I tense my jaw, struggling to respond before getting out, “Maybe a little.”
The way his cheeks go pink make it worth the embarrassment of having to admit that out loud, and he says, “Strangely enough, since we’ve started messing around, I haven’t really been thinking of her like that.”
It shouldn’t matter, but then why is there this swirling sensation in my chest?
Probably because I’m getting a little greedy for Marty McGovern…
“But she’s a good friend,” he admits.
I lean closer, whispering, “Guess she can’t dick you down like me.”
“I mean, there are ways that—”
“Shh…let that be hot,” I mutter, making him laugh as the clerk approaches the counter with our bowls.
We fetch them and grab utensils, and as we head toward the table our friends are at, he says, “So…I’m gonna head up to do some homework once we get back.”
“Oh, really? That’s wild. I was gonna chill and play some video games.”
“Don’t keep the volume too high.”
“Really, the volume is totally up to you.”
He enjoys a last laugh before we near the table, and I’m thrilled knowing damn well that there won’t be any homework getting done or video games getting played when we get back to the frat.