Chapter Twenty-Five
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FIVE
Jae
Today the cafeteria is swarming as I wind my way to the Free Verse table. I steal a glance toward the jocks, where there’s an empty chair beside Miguel, as conspicuous as a missing tooth in a row of veneers.
Worry shrouds my layers and layers of disappointment. I’m wondering why he didn’t answer my texts and where he is now. Our moment together, turned into a question.
When I get to our table, Swan’s in the middle of telling a story about her imo Janet, her mother’s younger sister, who visits from LA every few months.
“She literally jumped out of the hot tub and threw a stone at his window—hey, Jae—and then she yelled, Now you can get better look! Seriously, I’d be embarrassed, but the Peeping Tom deserved it.”
I slump into a seat, let my tray clatter on the table.
“Last time”—she pauses to take a bite of her sandwich, then continues, cheeks stuffed with grilled cheese—“this unfortunate soul at the pub asked her, No, where are you really from? And Imo lost her shit and poured cranberry gin all over her head. Ha! They see a little Asian lady and they think, She’s harmless.
Maybe she’s confused. But Imo will cut a bitch. ”
Chocolate milk shoots out of CJ’s nose just as William arrives and sets his tray down. He asks no questions, just pushes paper napkins CJ’s way, and Swan continues, unfazed.
“I respect her, but damn. I dodged those genes. One point for being adopted.”
I don’t bother telling Swan she’s just like her imo.
William says, “Jae, you look awfully sullen today. The grotesquely greasy grilled cheese doesn’t whet your appetite?”
“Grotesque and grilled cheese don’t belong in the same sentence,” CJ says, revealing the orange cheddar on his braces. “That’s blasphemy.”
Derek’s voice echoes in my head. Get the hell out of here. Go eat your freaking cheese sandwich. That Derek is so different from the one who makes my heart flutter.
I’m caught again in worries. Him running out on me, no explanation, no answers to my texts. There has to be a good reason. Right?
Before I can answer William, a pair of hands slap our table.
We all look up to see Valeria Montero. I bristle, just like every other time I see her walking into English class and sitting behind me, or wrapping herself around Derek like another layer of skin.
I don’t know what’s going on between them but I’m too embarrassed to ask.
He never reciprocates, though. That’s something. Right?
“Hey, guys,” she says, all business. “So, we got an invite to this super-freakin’-amazing Halloween party and I’m extending the invitation to you all.” She drops a flyer on the table.
“Oh, Valeria, thank you!” Swan says, flipping her wavy black hair to one side with the flair of Tina Turner. “Freaks. You forgot to say, to you-all freaks.”
Valeria rolls her eyes. “Can we get past what happened in middle school, Swan? Like, for real. I’m trying to be nice here.”
Swan sighs and bites into her sandwich.
CJ sets his food down. “A party with all the cool kids? Why are you telling us?”
Valeria’s jaw drops. “This whole table needs a healthy dose of self-esteem. Seriously! Look. Derek’s going, okay?” Her eyes flick to me. “We’ll be going together.”
My heart drops.
“It’s not a lack of self-esteem, Valeria. It’s a lack of trust,” William says.
“You know what? This is going to be the Halloween party of the century, and I thought you might want to be part of it. So there! And Swan. For the last time, I didn’t smash your Easter eggs on purpose. Okay? Please get over it.”
Valeria walks away, swishing her hippy hips in yoga pants, and Swan smirks. “She totally did, guys. She totally did.”
William laughs under his breath. “So, are we going?”
“Hell yeah,” Swan says.
“Really?” CJ says, his voice high. “Why’d you make a big deal out of it, then?”
Swan’s eyebrows wiggle. “Because she’s super hot when she’s angry. I mean, that’ll fuel my dreams for the next month.”
William groans, turns to me with an eye roll. “Swan had a gargantuan crush on Valeria last year.”
“Sounds like she still does,” I say.
Swan frowns thoughtfully, then nods. “Hm.”
I clamp down on my lip, wince from the embarrassment. But I have to ask. “Are they dating?”
“Who?” Swan asks.
“Derek and Valeria. She said she’s going with him.”
She shakes her head. “She says she going with him because she thinks she owns him. They had the shortest relationship I’ve ever seen in my life. Even by his standards, she was insufferable. Derek, do this. Derek, do that. Derek, Derek, Derek.”
A small wave of relief washes over me as I glance at Valeria’s table. “Well, he’s not here today,” I say.
“Huh?” CJ looks over. “He was in class, though. Wonder where he is.”
I shrug. “Where he is, where he went, where he was, where he’s been, where he’s gonna go …” They all look at me in confusion. “So, we found a third venue yesterday,” I start. “The Sundy House on South Swinton.”
Swan sits back in her chair. “That’s freaking brilliant. Yeah, I can see that. Cool. So we have three good options.”
“Yeah …” I say.
“What?”
“We were about to have brunch and—”
“Brunch?” CJ sputters. “Brunch? You were having brunch?”
“Sounds like things are getting personal,” William says.
“Kind of?” I admit.
The three of them oooooh.
“I mean, we’re not dating. There are just moments where I think there maybe could kinda be a chance for more.”
“So what’s the problem?” Swan asks.
“He ran out on me. Right when the food came.”
CJ gasps.
“It wasn’t on purpose. He got a text or something. Then left like his pants were on fire. He paid for it all. So … I dunno.” Everyone’s quiet, and I sigh. “He is so confusing. So not boyfriend material.”
“I could have told you that,” Swan said. “Derek Patel of yesteryear, maybe. Derek Patel of now, not boyfriend material.”
“Because of his dad, though?” I ask.
I want to tell them it’s not an excuse. I lost my dad too. It makes everything hurt, even happy moments. It’s all noise and quiet at the same time. It’s loneliness that walks with you. It’s a question that hangs over everything you know.
But it doesn’t make you an ass.
“Weeell.” Swan draws it out, rocking her head side to side. “Not really because of his dad. Like, not really. It was more—”
CJ clears his throat, cutting her a look. Then he has a face of reverence. “It was a drunk driver. Head-on collision. Only Mrs. Patel made it out.”
We’re all quiet for a moment, then Swan continues. “Everyone loved Dr. Patel. Remember, CJ? When he brought in a human brain to middle school?”
CJ nods, biting into his sandwich. “And brain-shaped cupcakes that squirted blood. Or jam.”
“Their house was one of the nicest on Ocean. No one even knew Derek moved out until recently. Right, CJ?”
It’s obvious that Swan is prodding him, poking at him. CJ doesn’t answer and his silence screams loud. I sit up straight.
“Wait. Is that the secret Derek made you keep?” I ask.
“Huh?” William frowns. “What secret?”
CJ sighs. “Maybe. Can’t say any more. I want to keep my teeth.”
I sink back down. You keep your teeth, I keep my heart, I think, eyes pointed at my food. I decide that Derek Patel, however beautiful he might be under all that dust, is a hope a heart should not have, a flashing yellow light, a reflective CAUTION sign in the dark. DETOUR. DEAD END.
“Mrs. Aldana lives in their house now,” Swan says.
I almost laugh, but not because it’s funny. “So that’s how he knew the trick to the door.”
“Huh?” She looks at me confused.
I explain, hands moving to show the logical sequence of events. “Derek told me he had to join the club because he broke into Mrs. Aldana’s house. He knew the trick to the door because he used to live there.”
I pick up my sandwich, then slap it back down on the plate. Not hungry. I’m worried about him. But at the same time, I’m tired of finding more and more layers of dust!
Then I sit there, trying to puzzle Derek out while the rest of them chitchat and write poetry on origami.
The boy who bullies someone in the bathroom, then cries about it; who dances on the beach and writes poems for his dad; who makes me laugh and feel impossible things, and then leaves me hanging.
The bell rings to end lunch and everyone scurries off like mice to their next class. I drag myself along, stuck somewhere in our conversation, feeling heartbroken for Derek, but wondering if he could ever be the person my heart wants him to be.