11. Jealousy
CHAPTER 11
JEALOUSY
COLE
I ’ve never been thrown out of the rink in my entire hockey career.
Bay and Ryker are dating.
These two thoughts swirl in my head in a vicious loop, over and over again. It’s like a fucked up hamster wheel and I’m the poor hamster running around and around.
I take an extra long shower, letting the hot spray work on my tense muscles, but it doesn’t help ease the turmoil in my head.
The reality is that I don’t want to see any of my teammates. For the first time since I can remember, I’ve had enough of them.
My Sports Psychology professor would say that this is what forced proximity can do to a group of athletes. Until a few weeks ago, I would have called bullshit on it, but now I have to agree with this theory.
It’s sad really, because living with my teammates has always been the highlight of my college career.
I’ve never missed the dorms since I moved into the Gamma house sophomore year.
Now I’d kill to have some space and distance from my teammates and frat brothers.
It seems that no matter how hard I try, the atmosphere within the team is toxic and fraught with tension. As team captain, I take this as a personal failure. The problem is even bigger though.
Coach Harrison is absolutely correct that if we continue on this course, our NHL teams could reevaluate their choices.
The fact that I have a contract doesn’t make me feel safer than the guys who have just been drafted. The Heroes can’t drop me per se, but they could send me to a farm team or trade me before my skate even touch the ice in Hartford.
Summer training was awesome and the head coach assured me that I have a spot on their roster, but things can change in the blink of an eye.
I should keep my head in the game and work harder than ever, it’s imperative to keep my performance where it should be; I need to rally my teammates into finding the team spirit we seem to have lost.
It’s easier said than done however.
Because my head is as far from the game as humanly possible. Since the second I picked up Bay from the airport, my mind has been focused on my best friend.
Last year I kept telling myself that it was just a crush. She was with Topher and it was probably a case of wanting what I knew I could never have.
When their relationship ended, I had the entire summer to develop the ridiculous hope that maybe Bay and I could become more than friends. That maybe things happened for a reason and Topher’s loss could be my gain.
The reality was that Bay hadn’t moved on and was still reeling from the breakup.
I turn off the shower, walking into the locker room with the idea that I might go for a walk or hang out at the athletic center. I’m not in the mood to face my teammates just yet.
I’ve been in the shower long enough that everyone should have left, but my luck seems to have definitely run out.
Jagger is fastening his belt when I enter the main locker room and he looks at me like he wants to start shit.
I ignore him, walking to my locker and begin to get dressed.
Of course I have no such luck that he would leave before I turn around. At least I have underwear on though. Whatever unpleasant conversation we’re about to have, I feel better not to have it naked.
“What a shit show, huh?” he says.
I grind my jaw, irritated with him for stating the obvious. “Yeah. Thanks for trying to kill me out there by the way.”
He doesn’t look repentant. “You started it. I was just trying to get through that fucking drill but you were like a boulder and then you hit my stick with yours. Sorry but if you have something to say to me, just be a man and fucking say it. We aren’t on the school playground at recess anymore.”
This is rich, coming from him. “Are you calling me immature?” I snort. “After breaking up with Bay by text? And then you took a fucking date to last night’s party? High school is over, motherfucker. Maybe you missed the memo. And if you had injured me today, it could have cost me everything I’ve ever worked for.”
This time Jagger hangs his head. “I know. I’m sorry. I just—I fucked up so fucking hard. You were right, I should have manned up and talked to Bay face to face. And I shouldn’t have taken Candace to the party. The look on Bay’s face last night killed me. When you got in my way earlier, I thought you were trying to beat me up for all the crap I did in the past twenty-four hours.”
Now fully dressed, I cross my arms over my chest. “That’s exactly why I wanted to hit you. Don’t remind me actually, because there’s still a good chance I might decide to kick your ass. You promised you wouldn’t hurt her, Jagger.”
He covers his face with his hands. “I know. I panicked and I acted like a complete dipshit. In my head, I justified my actions by telling myself that it was just a hookup. That we had agreed on no strings attached and Bay wouldn’t even care. I was supposed to be a fun rebound.”
I’m about to tell him how much of an idiot he really is, but Ryker beats me to it.
“Bay isn’t a no-strings attached kind of girl, dude. I could have told you that the second I met her and I haven’t known her for over three years like you have.” He has changed into his street clothes and must have gotten a drink from one of the vending machines outside, since the arena’s canteen is closed on Sundays.
We both look at our forward center as he takes a sip from his bottle of soda.
“What’s it to you, Moore?” Jagger snaps. “You’re right, you’ve known Bay for a whole five minutes. What makes you the expert on how she feels?”
Ryker isn’t intimidated by Jagger’s belligerent tone. “Maybe the fact that she told me how much you hurt her?”
I’m glad Bay had someone to talk to. I swallow the jealousy at the thought that up to a couple of weeks ago, that would’ve been me. “Thanks for being there for her, man.” I mutter.
“Of course I’m gonna be there for my girlfriend.”
There it is again.
He called Bay his girl earlier. I hoped it could have been just to piss off Topher, but my rotten luck strikes again.
Jagger reacts in a way he has no fucking business to. “Your girlfriend? What the fuck are you talking about?”
Ryker remains calm. “I’m falling for her. I told her that last night and she feels the same way about me.”
The look on Jagger’s face tells me all I needed to know about his ridiculous rebound deal. Bay might not be a no-strings attached kind of girl, but it’s more than obvious that Jagger caught feelings for her too.
“So that’s how you act? The second Cole and I turn around, you swooped in?” he accuses Ryker.
“I didn’t swoop in. After you made me apologize to her for the party incident, I realized that I really care about Bay. I was going to pursue her anyway. I guess the two of you just did me a favor by taking yourselves out of the equation.”
He’s right.
A part of me is really upset that what I was fearing happened. I waited too long to talk to Bay about my feelings for her and she moved on. Rebounding with Jagger was one thing, but dating Ryker means I lost her for good.
Ryker is a great guy and if he really has feelings for her, they could be together for a long time.
The truth is that if I didn’t feel like the world is coming to an end, I’d actually be happy for them.
I inhale a deep breath and do the right thing. “Congrats, man.” I clasp Ryker’s shoulder. “I’m sure you know how great Bay is. Treat her right. That’s all I have to say.”
Jagger’s jaw hits the floor. “ Treat her right? Is this all you have to say, dude?”
I shrug. “What else do you want me to say?” I glare at him. Ryker had walked out of the room when I foolishly admitted my feelings for Bay to Jagger. It’s not his place to tell him, especially now when it could create animosity between me and Ryker.
“I’m not the only idiot who caught feelings for Bay. Cole has been in love with her for ages.”
“What the fuck?” I snap. “You have no right. That’s?—”
“That’s something you should do. You should tell Bay how you really feel about her. And you,” Ryker points his finger at Jagger. “You owe her a huge apology. For ending things by text, for hooking up with Candace and Bianca and for parading Candace around at last night’s party. Hopefully she’ll forgive you and give you a second chance.”
RYKER
Jagger and Cole look at me as if I had sprouted a second head.
“Come again?” Jagger asks, clearly confused. “A second chance? What the fuck are you talking about? If you’re together, why would she do that? Look man, I get it that you want to see me humiliated because I hurt her. But demanding that I tell her how I feel to have her reject me isn’t fair. I fucked up but Topher left me no choice.”
I roll my eyes. I would love nothing more than to let these two reap what they sowed, but I can’t.
The look in Bay’s eyes when she told me she had feelings for Cole and Jagger and Madame Svetlana’s predictions push me to do the right thing. Even if it means going against my nature.
“Bay cares about you. Both of you.” I say, shoving my ego so deep down that I hope it’ll stay there until I’m through with this talk.
Cole doesn’t get it. “Yeah, she’s my best friend. I know she cares about me. If I let my feelings for her get out of hand, it’s on me, I?—”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” I groan. “Do I have to spell it out for you? She cares about you, dude. And about that moron too.” I point at Jagger again.
My two best friends on the team look more confused with every passing second.
“There’s one thing I don’t get,” Cole says. “You and Bay are together, right?”
I nod. “We are.”
“Then why are you telling us she cares about us? That should fucking bother you.”
I’m so exasperated, I want to either bang my head against my locker, or shove both their heads in it. “Because I care about Bay. I want to see her happy. So you both need to tell her how you feel and Jagger needs to beg for her forgiveness.”
Cole pinches the bridge of his nose. “And then what? Do we go back to being friends? What if she ends it with you to be with me or Jagger?”
I seriously doubt it’s what Bay wants. “She won’t. I’m with her for as long as she will have me. That’s with or without either of you in the picture.”
Jagger catches my drift before Cole. “Do you mean like… we’d all date her? Like her sister with Luca, Blaze and Cash?”
I nod. “If that’s what Bay wants, sure. Apparently it’s written in the stars.”
I tell them about Madame Svetlana’s prediction. “So this is me fighting my possessiveness.”
Cole looks perplexed. “You care about Bay so much that you’d share her with me and Jagger? Can you really do that?”
There’s a glimmer of hope in Jagger’s eyes. “That obviously isn’t a deal breaker for Ryker. He was fine sharing her with me when he apologized to her.”
Cole’s head rears back as if that puck from earlier had rebounded back in his face. “What the fuck did you just say?”
I explain how Jagger and I shared Bay when he made me go to apologize for the pool incident.
“Fuck,” Cole groans. “I don’t even know how to feel about it.”
His words rub me the wrong way. “You don’t get to feel anything about it until you get your head out of your own ass and tell her how you really feel.”
Cole sighs. “I don’t know, man. First off, even if I could share her with the two of you… one thing is a wild afternoon in her room, another thing is sharing her long term.”
Jagger backs him up. “Yeah, Cole isn’t wrong. Besides, Topher is still hellbent on getting her back. Even if she didn’t take him back, he would follow through with his threats if we made a move on Bay.”
Cole nods. “Yeah, I think he would. Even just out of spite. Some kind of ‘if I can’t have her, no one can’ sort of deal.”
They aren’t wrong. Topher is a real piece of shit. “You two should still talk to her and tell her the situation,” I insist. “Bay would keep quiet, so Topher wouldn’t find out. But she has the right to know how you both feel.”
I cross my arms over my chest, waiting for them to see my point. When neither of them says anything, I snap. “ You ,” I say, pointing my finger at Jagger. “Have to apologize and beg for her forgiveness for your behavior in the past twenty-four hours. Whether or not you’re scared of Topher, you hurt her. Bay deserves to know why you acted like a complete dipshit.”
The animosity in Jagger’s tone surprises me. “You think you know everything, don’t you, Ryker?” he spits out. “You’re right that I owe her an apology, but not for the reasons you think.”
What is he on about now? “You didn’t dump her by text and then hooked up with Candace and Bianca the same day? And before you say that you and Bay weren’t together?—”
“I owe her an apology for how I ended it.” He scowls. “I was a fucking coward. But I didn’t hook up with Candace and Bianca. Nothing happened with them. I just wanted Bay to believe it did, so she wouldn’t try to patch things up. That’s why I asked Candace to be my date last night. She was just a decoy to keep Bay away from me. I’m stuck between a rock and a fucking hard place. Even if I didn’t care about embarrassing my family with that video, Bay wouldn’t want to be with me anyway if she saw it.”
Cole and I look at each other. “Come on man,” I clasp him on the shoulder. “It can’t really be that bad.”
Jagger exhales a deep, shuddering breath. “That shit’s supposed to stay secret for a reason.”
No matter how much Cole and I plead with him, Jagger refuses to tell us what he had to do to be initiated into Gamma Delta Tau.
“Topher has me by the balls. I’ve always thought he was an asshole, but I never would have guessed that he would end up costing me the woman I love. Please Ryker, treat Bay the way I would have done if circumstances were different. Now I better go for a run. We really didn’t get to practice today and I need to be in tip top shape if we want a chance to beat the bad juju I earned us by not getting my lucky bj before every home game. At least no one will know it’s my fault, Candace and Bianca agreed to keep my secret. I count on the two of you not to rat me out with the rest of the team.”
“I’m gonna go too,” Cole says. “Jagger is right. Topher doesn’t care who he ruins to get what he wants. I’m just glad he doesn’t have anything on you. If Bay has to be with someone who isn’t me, you’re probably one of the best choices I can think of. Topher might have fucked over my chance at being with Bay, but with you in the picture, there’s no way he’ll be able to talk Bay into giving him a second chance. Just don’t hurt her, man. Bay deserves all the best.”
Alone in the locker room, I collect my things, eager to get out of here.
I’ve never liked Topher Mumford and I’ll be damned if I let him hurt my girl.
I’m under no illusion that a relationship with Cole and Jagger in the picture might be harder to navigate. If that is what will make Bay happy though, I’m willing to do anything in my power to make it happen. Bringing down Topher a few notches in the process, only makes everything more fun.
I do my best thinking at the beach, so I head out there for the rest of my day.
If I find a way to fix this shit show, we’ll figure out our relationship later. Maybe I can ask Lakyn’s advice when I get to meet her in person next week in Bridgeport.