15. Is Love Enough?
CHAPTER 15
IS LOVE ENOUGH?
BAY
“ I love you, Bay. And I hope I’m not too late and I didn’t fuck this up beyond repair.”
My first reaction is shock.
I look at Cole, my best friend, and I can’t even speak. My tongue is glued to the top of my mouth and my heart is pounding so fast that I think it might burst.
Then there are the butterflies in the pit of my stomach and the heat still lingering from the earth shattering kiss Cole and I just shared.
He loves me.
I love him too but I’m not going to tell him here in front of all his frat brothers. Definitely not in front of my ex.
When I finally find the nerve to say something, I realize that everyone is waiting for my reaction and the crowded room is so silent, you could hear the proverbial pin drop.
“We need to talk,” is all I say, determined to have this conversation in private. “Lake, I don’t mean to be rude but I?—”
My twin sister squeezes my hand, her blue eyes shining with the same kind of emotions that are warring in my chest. “Go. I’ve shown you your bedroom. Go there to talk this out.”
“You’re the best,” I whisper, squeezing her hand in response.
Her smile widens. “You bet.”
I turn on my heels, but then I look at my ex-boyfriend still being held back by Luca over my shoulder.
My sister’s fiancé nods. “Don’t worry about a thing, Bay. I was about to take care of the trash.”
With that settled, I look at Cole.
“Follow me. You too please.” I say to Ryker.
As I head up the majestic staircase that leads to the upper floor of the mansion, I catch a pair of golden eyes track my movements.
Jagger’s gaze causes my heart to clench painfully in my chest. The strange mix of happiness and sadness almost making my step falter.
I know I need to tell him how I feel about his behavior. But this isn’t the time nor the place.
I usher the guys into one of Lakyn’s guest bedrooms.
This huge, luxurious room would put any five star hotel to shame. However the white and pastel draperies in every shade of blue and the wrought iron California king sized bed with a sea foam blue comforter aren’t what’s important right now.
I turn to look at Cole and Ryker once I’ve closed the door behind me.
They’re both so tall and perfect, even though they couldn’t look more different from one another.
Cole with his golden blond hair and dark blue eyes looks like the real life version of Captain America.
Ryker is the perfect example of dark and handsome with his dark brown hair and his mesmerizing ice blue eyes. If I had to compare him to a super hero, I would have to go with Batman.
I realize that while I’m standing here, ogling them and imagining them in skintight body armor, they’re staring at me and waiting for my next move.
My eyes meet Cole’s midnight blue gaze.
I’ve waited for this moment for a long time and now that it’s here, I’m afraid of what could happen. What if we really are too late? What if love is not enough?
There’s only one way to find out.
“I love you too, Cole.”
He doesn’t move a muscle, but his eyes darken as they search my face. “Like a friend?”
What the fuck is he talking about? I realize that he might think that I brought him up here to let him down gently. To help him save face as I turn him down.
I shake my head. “No. I mean yes, but?—”
He closes the distance between us and if I thought our first kiss was perfect, our second kiss is even better.
A moan of protest escapes me when he ends it too soon.
“Fuck,” Cole chuckles, his breathing as labored as mine, our foreheads touching. “Usually when someone says ‘we need to talk,’ it’s never good news. I thought you brought me here to tell me that you didn’t feel the same way about me.”
I nip at his bottom lip as my fingers trace the line of his perfect jaw. “How could you think that? Was I the only one who felt that kiss in every cell of my body?”
The corner of his lips quirk up in his typical barely there smile. “Oh believe me, baby. I felt that kiss everywhere too. Some cells of my body actually got very noticeably happy.”
Cole punctuates that statement by pushing me closer to his strong body.
“Oh yeah,” my voice comes out breathless. He’s rock hard in his jeans. “That feels definitely happy. I just didn’t want to say I love you for the first time in front of an audience.”
The noise of a throat being cleared makes me look at Ryker, who’s watching us with his arms crossed over his chest and a hard to read expression on his perfect face. “Don’t mind me, then.”
Shit.
This is why I wanted to have this conversation in private. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.
“I just—I love you, Cole. I’ve been in love with you for a long time, but I feel the same way about Ryker. I get it if you’re mad at me, but I don’t know what to do. I love each of you with all my heart, I don’t think I could ever choose between you.”
Ryker hinted at the fact that he might be willing to date me even with Cole and maybe even Jagger in the picture. I’m just terrified that Cole will ask me to choose. If he does, what am I going to do? Just the idea of letting go of either of them feels like having my heart ripped apart.
“I know,” Cole finally says, brushing the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip.
“You know?”
He nods. “Yeah. Ryker told me last week that you two were together. He also said that he was willing to coexist if I was.”
His dark blue eyes are inscrutable, so I have to ask. “And are you?”
He swallows, his strong throat working as those mysterious eyes stay on me. “I’ve had some time to think about it. A part of me wants you all to myself. It’s that selfish part that would rather hit you on the head with my hockey stick and drag you into my room caveman style.”
One of the things I’ve always loved about Cole is that he always finds a way to make me laugh.
“That’s quite the imagery.” I tease him, but my heart is fluttering in my throat. What if that’s his final answer? “Is that how you feel?”
Cole shakes his head. “No. Surprisingly, it’s not. And besides, even if I wanted to drag you into my cave, I don’t have one. I just got evicted, remember?”
It’s funny, despite how serious his situation is. “So you’re a cave-less caveman?”
Amusement shines in the blue depths of his eyes. “Yup. I would rather be homeless than be without you though, Bay. I mean it. And I owe you an apology.”
“You do?” That’s it. His kiss turned my brain into pink goo and all I’m capable of is stupid questions.
“Yeah. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been avoiding you, baby. I was a shitty friend and I hope you can forgive me. I have no excuse for not being there when you needed a friend other than being an idiot. I got so wrapped up in my fear of being thrown out of the house if I didn’t respect Topher’s bro-code, that I didn’t see what I was about to lose. In my defense, I thought you didn’t feel the same about me. My heart was broken that you’d rebound with Jagger and consider going out with Ryker while I was stuck in the friend zone. That doesn’t excuse my behavior though and I hope you can forgive me.”
This is crazy.
“Cole, I realized my feelings for you were way more than a friendship sometime last year. I was still with Topher though so it was complicated. Besides, I thought you saw me just as a friend. Like one of the guys.”
Cole’s eyes widen. “One of the guys? Baby, that’s insane. I’ve had a crush on you from the second I saw you at the Gamma-Zeta rush week party freshman year.”
This is news to me. “Really? So why didn’t you say anything then?”
His smile fades away. “I wanted to that night, but by the time I psyched myself up to come and talk to you, you were gone. The next time I saw you, you were out on a date with Topher.”
There’s something in his story that leaves me wondering. “Did you need to psych yourself? Cole, you aren’t the shy type. That sounds a little far fetched.”
“Maybe I’m not shy if I’m looking for a hookup. But if I truly like someone, I’m just as afraid of rejection as anyone else.” His gaze softens. “You don’t see yourself, Bay, do you? You aren’t just beautiful. You’re smart, witty and confident. You’re fucking intimidating. I spent the entire night talking myself into coming to say hi, I was just too late. A couple of hours of hesitation ended up costing me three years.”
I shake my head, trying to come to terms with what he just told me. “I kinda get it. But still, Cole. It was just me.”
Ryker backs him. “He isn’t wrong, Cinnamon. Why do you think I kept antagonizing you when we first met and always ended up sounding like a complete douche? If I had just wanted to fuck you, I wouldn’t have been so nervous.”
I swear I’ll never understand men. “But if you liked me, why did you refuse to kiss me at the Rush Fair, when Topher gave you that chip? That’s when I was really sure you didn’t see me that way.”
Cole pulls me closer, his eyes such a deep blue that I could drown in them. “I was fucking terrified of what would happen if I liked kissing you as much as I thought I would. You were still reeling from your breakup and I didn’t want to ruin things between us. I’ve been dying to kiss you and to have you in my arms, Bay. But I would rather have suffered the pain of not knowing how it felt than risking our friendship if you didn’t feel the same way or if you weren’t over Topher.”
I understand that. “I don’t know, maybe back then I wasn’t totally over the breakup.”
Cole chuckles, but there’s no mirth in it. “Baby, come on. Of course you weren’t over it. I know you found out he was cheating in the worst way possible, but you up and ran away to Europe. What did you expect me to think?”
What a mess. “I didn’t just run away because of Topher.” I admit. “Finding him in my bed with Bianca sucked, but I was more angry than heartbroken. The truth is that that night I had been looking for him to break up with him after Lake told me about the dare.”
Cole sighs. “Yeah, that was fucked up. He was blackmailing pretty much the entire team and Lakyn to keep us all quiet.”
I feel sick to my stomach at how blind I was. “I should have listened to my own instincts. Things hadn’t been right for ages between us. Christmas with his parents was such a disaster, that I knew our relationship was destined to crash and burn. I should have ended it then.”
There’s no judgment in Cole’s tone. “Why didn’t you?”
I’ve hardly admitted this to myself. “I had invested almost three years in that relationship. I didn’t want to accept that I had been so wrong about Topher. I thought he had so much drive and ambition, I didn’t want to see that in reality he was just cocky and manipulative. He didn’t care who he hurt to get what he wanted and I was too stupid to realize it until Lake told me what he was doing.”
Cole is kinder to me than I deserve. “It’s not your fault, baby. Topher is a master manipulator. He was extremely good at covering his tracks. I started hearing rumors about his hookups around the time he was elected president sophomore year. But he seemed to treat you so well back then, that I thought it was just jealous gossip. I don’t know what happened last year, but he got progressively worse. When he couldn’t cover his actions anymore, he started blackmailing people. It wasn’t my story to tell for the most part, so I convinced myself that staying out of it was the right thing to do. I was fucking wrong. I should have stood up to him then.”
I don’t really blame him for keeping his mouth shut. “None of it is your fault, Cole. I told Lake the same thing when she confessed how he was blackmailing her and her guys. If someone had told me what he was doing a year ago, I probably wouldn’t have believed them. You’re right that he treated me nicely at least on a superficial level. He was very good at it too. At first it was mostly small but very thoughtful gifts, romantic dates. Ironically, I started getting suspicious when his gifts became more expensive and his grand gestures got bigger and bigger.”
Ryker, who has been listening quietly for the most part, chimes in. “My mom says the grander the gesture, the bigger the indiscretion.”
I nod. “Where was your mom when I would have needed that advice? But what I’m trying to say is that I don’t blame anyone but Topher for being an asshole. And myself for being too blind to see him for who he really was until it was too late.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Bay. I’m just glad that somehow, we got here tonight. I love you so fucking much, baby.”
My heart is so full right now. “I love you too, Cole. And I can’t believe you’re willing to accept my feelings for Ryker.”
He lowers his head, his kiss soft and way too brief. “As long as you promise you don’t love him more than me.”
My laugh comes out more like a snort. “Don’t be silly. That’s why I can’t choose. Is it weird that I love each of you with my whole heart?”
Ryker closes the distance between us. “I love you too, Cinnamon.”
I just realize that Ryker and I have been talking about falling for each other but we have never really used the L-word.
“I love you, Ryker.”
He kisses me for a few tantalizing seconds, but pulls back too soon. “I would love nothing more than to show you how much I love you, Cinnamon. But I think you and Cole need some time alone right now.”
That’s really nice of him. Cole however, expresses that sentiment before I can.
“Are you sure, dude? I mean, I’d love to have some time alone with Bay, but I don’t want to fuck this thing up before we even start. What are the rules, by the way?”
Ryker shrugs. “The fuck if I know. I guess they are whatever we want them to be. Whatever makes us all happy.”
Cole considers his teammate’s words. “So we have one on one time like a normal relationship?”
I smile, lacing my fingers through his. “Luckily I know someone with experience in dating more than one man. Ryker is right. We do what works for us at any given time. Lakyn said that she has lots of one on one time with her guys but sometimes she’ll spend a night with two or even all three of them.”
“Is that something you would want? To have both me and Ryker at the same time?”
A little thrill skitters down my spine as an image forms in my head. “Would you be willing to try? When I was with Ryker and Jagger it was… really fun.”
There’s a beat of silence and for a second I think that Cole is going to say that it’s not something he can do.
“Baby, I know I’ve acted like a complete dipshit since Topher tried to invoke that bro-code. I was worried about all the wrong things. If it wasn’t clear earlier, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I can’t guarantee it’s going to work, seeing you with Ryker might make me too jealous. But if it turns you on, we’ll try.”
His words should make me happy, instead my chest suddenly feels tight.
I don’t even have to say anything, Cole picks up on the shift in my mood. He knows me better than anyone.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me, Bay.”
I look at both these gorgeous, successful elite athletes. “I don’t know, I guess I feel a little guilty.”
Ryker takes my other hand, his gaze full of the same concern that darkens Cole’s eyes. “Why?”
I exhale a slow, slightly shuddering breath. “It feels like you’re the only ones who have to sacrifice to make this relationship work.”
Cole shakes his head. “Didn’t you hear me before? I would do anything for you, Bay.”
I believe him, but that doesn’t take away my guilt. “Wait until you really have to sleep in the locker room. If we still had the Zeta house, I could have moved you into my room, but I live in Satan’s quarters right now. The only reason why Topher can’t kick me out too is that I’m not a Gamma brother and the Dean would probably have questions if I got evicted. But I feel terrible that you lost your room because of me.”
Cole’s eyes are full of a serious determination when he speaks next. “No, I lost my room because your ex is a vindictive asshole who’s always been jealous of our friendship. For what it’s worth Bay, I want you to know that the only reason why I entertained his bro-code was that I thought you saw me as nothing but a friend. I hope it doesn’t sound petty that I didn’t want to lose my room to pursue someone I thought I could never have. Had I known that you reciprocated my feelings? Fuck, I would have packed my bags weeks ago.”
I feel slightly better, but only marginally. “I still feel responsible that you’re in such a tight spot because of me. What if your grades suffer and I end up costing you your spot on the team and your contract with the Heroes?”
Cole’s is much braver than I would be if I was homeless. “I’ll work hard not to make that happen. I know there’s a shortage of housing on campus and in town, but I’ll speak to Coach. He’s mad at us right now, but maybe he can think of something. At the very least, I hope he’ll allow me to sleep at the ice rink. The physical therapy beds are ok.”
I’m about to say that a massage bed isn’t as comfortable as a real bed, but Ryker intervenes before I have the chance.
“What if there was a room for you? I have a spare bedroom and it’s yours if you want it.”
I squeal, unable to contain my excitement. “Really? Oh my God, Ryker. That’s so kind of you. Cole, why do you look like someone just put salt in your coffee? That’s perfect. Ryker lives literally two minutes off campus. You have a car but it’s walkable distance. I know because it’s in the same apartment complex where Lakyn was renting last year.”
COLE
Bay’s excitement makes it even harder to turn down Ryker’s offer.
But I have no choice. “Thank you man, I appreciate it,” I finally bite out. “But I can’t move in with you.”
Ryker looks taken aback. “Why not? I thought we were fine when we had to share a suite during summer training camp with the Heroes. Am I that bad of a roommate?”
Embarrassment twists my insides and I lower my gaze staring at the wooden floor of Lakyn’s guest room as if it was the most interesting work of art I’ve ever seen. “It’s not that. Sharing with you was more than ok. I just—I can’t afford to pay any rent, ok? It’s no secret that I’m here on a scholarship. There’s a small stipend that comes with it, but it’s just enough that I can afford to pay for my extras without asking for my mom’s help or without having to get a job. My signing bonus from the Heroes won’t come until after the hockey season ends, so there’s no way this could work.”
Ryker clasps my shoulder. “Listen man, if you want that room, it’s yours. I don’t need any rent.”
I know I should be grateful for his kindness, but I can’t contain the scowl on my face. “Look, I come from a single parent family and I’m here on a full scholarship, but I’m not a freeloader. I can’t take the room.”
Bay should get it, since she pays her own way toward her education and even paid for Lakyn’s education costs, but she doesn’t seem to understand. “But Cole?—”
I’m about to tell her that this isn’t something I’m prepared to discuss, but Ryker is a stubborn motherfucker. I should know, since we have that in common.
“I don’t need any rent. My dad paid for the entire year.”
It must be nice not to have to worry about money. A part of me resents people like Ryker, Jagger and Topher who were born with a silver spoon in their mouths. It’s much easier to resent douches like our frat president though. Despite their privileged upbringing, Ryker and Jagger aren’t entitled pieces of shit.
“That doesn’t change anything, sorry.” I say, hoping my tone is final enough.
You don’t get to be the number one draft pick straight out of high school though without being extra stubborn and Ryker is determined to win this argument.
“Then pay me rent when you get your bonus. Does that work?”
It might on some conditions. “With interest?”
Ryker slaps me on the back. “My family owns several banks. Let me tell you dude, your negotiation skills suck. No, no fucking interest. We’re friends and we’re gonna be teammates. Teammates are supposed to help one another, Cole.”
It’s easy to say that when you aren’t the one who’s left owing someone. “But?—”
“If roles were reversed you’d do the same thing for me.”
It isn’t a question, Ryker is sure.
“I would.” I admit.
“Then stop being an idiot and take my offer. If you really want to repay me, help me out by having some extra ice time with me. The Heroes coaching team gave me some stuff they want me to fine tune and I could use someone to run the drills Coach designed for me.”
I was given some stuff to work on too. “I would be happy to help you with that without asking anything in return, because…” I realize the mistake I made only after the words have left my mouth.
“Because teammates help each other?” Ryker’s shit eating grin would piss me off if he wasn’t literally saving my ass.
“Yeah, but—” I begin backtracking, but Ryker sweeps in to win the argument once and for all.
“No butts. Teammates help each other, so my final offer is that you’re going to move in and stop bitching about paying rent. Seriously man, I don’t need your money. I just need your help to run some drills on the ice. Do that for me and we’ll call it even. If you still feel like you want to repay me with money, just buy me a nice dinner when you get your signing bonus. If we go to the Country Club, it’ll probably cost you like a couple of months rent anyway.”
Shit.
I knew I liked Ryker when we immediately hit it off during summer training camp, but I would have never guessed how real a friend he would turn out to be.
If sharing Bay’s time with him didn’t sound impossible before, his generosity makes me feel even more confident that we’ll be able to work out any problems like good friends. Like brothers even.
“Thank you, man. I seriously owe you.”
Ryker nods. “Don’t sweat it. Now, let me go back downstairs. I want to make sure they really took out the trash. I’ll leave you two kids to all the things I’m sure you want to talk about.”
His knowing smile says that he thinks Bay and I aren’t going to do much talking. Once again, I appreciate the space he’s willing to give us. I know how hard it must be.
“Thank you, Ryker. It seems that’s what I keep saying tonight.”
He chuckles, touching Bay’s lips with his in a quick goodnight kiss. “Just make sure that you have some fun,” he says with a wink in my direction and a playful slap to Bay’s butt. “And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
The second Ryker closes the door behind himself, my eyes meet Bay’s.
I couldn’t even say who makes the first move, but she’s in my arms in the blink of an eye.
“Baby,” I say, my lips a breath away from hers. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry for how distant I’ve been lately. It wasn’t just Topher’s threats. I was also trying to protect myself from my own feelings. I was sure you didn’t feel the same way about me.”
Bay shakes her head, a playful glint in her eyes. “I was sure you found me physically repulsive when you refused to kiss me.”
I gasp. “Repulsive? Bay, do you need to get glasses? Because just look at yourself, baby. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world. I would have to be blind not to find you attractive. I almost kissed you at that party, right before Topher interrupted us with that stupid kissing game.”
It’s Bay’s turn to gasp. “You were? I thought you might, but then you started avoiding me like I had the plague. I was so confused.”
I close my eyes, resting my forehead against hers. “Your ex did everything he could to keep us apart, but I can’t believe we almost fucked this up. If that party game hadn’t gotten us to kiss, I might have never told you how I feel, Bay. I was seriously convinced I was just a friend to you.”
Her gaze softens. “I don’t blame you, Cole. I thought the same thing about you. But I’m glad things worked out the way they did. My plan was to make out with Ryker in front of Topher to mess with him. We were lucky the bottle ended up pointing to you.”
I trace her jaw with my gentlest touch. “And now, I can kiss you any time I want. Right?”
Bay’s smile turns mischievous. “I hope you’ll do a lot more than kiss me. We’re alone in this beautiful room, with that huge bed waiting just for us.”
I’d be lying if I said that her words don’t go straight to my cock. They do. But as all my blood begins rushing south, my chest fills with anxiety.
“Baby,” I’m embarrassed, but we’ve seen what keeping secrets almost did to us. “I want nothing but to spend all night showing you how much I love you…”
She pulls back, just enough to look me in the eye. “Is there a but? Cole, if you don’t want me?—”
“Fuck no,” I cut her off. “I want you more than I want to win a Stanley Cup. More than fucking air. It’s just… please bear with me on all this. I’m going to need a second chance.”
She tilts her head, confused. “A second chance? At what?”
I sigh. If Bay and I are going to be together, I need to learn to open up. “At sex. I promise I’ll take care of you, but the first time we do it, I might last five seconds.”
Bay laughs. “Oh come on, sweetie. I’m excited too. We’re going to?—”
“No, I mean it. You have to understand. Being with you this way is all I’ve been dreaming about for a long time. It’s not just that finally I get to have you, Bay. It’s also been a while since I’ve been with anyone. So the huge dry spell plus being with you, might mean I’m going to be the biggest two pump chump in history.”
Her reaction isn’t what I expected.
“Oh come on, Cole. I get it if you’re nervous. I’m nervous too, believe me. But aside from our recent communication problems, we’ve never lied to each other. Please let’s not start now.”
It’s my turn to be confused. “What do you mean? I’m not lying. I actually had to put my pride to the side to tell you this. I just don’t want to let you down and you to think that I’m bad at this. All I need is for you to give me a few minutes if I fuck up the first time.” I say, confident that I can rock her world.
Her blonde eyebrows furrow. “Yeah, and I get that. But you don’t need to lie about not having been with anyone in a long time. You’ve brought a date to every party we’ve been to this year. I know you always hook up with your dates, Cole. But that was before. You don’t need to lie, I’m not jealous about your past. Or at least I’ll do my best not to be.”
I love the possessive glint in her eyes and usually I’d tease her about being jealous. However it’s time to come clean. Bay needs to know just how much I love her. How obsessed with her I’ve really been.
“I haven’t hooked up with anyone since I realized that my feelings for you weren’t just friendship.”
She still doesn’t get it. “So you just literally realized it? Like, this week?”
“Bay,” I sigh. “Remember the first time you had a huge fight with your ex and you came to my room?”
Bay nods. “Yeah of course. I should have slept over with Topher but he decided to be an ass. We ended up watching movies all night and I spent the night. We had so much fun that Netflix and chill became our regular thing, whether we stayed in your room or mine.”
I take her hand, guiding her to the huge California king sized bed. “Yeah, snuggling with you without getting a boner was the hardest thing ever. Pun totally intended.”
She giggles. “I pretended not to notice your morning wood. I knew it’s a natural thing, it didn’t have anything to do with me.”
She’s so fucking wrong. “Oh, no. It had everything to do with you, baby. I told you I had been low key crushing on you at the beginning of freshman year. I never stopped thinking that you’re hot and once we started hanging out, I found out that you were also cool. How easy it was to be with you, how much fun we had. At first I thought it was just confused. I wasn’t used to being friends with hot girls. With time I realized that it was a lot more. That I wanted more than just snuggling with you watching movies or being your shoulder to cry on every time your ex behaved like an asshole.”
Bay doesn’t look convinced. “Yeah, that’s when I started realizing that I might have feelings for you too. But it doesn’t change the fact that you still kept sleeping around. Like I said, I don’t have any rights to judge you or to be jealous. I just don’t understand why you’re lying about it now.”
This isn’t going how I was hoping. This relationship stuff is harder than I thought. By now I should be balls deep inside Bay, but I need her to know just how deep my feelings for her run.
“Bay, I’m not lying now. But I’ve been lying all this past year.”
She sits on the plush comforter. “I’m confused.”
I come clean. “Topher invoked that bro-code recently but that wasn’t the first time he had an issue with our friendship. He confronted me after that first sleepover and he told me clearly to stay away from his girlfriend. I mean, for all I knew mine could have been just a little crush. Or a totally one sided thing. I wasn’t going to come between you and your boyfriend.”
She doesn’t say anything, her forehead still creased as she listens to my explanation.
“I thought whatever, you know? Nothing had to change and Topher would back off once he saw me hooking up with other girls. The problem was that I quickly realized that I had no interest whatsoever in anyone who wasn’t you, Bay. God knows I fucking tried. The first time I took a girl to my room after a party, everything felt so mechanical. As if I was going through the motions or following a playbook drill on the ice. I couldn’t even get hard that night. I knew it wasn’t a physical problem because I had no issues getting hard when I thought about you.”
That puts a smile on Bay’s face. “Really? Did you come thinking about me?”
I would have never admitted it before, but now I have nothing to lose. “Fuck, baby. More fucking times than I can count. In fact, that’s the only sex I’ve had since our first sleepover.”
Maybe she’s starting to understand. “But what about all the girls? Sometimes you took two girls to your room.”
We said no more secrets, so I admit it. “It was just to keep up appearances and to throw both you and Topher off the scent of my real feelings. I never touched any of those girls. We would either play video games or if they had too much to drink, I would just provide a safe place to sleep it off. I just asked them not to tell anyone that nothing happened.”